33 Excellent Ways To Boost Your Self-Confidence

33 Excellent Ways To Boost Your Self-Confidence

You, like most people, know how powerfully confidence changes the way others immediately judge you.

Confidence inspires trust – and because of the “tribal” instincts in humans – it often creates obedience as a result.

That’s why confidence is often the key to success in endeavors like dating and business – and is probably why you’re reading this now.

Because one way or another, you want the secrets to how to display authentic confidence in order to have more success (and to be more likeable).

But there’s also a lot of confusion about confidence.

Too many people confuse it with bluster or showmanship. Sure these masks of confidence can make a quick impression – but they often runs out of (hot) air and collapse. This kind of “fake confidence” grows tiresome. Or it tips over into outright bullying, egotism, and emotional abuse. Or just plain exposes itself as a mask. And you’re left even further behind on the likeability and trustability scale.

At the other end of the spectrum, some people think they have to show “quiet confidence” and they go too far into humility.

The result? They go unnoticed.

If you’re like most people, you’ve tried to find the right balance. Or maybe you’ve tried to “fake it till you make it.” And you might have ended up feeling as if you were a fraud. And the shame that can cause can be even more painful than feeling a lack of confidence in the first place.

If you’re like most people, you probably also wonder how other people seem to so effortlessly embody and project a natural confidence.

The good news is that there is a balance, and a balance that can feel authentic for you. It lives at that middle ground between assertive and silent confidence, and it is in this middle ground that you will have the most instant profound and lasting impact on others.

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Here 33 tips on how you can upgrade your natural – and earned – confidence so that you may join their ranks.

1. Maintain calm in the storm

You see others who handle crises with certain calm and you wish you were more like them. It’s infuriating at first! What makes them seem so confident?

The answer is that confident people stay calm because they know (or assume) that they can handle whatever comes their way.

For example, when I plan a large event or workshop, I often have a moment of “Oh man! What if everything goes wrong?!” But because I have done it before and have evidence that it will probably not be the apocalypse, that feeling passes quickly. Calm retakes the center and I get back to work.

By contrast, non-confident people flip out. Perhaps because they cannot get an even-keeled perspective on reality, they grow more afraid they can’t handle what arises. They panic – and use that chaotic energy or high emotion to overwhelm or manipulate others and distract themselves from calmly doing the work at hand.

2. Calm your body

If you feel rising anxiety, take three extremely deep breaths all the way to the depth of your belly. Count slowly to 6 on the way in, then hold for two, then count slowly to 6 on the way out. Your metabolism will reset into calm (1).

3. Calm your mind

By recalling how you have handled difficulties in the past; by recalling your successes in the past; by bringing to the front of mind the people and resources you have available right now to help you achieve your goal; by brainstorming with a friend or colleague new resources and paths forward you might not have considered before.

I learned this lesson in 2008 when the economic collapse left me holding $150,000 in sudden debt. After being paralyzed with despair for a short while, I hit the phones and called every smart friend I had and asked advice until one of them gave me a solution that worked like a charm.

4. Take a break from anxiety

Take a walk. Go work out. Cuddle a dog. Call a friend and catch up. Simply distracting your conscious mind from a problem can both calm your being and allow a solution to naturally arise from your subconscious. Whether it’s getting over a breakup or facing a tough problem at work, distracting yourself with something soothing calming yourself helps you face the crisis with confidence.

5. Gladly welcome challenges

Phil Stutz and Barry Michaels in their extraordinary book, “The Tools” calls this “The reversal of desire”…Instead of retracting from what feels painful, initiate this three step process: Shout “Bring it on!!” Then “I love pain!” Then “pain sets me free!” What happens is that you activate your inner genius and find not only courage, but solutions that would have stayed hibernating if you stayed in your anxious state. Plus it’s more fun.

6. Be patient for solutions to arise

In an impatient era, remind yourself to be patient. Allow solutions to arise rather than trying to force them into being.

7. Feel your fear

Only by seeing your fears and facing them cleanly and clearly can you then release them peacefully. Denying your fears causes them to swirl in your mind and stomach, and only grow larger and more agitating. On the other hand, awareness is power and as the great shame researcher, Brene Brown reminds us, that is why “vulnerability is strength” (2).

8. Welcome your flaws as human

Release perfectionism; that’s for supernatural beings, not us.

9. Maintain a positive outlook

This habit creates a powerful feedback loop. The more confident you are, the more assured you are that things will likely go well. But it works the other way around as well. The more you cultivate a positive outlook, the more confident you will feel, free of the anxiety that might otherwise cripple you. So the question is, how can you maintain a positive or optimistic outlook that is authentic?

10. Identify your negative voices

Identify your negative thoughts (inner negative voices) – because until you know them, you can’t change them. One quick trick is to give inner negative voices a name, including where they might come from (“Dad”) or something made up (“The Fear Monster”). Again, clear awareness of what is occurring in your mind allows you to take control of it, rather than letting yourself be run by your random thoughts.

11. Quickly find an alternative

Create a clear positive alternative for each negative thought. (“What are three things I can do to make sure I get this project done in time?” “What can I do today to bring back intimacy in my long distance relationship?”)

12. Curate your friends for positive people

Cultivate and maintain a support network of positive people. Downers will drag you under. And as they say, you become the average of the 5 people closest to you. So surround yourself with positive people. It rubs off.

13. De-clutter the negative

Clear out reminders of negative people or negative memories in your life. Any photos or knick-knacks, furniture or memorabilia. Out the door.

14. Review what’s positive

Reaffirm your positive qualities, assets, helpful friends and talents. Write them out if you can. We often forget the good things in our life because our fear-based brain pays more attention to threats and what’s negative. But with practice, you can flip that. You will probably surprise yourself at what you’ve got on your side.

15. Do your gratitudes

The king of all positive reinforcement is to “do your gratitudes”. When you wake up, when you get to the office, when you sit down to eat, when you hit a wall, when you go to sleep, just speak aloud 5 things you are grateful for. They could be people, gifts, health, support, talents, your own resilience, the blue sky – anything! Studies show this simple practice can shift your brain chemistry into a positive outlook and give you strength.

Finally – know that optimism can be learned. The masterwork on this is Dr. Martin Selgiman’s book, Learned Optimism: How to Change Your Mind and Your Life. The skills and drills he offers can scuttle depression, activate your hidden potential, make you happier and – as tests show – even boost your immune system.

16. Take care of yourself and your body

Think about it – if you don’t respect your partner, your partner will grow jittery, insecure, and if they have any sense, they will leave you.

So it is with your own body and mind. If you don’t respect yourself through your actions, you will crack your own confidence. Self respect leads to self-confidence. Here are some tips to instantly boost your self-respect.

17. Eat real, whole foods

Eat healthily with occasional treats. More specifically, feed your body whole foods rather than chemically synthesized crap. Organic vegetables, white meats and fish. Nuts. Some fruits. Nothing that’s been chemically altered or Frankensteined into existence. It’s really not that hard.

18. Look sharp

Put care into your appearance – your clothes, your hair, your skin. Studies show that when you dress well, you not only are treated with more respect, but you actually perform better. One famous study revealed that people who wore doctor’s lab coats actually scored higher on exams – simply because they wore the lab coats!

19. Exercise, plain and simple

Exercise intelligently and daily. Walk your 10,000 steps. Hit the gym. Your body will love you.

20. Get your sleep

Pay attention to your sleep – prepare yourself for optimal sleep by (1) writing out your next morning’s big goals (2) eliminating screen time 30 minutes before you sleep (3) reading or listening to something deep and calming before turning off the light (4) doing your gratitudes (5) making your room dark.

21. Always value your time

You will notice that confident people are not anxious. They are not worried about being late or overwhelmed. That’s because they have respected themselves enough to create a schedule that they can keep without stress, and which serves their highest good. Systems and organization create assuredness and a steady hand…

22. Create breathing space

Don’t over-schedule. Leave breaks between obligations. Every hour, take a 5 minute breather and walk around to refresh your brain.

23. Create long imagination breaks

Schedule time to allow your brain to soar. Make time for working out, for hanging out with friends, for letting your imagination to simply wander as you walk in a park or forest. Your best ideas will come when you are not actively focused on them.

24. Keep your appointments

Confident people create feedback loops where they don’t let others down unnecessarily. This increases others’ respect for you and in turn, feeds your self-esteem.

25. Make tech work for you

Use a schedule setting software. I use Meetme.com.

26. Set clear goals for yourself

When someone doesn’t have confidence, they don’t set firm goals because they are afraid they can’t hit them. And that, of course, becomes its own self-fulfilling prophecy.

Or they set outrageous goals not because they intend on fulfilling them, but so that they can inflate themselves by talking about them, and then play the martyr when they fail to reach them. In other words, goal setting for the non-confident is all about expressing or maintaining their wounded ego.

Confident people set goals for the sake of hitting goals – often just slightly beyond their comfort point – and by stretching, reinforce a feedback loop of competence that feeds confidence.

If you want to act with, and develop, your confidence – focus on the goals themselves and not on your ego playing a game of goals.

27. Set small and attainable gains

The best guideline is what’s called S.M.A.R.T. goals. They are Specific, Measurable, Achievable, Realistic, and Time-bound. By keeping your goals attainable, specific and measurable, you can track your success and adjust accordingly. This gives you more a feeling of control.

28. Cheerfully self-correct

– by setting clear goals that are measureable, you can spot your weak points, and handle your areas that need improvement.

29. Take risks

Non-confident people play it safe because they are afraid of facing failure or any shock to their carefully-protected and fragile self-esteem. And of course, what happens is, while they tremble in the shadows watching others launch ahead into love and success and adventure, their own confidence drops.

Confident people, by contrast, take risks. They welcome failure, because they know that by “failing” they fail forward – they can learn and improve. Confident people are confident because they are process-focused rather than immediate results-focused and see everything as a “teachable moment”.

30. Create a challenge as your “confidence workout”

People go to the gym not to convince themselves that they can bench-press 135 once again. They go to see if they can move up to 145 or 155.

People don’t do triathlons so that they can match their previous time. They go to beat their time.

Challenging yourself is like building your confidence muscle. As Peter Diamandis, creator of the X-Prize says in his “Creed for The Persistent and Passionate Mind”…

“When faced without a challenge… make one!”

This keeps you on your edge and reminds you of just how competent you can be.

Pack a bag, go to the airport and pick a flight and go! Arrive prepared to be surprised. The very act of creating an experience from scratch and handling whatever arises bolsters your confidence in yourself and may remind you of just who you are when you might have been feeling stale.

31. Take risks for their own sake

Do it with the intent to test your mettle- and don’t attach your mood to the results. Attach your mood to the energy of what you learn by the effort.

32. Build your “truth muscle”

Speak your truth. If you see an injustice, if you want to call someone on their B.S., if something needs to be said to advance a value or cause you believe in – speak it.

We live in a chatty age of white noise and artificial outrage. The person who speaks his or her truth stands out as courageous and inspires respect. More importantly, you will feel more solid, authentic and powerful when you stop telling white lies to get along.

The simple act of dropping your fears and dropping your mask bolsters your self-respect, your self-esteem, your self-regard – and your confidence in yourself as a source of honesty and authority.

33. Magnify love

You won’t find this practice on most “business” articles on increasing your confidence, but you’ll be amazed at the results.

John Mackey, ceo of Whole Foods once commented that he begins every meeting by putting love and appreciation into the room.

Magnifying love between you and anyone you are interacting with grounds you in something far deeper than any utilitarian purpose you have for getting together.

It brings you back to the core of who are as a human being. You are no longer measuring yourself by your attractiveness or productivity or sales.

You are grounding your confidence in your capacity to love and be loved.

And that, when you tap into it, is not only unshakable, but a bottomless source of your deepest self-confidence.

Want to find out what’s holding you back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “What’s Blocking You From Success” Quiz right now and find out exactly what stands in the way between you and success…

Take The Quiz: What’s Blocking You From Success?

In summary…

Ways To Boost Your Self Confidence

  1. Maintain calm in the storm
  2. Calm your body
  3. Calm your mind
  4. Take a break from anxiety
  5. Gladly welcome challenges
  6. Be patient for solutions to arise
  7. Feel your fear
  8. Welcome your flaws as human
  9. Maintain a positive outlook
  10. Identify your negative voices
  11. Quickly find an alternative
  12. Curate your friends for positive people
  13. De-clutter the negative
  14. Review what’s positive
  15. Do your gratitudes
  16. Take care of yourself and your body
  17. Eat real, whole foods
  18. Look sharp
  19. Exercise, plain and simple
  20. Get your sleep
  21. Always value your time
  22. Create breathing space
  23. Create long imagination breaks
  24. Keep your appointments
  25. Make tech work for you
  26. Set clear goals for yourself
  27. Set small and attainable gains
  28. Cheerfully self-correct
  29. Take risks
  30. Create a challenge as your “confidence workout”
  31. Take risks for their own sake
  32. Build your “truth muscle”
  33. Magnify love

ways to boost self confidence

30 comments… add one
  • karylleanne June 3, 2016, 1:11 pm

    “When faced without a challenge… make one!” – best thing u shared here :)

  • terzy June 2, 2016, 11:59 am

    luv this article..jst right when i need more boost

  • LilyRose May 31, 2016, 2:22 pm

    oh thanks 4 reminding me, i always lack confidence whenin doubt (even just a bit hint of doubt)

  • maple May 28, 2016, 4:34 pm

    this is so timely..im feeling so down at d moment :(

  • magda May 26, 2016, 5:20 pm

    this is such a sweet advice thank u!

  • sage May 24, 2016, 6:22 pm

    believe in urself, ur gifts & capabilities..no need to be perfect at all times but u gotta feel perfect about urself

  • layla May 23, 2016, 3:41 pm

    reaffirm ur positive characteristics & ul surely realize u dnt hav 2 fear anything

  • bailey May 21, 2016, 1:59 pm

    jst always b calm & prepared w/ anything, that’ll do it

  • sonia May 20, 2016, 12:51 pm

    u are ang angel from above! women need 2 read real stuff like this, luv it!

  • riza May 19, 2016, 12:32 pm

    ur right..always take risks & b open 2 anything

  • snow May 17, 2016, 1:16 pm

    know what u really want & pursue ur dreams w/ confidence in what u can do & achieve

  • jonie May 16, 2016, 7:28 pm

    practical & great tips women should take note of

  • betty May 13, 2016, 10:29 pm

    it all starts w/ d right perspective & attitude towards own talents &abilities

  • denise May 13, 2016, 2:24 am

    never doubt urself..when u get this, ur bound to failure from the inside

  • clara May 11, 2016, 11:39 pm

    confidence is everything..as the saying goes, fake it til u make it

  • maricel May 11, 2016, 5:05 am

    i think best way is 2 find what really makes u happy & enjoy doing..that way u wont doubt urself & ur abilities

  • sheryl May 7, 2016, 1:00 am

    i think first u hav 2 know what u really want in life. if ur doing what u dont love then thers nver gona b confidence coming out of u

  • victoria May 5, 2016, 12:55 pm

    set clear goals instead of outrageous ones…set them w/ the intention of attaining them and not just so ul look smart

  • taylor May 5, 2016, 5:02 am

    i luv trait#3 this most of the time is being neglected. we need 2 take care of ourselves esp our health

  • rachel May 3, 2016, 9:47 pm

    i needed this push, thx 4 this very helpful post..i cant wait to try these tips

  • keisha May 2, 2016, 7:43 pm

    believe in yourself and in your capabilities. believe that you can get through anything and you will

  • Jordana April 29, 2016, 2:02 pm

    face challenges w/ a positive attitude..whatever comes, it will pass and success will only come as u welcome it..

  • chely April 29, 2016, 5:25 am

    fake it til u make it – this is what i keep in mind!

  • Sheena April 27, 2016, 9:49 am

    iv just been thru a lot esp my recent breakup, this s gona be very helpful

  • clariz April 26, 2016, 11:34 am

    i want to be calm, i need to be calm…how & where do i start??

  • fely_berry09 April 22, 2016, 2:51 am

    it helped me regain my confidence when sum1 advised me 2 remind myself of the positive qualities, assets and talents i hav :)

  • JC April 21, 2016, 12:43 pm

    Positivity is key – if you’re always in doubt, you’ll never get anywhere.

  • Lena April 19, 2016, 2:43 pm

    having set clear goals help make everything easy

  • Brenda_B April 19, 2016, 12:56 pm

    yes, its high time i dnt play it safe anymore…..take risks and be open to opportunities, thats what i need 2 do.

  • Rachel April 15, 2016, 1:43 pm

    I have a job interview next week. This is very timely, thanks!

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