So you feel like he is losing interest and you are anxious about it. You might be trying to figure out what’s happening with him and why he is behaving in the way he’s behaving. You might even be trying to fix the situation only to watch it get worse and worse (or at least, not get any better).
In this article, I am going to take you through the four different scenarios where a man is losing interest and give you the specific solutions to apply depending on the situation you are in.
Here are the different scenarios that could be happening:
- He Was Never That Interested to Begin With
- He Is Interested But the Relationship Has Become Routine
- He Is Interested But He’s Having Major Life Stress
- He’s Losing Interest Because You Have Let Yourself Go
#1: He Was Never That Interested to Begin With
As hard as it is to hear, a lot of women find themselves in a situation where the guy hasn’t “lost” interest; he simply wasn’t that interested in the first place.
In general, the way to identify whether a guy is not (and was not) that interested in you is based on the amount of effort he put in. If you look at the track record of what has happened so far, for the most part, if he wasn’t that interested, he would have never really shown much effort in being with you. You probably initiated everything and pushed everything forward.
Now, there are many possibilities when it comes to the kind of situations women find themselves in when the man was never really that interested.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Purely Sexual Relationship
This is one possibility. I am being very blunt with you in an effort to help you because I would rather you know the truth so you don’t have to suffer any longer.
How do you identify if this is your situation? You have to ask yourself, would you characterize the relationship as a sex based relationship? Like, maybe you go to lunch once in awhile and do some fun things together… but primarily, is it a sex based thing?
In this kind of situation, for the most part, all the interactions, more or less, are a track to sex. You might think that you have a connection or a relationship… and because you want this, project this upon the guy. You might think the interactions are leading into something, when in reality, if you really thought about it, you would see that beyond a physical relationship there is not much there.
related: anewmode’s perspective
He Seemed Interested Initially and Then He Vanishes (Ghosting)
This is another common situation. You go out on a date and seem to hit it off. Things seem great and you think there might be a connection and a real chance of things working out.
After the date, you start to build up the possibilities of what “could be” in your mind, running through all the different scenarios that could play out in the future.
It’s as if you have all these ideas of what you want to have happen in your love life and you get so excited about this new situation that you let your mind run wild and start figuring out how things could develop into what you’ve always wanted.
Except all your excitement is ruined when, seemingly out of nowhere, he vanishes, leaving you confused, frustrated and wondering why he’s suddenly lost interest in you when things seemed so promising.
Maybe you sent him a text telling him you had a good time and he did not respond, so your heart suddenly drops and your stomach turns in a ball of miserable anxiety and disappointment.
Solution: Stop trying to make something work that isn’t naturally working.
In both situations I described and in any situation where a man is not that interested, it all comes down to being thirsty for something and expecting something out of the situation. The solution here is to stop being “thirsty” and to drop the expectations you have.
Don’t be mislead just because you feel very excited about the relationship with him
Just because you feel something strongly doesn’t mean he does. He might or might not – watch his actions for signs he’s interested.
related: Red Flags He’s Not Into You Anymore
Drop the Expectations
Being excited about what a relationship doesn’t help the relationship. Actually, it puts a lot of pressure on a budding relationship since when you hope for something and end up eagerly expecting something, you are waiting in anticipation for something to happen in order to feel happy and fulfilled. You have an outcome in your mind, an end goal.
Instead of being able to enjoy your time with the person and getting to know them, you’re waiting in anticipation to “get somewhere”. To the other person, this makes you feel disconnected and tuned out… this is a bad thing if you’re trying to build a connection and relationship with a guy.
If the goals and expectations you have built up in your mind don’t end up happening, then you end up disappointed… or you wind up trying to chase the guy’s love and attempting to force him to be the way you want or do the things you want… a very ineffective way to build a relationship.
All this can be avoided if you don’t build up a fantasy in your mind and then expect your dreams to come true. A common side effect of having expectations is, you get so excited about the expected outcome that you end up trying to make a situation work that is not naturally working, by trying to shove a square peg through a round hole.
related: Why Guys Are Always Losing Interest
Stop trying to shove a square peg through a round hole and realize that you cannot force him to be interested if he is not.
This is a key understanding that I really want you to let sink in: no amount of convincing will make a man interested in you and no amount of convincing is necessary for a guy who was actually interested in you.
Selection is Key
Instead of focusing on someone who is not interested in you and giving you what you want, select someone who is interested in you and gives you what you want. Real success comes from selection, not from turning something that is not working into something that is magically going to work.
You can thank Hollywood for giving you the false idea that you can somehow turn a guy who is not interested into the man who gets down on one knee for all the world to see and professes his undying devotion to you (this is an extreme example but captures the core of what I am trying to convey to you here…)
The bottom line is you are choosing the situation and can also choose to exit and put yourself in a position where you can choose a man who is interested in the way you want him to be.
#2: He Is Interested But the Relationship Has Become Routine
Maybe in the beginning of your relationship, there was a lot of romance and excitement yet now he seems a lot less romantic. Maybe he used to do little romantic things for you, take you to nice, fancy dinners and go out of his way to make you feel special.
related: Why Men Withdraw Emotionally
The bottom line is, things have changed and you’re worried that this means he isn’t as interested in you anymore as he used to be.
Well, the truth is: relationships do become routine and “comfortable”. This, however, is not a bad thing or a problem that should make you worried. It is an extremely common, natural progression in a relationship dynamic that happens as time goes by.
In the beginning, he would be pulling out all the “tricks,” and making the most effort by taking you out on extravagant dates, etc.
related: How To Fix A Relationship
Yes, things might have changed, but there is no need to worry. He’s not looking to leave or exit the situation.
Solution: Add Some “Variety” & Manage Your Mood
One thing you can do is… to add some “variety” to your dynamic and give him the space to have additional dimensions in his life. Maybe he wants to go out with friends, focus on a hobby he enjoys (like working on a car, etc.) or focus on his work.
The point is to let him recharge by focusing on other “manly” things he enjoys. You could go out with your friends too and give him room to miss you.
Focus on Managing Your Mood
This is another key part of making sure you do not sabotage your relationship. When you fixate and worry about why he is losing interest, you sabotage a situation by focusing on something that is actually not a problem. It’s a vicious cycle. He’s not losing interest, but if you continue with this mindset of worrying, you actually end up giving off a negative vibe. This negative vibe will ultimately cause him to start losing interest.
Your mood is #1 most important factor in determining your vibe. Being in a good mood creates a good vibe. If you make it a point to manage your mood and give off a good vibe, he is not going to lose interest.
The big idea is that you allow him space to get “charged up” by his life (like a battery) and you, too, go out and do things that “charge” you as well. Then, when you’re coming together, you are both fully charged from your lives. You are showing up as two full people who are overflowing with fullness, happiness, fulfillment and energy… versus two people trying to draw energy from the other person.
It’s good for you both to have full and fulfilling lives – you’ll have variety, excitement and new things to talk about. Plus you won’t be leaning on each other for your emotional fulfillment… there will be more than enough fulfillment and enjoyment within each of your lives to freely share within the relationship.
#3: He Is Interested But He’s Having Major Life Stress
Did something major happen in his life recently, any major stressor? The types of situations I am talking about are:
- Did he lose his job?
- Is he struggling at work?
- Is he having problems with money?
- Was there a death in his family?
- Has he recently broken up with a long term girlfriend?
- Or any other reasons
In this case, realize that it is nothing personal against you. Do not worry; he hasn’t lost interest. He is simply distracted and grappling with his own issues that have nothing to do with you.
Solution: Give Him Space to Work Out His Issues On His Own
Your instinct might be to try and “fix” the situation and help him out. The thing is, men and women are different. While for women, it might be normal and helpful to get support and to talk about issues. A lot of the time, men do not respond well to this.
The best thing to do is to give him the space to work whatever is going on in his life on his own. Once he figures things out on his own, things will be fine.
#4: He’s Losing Interest Because You Have Let Yourself Go
I am not saying this to be rude or to make you feel bad about yourself. Far from it. It’s actually the opposite. I am telling you this to give you the results you want with regard to stopping him from losing interest.
Now, there are two main kinds of letting yourself go: physically and emotionally.
Disclaimer: I am bringing this up because it is the truth and I want to give you what is effective and what works rather than offer a sugar coated, “fluff” article that does not actually help you.
Have you stopped trying in terms of taking care of your appearance? Maybe in beginning of the relationship you put in a ton of effort, got dressed up, worked out, focused on making healthy eating choices, but now that you “got the guy,” maybe you stopped focusing on these areas and let yourself go.
It happens to the best of us and it can take a toll on a relationship. Men (and human beings) cannot help what they are attracted to.
Solution: Put in Effort (because effort is what counts)
Think back to what you did at beginning of relationship and focus on getting back into those habits. It is not like a man is going to leave you if you do not weigh a certain amount or if you do not look a certain way. I am not saying this is the case at all.
It’s not like a man is going to leave you because you are getting older. A lot of women have this misconception that a man is going to leave them for a younger woman or a more “attractive” woman…
Well, the reality is: what men men care about is that the woman they are with is putting in an effort to look good, to look her best, to take pride in herself and actually make an effort to maintain her appearance.
If you do this, it will be good for your self esteem as well. Focus on what you can control and improve upon. This is the best thing you can do to slowly make changes that will have a positive impact on both your relationship and your self esteem.
You might say: “Excuse me, why do I have to do all the work? What about him?”
Well, the purpose of this article is to answer the question of why men lose interest and to give you what is effective and actually going to work when it comes to making him interested again.
Always remember: you are choosing to continue participating in the situation you are in. If you do not like it, you can choose to exit. You always have a choice.
Perhaps you’re worrying a lot about your relationship or have become more comfortable with your relationship in general. This might mean you’ve progressively gotten more used to complaining about things and even criticizing things he says or does.
Or maybe you’re expecting him to keep in touch constantly and get angry at him if he does not do what you think he “should” do. This overall negative mood is going to completely sabotage your relationship and absolutely make him lose interest.
The good news is… with one mindset shift, you can fix things and make him interested again.
Solution: Focus on Managing Your Mood
As I have mentioned before, your mood is #1 most important factor in determining your vibe. Your vibe is going to determine whether he feels good and happy around you (or whether is going to lose interest and want to spend less and less time with you).
If you focus on being in a good mood, you will give off a good vibe. Let go of any anxiety you have about whether he is or is not losing interest. Rather than focus on the bad, focus on enjoying the quality of the time you spend together.
This is going to make him regain his interest in you. Men are attracted to happy women. So if you make your happiness a priority, you won’t have to worry about him losing interest.
Whether the man you are with is losing interest or whether he was never interested in the first place… one of the most important things to always remember is to find happiness in your own life and within yourself (because this gives off a good vibe, and automatically makes you more attractive to not just this particular man but men in general) .
I hope this article helped you understand the reasons that men lose interest. It’s a question I get asked a lot, so I wrote the most important basic things to do right now to stop him from pulling away. These will stop him for now… but if you really want to stop him from pulling away forever, you need more powerful advice. If you’re ready for that, you need to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…