Is he emotionally unavailable? This is such a common question so many women wonder about… whether they’re in a relationship or trying to figure out what’s going on with a man they like.
This issue of emotional availability becomes extremely important. Why?
Because when a man’s behavior comes off as confusing and unpredictable it’s often associated with a lack of emotional expression on his part.
With that said, I am going to delve into the key signs to look for when it comes to determining whether the man you want is or isn’t emotionally available.
The Top Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable
1. He Can’t Have Serious Conversations
If you try to bring up an issue that feels serious to you (and is serious to you) but he kind of laughs it off and makes you feel stupid for bringing it up, this is a huge sign that he is certainly not emotionally available.
2. He Says He Loves You But He’s Scared of Commitment
He might say that he is terrified of making a deep commitment to you because he’s afraid of how much he loves you.
He might even go as far as saying he’s more terrified because he loves you so much! These are major hints you need to watch out for!.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
3. He Has A Lot of Anger (and this is the emotion he’s most willing to express)
Is the most raw emotion you see from him pure anger and maybe some frustration?
Take notice: this is a major sign he’s definitely not emotionally available. If anger is his primary emotion, it’s likely that he has a lot of frustration in his life and is using anger as a mask for true vulnerability.
If he’s angry but also shows other emotions he isn’t necessarily emotionally unavailable (in fact, he probably isn’t). But if the only time he expresses anything is when he’s angry this is a major warning sign!
4. He Insists He Is ok When He’s Clearly Not
Ever have a conversation with a man you’re with that begins something like this:
You have a gut feeling that something is off with him and that he is going through some kind emotional turmoil but he refuses to open up and talk to you about it.
If you sense something is off and ask him about it (and this becomes a common trend in your interactions with him) it’s a major sign he’s emotionally unavailable.
5. He Only Talks About Surface Level Issues
What do you talk about when you’re with him? News, the weather and politics?
These are topics that signal he’s not emotionally open with you and isn’t going to start delving into his life stories and spilling his deep, dark secrets.
It’s also possible that he’s simply not sure whether you and him are on “that level” yet where deep conversations can and should happen.
So if you only talk about casual topics, this might mean he is simply not comfortable enough with you yet to “go there.” Whether he will be comfortable one day remains an unanswered question.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
6. You Have Sex But That’s The Only Intimacy You Have
Do you guys have sex (or are physically intimate in some way?) which makes you assume that you and him should be and will be in a relationship?
Realize something very important: men don’t view sex and love as the same. They are two distinct areas of life for men.
This means that just because he has sex with you and kisses you doesn’t mean he’s going to be emotionally available.
7. He Says He Is Wounded a From Past Relationship
This is a major sign to watch out for. If a man says he’s been burned before and is therefore unable to open up this is a major warning sign that you need to recognize.
Sure we all get wounded and hurt from our past relationships. This is part of love. You can’t really love without acknowledging the possibility of being hurt.
If he uses this as an excuse for why he never wants to be involved in a serious way again… watch out. I used the word “excuse” for a reason. That’s exactly what this is.
If a man has real enough feelings, he will overcome this fear of being involved again. Rather than go out of his way to inform you of how unavailable he is, he would open up about his past but say screw it and open his heart up again to you.
If a man likes you enough he will make himself emotionally available, plain and simple.
I receive so many questions about what to do to change the behavior of an emotionally unavailable man, so I’m going to touch on a few of these here.
How Do I Get An Emotionally Distant Man To Open Up?
This is the question I get asked so many times that it’s impossible for me not to address. Getting a man who is literally emotionally unavailable to pour his heart out to you is extremely difficult. And I mean… 99.99% chance it simply will not happen. Why?
First of all, because most women end up acting in a way that makes an already emotionally closed off man become even more closed off, shut down and distant.
What I mean is… trying to get him to open up and pestering him about why he isn’t being emotionally open will literally make him so annoyed, uncomfortable and frustrated that opening up to you will be impossible. It simply won’t happen.
How Do I Get A Distant Man To Commit?
Making a man who refuses to share his emotions with you go from that to actually wanting a serious, committed relationship is another almost-impossible task.
Why? Because for most men… saying that they are “scared of relationships” is an excuse. It’s not reality.
I mean, sure, everyone is afraid of getting hurt. And some are more afraid than others. All this is true.
But the harsh truth is in most cases if a woman is worth it to the man he will get over his fear and commit. If he has an intense enough connection he will get over his fear and commit.
If the raw, burning and intense feeling he gets in his soul when he imagines her with another man keeps him awake at night, he will lock her down. This is simply how most men are.
So getting him to commit if he isn’t already by helping him “get over his fear” is only going to be a losing battle for you that you most likely cannot “win.”
Love, life and relationships aren’t about winning or losing. This is something that so many people, both men and women, don’t realize… it’s because we are brainwashed by Hollywood’s romantic idealization of love.
We’re told love has to be difficult, confusing and something to win. To obtain. This could not be farther from reality.
Take this to heart and really reflect upon what love really means. Reflect upon what a relationship is and realize what it’s not: it’s not some prize you obtain that will magically make you happy.
One other thing to remember is that emotional unavailability is a huge sign that he’s holding himself back from you, and that eventually something will trigger him to lose interest and start to pull away from you. Once that happens it’s almost impossible to stop, so if you want to make sure that he doesn’t lose interest and leave you forever you have to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
These Are The Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable
- He can’t have serious conversations
- He says he loves you but he’s scared of commitment
- He has a lot of anger (and this is the emotion he’s most willing to express)
- He insists he is ok when he’s clearly not
- He only talks about surface level issues
- You have sex but that’s the only intimacy you have
- He says he is wounded a from past relationship