So you’re here because you want to know why he won’t emotionally commit to you.
Maybe you’ve been with one too many guys who starts off affectionate, engaged, and excited to be with you – only to “shift” later and grow more and more distant until he pulls away.
Maybe you’re waiting for the guy you want to open up to you, but for some reason he just won’t do it.
Maybe you’re just sick and tired of not being able to forge a real emotional connection with the men you date, and you want to do something about it.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away
Whatever the reason – you want to know why a man won’t emotionally commit… and I’m here to help you.
Why A Man Won’t Emotionally Commit
Usually, if a man won’t emotionally commit to you, it’s due to a pattern that lots of men fall into in many different relationships. The man comes on super strong at the beginning, which makes the woman he’s with think he’s really into her. Then, if the man is insecure, his insecurity kicks in, and he pulls away from the relationship in order to see if she’ll stick around and come chasing after him.
Whenever a woman comes to me distraught that the man she’s with is pulling away and acting distant, it usually falls along this same pattern.
Lots of guys will start out affectionate and super engaged, only to withdraw later. This leaves women second guessing everything they did and said, and wondering what went wrong to “drive him away”.
In fact, he wasn’t “driven away” by anything she said or did – this is a pattern that lots of guys consciously or unconsciously fall into while dating – and it’s all due to insecurity.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Have you ever been with a guy who came on super strong at the beginning? Saying things like “I can’t believe how much I like you after only a few days” or “It’s crazy how much I miss you already,” over texts and when he’s with you.
Then, as time goes on, all of a sudden that super strong connection that he was talking about seems to vanish practically overnight. He starts taking longer and longer to text back (if he does at all), withdraws emotionally, and seems to get more and more distant.
There’s an answer to why that happens – and it’s rooted in his insecurity.
Insecurity Makes Guys Emotionally Withdraw
A lot of the time, insecure guys will come on super strong at the beginning of seeing someone. They’re driven by their own insecurity about how much you actually like them – and they’re driven by fear to find out as quickly as possible.
The intensity of their feeling isn’t necessarily about you – it’s the thrill of being with someone new and not knowing where you stand with them.
So they come on strong and channel all that insecure anxiety and attraction into pursuing you, complimenting you, and talking about how strongly they feel about you (when it’s not really about you at all).
Then, once you start believing what he’s saying, and start reciprocating those feelings, he relaxes. He realizes that you do like him, that he doesn’t have to worry about you leaving, and that he’s “won” you.
So what happens when a guy like that relaxes? He remembers all the stuff he’s said to you about really liking you and feeling an intense connection with you… and he starts to freak out that you’re going to (rightfully) assume he wants to be in a more serious relationship with you.
more: Why Didn’t He Text Back
When that happens, guys like that usually panic. They’re not up front enough to have a real honest conversation about whether they want a committed relationship – so they try to tell you passive aggressively that they don’t want one.
That means that the formerly super attached and committed guy will stop texting you back, stop putting in emotional effort, and generally act way more distant towards you in an effort to show you that he doesn’t want a serious relationship (contrary to the way he acted before).
What To Do About A Guy Who Won’t Emotionally Commit
It sucks to find yourself in a situation like that.
Most women will wind up chasing after a guy like that trying to get the engagement and commitment that he seemingly promised them at the beginning. Or worse – they wind bending over backwards to please him and try to pull him back.
It’s a trap that lots of women fall into – and it puts you in a situation where he has all the power and you’re the one scrambling for control, or for his approval. You’re the one chasing after his attention, time, and presence.
So what should you do?
It’s simple: if a guy is withdrawing and withholding his emotional commitment – play it cool.
The rule is to be exactly as committed to him as he is to you. If he hasn’t explicitly locked you down and asked for a committed relationship, then you’re not exclusive with him. Period.
If he’s playing the game where he comes on strong and then pulls away, you have to let him pull away. You can’t chase after him – all that tells him is that he “won” you and that you’re in his back pocket.
So instead, play it cool. Keep your dating options open if you’re not exclusive with him.
When he realizes that you’re not chasing after him and trying to win back his attention, he’ll freak out. That’s not how it’s supposed to happen.
All his insecurity from the beginning of the relationship will come flooding back – he was confident that he “had” you, but now you’re not playing into his game and he’s worried that you’re not as into him as he thought you were.
It forces him to put up or shut up. Either he has to put in the effort to really be with you and emotionally commit to you, or he has to quit playing his game and trying to manipulate you.
Lots of guys will “turn back on the charm” at that point and try to reel you back in to where you were before – only to pull away again once he’s “won you back”. Don’t fall into that trap.
But when you play it cool, no matter what happens you win. If he doesn’t emotionally open up and bring his presence and attention back to the relationship, then he was never going to in the first place – no matter how much you chased after him and tried to win him back.
But if he does, he will because you asserted your self-respect, didn’t chase after him, and made him realize that he does want to be with you after all.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…