A lot of women come to me asking, “How do I get the man I want to chase after me again?”
My answer is usually something along the lines of, “Tie him to the back of your car and start driving,” because that will probably go just as well for the relationship as trying to make him chase you.
Trying to make him “chase” you is actually a terrible relationship mistake.
What women are really asking when they ask me this question is: “How do I get him interested in me again and how do I make our relationship good again?”
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
And the answer to that question is simple.
It’s All About Compatibility
This has everything to do with your fundamental compatibility with him.
If as human beings you don’t naturally compliment each other and just “click” together on a fundamental level, no amount of work or trying to make him “chase” you is going to turn a bad match into a good one.
I know that sounds harsh – but think about it this way:
Pretend you’re running a company, and you’ve got two employees.
The first employee shows up every day excited to do the work. He constantly wants to learn more about the process, he never misses a deadline, and he’s genuinely excited to do the work every day.
For him, work doesn’t feel like work – because he loves doing it. There’s a good chance he’d be doing this exact kind of thing if he wasn’t getting paid.
On the other hand, the other employee is only showing up because of the paycheck.
He doesn’t really care about the job, and even if he got fired he wouldn’t really care – he could just take it or leave it.
Here’s the point: you can put all your effort and time towards trying to turn a bad employee into a good one… but the truth is that there’s no amount of motivation and no amount of effort that will turn someone who doesn’t want to be there into someone who does want to be there.
So the question is, why would you choose to be with someone who doesn’t really want to be there?
By the way, this isn’t about gender. This isn’t a man thing or a woman thing, this is a human thing. The same thing would apply if this were a guy that was trying to get a woman who wasn’t interested in him to chase him.
It’s Got Nothing To Do With “The Chase”
So as you can see, having a good relationship has nothing to do with making him chase you. No amount of making him “chase” after you will turn a guy who doesn’t want to be there into a guy who does want to be there.
Guys don’t stick around because they love the chase – they stay because the relationship is quality. Would it make any sense that good relationships happened because the woman figured out how to make the man chase after her for the rest of his life?
Here’s the bottom line: let’s assume you’re compatible with him.
Even if you’re the best match on the planet, if you have the mindset that he should be chasing you, you will sabotage an otherwise happy, healthy relationship and make him withdraw from you.
That mindset says that you should do things you wouldn’t normally do to try to make him chase after you and elicit a reaction. It says that if you don’t get the reaction you’re looking for, you’re going to get upset.
It says that you expect him to do stuff he might not want to do to make you happy. And it says that you should only do things for him because you expect a reward for doing them.
That mindset is poisonous to love, and it’s a mistake that will destroy even a very strong relationship.
Instead, here’s the mindset to adopt that will attract love into your life. Only do things because you genuinely want to do them.
If you’re happy doing something just because you want to do it, not because you’re looking for a response or a payment, then do it and do it joyfully!
If you think about things in terms of him “owing” you for things that you’ve done – you’re not acting out of joy or generosity.
Instead, you’re tallying up his emotional “debt” to you and resenting him when he doesn’t pay you his “debt” – and you become what I like to call a debt collector.
When you make your interactions with him a means to an end – you’re not interacting with him or treating him like a person – you’re using him to get something for yourself.
It’s the most selfish, dehumanizing thing to do to someone. You’re reducing him to someone who exists only to gratify your ego and pay off the “debts” you put on him.
So How Do You Make Him Happy?
At this point, you know what to do to avoid a bad relationship – but you might be wondering, “What do I do to make him happy and have a good relationship?”
Here’s the good news: men are really simple.
If it feels good in the moment – men move towards it. If it doesn’t feel good in the moment, men move away from it.
That’s it. It holds true over time, so if on the whole it feels good – he’ll keep moving towards it. If on the whole it feels bad, he’s going to move away from it.
When you have a relationship that feels good moment to moment, he’s going to keep moving towards it. Like I said, simple.
Finally – there’s a huge trap that can derail even the strongest relationships: when people think that it’s ok to stop dating each other.
The things that got him interested in you in the first place are the things that keep him interested and happy over time.
If you were working hard to stay in shape and look good when he was first attracted to you, it doesn’t take a rocket scientist to see that if you stop doing those things you might get less good results.
Remember – making him “chase” you is a fool’s errand – all it will do is make the relationship feel bad for him, and make him move away from it.
If you want your relationship to be great, it’s all about two things: compatibility, and quality of connection. If you’re compatible with each other, and you strive to make each moment with each other as good as it can be – your relationship will naturally be great.
The biggest problem most women face is that for a very specific reason the man they want no longer feels the desire to chase her anymore. He withdraws from the relationship, goes cold or becomes distant which is a death spiral where he keeps pulling away more and more and she keeps desperately trying to get his attention and interest back while he’s pulling away. The next step is very simple read this article: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…