You’re here because you want to know the biggest mistakes women make that push men away.
Maybe you had something going with a guy – and then all of a sudden he disappeared on you.
Why? What happened? Did you do something wrong? Why’d he ghost?
If you’re racking your brain trying to figure out why he disappeared – don’t worry. I’m going to give you the biggest mistakes that push men away, so that you can avoid having a guy ghost you out of the blue.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
Ready? Let’s start.
The 8 Most Common Mistakes That Push Guys Away
1. Overanalyzing Everything He Says And Does
When you don’t know how a guy feels about you, and you’re really interested in him, there’s a temptation to try to find ‘clues’ or ‘hints’ in everything he says and does.
After all, you really like this guy. You really want him to like you.
So you read into every word he texts you and watch him like a hawk when you’re with him, trying to figure out how he feels about you (without having to ask him).
The problem is, that kind of overanalyzing creates a dynamic between you that feels bad for him to be around and makes him want to ghost you.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
It doesn’t feel good to be with someone who’s reading into every word you say. It makes you feel like you’re walking on eggshells – one wrong move or wrong word could disappoint the person you’re with and poison the mood.
When he has to watch everything he says and does to avoid upsetting you (and he doesn’t know what will and won’t upset you), it won’t feel good for him to be around you. And feeling good when you’re around someone is the first step towards a more lasting relationship.
So if you’re overanalyzing the things he says and does, you’re poisoning your chances with him – and pushing him away.
2. Letting Negativity Rule Your Interactions With Him
It’s impossible to be positive all the time – occasionally (or more than occasionally) you’re going to be in a bad mood.
But your mood is the most important factor when it comes to a budding relationship with someone new.
Your mood is going to determine how he feels when he’s around you – which is going to determine whether he wants to spend more time with you or not.
It’s a law about human nature – people want to spend more time with people that make them feel good, and less time with people that make them feel bad.
The thing that controls whether it feels good or bad to spend time with you is your mood. If you’re in a good mood, and happy, relaxed, and comfortable, it feels good to spend time with you. When you’re in a bad mood, well…
The important thing to focus on is trying to be in the best possible mood when you’re with him, or when you’re writing him a text or talking to him on the phone. That way, your positivity will make him feel good, which will make him want to spend more time with you.
The other side of the coin is that negativity will make him want to spend less time with you, and drive him away (just like if he was overwhelmingly broody, negative, and in a bad mood, you wouldn’t have as much fun hanging out with him).
3. Making Him The Center of Your Emotional Life
Relationships are a delicate thing. It makes sense to rely on your partner for emotional support – both people are there to help each other.
But it’s not good to rely on your partner too much. When you make him the center of your emotional life and let yourself depend on him emotionally (where you’re counting on him to put you in a good mood and are in a bad mood if you don’t get what you’re looking for from him), it’s enough to push him away.
That kind of emotional dependence is poison to both men and women at the beginning (and middle, and ends) of relationships.
more: Why Didn’t He Text Back?
The best way to avoid this mistake is to look at a relationship as something you bring happiness into, rather than extract happiness from.
That way, you won’t fall into the trap of depending on him to feel good, which will make him feel like he’s being burdened by being responsible for your emotional state and push him away.
4. Playing Games And Bringing Drama Into The Relationship
Guys don’t like drama. They don’t like complicated.
Guys like simple.
There’s a temptation to think that you have to make a guy chase after you in order to snag him and keep him interested. 99% of the time, when a woman tries to play that game, it winds up blowing up in her face.
That’s because the way to keep a guy’s interest isn’t to make him jump through hoops or generate drama between you. Guys hate drama – it actively turns them off and makes them want to disengage.
So try to avoid drama and playing games when you’re with someone new – it’s a mistake that will push him away.
5. Expecting Him To Read Your Mind
This is one of the biggest mistakes women make (all through relationships) that causes men to shut down and not want to engage.
Expecting him to know what’s wrong, or to know why you’re upset without telling him, is a surefire way to get him to disengage emotionally and push you away.
When a woman is honest and upfront with a man, and tells him what he did that bothered her – it’s hugely refreshing for him. It lets him know that she’s more interested in solving the problem than in punishing him for upsetting her, and it lets him know that he’s with someone special.
Making him guess what’s wrong accomplishes the exact opposite of that. It exasperates him, makes him want to move away from you rather than towards you, and pushes him away.
6. Creating A Goal Of “Getting Him To Commit”
Commitment and committed relationships happen when two people really enjoy spending time with each other and realize that they’d rather spend time with each other than with any other potential partner.
The way to get there is to make spending time together feel as good as possible for both of you – which we’ve already talked about. It means being in the best mood you can be in when you’re with him and enjoying the time you spend together by being in the moment with him.
When you make a goal (consciously or unconsciously) to try to get into a more serious relationship with him, all of a sudden you’re not living in the moment with him. You’re looking towards the future and trying to make the future you imagine happen.
That means that you’re not really being present when you’re with him – everything you do is unconsciously slanted towards accomplishing your goal.
And by the same token, everything he does that makes you worried about your goal happening is going to make you upset and ruin the dynamic between you.
So try to avoid having any “goals” about the future of your relationship – just enjoy the time you spend with each other as much as you can and let whatever will happen between you happen. Otherwise, you could wind up unconsciously pushing him away without even realizing it.
7. Trying To Keep Him Interested By Waiting On Him Hand And Foot
Here’s a harsh truth about this world: if you don’t respect yourself, other people won’t respect you either.
Respect has to start from within. You can’t get someone else to respect you and treat you with dignity unless you treat yourself with dignity first. Having self-respect demands that other people treat you with respect as well.
Many women (and men) fall into the trap of thinking that if they cater to their partner’s every whim, and do whatever he or she wants, it will make their partner like them more and put in more effort.
In fact, it does the opposite. When he sees that you’re willing to do whatever he wants without demanding an equal effort from him, it makes him less likely to put in effort, not more.
People treat things that are given to them for free as having less value, not more. If you fall into the trap of waiting on him hand and foot without any reciprocal effort from him, it pushes him away and makes him less likely to step up and want something more with you.
8. Judging Him Or Trying To Change Him
At its heart, a great relationship is all about compatibility.
Compatibility means that each person likes the other person for who they truly are – for who they are when they’re being totally genuine.
It’s not as easy as saying “just like him for who he is” – you have to actually, genuinely like him for who he really is. If you don’t, it will come across unconsciously through your behavior and your reactions.
The same thing holds true for him – this is a two way street.
So when a woman judges a guy, or shames him for his actions and tries to get him to change, it gives him a huge shove away from her – especially if he was being genuine in that moment.
Obviously, if he does something that upsets you then you should tell him that it did and explain why. But if more and more, when he’s relaxed and being his “genuine” self around you, and you don’t like that person – it’s a huge sign that you’re not compatible.
Trying to change someone else never works – people are who they are. If you try to change him, all it will accomplish is pushing him further away from you.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…