You’re here because you’re looking for signs that he’s never going to settle down with you.
It’s a scary thought. What if you’ve been putting your eggs into a basket with a hole in the bottom? What if he’s not the settling down type – what should you do?
Don’t worry – I’m here to help.
First off, I want to say that although I know it can be really painful to think he might never settle down with you, I promise you that if that’s actually the case, it’s better to know now than know later.
No matter how long you’ve been with him, you don’t want to be kicking yourself one, three, five years down the line, wishing you had listened to the signs earlier and gotten out before too long.
So in this article, I’m going to give you the biggest signs that he’s not ever going to settle down with you.
One or two might be ok… but if he’s giving you more than a few of these signs you should think seriously about listening to them and re-evaluating your future with him.
Without any more intro, here are the top signs:
The Top Signs He’s Never Going To Settle Down With You
1. He Hates Labels And Avoids Them
Guys who are skittish about labels are skittish about commitment.
If it was an absolute battle to get him to even call you his girlfriend (or if he’s still refusing to when the situation warrants it), it foreshadows exactly what to expect with him in the future.
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If a guy is going to settle down with a woman, he’s going to do it because he’s excited to be with her and wants to settle down.
So if he’s dragging his feet on even putting labels on the relationship, it means he’s not that excited about it – which means it’s not a good bet to count on him wanting to settle down.
2. He Downplays Your Relationship In Public
Like in #1 – guys who are going to settle down with you are going to be excited to do it.
You can’t be in a true long lasting relationship with a guy who doesn’t really want to be there. So if he’s not excited, it’s harder to make it last.
And if he’s downplaying how serious your relationship is when he’s in public or talking to friends, that says he’s not proud of being with you – which on its own feels awful and definitely means he’s not excited about the relationship.
A guy who isn’t proud to be with you is a guy who’s not going to settle down for the long haul.
3. You Don’t Have The Same Life Goals
Maybe you want to live in the country and he’d rather be in the city. Maybe he’s looking to have kids down the line, but you don’t want them.
Maybe he wants to move back to his hometown, but you want to travel all around the country and the world.
When two people make the decision to settle down together, they need to have a common vision of the future and a common vision of what they want.
If what you want for your life and what he wants are mutually exclusive and wouldn’t work together, it means that sooner or later you’re going to run into real problems, and that it’s going to be really hard to settle down together.
4. You Don’t Trust Each Other
Good relationships are built on trust, period. You can’t have a good relationship without mutual trust in each other.
So if he doesn’t trust you, or you don’t completely trust him, it’s a really bad sign for the future of your relationship.
Obviously, trust doesn’t grow overnight. If you haven’t been together for that long, there’s no need to panic if you don’t completely trust each other yet.
But if you’ve been with each other for long enough for trust to grow, and it hasn’t… it’s a bad sign for your long term prospects.
5. He Never Wants To Talk About The Future
Guys don’t get tricked into settling down. They don’t fall into it by accident.
Settling down isn’t something that happens unless both people are excited and ready to take that step together.
So if he’s hostile whenever you bring up the future, and he never wants to plan anything in the future with you or talk about where your relationship is going, it’s a really bad sign.
It means he’s not thinking of settling down with you – and he’s hostile towards even hearing the question.
6. He Doesn’t Take His Future Seriously
If you want a future with a guy, it’s important to imagine what type of future that’s going to be and decide whether it’s what you’re interested in.
For instance, if he doesn’t have a job and he’s not looking for one, that means he’s headed towards a future that’s much like the present.
Are you interested in that? Even if you are, do you think he’s going to get his act together enough to even settle down with you?
If he doesn’t have the maturity or the drive to try to find a job, it says bad things about his ability to really commit to you and settle down with you.
7. You Can’t Be Yourself Around Him (And Vice Versa)
One of the things you see in nearly every single good relationship is that both partners are able to be completely authentic with each other.
In fact, that’s one of the most important ingredients in any good relationship. It just feels really, really good to show someone your true self and have them like and celebrate it – and feel the same way about their authentic self as well.
That more than anything else is what gets a guy excited about a woman, and gets him really thinking about seriously settling down with her.
So if you’re not able to be your true self around him, and you sense that he has to wear a “mask” rather than be his true self around you, that’s a big obstacle standing in your way between you and the commitment you’re looking for.
8. He’s Immature For His Age
Commitment isn’t just about settling down with someone.
It’s also recognizing that although in a long term relationship you have to make compromises – it’s still better to be with someone you love and trust.
That kind of recognition and realization takes a level of emotional maturity to reach. If he’s still acting boyish in a lot of ways, it means he’s going to be slower to that realization than a more mature man.
So if he’s pretty immature, it’s going to be less likely that he’s going to want to settle down, and more likely that he’s going to give up if things get difficult.
9. He Doesn’t Keep His Promises
On some level, being in a long term relationship with someone is keeping a promise with them, every day.
It’s a promise that even though you might run into a tough spot for a little bit, you trust each other enough to look past the present and know that the future is going to get better.
This goes back to the trust we talked about earlier in this article. If you don’t trust him, if you can’t trust him to keep his promises, how can you trust him to mean it when you settle down together?
A guy who can’t keep his promises is a guy who’s going to have a hard time sticking to a committed, settled down relationship.
10. He’s Always Looking For Something New
Yes, even in an exclusive long term relationship you can work together to keep things fresh and new. I’m not saying that long term relationships get stale.
However, a long term exclusive relationship means that you’re settling down with one person – and that there’s no prospect of meeting someone new.
For a lot of people, that’s a bonus. They’ve found the person they want, and they don’t have to keep looking.
But for other people, especially people who get bored easily and are always looking for a new thing to occupy their attention, that’s a bad tradeoff to them.
So if he’s the type of guy who’s constantly looking for the next new thing and gets bored easily, it’s a bad sign for whether he’s going to settle down or not.
11. He Told You He Doesn’t Want To Settle Down Anytime Soon
This is one of the most glaringly obvious signs out there, but also surprisingly one of the ones that gets missed the most.
Many women, when they’re told that he doesn’t want to settle down “right now”, fixate on the “right now” part of that sentence, instead of the “I don’t want to settle down” part of the sentence.
They think that if they just wait, eventually things will change and he will want to settle down.
The unfortunate truth is that when a guy tells you he doesn’t want to settle down “right now”, it’s very likely that means that he doesn’t really ever want to settle down, and he’s kicking the can down the road so he doesn’t have to deal with it now.
This leads many women into the trap of waiting for a guy to finally be “ready” – which makes them waste months or even years of time with a guy who was never serious about a future with her.
So if he tells you he doesn’t want to settle down – no matter what the excuse is – you should believe him.
Want to find out if he’s going to commit? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really going to commit…
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These Are The Signs He’s Never Going To Settle Down With You
- He hates labels and avoids them.
- He downplays your relationship in public.
- You don’t have the same life goals.
- You don’t trust each other.
- He never wants to talk about the future.
- He doesn’t take his future seriously.
- You can’t be yourself around him (and vice versa).
- He’s immature for his age.
- He doesn’t keep his promises.
- He’s always looking for something new.
- He told you he doesn’t want to settle down anytime soon.