If you have been wondering how to keep the spark alive and keep your guy hooked up then, this article is for you.
To be honest, Intimacy means very different things to people. Many tend to think of it solely as a means by which to have sex.
Sure intimacy definitely has its place within sex and the sex life that you build in your relationship, but it’s also much more than that.
Sex is the physical connection and the passion coming in a very obvious and specific way. Intimacy however is all about the connection that runs much further.
Intimacy is how the two of you connect on every different level—physically, mentally, and emotionally. This is how you just “get” each other and how you use that familiarity to power the relationship.
This isn’t to be confused with being too comfortable which can drive a man away. Rather this is an emotional connection where you feel comfortable, vulnerable, and able to tell each other anything.
Intimacy is sometimes hard to explain as you just feel it. I will do my best through telling you the story of a couple that learned to appreciate what intimacy can do for a relationship.
This couple came to me and it was evident that she was wanting something more. I considered this to be a typical situation where she wanted commitment and he wasn’t there yet.
I talked to them for awhile and I could see her anticipation and almost craving for something more. It wasn’t that she wanted more attention, but I couldn’t really pinpoint what it was that she was after.
She seemed a nice enough girl, very confident of herself and she had a lot of great traits.
She seemed happy and really cared for him but something was missing.
After hearing them talk I finally turned to her and asked what was missing. I asked her why she seemed to be unfulfilled or like something was lacking somehow.
When I said this, it was almost like a light went off in her head. She got such a relieved look on her face and said that was exactly it.
She needed something more, and it wasn’t his commitment or even more communication. What she ultimately wanted was intimacy.
She didn’t describe it as intimacy by word, but her description spelled it out for me quite obviously. She needed him to provide some things and their relationship to transform in certain ways.
She wanted to feel that connection with him that she knew they should have. She wanted to be able to feel vulnerable around him and to let her guard down—and she wanted the same from him!
She wanted them to feel that connection that can’t be described in words. It wasn’t about sex because their sex life was fine, but it was about feeling united.
Intimacy to her was about where flirting, communication, passion, love, adoration, trust, respect, and everything met. The point at which she could feel comfortable and passionate about this person in a whole new way.
He didn’t get it at first but when she started to talk about moving further with their connection he started to understand.
Just as there are various stages or levels of commitment, there are the same for intimacy as well. So what she wanted was that sort of progression, but not in a forced way.
Intimacy to her meant that the relationship was progressing and the two of them were growing closer, but she wasn’t looking for that in a ring or a proposal.
She wanted to know that they were united in this unique way and that he felt that way about her—which he did!
Intimacy can’t be forced, but truthfully many men don’t necessarily recognize this readily as something that they must be focused upon.
That little “wake up call” that pointed out the sort of connection that she wanted was what brought them closer together as a couple.
You can’t force intimacy and you often can’t put it into words but you recognize its importance and the presence of it. When it’s there it’s a truly wonderful and unique connection.
When it’s lacking then it is truly something that the two people need to feel tied together. Intimacy is undoubtedly a big part of trust and of moving the relationship forward!
#1. So, How To Build Upon Intimacy and Make It a Major Part of Your Relationship
Here’s the thing—you can’t fake intimacy! If you try to, then the other person will clearly pick up on it.
I’ve seen so many men through the years try to make intimacy a normal and natural thing and if they are trying this hard then it’s not there.
Does this mean that you are with the wrong person?
In theory yes, intimacy should come naturally. This is the way that two people connect and a major aspect of a healthy and successful relationship.
The problem that I am here to point out is very simple—most men don’t really understand intimacy. This is not a tangible thing and therefore they don’t see it and so they don’t understand it.
I’m not saying that men are stupid, but rather that they are not the emotionally charged individuals in the relationship.
It’s also important to note that if you are not a warm and cuddly girlie girl who is ruled by the heart and emotion, you may not be the one who understands or appreciates intimacy either.
It can go both ways!
So how do you draw in intimacy and make this a major component of a relationship?
There are some important factors to consider in the intimacy equation!
#2. Breaking Down the Presence and Importance of Intimacy
Here’s the thing about intimacy—it’s not the same for everyone and it’s built quite differently at different levels.
When you’ve been together for awhile it may come naturally and be part of the way that the two of you are with each other. If things are new then it may be something that you have to work together to create.
If neither of you are the trusting type, particularly if you have been hurt in the past, then intimacy may not come easily to you. Recognize that and know that intimacy can be built, but it’s imperative to let go of past hurt in order to do so.
Even if you are both more stoic or have a hard time expressing yourselves to others, you may have to work on the intimacy factor and that’s okay.
As you consider what intimacy means to you and how you make it work, there are some important considerations to factor in. Here we look at how intimacy can work and why it’s so vital to the success of your relationship in the long term.
This may be something that you both have to focus on at first: Intimacy may not come easily for everyone, particularly in the initial stages.
The truth is that as long as you consider it and make it a priority you are going to be fine. You just need to recognize that when a relationship is new, intimacy takes time to build.
Allow the relationship to take shape and know that intimacy will happen if you keep a keen eye on it. Though it will take some time and effort to build, it’s well worth it in the end.
Even if you have been together for awhile and you need to get back to basics, this is not the norm. I see couples all the time that have years behind their relationship and who need to make their connection a priority.
Don’t be ashamed if you need to really refocus efforts and get back to an intimate state. This is a positive recognition and one that will help you as you move forward.
Whatever point your relationship is at, simply recognizing that you need to put effort into it and that it’s an important thing are great steps towards success.
It should become natural over time, but it may take a concerted effort initially: Recognizing that intimacy must exist in a relationship is one thing, but then working at it is another.
This should become natural over time, but there’s an important side note to this.
If you nag at your man about this or try to force the intimacy thing, it is going to backfire. I’ve seen it a million times where the man feels pressure to be something that he’s not and then he sees this as a commitment issue.
Paying close attention to things like this is what will make you successful as a couple!
This is beyond sex and really all about the way that you connect on various levels: Recognize and remember that intimacy is not just about sex!
A lot of couples have this confused and think that if they have an active sex life then they are connecting on some level.
What happens when the sex isn’t a part of your relationship?
The truth is that there will be points in your relationship where sex is not a priority or not even possible. So you need to turn to other ways of being intimate and that should be a major factor anyhow.
Intimacy is about connecting on every level, sexually only being part of that.
Being able to open up to each other and to talk through just about anything is one level of intimacy.
Knowing the other person better than you know yourself is another form of intimacy. So can the commitment that you have to each other and so you see that it takes on different forms at different points in your relationship.
Sex is important undoubtedly, but intimacy is crucial!
The connection that the two of you share, above and beyond what you have with anybody else in the world, is what makes intimacy for you.
It will evolve and change shape over time, but if you recognize what it is and how important it is to you then it’s a great thing.
If you have intimacy then you have a good commitment from your man too!
This is a matter of trust and having the ability to be vulnerable: Intimacy is how you are vulnerable with each other and how you can trust yourself with that person.
Trust is the major component that drives intimacy and so you must put effort into this.
Trust issues not only hamper intimacy but may also harm the relationship as a whole. If you can’t trust each other and be vulnerable and open with each other, then commitment will become a problem.
Intimacy may be what binds you together, even when life gets challenging: Life gets difficult sometimes, and it is intimacy that will bring you back together.
When you have been together for awhile, when you have kids or other responsibilities, or even when bad things happen in your lives, you need intimacy to keep you together.
Sure you both have friends, but you should be able to turn to each other first for anything that happens in life.
This just goes to show how very important intimacy is because it will be what makes the difference in the challenges that life brings to us at times.
I will stop here. If you enjoyed reading this article please do not forget to share it on your favorite social media.