You’re here because you want to know how long to do the no contact rule for.
Maybe you really want him back and you want to give yourself the best chance possible to get him back.
Maybe you broke up with him and all you want to do is get over him and move on.
Maybe the truth is somewhere in the middle of those two extremes.
Whatever the reason – you want to know how to do the no contact rule and how long you’re supposed to do it for.
That’s why I’m here.
I’m going to give you the details on exactly what the no contact rule is and exactly how long you should do it for, so that you’ll have the best possible chance of getting the outcome you want.
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What Is The No Contact Rule?
The no contact rule is a set of guidelines to follow after you break up with someone.
In essence, it’s designed to give you the time and space you need to heal your heartbreak, get perspective on the relationship, and if you want it… the best chance to get your ex back.
Let’s take a look at exactly what the no contact rule means:
No contact means absolutely no talking to him or contacting him.
- No emailing him
- No calling him
- No meeting up with him to “catch up”
- No talking to him
- No texting him
- No letters
- No responding to texts/calls/emails from him
No “bumping into him by accident”
It means exactly what it sounds like – have absolutely zero contact with him.
My article on the no contact rule goes really in depth on the details about the no contact rule – if you have questions about what to do in specific situations, that’s the first place you should go.
To keep it simple – the no contact rule means you do your best not to have any contact with him whatsoever.
If you’re in a situation where you work with him, or you have a child together, or you have another reason where you have to be in contact with him that you absolutely can’t avoid – then you can still follow the no contact rule.
The best thing to do in those situations is to limit any communication that you have with him to the absolute bare essentials.
Basically – keep it about exactly what you need to coordinate with him, and nothing more. Don’t talk about personal lives, or plans for the weekend, or anything about yourselves at all. Stick to being strictly professional and dealing with whatever issues is bringing you together and you’ll be fine.
So that begs the question:
Here’s How Long To Do The No Contact Rule
People disagree on the exact length of how long you should do the no contact rule for, but generally it’s anywhere from 3 to 8 weeks. Personally, when I’m giving advice to friends, I like to give a minimum of 4 weeks as the best possible length for the no contact rule.If you give yourself a solid month of no contact, it lets you naturally decompress and gain perspective on the relationship, and it gives you the time to start healing a little bit.
Anything shorter than 4 weeks is generally too short to really see any of the benefits of no contact, and if you want him back and you start going longer than 4 weeks, you risk him moving on too and finding someone new.
That said – if you were in a really, really long term relationship (like more than a couple of years), a longer no contact rule is probably better for your mental health and well being than a shorter one. Consider doing no-contact for longer than 4 weeks if you were together with your ex for a really long time.
You should be doing more than just not talking to him during those 4 weeks.
The 4 weeks of no contact are primarily for you to heal and start to feel better. So throwing yourself into hobbies and things that you like doing should be a number one priority.
Picking up things you used to do and enjoyed doing that might have fallen by the wayside is a great way to get yourself feeling better and get in a much better mindset after a breakup.
Along the same lines, working on yourself and channeling your sadness and pain into self-improvement is also an excellent idea that I advise anyone to follow.
Going to the gym, starting running, or really doing anything to get yourself active, out of the house, and improving yourself is one of the best possible things you can be doing during no contact.
Not only will the physical exercise make you feel better, it will make you look better and feel better about yourself – which gives you a way better chance of moving on from him more quickly, or getting him back if that’s what you’re looking for.
Remember – during no contact you shouldn’t be sending him any messages or having any contact with him in any way. If he messages or calls you, you shouldn’t respond. If it’s an emergency, you can break no contact only to deal specifically with the emergency, and then immediately go back to it afterwards.
If you follow those rules (and again, if you have any questions check my in depth article on the topic), you give yourself the best chances of feeling better, moving on, healing from heartbreak, and eventually (if you want it) getting him back.
Remember – 4 weeks minimum is the best length for the no contact rule. Good luck!
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