As a psychologist who specializes in dating, I often hear how difficult it can be to be single during the holidays. It can be tough not have that special someone during those celebrations but sometimes the hardest is the family pressure and all the questions people can ask about your love-life during these gatherings. So, just in case this applies to you too, here are some tips for dealing with this:
1. If people ask you why you’re still single, tell them about your life and what you’ve been focusing on. Remind them that you are not more valuable as a, ‘plus one’, and that you have a great full life.
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2. Practice your own positive self-talk. The only opinion that really matters is your own, so remind yourself that you’re wonderful. Tell yourself that you’ll meet someone when the time is right and think about all the ways that you are loveable. People can only push buttons that are already there so if you feel loving about yourself that will come through.
3. Find positive role models. It can help to think about all the amazing single women that you know and admire. Maybe they’re passionate about their career, travel, their circle of creative friends or hobbies.
You belong to this group and thinking about that will make you smile, even if others don’t get it.
4. Set boundaries. Just because people are friends or family does not mean that they can meddle deeply into parts of your life that you’d rather not discuss. You can just firmly and politely say that you’d rather not be asked about dating right now and leave it at that.
5. Change the subject. When asked about your love life, you can say, ‘I’m not seeing anyone right now but I do have news about ______.’ Hopefully they will get the hint and will talk about that instead.
6. Celebrate the holidays with your single friends who understand. It helps to have a group of like-minded friends around you so make another special time to party it up with them and to celebrate your singlehood and freedom.
I hope you have Happy Holidays full of love!
Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, dating coach and author of the, “The Book of Sacred Baths,” published by Llewellyn Worldwide. It includes baths to improve your love life, to attract a mate and to improve your dating anxiety, self-esteem and more. You can preorder it here: http://amzn.to/1KbnMwb. She’s also the author of “Dating from the Inside Out,” published by Atria Books, and others. An expert in JDate’sJMag, Eligible Magazine and Digital Romance, she’s been a guest on television shows like the cbs Early Show & the am Northwest Early Show and a radio expert on the Curtis Sliwa show, Pathways and others. Dr. Sherman was quoted on MSN.com, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek, Lifetime.com, More, Match.com, Foxnews.com, Fox Business, Crains, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro newspapers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Men’s Health, New York Magazine, Web MD, Everyday Health, Complete Woman magazines, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. She has a psychotherapy practice in Manhattan and does dating coaching internationally by phone. Learn more at www.DrPauletteSherman.com and the upcoming, www.sacredbathing.com. Follow her at @kpaulet or https://www.facebook.com/pauletteshermangroup/.
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