You’re here because you want to know the reasons that a man will leave the woman he loves.
Seems impossible on its face, right? If a man really loved someone, wouldn’t he go to the ends of the earth to stay with her and be with her?
For women who have been blindsided by a breakup, the first question is always “why?”
“Why did he leave me? What did I do wrong? How could he want to leave when we’ve always been so much in love?”
more: Why Do Men Pull Away
The truth is, for men and women, even if you love someone, if you’re not happy (and can’t see the relationship getting better), you do what’s best for you and let go.
So if you’ve been shocked by the man you love unexpectedly ending the relationship, even though he still loves you, here are the most common reasons a man will leave the woman he loves.
The 7 Biggest Reasons Why Men Leave The Women They Love
- The relationship feels like an emotional burden to him.
- The relationship is overwhelmingly negative.
- The long term relationship goals are incompatible.
- He feels like he can’t be himself.
- The sex life slows down or even stops.
- He’s tired of being compared to other men.
- One or both partners stopped putting in effort and taking care of themselves.
1. The Relationship Feels Like An Emotional Burden To Him
I’ve talked about this a lot in other articles, because it applies to most every relationship: the relationship should be the icing on the cake, not the cake itself.
What do I mean by that?
I mean that a great relationship grows out of two people who have their own lives and their own happiness, who bring together their lives and create happiness for each other.
In all great relationships, both partners don’t depend on each other for their happiness, they bring their happiness into the relationship.
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Too often, relationships can collapse into emotionally co-dependent traps, where both partners are trying to extract their happiness from the relationship, rather than bring happiness into the relationship.
If that happens, instead of feeling like he can be happy with you, he’ll feel like he’s responsible for your happiness – like he’s burdened by the job of making sure you’re happy.
That kind of dynamic in a relationship is toxic – eventually one or both partners get tired of taking responsibility for the other person’s emotional state, and things fall apart.
So if she’s trying to extract her happiness from the relationship, and he feels like it’s more of a burden than a joy in his life, it could make him leave – even if he loves her.
2. The Relationship Is Overwhelmingly Negative
This ties in with number 1.
A good rule of thumb is that a guy will want to stay in a relationship if it feels good. That’s not to say that he’ll abandon a relationship the second times get tough – guys will stick out hard times for a woman they love the same as women will.
But the longer things stay negative, and the longer it feels like effort being together, the more that will weigh on him – just like it would weigh on her were the roles reversed.
Neither men nor women will stick around in a negative situation that feels bad to be in forever. Eventually, that kind of negativity will make the relationship fall apart.
So if things have been bad for a while – maybe she’s depressed, or they’re fighting all the time, or any other reason that most days being together feels bad rather than good – he’s almost certainly eventually going to leave no matter how much he loves her.
3. The Long Term Relationship Goals Are Incompatible
In a perfect world, people would be up front about what they want out of life.
more: Why Didn’t He Text Back?
Maybe he wants kids and she doesn’t ever see wanting them. Maybe he wants to live in the place he grew up, while she would rather travel. Maybe he wants to save and retire by 50, while she would rather enjoy life now and keep working longer later.
If you’re up front about big life decisions like that relatively early in the relationship, it saves you the pain of finding out that you have incompatible life goals later, and having to make the hardest choices.
If both partners can’t find a compromise about an issue that’s really important to both of them, it could drive them apart. If you want different things out of life, even if you love each other, breaking up could still be the only solution.
4. He Feels Like He Can’t Be Himself
A lot of people will tell you that a guy will leave a woman he loves because she’s “nagging” him too much… or that he feels like she’s trying to “fix” him.
And while that’s sort of accurate, it doesn’t tell the whole picture.
Great relationships are about compatibility. In a great relationship, both partners can be their whole, honest, genuine selves with each other – without judgement and without too much friction.
(Of course, you’ll have pet peeves about your partner the same way they’ll have them about you. I’m talking about big time friction here.)
If the guy feels like he can’t be himself around his partner – whether that’s because he feels like she nags him when he’s being his genuine self, or because she doesn’t like the way he acts when he’s being honest and genuine and tries to change or “fix” him – it’s going to grate on him.
And if he feels like he just can’t be himself around her without getting negativity from her in return, it might be enough to make him leave, even if he’s in love with her.
5. The Sex Life Slows Down Or Even Stops
Part of any good relationship is finding the balance between the needs and desires for intimacy between both partners.
And although the sex life slowing down is a normal part of any long term relationship, there still has to be a balance, where both partners feel that their needs are being met.
If either the man or the woman feels like there’s not enough sex in the relationship, and feels like the situation isn’t going to change, it’s enough to make them question whether being in the relationship is worth it.
6. He’s Tired Of Being Compared To Other Men
At the root of every relationship is the joy and happiness that comes from knowing that you were chosen – out of everyone else in the world – by your partner.
The joy that comes from knowing your partner chose you, and you specifically, to be with is part of the engine that makes any good relationship go.
He wants to feel like you’re choosing him and choosing to be with him every day – just like you want to feel like he’s choosing you to be with every day.
So if he feels like he’s not your first choice – if he feels like he’s being compared negatively to other men and that he doesn’t stack up – it’s going to erode his joy and his desire to be in the relationship.
He’ll feel like he’s a “second choice” or worse, like you’re with him out of pity or because you’ve decided you can’t do better than a second rate man.
No one wants to feel that way, it’s a horrible feeling. If that’s the feeling he gets from the relationship, it’s enough to make him want to leave, even if he’s in love.
more: Reasons Why Men Leave
7. One Or Both Partners Stopped Putting In Effort And Taking Care Of Themselves
This is similar to #5 – in that in any long term relationship it’s natural for the people involved to let themselves go a little bit.
The key words here are “a little bit” – relaxing some is fine but completely stopping taking care of yourself is another thing.
A common thread through all these reasons a guy might leave a woman he loves is that he might feel like the woman he fell in love with doesn’t exist anymore.
People change, and everyone changes over time. But there’s a difference between changing and growing older, versus stopping putting in effort completely.
If he feels like the person he fell in love with is gone, replaced by someone who’s stopped trying and who doesn’t show any desire to start trying again, it could be enough to push him away from the relationship – even if he did truly love her in the first place.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…