You did expect that the birth of your child would change your life. Now you know what it means, it’s much better described as turning your whole world upside down in more ways than you could have ever imagined. It suddenly seems that everything about your life is vastly different.
You can’t get round the change, it may be overwhelming
Having arrived, the little one instantly becomes the center of your whole being, drawing all your attention and energy towards assisting him or her in every single moment of their lives. Although their daily routine comprises the simplest actions – eating, sleeping, passing water and pooping – it all involves you to the extent that is fairly unbelievable. All the rest, your relationship as well, fades away from your mind.
Your relationship gets edgy
Chances are your partner begins to irritate you all of a sudden, and you become short and snappy with him. You have to stay at home and he leaves for work – it chafes, he does washing in a way which is not up to the mark, and the way he fastens a diaper is nothing short of risible. You have to remind to yourself that it doesn’t mean your relationship has deteriorated overnight. It’s just that you are moodier than usual, the condition often referred to as “baby blues”. These outbursts are quite normal if they don’t evolve into postpartum depression. It’s your hormones raging – after a while you will come to terms with them, but meanwhile try to check these flashes of irritation.
Your relationship remains sadly undernurtured
After becoming parents you have so many things to do, and you’re always behind the schedule! It’s unbearable. How can you even think of spending time with your partner when you’re in such a mad whirl? You know – and your friends advise – and your man hints – that it would be a good idea to enjoy some quality time together, but it’s unthinkable. How can you?! Nevertheless, it should be somehow contrived to refresh your, and his, emotions.
You’re off sex for the time being
There was an understandable pause after you delivered – no sex for six weeks or more, not that you wanted it that with all those labors that you had to endure. Certainly, your body needed that well-earned repose. Then came the time when you got the green light for sensual pleasures, but do you feel up to them? Most likely, no. You’ve been having a rare hard time lately, and you’ve accumulated a great deal of stress, emotional torpor, and overall exhaustion. Any kind of a romantic mood is noticeably absent. So it’s like that. Just make sure you talked it over with your man so he doesn’t think he’s in the wrong somehow or this change in your lives is here to stay.
The baby gets more love than the father does
It seems natural that the baby should receive all your love, even pulling the affection that used to be directed at your partner. You probably knew about it beforehand. Well, when you focus on it, you realize that your feelings for your man are there, but it really requires concentrating on it, yet there are times when he slips out of your mind entirely. Meanwhile he loves the baby too and helps you as much as he can, and there’s no call right now to bicker about the love given and received.
You’ve grown brusque
Well, if you’re a parent, you don’t have time for niceties, and, considering how much you have on your hands, your partner ought to understand you. Although it would go down well if you make a point of being pleasant now and again and thank your man for assistance.
Downtime has become a thing of a distant past
You spent so much time doing the things you both love to do, deriving pleasure from taking walks together, listening to the music you both love, going places and then discussing the day in bed.
It was so warm, cozy and intimate, but it’s gone. You’ve been propelled into a very different lifestyle, where you barely have a breather.
It’s rough, but your bond has grown stronger
Undoubtedly you are going through a trying period in your lives, but the magic of giving birth to a new life is there, and as you go on nurturing your little darling, the feelings that unite you are growing stronger imperceptibly. You may be currently aware of rough time only, but after things have quieted down a little, you will feel your love flowing anew when you both are joined through the baby you brought into the world. The love you shower on the little one will make your love for each other ever more powerful.
How Your Relationship Changes After Having A Baby
- You can’t get round the change, it may be overwhelming
- Your relationship gets edgy
- Your relationship remains sadly undernurtured
- You’re off sex for the time being
- The baby gets more love than the father does
- You’ve grown brusque
- Downtime has become a thing of a distant past
- It’s rough, but your bond has grown stronger
Daria Kurilko is the founder, writer and editor of http://geniuspregnancy.com/ – an online guide for women about pregnancy, parenting and health. She has a master’s degree in sociology with a number of scientific publications to her credit and extensive experience in marketing and PR. Daria, who currently lives in Wiesbaden, Germany, is also a loving mother and wife. Since 2007 she enjoys sharing her experiences and broad knowledge about all things beauty, nutrition and relationships with her readers.
The best thing that you can do is learn, learn and learn some more so that you are ready for as much as possible when the baby comes home.
I hope that I never have a child with a guy that is going to be competing for its attention. Once that kid is born, that is what IT is all about.
It is too bad when you hear about couples thinking their life will not change. You KNOW what they are in for.
Yes it is and the one that suffers the most is the child.
We all know how it works when you think you know everything. That is what happens when children are having kids, rather than waiting for adulthood.
Yeah, those brats think they know what it is like to wonder if the baby is going to be able to eat next week.
Lives are going to change all over the place. Not just for the couple having the baby. The family, the babysitter and everyone. As a parent you need to understand that you are not likely to be going out each night with friends.
Daria, I have been reading through your posts and it seems that you really know what you are talking about . Thank you for that!
I can vouch for her knowledge. She has helped me along the way and I would recommend her services any day of the week.
After we had our baby, our relationship was stronger, BUT it was a little more stressful until the little guy was about 2-3 years old.
It would take a lot for me to have a baby right now. My life is so messed up and I hope that I can get it fixed up BEFORE this type of thing comes into my life.
I never thought the world was going to be the same as a new father, but I did not expect it to change this much.
Good luck as a new parent. Your life will NEVER be the same :)
I know a couple that thought things were going to be the same. they had the hardest first couple years with the child because they were not prepared for the change.
I think we all know that couple. I feel bad for them when they want to complain about not being able to “go out” or “have any fun”. Well, you should have thought about that before you had a kid :)
And these are not the ONLY ways. There will be plenty of changes coming down the pipe when that kid shows up.
Oh yea, there are so many more things to worry about compared to when I had my 3 kids about 20 years ago. I would be afraid to have a child now.
I hope that people can learn from this type of post. It takes a lot of determination to keep it together after a baby is born. Congrats to those that can figure it out.
This is a very informative post. It should be shared with young couples that might think that raising a baby is easy to do.
These are some of the fears that I have for my daughter. I do not want her to go through some of these and feel it would be better to give up then to work hard and maintain a proper relationship with her husband and baby.,
When it comes to getting into “parenting” mode, it can be very hard for couples to deal with the baby and things like this that might creep up.
It would be nice if expecting parents had more knowledge like this.
A baby can bring a couple closer together, but it will be a hard path to take at first.
I have been down this road and it is not pretty. The jerk of a “man” that I had sex with seemed all good about being a day and such, but changed when the baby showed up.
There are a lot of things that will change. It really comes down to how dedicated you are with your partner to make sure those changes are not going to impact your life together.
Babies are great. You can have the loving feelings when you first have your baby, but when your life is tipped upside down, there are a few types of people that can barely handle it.
I envy couples that can pull together an entire family with full time jobs and 3 little ones running around.
Me too. It seems like it takes a lot of hard work and I just never feel that I have the power or wherewithal to do that.
I have heard all of the good and the bad from my sisters, but I am still not sure I want to have a baby of my own :/
This article is an eye opener for me. We are trying to learn about what to expect when we have our son. These are good things to think about.
I think this is a real good starting point!
They are good things to keep in your mind if you are planning to become a parent someday.
There will always be a favorite in the family. When that happens, it should be discussed and I think that would be something that can be fixed.
I would think these all make sense, but I do not have a baby of my own. I hear things from friends and things like that, but I have nothing else to go off.
This is a very good post to read for new parents. I experienced all of these changes and it was tough, but a good partnership cures that.
I agree, but you can never really know how things are going to go until you have a child of your own.
So many couples think that having a baby is a good way to fix a broken relationship.
That is the problem in those cases as well. They never turn out to be good!
Believe it or not, that is what a lot of teens think as well. It is nice to see teenage pregnancy numbers coming down, but there is still this little group that seems to pop up every now and again.