He doesn’t answer your calls. He seems distant, difficult and strange—especially lately. There’s definitely a noticeable change in his personality and the way he acts towards you. What’s happening here?
You might be completely confused right now and on the fence about what to do. Do you keep pursuing this situation or do you cut your losses?
Do you long for the days when he used to treat you with nothing but love? If you are in a long term relationship, it’s possible the “magic” of the honeymoon has faded but he does still love you. Or it’s possible he is pulling away, and might even be looking for a “better” option in the near future.
Well, before getting lost in a mental monologue of self-hatred and confusion… step back and think for a moment.
First, this could be completely fine.
He might just be going through a rough time in his own life and seem distant or closed off. There are a million things that could be going on inside his head.
Has something tragic happened in his life? Has he lost a job? If he’s acting different and something major happened, you need to consider this before jumping to the conclusion that he doesn’t care.
In other words, you must never judge before really getting to the core of the issue. I have been a notoriously quiet guy in the past and have had women who quite frankly I was fine having sex with but had zero interest in a relationship with accuse me of being “rude” or “quiet” and a “tough nut to crack.”
But truthfully, in this situations, whenever a woman has questioned or wondered whether I cared or not, the truth is I probably didn’t care.
Not saying that to be rude. The point I am trying to make is that it’s normally obvious if a man cares.
With that said… I am going to give you a list of 15 signs that he doesn’t care about you so that you can assess the situation and know for sure once and for all. Don’t worry; you will have clarity at the end of this, which is all you really need to make a clear decision and either move forward or make things work.
Try to Be As Objective As Possible
This means step back, breathe and try to see things for how they are. Forget how you want them to be. See how they actually are.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Take this quiz to diagnose whether he is losing interest or whether he still cares (if he even cares a little bit still, this quiz will diagnose and reveal exactly what you are dealing with right now, so take this before it’s too late and his care level goes to zero.
Signs He Doesn’t Care:
Sign #1: You are his “last minute” option
Does he not make it a point to prioritize you? When he plans his day, does it never seem to even take you into consideration?
It’s never a good sign for any relationship or friendship when you can clearly see that you’re the last name in the rolodex. You’re a convenience not a priority, or at least it feels that way.
A good example, which I have personally witnessed, is about a guy I know. He was wavering on whether he should end a long-term relationship. He would leave for work, and would always have plans after with me, or someone, or would even just do things on his own. We all knew what was going on. All he could do was say how much he needed to “get away;” it was obvious things were sour. His actions spoke much louder than his words in this occasion, but when you’re living together it isn’t as simple as just breaking up, so it lasted a while like this.
The most they interacted for almost two months was him coming home and literally saying goodnight, then passing out. He was avoiding her at all costs, clearly, but her love for him completely put blinders on her.
To everyone it was clear as day, even to the point of her friends telling her to smarten up, and unfortunately, this woman had her heart broken. She never took the time to even confront him seriously on his absence, and thought it was just a rough patch.
Him not being remotely available and you being the last option is more than a rough patch, it’s a sign he truly is losing interest.
Sign #2: Only Wants Sex
How can you tell the difference between a booty call and a serious intimate connection? It’s actually really simple.
Sex is different when a man cares about a woman in contrast to having sex with a random hot woman he just met at a bar; both are completely different. This illustrates that sex is not the be all end all of a relationship.
If he wants to have sex, it doesn’t mean he cares about you or that he loves you. Men view sex and love as two separate things; men can have sex without having feelings for you.
What it looks like if he likes you for more than sex:
What’s important to look for is quality time, quality connection. Hanging out is enough to make him happy. Simply just being with you is more than enough, and he can’t wait to hang out. When I truly care about a woman (and this is true for most men) sex is always secondary to me. What matters is having a best friend and confidant. Someone “on my team,” in my corner.
Sex just makes that connection all the deeper. If there is no personal feelings for another person, sex is just sex. About as special as friday night alone watching porn.
If your guy only wants to have sex, and has no inclination of listening to you, or learning about you on a deeper level, and that’s clear; he doesn’t care about you as a person… If you don’t feel anything other than a man on top of you, your feelings are probably correct.
In other words, don’t trick yourself into thinking things are “more” than what they are; you will know if he cares about you.
There’s a marked difference between a relationship based off of sex, rather than a love for that individual. If you’ve had both, you’ll always know, just like you’d recognize the smell of coffee after a decade of not drinking it.
If there’s a deep personal relationship and attraction to an individual’s personality, sex is kind of like an intoxicating drug. It’s like hugging the girl you love to the enth degree. On the other hand, emotionless sex can seem like some chore, an itch you just need to scratch, nothing more (to put it crudely).
Sign #3: Does he introduce you to people in his life?
Has he introduced you to his family? His friends? A definite sign that he doesn’t care is if he’s keeping you closeted away. I’ve found the way a guy talks about a girl to his family or friends is always a great representation of how much he cares.
If you’re totally nonexistent to his family, or rarely talked about to anyone in his inner circle, this is a major sign that he doesn’t care (and is maybe even using you) unless you have some hideous history everyone knows about and he has to love you in secret (but trust me that is rarely the case).
Just as it would be for a girl. Someone avoiding introducing you, or leaving you as a side-note to those important in their lives is most likely planning on never having to introduce you anywhere again, if you catch my drift.
Sign #4: He asks you to do things for him and refuses to do anything for you
This is another sign he doesn’t care. The action truly speaks for itself. Who doesn’t do something for someone they supposedly love? I would do anything for those I love, and on the contrary I can turn into a shrewd shark with those I have no interest in.
I’ll give a quick personal example to illustrate the point.
Everyone loves their mother, I think that’s just about universal. If my mom asked me to drive six hours up to San Francisco to help her get something vital, or prevent something bad from happening to her, I would do it in the blink of an eye.
If someone I didn’t like, or didn’t really care for asked me, it would be a direct and simple “no”. If the most basic of tasks are impossible for him to complete he absolutely has a waning lack of interest in you and most likely doesn’t care. Especially if he’s profiting somehow from the relationship while giving nothing in return.
Sign #5: You always contact him first
If you’re always the one exerting effort to either hang out with or talk to him this is a clear and simple way to see he really isn’t feeling you.
Unless the guy is shy on the level of not being able to talk, there should definitely be some reciprocal affirmation of interest. Wait a few days, and see if he initiates anything, after a few days, make a plan and see his excitement or interest level. If he really doesn’t seem to care, or doesn’t even want to hang out. He is most likely losing interest.
Sign #6: He never goes out of his way to do things to make you happy
This goes back to sign 4. The less a person does for you and the level of inconvenience they are willing to endure for you is a clear sign of how much anyone cares. Making your girlfriend happy is huge priority if you love them.
You not only want them to be happy. You need them to be! Making anyone happy feels good. Making the one you love happy should feel amazing. If he doesn’t care enough to make you happy he probably doesn’t care much at all.
Sign #7: He doesn’t ask you any questions about you and doesn’t seem interested in who you are
Showing genuine interest in another person is an obvious sign you care about them, or want to know more. If I like someone, the first thing I want to do is get to know them, as well, and as quickly as possible.
If I truly don’t care, What’s my point in investing time and emotions to get to know somebody? You simply won’t. If he has no interest in who you are, your past etc. he most likely cares little about you.
Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men
This one is a mixed signal to me. Personally, I like my significant other to know that they are free to do whatever they want with whoever. My girlfriends have been social so why not let that flourish? There have been times in the past where my girlfriend has gone out with another guy for business etc.
My aim is to inform her to watch out for him, not the other way around. It builds a level of trust. But saying that, I still definitely cared that she was going out alone, and I would always say to be safe, or please call, and of course I’d be texting throughout.
If a guy lets you go out with whoever you want and literally has no issue, nor inclination, I’d definitely take this as a red flag.
Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else
If he does not treat you differently in the slightest, there is most likely something going on. Your significant other should and does play a special role in life, and how you treat each other should definitely reflect your connection.
For instance, at Christmas, I’ll buy my parents and sisters candies and cards, things more sentimental in value rather than monetary. For my girlfriend, on the other hand, it’s always something very special as well as expensive. Something she can really cherish. If you don’t feel important by the way he treats you, you just might not be that important to him.
Sign #10: Not protective over you at all
This could relate to sign 8, But in a different instance. If anyone said something bad to my girlfriend, mother or sisters- man or woman, I’m coming to their defense in any way possible. The last thing I want my significant other to feel is unprotected.
It’s basically written in our male dna to want to protect our loved ones, especially our “one and only.” If your boyfriend sits idly while you get ragged on, he’s either completely not interested and totally apathetic to your feelings, or has zero testosterone. Either or, a horrible trait for a boyfriend.
Sign #11: Doesn’t talk about the future
Talking about each other’s future together is a major signal that someone cares. They care enough to literally bring you into their life, and must find a way to figure out things in a way that absolutely includes you.
It’s literally no different than saying, “Hey, I plan on being with you for a long time.” If you bring up future endeavors together it’s a great sign you’re in a concrete relationship. If a guy is planning on taking another path in life that doesn’t include you, you’re clearly not important.
I know of many men and women that will literally change their entire lifestyle in order to stay with someone they love. If my dad’s moving to London, you can sure as hell bet my mom’s got a ticket in the seat next to him. If his future plans don’t include you, or even worse he doesn’t even talk about your future, this is a big indication he doesn’t care, and is using you either as a stepping stone, or flotation device.
Sign #12: He Doesn’t Pay For Anything
I believe everyone in a relationship should absolutely have a level of autonomy, you never want to be completely reliant on another for you needs, especially in a relationship. That is a guaranteed deal breaker. With that said, there should also be some sort of reciprocation with each other.
Being generous is a great way to show you care, especially when you have the means.
If a guy has the means and still doesn’t cough up a dime that’s probably one of the highest levels of indicating he doesn’t care. He could pay for dinner, but he’ll let you do that, because being with him is just “so special.”
If this is your case, you’re most likely dating someone who is using you, who’s also masquerading as some Gigglo or arm to hang on to. If your guy doesn’t help with a single thing (whether it is being there for you emotionally if he doesn’t have the means to contribute financially he most likely doesn’t care).
If he has the means and he’s still not paying. You are being used and abused. Dump him with a passion.
Sign #13: Tries to avoid any kind of serious topics of conversation
When you’re in an in depth personal relationship, serious topics will inevitably come up, and in order to move forward you must talk about them. This is a fact. You can’t let sleeping dogs lie in a relationship.
You have to crush out the problems and move forward. A good sign that someone doesn’t care is that they have no interest at all in serious topics or conversations dealing with the relationship. If he has no interest in moving the relationship forward and avoids all serious topics, the truth is he has no interest period.
Sign #14: He has lost interest in sex
Losing interest in sex is obviously a substantial issue. Everybody has their highs and lows of libido, but if sexual contact is nonexistent, feelings are probably nonexistent as well. It’s not necessarily about the sex it’s more of how the sex feels. You can have sex rarely as long as it’s great, and intimate.
If it’s rare, and when everything’s all said and done in a jiffy, while you’re sitting there wanting more, unsatisfied, there’s an obvious issue. I’m always all about the girl and making her feel happy and comfortable.
If I care about a woman, I care about her pleasure. This is true for most men.
Sign #15: He seems to actively be looking at other women, or possibly even pursuing other women
For me, when I know I’ve got a special connection with a woman, I don’t take the extra time to go out of my way to dress well. I’ll go to the market in PJ’s looking like a slob, in about the most unimpressive outfit ever, for example. When I’m single, I almost always dress to 9’s anywhere I go.
You never know who you’re going meet, and what your first impression will be. Not only do I not care about my appearance when I otherwise would, I literally pay zero attention to other girls. Sure, I’ll see a girl and go “she’s attractive” but that’s as far as my mind goes. It’s a chemical response to an image that can’t be controlled for either sex.
There’s no filter I’m putting up, I’m not telling myself to stop dreaming, it must be some subconscious logic. When I’m single and I see a girl I find very attractive, my mind goes “she’s attractive, how would I take her out, I wonder who she is, what she does, what would I say to her to get her attention?”
When I’m in a relationship, my mind subconsciously knows that, “hey, you know a girl really well already who’s just as attractive who you know is amazing, we’re going out tonight, and I love her to death. Wasting my effort on someone else would be a ludicrous idea.
If your guy is talking about other girls like they are somehow better, or fantasizes beyond the initial just “oh they’re attractive,” it’s a bad sign and he probably does not care about you.
If you catch your guy cheating, this is obviously an indication he’s lost interest. You pretty much only cheat when you either don’t care about that person, and or have zero respect for them. Cheating for me is a one stop shop. It happens once, I’m done.
This mentality has kept me from getting hurt many times in the past. Cheaters will cheat again, they think they’ll be able to get away with it, that’s why they did it in the first place. Also from experience, when someone you love cheats on you, or shows interest in someone else, it is honestly one of the most disheartening feelings on the planet.
So why subject yourself to that? He doesn’t care, neither should you. Find someone else, there are truly plenty of fish in the sea. Find someone who cares about you the same way you care about them.
There you go. These are the major signs and I hope you don’t take this to mean you are somehow a “bad” person. Him not caring means nothing about you as a person.
Investing Energy Doesn’t Mean You’re In Love
I know you might have invested a lot of time and emotional energy in this person; don’t let that fool you and trick you into thinking he is the one and only person you love. We can trick ourselves into believing we need someone in our lives because the time we invest makes it seem like we are “throwing it away” when it does not work out.
Don’t invest energy in someone who is not reciprocating. Keep your life open for someone who does care.
I look at relationships as a triple beam scale. I put things in perspective of who does what, and how taxing that action is. If someone is out of work, or in a bad spot there are still many ways to show your appreciation while trying to get back on track. It’s always important to know the truth of the matter and to be absolutely candid about your feelings and why you’re having them.
Most importantly, don’t take things personally—focus on what you can control and improving your own life.
The only person we can change is ourselves. That is a fact of life. Don’t waste time on emotions, or getting hurt for someone who doesn’t care for you.
When a guy cares for you it should be pretty obvious. Your gut feeling is almost always the best gauge for an issue going on.
If a guy seems like he cares for you he probably does, and it should show. He’ll always want to hang out, he’ll always be willing to help, he’s happy to take you out and wants to pay the bills, sex is always a happy yes and special, and when your down or being attacked, he’s there to save you like a knight in shining armor.
I know there is a huge upheaval in societal norms and what defines a man or a woman, in my mind the traditional man willing to pay and do everything for his wife remains the true sign of male affection.
Obviously a job isn’t a bad thing, I have a preference in only dating women who are professionals, I like some reciprocation too, but I feel the need to always be there. I’m happy for my girlfriend to pay for dinner, I’d just rather it be me. I’m happy to be sitting there. It’s worth the meal just getting to hang out and enjoy the time together.
If he is on the fence and trying to decide what to do about your situation, you have one thing that can make or break whether he stays or goes. If he doesn’t care right now, things will only get worse… unless you know the 1 thing that reverses all damage, implants an overwhelming obsessive desire in his mind and makes him see you as his other half. The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
If you’re looking for more warning signs:
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
- Sign #1:You are his “last minute” option
- Sign #2: Only Wants Sex
- Sign #3: Does he introduce you to people in his life?
- Sign #4: He asks you to do things for him and refuses to do anything for you
- Sign #5: You always contact him first
- Sign #6: He never goes out of his way to do things to make you happy
- Sign #7: He doesn’t ask you any questions about you and doesn’t seem interested in who you are
- Sign #8: He is fine with you hanging around other men
- Sign #9: He treats you like everyone else
- Sign #10: Not protective over you at all
- Sign #11: Doesn’t talk about the future
- Sign #12: He Doesn’t Pay For Anything
- Sign #13: Tries to avoid any kind of serious topics of conversation
- Sign #14: He has lost interest in sex
- Sign #15: He seems to actively be looking at other women, or possibly even pursuing other women