Do men like skinny women with a thigh gap and a toned, tan stomach? Or do guys like curvy women like Kim Kardashian whose curves could cause them to get into car accidents from staring too long?
Do men like short hair, long hair, wavy or straight hair? Curly hair? Makeup? No makeup? An all-natural look? Girls who love sports and can be one of the guys?
And what about nail polish?!
The lies and myths about what men actually like and don’t like are scarily common. I could literally go on forever with a list of things that women wonder and believe about men.
That’s why I am going to reveal three of the most destructive lies most women believe about men that accidentally push men away without even realizing why.
Say you are out with some of your friends. You’re telling them about your latest escapade with your guy. Of course, your friends who have all had varied success will chime in to tell you “exactly what you need to know.”
That would be great if they weren’t always confusing you. Your instincts might say, “That can’t be what men really want!” But when your friend is making the most compelling case you’ve seen, it’s hard to refute her claims.
Lies about what men want are everywhere. The danger is how widely accepted these myths really are. The more you see people doing the wrong thing, the more you start to believe that’s what you “should” be doing too.
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The Biggest Lies Women Are Told About Men
The more people tell you to play hard to get or to hide your feelings from men because they can’t deal with intimacy, the more you will believe it. Then you’ll be left lost wondering why it never seems to work out the way they say it will. The problem is that when you believe society’s lies, the fear sets in. The fear that you can’t be yourself around men or try to communicate what you need makes men seem like these complicated, unattainable creatures.
The truth is that men are capable of a lot more than they’re given credit for. Sure there are some bad guys out there, but the same could be said for some women.
Before you condemn men for being to blame, I am going to tell you about the top three lies people tell you about male behavior, and how a change in outlook can open you up to a whole new world of possibility.
Myth Number One: Men don’t like it when you’re too feminine.
Being feminine is what men find attractive. Somewhere along the way, society started to think that gender identities can be classified as either good or bad. Men and women should be the same.
What they mean is that men and women should be treated the same.
Denying that men and women are different makes no sense and is utterly confusing to everyone.
You don’t need to act or think like a guy to get a guy. Embrace your femininity. Don’t try to pretend you’re something you’re not. If you like sports or other things that guys are stereotypically into, that’s up to you.
Don’t force yourself to be a football fan thinking every guy loves a woman who can hang out in a sports bar. There are guys out there who aren’t even into sports, as crazy as that may sound. But that’s how a stereotype becomes dangerous – when people feel pressure to like something or show interest in something in order to fit in.
Myth Number Two: Men can’t stand intimacy.
You hear people talking about women being unable to control their emotions and men being somehow devoid of any emotion.
Neither is true.
The problem is that you’re told you can’t talk to guys about how you feel because they’ll run. As a result, you don’t talk about feelings unless he initiates it, which may or may not happen. Then somewhere along the way your anger builds because you haven’t been sharing how you really feel with him, and the result is an explosive argument.
Naturally, you have a breaking point and you have to express what you are thinking and feeling. Instead of having a calm conversation though, it’s a shock to your system as well as his.
Guys aren’t immune to emotion. They have feelings. Furthermore, they are more than willing to talk to you about yours.
A man wants you to share your emotions in a direct way so that he can have a discussion with you. When you give him the opportunity to give you his side, he won’t have any objections.
You’ll have a deeper understanding of his perspective if you give him a chance. You’ll be surprised by what comes next.
Myth Number Three: Men only want what they can’t have.
This might be one of the most common questions I receive: How can I play hard to get so he stays interested?
That’s playing a game. Maybe there are a few men who only want to play games, but why would you want to be with someone who only wants to play games?
Men find women intriguing as it is. Your femininity, your sensuality, your softness—men want it, men crave it. You don’t need games to entice them.
When you start to think of a guy as challenging and impossible, try to see if it’s because of something he’s doing or something you believe about him.
For instance, he’s not reading your mind about how you feel, but have you told him? He only stays interested if you keep him at a distance, but have you ever tried it any other way?
You can be yourself with guys as long as you don’t let the fear around you seep in and demonize men before you give them an honest chance to show you they want the same things as you: deep connection, trust, honesty, compassion and intimacy.
What do you think about the lies I’ve mentioned? Do you agree? Disagree? Feel free to let me know in the comments below!