Question: I’m with this guy who I cannot live without. That is honestly how I feel when I’m around him. It’s like the world feels okay. Everything feels “right.” But I have this horrible, sinking feeling that everything will fall apart. This horrible knot in my chest gnawing at my insides. This horrible, heart-breaking sadness consumes me sometimes when I’m alone… I know this all sounds dramatic and probably even a bit crazy… But the way he makes me feel is crazy. I’ve never been like this before in my life.
I need to know how to make sure we last as a couple… As in, last forever. That’s all I want. To make sure we never break up.
-Sydney, New York
Well, Sydney, before going on… I have to break the news to you: After working with so many women in so many very different relationships I’ve learned that not all couples and not all relationships end with a “happily ever after”. I don’t mean that to be cruel or disheartening, I just mean to be honest.
I’m sure you want a happily ever after with a man who will love you forever… Everyone does.
You may have dreamed about it your entire life, imagining a beautiful wedding with your closest friends there as they watch the man of your dreams make the ultimate commitment to you.
You want to know, beyond a shadow of doubt, that you will remain in a secure, happy, loving relationship for the rest of your life… but you don’t know how to have that. Maybe you even think that kind of relationship is impossible. In your situation, you might think you’re in that kind of relationship right now. In the kind of relationship that’s destined to last forever.
What you’re describing sounds a lot like the movie Titanic, where Jack and Rose have this eternal bond that lasts… even after death. Even into the afterlife. Now, this is a fairytale depicted through Hollywood. It’s not how real life works. This notion of “fairytale love” actually sabotages your shot at truly being in a relationship that lasts forever.
Now, it’s not impossible for a relationship to last forever. It’s very rare, yes, but not impossible.
Take The Quiz: Are You Meant To Be Together?
Here’s the thing you need to realize, though. The problem with the idea of an everlasting love is that a lot of women expect to be able to start a relationship, be adored and treated affectionately, and it just magically works.
With that said, you can have a relationship that lasts, and you can be adored, desired and loved by the man of your dreams forever… but it takes something a lot of people don’t realize.
I’ll be honest here; when I was growing up I was exposed to arguments from both my parents, and my grandparents on my mother’s side. Eventually my parents divorced because the arguing got so bad, they just couldn’t stand being around each other.
My grandparents, on the other hand, stuck together. I realized that, even though they were sometimes at each other’s throats, they still seemed to love each other genuinely. I couldn’t stop thinking about it… eventually; I had to ask my grandmother, it just wouldn’t stop nagging me in the back of my mind.
When I finally got the chance to ask her, her answer surprised me….
She told me, “Your grandfather and I argue a lot, I won’t deny that. The thing is we really do love each other. He makes me happy and I could never see myself with anyone but your grandfather.”
I asked, “If you’re so happy and you love each other, why do you fight? Mom and Dad left each other when they fought too much.”
My grandma looked at me very seriously and thought a moment before answering.
“We accept each other. We argue, but we get over it… If we couldn’t overcome our differences and accept each other for who we both are, we wouldn’t have been together all these years. You’ll understand it when you’re older.”
At first I thought she was just trying to brush me off. What could I understand about relationships or love? I was just a kid at the time…
But as I grew older, I understand that she was right. If you nitpick and gripe about every little thing you don’t like about your partner, you tend to grow apart from what made you love them in the first place.
A lot of people seem to be surprised when a couple lasts for so long. What they don’t realize is that a relationship doesn’t always have to be sunshine and rainbows to be happy and full of love. If you want everlasting love, you have to accept the good with the bad.
Here is my Secret Recipe For Love That Lasts Forever
1. You Can Be Right Or You Can Be Happy
I learned that when you’re in an argument you can make two choices. You can either be right… or you can be happy.
The fact of the matter is arguing will inevitably wear down, and break down a relationship. Even when my grandparents would argue, my grandmother would just smile, nod her head and say, “Ok dear” before winking at one of her grandkids.
Even if she knew she was right about something, she would let it slide because she held her relationship as more valuable than telling her husband off about how the table should be set or what channel a certain show is on.
Of course, when you are being put down and told you’re wrong constantly that doesn’t feel good either. Your man should respect you more than that, and you should give him the same respect in return. In a relationship that will last forever, both people know when to just let things go.
2. Go Out On Dates
I’ve noticed that all of the happiest relationships do one specific thing: They go out on dates. Even when they don’t have plans for a date in mind, they make their simple outings a date. Going out shopping? Invite your guy along and pick out meals together when you’re at the grocery store. Need to get a new pair of pants? Drag him to Target.
These aren’t the most romantic examples, but you can spend time together, focus on each other, and enjoy being in each other’s presence. It feels nice to be able to do everyday things together and make the “menial tasks” feel special.
You could even have a weekly “date night” where you both dress up, go out and do something fun. It keeps things fun and sexy.
3. Be Yourself And Accept Them For Who They Are
This ingredient should happen before you are even in a relationship, but if you already are in one it’s not too late to start. First, you have to accept yourself as you are and be your true self around your significant other. If you want him to love you forever, you have to let him fall in love with your true, vulnerable, beautiful self.
Second, you have to accept him the way he is, all of him. Not just parts of him. Not just the parts you like. I’m talking about all of him. Think about this for a moment. How would you feel if the man you love embraced you in his arms, kissed you, and just accepted you fully – all of you with no strings attached? I’m sure that you would feel powerful, liberated and loved.
Here’s the thing – when you accept him fully, he feels the same way. It’s really rare for someone to accept another person for everything that they are. And when you do that for him, something magical happens. You fill his heart with a strong desire to stay with you, adore you, and love you forever. I can guarantee you that he won’t meet another woman in the world who can make him feel that way.
I’ve heard that, “love is a two way road”, and it is. When you love and accept your man as he is, he will love and accept you for who you are.
4. Keep Growing
When you let yourself get too comfortable doing the same thing over and over in your relationship, you may notice things will begin to feel very dull very quickly. Want to know an easy way to fix that?
Keep growing as a person! If you like to learn about different cultures or language, let yourself continue to learn! Keep your hobbies and share them with your guy. If you let him experience you through a window of yourself, he won’t get the full picture.
If you open the door and let him be with you entirely and know of your hobbies, friendships and life outside the relationship, he will be allowed to know and love you for every aspect of your life… which brings me to the final ingredient.
5. Live Your Own Life
If you cannot live your own life outside of your relationship, your relationship is going to be set up to fail. When you give yourself time away from him, it gives you both space to appreciate each other individually and to enjoy the things you like to do.
When you can find happiness in your own life, it gives your relationship a strong foundation to build upon.
Do you think you’ve found the secret to love that lasts forever? Have you ever been in a relationship you thought would last forever but it fell apart and tore you up inside? Do you believe in “eternal love?” Let me know what you think in the comments below!
Take The Quiz: Are You Meant To Be Together?
The Best Ways To Make Love Last Forever
- You can be right or you can be happy
- Go out on dates
- Yourself and accept them for who they are
- Keep growing
- Live your own life