“My girlfriend used to constantly bug me with a bunch of texts in a row. I honestly got so tired of it. It was like a chore to even think of responding. Sad, but true. Didn’t have the heart to tell her.”
-Michael, 33, Santa Barbara, CA (occupation: lifeguard)
“I hate it when a girl texts me ‘i’m bored… hows ur day?…'”
-Thomas, 23, Rhode Island, (occupation: law student)
“It weirds me out when a woman sends me a bunch of consecutive texts especially when we first meet.”
– Anthony, 41, NYC (occupation: bartender)
“I normally don’t respond if a girl keeps asking me stuff about my personal life, right in the beginning.”
-Martin, 27, Austin, Texas (occupation: pharmaceutical rep)
Do those quotes make you uncomfortable? Do you ever feel afraid or anxious about texting? Doesn’t Thomas seem like kind of a jerk?
Here’s my point – there are a ton of women who are confused about texting… and they’re making HUGE mistakes every time they text.
Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Why Didn’t He Text You Back?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Why Isn’t He Texting You Back” Quiz right now and find out why he’s not texting you back…
I’m going to be blunt, most women have no idea how to text a guy – much less what kind of texts guys LIKE to receive.
Don’t believe me?
How Many Of These Texts Would You Send?
OK, be honest with me: how many of those would you send? How many of those have you sent in real life?
If you think I’m trapping you, then you’ve got good intuition. Truth is, most of the time it’s a really, really bad idea to send a guy any of those texts.
Especially if you just met him, or if you’re trying to get him to text you back.
Brutal, right? Why does texting guys have to feel so freaking complicated and horrible?
Don’t want to read this whole article? We’ve summed everything up in an awesome infographic for you, click below to view it:
Why does it feel like a nervous, gut twisting roller coaster ride every time you want to text a guy you really like? (And don’t even get me started on what happens when a guy suddenly stops texting back.)
The stress and confusion of what to text, when to text, how to text, and why he’s not texting back has built up to a breaking point, and I bet you’re ducking sick of it. I know I am.
It doesn’t have to be this way. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. It’s not your fault. (R.I.P. Robin Williams).
Ready to do something about it and get rid of it forever?
Eyes front, mouths closed, mind focused. You and me, we’re going to talk about texting, and it’s going to get real up in this article.
Why? Because texting shouldn’t be this big, scary, stressful, awful thing. Because at the heart of it, texting the guy you want the right way is actually very, very simple.
Texting is literally writing a few words on a magic pocket sized device and sending them through magic portals to another person in a millisecond (or however phones work). It’s not a big deal.
I’m here to help. You and me, together, we’re going to solve this texting dilemma.
Together, We’re Going To Make Texting Easy
After you read this article, you’re never going to feel anxious or confused about texting again.
And I know, that’s a big promise.
Because what if you’re in a relationship with a guy you love more than anything, yet he refuses to text you back even though he knows it makes you miserable?
Or what if you meet a guy, instantly hit it off with him, really want to make him fall for you… and maybe you even go on an amazing first date. You expect him to text you, but then nothing. Silence.
It sparks a frantic debate inside your head: Should you send a guy you like the first text or wait for him to contact you first?
On the one hand, you’re nervous about him not responding but on the other hand you’re so giddy and excited that you can’t help but feel the overwhelming urge to text him.
And look, I get that. The excitement and adrenaline rushing through your veins and taking over your body clouds your judgment.
But then comes the constant wrestling back and forth, over-analyzing whether you should or shouldn’t contact him, what should you say to him, and yeah, that can feel as if you’re in a constant state of limbo. It can eat you up inside and drive you completely insane.
Why does it feel like a nervous, gut twisting roller coaster ride every time you want to text a guy you really like?
You might even ask your friends what they think because you can’t stop obsessing about it. And they might give you responses that range from, “Oh… don’t ever text him first…” to “If you do, wait at least 3 days!”
Now, look, I’m a nice guy. I’m not going to call your friends dumb without even meeting them, but… your friends probably don’t know what they’re talking about. Sure, their intentions are good, but that doesn’t mean they aren’t giving you destructive advice.
And it’s not their fault!
No one gives good advice about texting these days. It’s bullcrap. It’s almost like people 50-100 years ago didn’t even know how to text?! Get with the times, grandma!
But seriously… There are so many myths out there about the “right time” and “right way” and “right words” to text a guy that completely distort the truth and leave women totally confused.
MORE: Guys Dish on What That Text Message Actually Means
You see it everywhere: the movies, the media, your girlfriends are all trying to give you specific advice about your situation.
Like, they’re telling you to wait X number of days, or only text him at Y time, or send him Z amount of texts before he responds, or… I ran out of letters so I can’t give you any more examples but you get what I’m saying.
That advice may or may not help you in the one specific situation it applies to, and it’s definitely not going to help you the next time you’re feeling anxious about texting a guy and don’t know what to do.
You know what is going to help you?
When you know the most basic, fundamental, universal rules about texting that will clear up all your frustration, anxiety, and stress about it forever.
So here’s the real talk: I’m gonna tell you, right here and right now, the raw, honest truth about texting from a guy’s perspective (stuff no guy would ever actually tell you).
There are so many myths out there about the “right time” and “right way” and “right words” to text a guy that completely distort the truth and leave women totally confused.
You’re going to find out what men are specifically looking for when you text. You’re going to find out what kind of thing is going to attract him and what kind of thing is going to turn him off.
And want to know the best part? It’s really simple.
When you get it from a guy’s perspective, you won’t have to figure out which rule to follow like “who should text who?” or “should I wait for a response?” or “why is my phone overheating and exploding?”, because you’ll just know what to do automatically.
And you’ll never feel anxious about texting again.
Sounds impossible, right? It’s actually easy. Let’s start.
More: What Guys Really Think About Texting
You’ve Got To Have A Plan
If You’re Going To Text Him… Don’t Be Boring
So I’m going to get this out of the way right at the start: don’t text him pictures of grass growing at 30 minute intervals. That’s boring.
Don’t do that.
You probably already knew that.
But what is a boring text? When a guy gets a text and looks at his phone, what’s going to make him go “ugh” in his head and ignore it?
I bet you’re interested in the answer to that.
And really, the answer is super simple.
From a guy’s perspective, a boring text is one that doesn’t advance the action at all.
I can hear you already. “What? Action? What does action mean? I didn’t say I was trying to turn him on yet, right? Did I accidentally agree to star in a porno again?
No. You didn’t.
What I mean by action is this: when you text him, you have to get the ball rolling … by proposing a concrete plan or asking him if he wants to do a certain thing at a specific time with you.
This is really important. If you just text a guy something like, “Heyyy” or “What’s up?” or “How’s it goinggg…”, it’s going to bore him to death.
It’s a text he’s already received a million times before, and he won’t feel like responding. Even if he does respond, it’s going to be out of habit because he’s trying to be polite.
Sure, he might even respond because he’s interested in you so he’s willing to “go along with it,” but it definitely won’t be the type of text that makes him genuinely excited.
Why not? Well, because nothing is happening. Your text doesn’t create any kind of action. It doesn’t give him something to look forward to, or ask a specific question, or do anything that will capture his interest.
Tip: If you absolutely have to text him and you don’t have a plan, keep it short, light, and positive.
See, when you text a guy, you’re basically throwing it out there that you want him to take some time out of his day to respond to you. We only have so much time in a day, so if you’re thinking about it from his perspective… what would make it worthwhile for you to respond?
This is particularly important with the first text. Is it going to engage him and make him feel good about responding, or like he’s wasting his time?
(I told you I was going to be blunt… #sorrynotsorry. You’re getting the hard truth here without sugarcoating because that’s what’s going to help you get the results you want. )
Note: Want to know the real reason he didn’t text you back? Take this quiz and find out: “Why Doesn’t He Text Back” Quiz
So Here’s Exactly What To Do If You Want Him To Text You Back
Right now I’m going to give you a step by step plan of what to do if you’ve met a guy for the first time and you want to text him first.
If you already know the guy or you’re in a relationship with him, this is still great advice. He will text you back way more quickly, and more often.
Great. Imagine this scenario:
You meet a guy. You like this guy. You want to text him first and you want to be charming but you don’t want to turn him off. Here’s what you do:
Text him and ask him if he wants to do a specific activity with you at a certain time on a particular day.
“Hey, it was really cool meeting you the other night, I’m going to dance at Dance Club City with my friends around 8 on Thursday night, do you want to come?”
Or “I’m watching a movie and opening up a bottle of wine tonight, care to join?”
Or “I’m going rock climbing this Saturday. Want to come?”
Or “I’m going to a free concert at the park on Friday. Want to join me?”
Or “I am returning to my home planet of Kzzphlach in 3 of your normal “hu-man” hours, I would like for you to return with me and become my breeding mate.”
That’s it. (So much for a step by step plan, that’s pretty much just one step. Sorry for being so convenient.)
When you propose a plan to him, you’re getting the ball rolling. Instead of giving him nothing (by just asking him “what’s up” or even just sending “heyyy”), you’re giving him an idea of what you want to do, and more importantly…
You’re making it clear that you already have something going on in your life and that your plans don’t depend on his answer.
Your life is already fun and exciting to begin with, and he’s going to want to become a part of it.
More: 10 Things Confident People Do Differently in Dating and Relationships
TIP: If you aren’t having fun in your life, you should be! It’s important! I’m not just being sarcastic, this is super important in everything from your love life, to your mindset to your emotional health.
Text him and ask him if he wants to do a specific activity with you at a certain time on a particular day.
Go out and do things that you actually enjoy doing! Even if it’s a simple as watching a movie or reading a book. The guy you’re texting should be a nice addition to your life and happiness, not the sole source of it.
When you have stuff in your life that you love doing, it makes it much less important to you whether he responds or not. And that’s where the power is.
If you’re comfortable, happy, and confident in your life without him, he’s going to want to be around you. He’ll want you to be a part of his life.
Instead of you desperately chasing after him, frantically trying to get his approval, he’s going to feel the need to come chasing after you and be desperate to get yours.
Watch The Video: When He Doesn’t Text Back – The REAL Reason (Here’s What To Do Now)
Guy Confession: “This girl I met back in grad school was seriously the opposite of every other girl I’d ever met. The first text she sent me was asking me if I wanted to go scuba diving with her. It’s ironic because the way we ended up connecting after that was incredible.
I probably sound cheesy and dumb right now, but I remember really wanting her to text me after that. I would actually over-analyze why she didn’t respond. In reality, she was just going out having fun in life but in my head I couldn’t help feel like I needed her to respond for my life to be okay. And this is not how I am normally.”
And there you have it, ladies. When texting a guy, be specific and be unique. Don’t be boring and show him that you have a fulfilling life that he is welcome, but not needed, to join.
Oh, would you look at that? This is the perfect segue into the next section, what I like to call: “The Biggest Rule In Texting”…
It’s almost like I planned it this way…
Drop The Stress And Get In The Mood (To Text… Not For Sex, Perv)
Settle Down and Get Your Emotions Under Control Before You Text Him
OK, before you rage-quit your internet browser and throw your computer out the window, pause for a second.
I know you’re thinking, “This is impossible! I can’t help but want him to text me back. This isn’t even a fair thing to ask.”
And you’re right! It’s totally natural to want him to text you back.
Whether you’re in a relationship and you just want him to answer your texts (or be romantic once in a while), or you’re texting him for the first time and you desperately want him to come out on a date with you, it can be the most frustrating experience that makes you want to scream and tear your hair out.
So that’s why I want to make sure you know that this is a lot simpler than it seems.
MORE: 7 Tips On What To Do When He Doesn’t Text You Back
At the end of the day, you can still worry and stress about whether he’s going to text you back. You can be frantically checking your phone every 2 minutes to make sure the volume is up high in case you missed a text. You can wire your phone straight into your eyeballs so that you’ll know the second he texts you.
You just can’t let those feelings leak into the text itself.
When you have stuff in your life that you love doing, it makes it much less important to you whether he responds or not.
Because, and this is 100% true, men can sense what kind of emotion is put into a text. It’s the same thing as when you get a text from a guy and it “feels” like he’s angry, or distracted, or annoyed. Or it “feels” like he’s emotionally withdrawn or cold. Or it “feels” like he doesn’t really want to talk to you.
The emotions that you’re feeling when you write the text always leak into the text itself, and unless he’s clueless, blind, or dead, he’s going to be able to pick up on them.
That’s why it feels so horrible to send him a text when you’re feeling desperate, or out of control, or worried out of your mind. Subconsciously, you know he’s going to be able to pick up on it.
Related: How to Stop Stressing When It Comes to Dating & Relationships
OK, But Nick Why Is That Even A Bad Thing?
First of all, shut up. Don’t interrupt me while I’m talking.
I’m sorry, that was a bit harsh. I’m under some stress in my life right now and I guess it subconsciously leaked into the article, that’s my bad.
Look, can we just drop it? I’m going to explain why it’s a bad thing anyway. No hard feelings. I’m sorry I snapped at you.
Anyway *glares daggers at you*, letting him sense that you’re feeling desperate is a bad thing for a very simple reason.
Everyone wants a bit of mystery.
Ever see a guy across the room somewhere and get the “vibe” that you’d be interested in him? Maybe you position yourself closer to him, let him approach you, and get yourself ready for a night of fun flirting and who knows what more…
And then he totally blows it. He’s awkward. He’s needy. He feels desperate for your approval. He only laughs when you laugh. It feels like he’s begging you not to reject him.
I want you to imagine how turned off you are at that moment. Imagine how disgusted and disappointed you would be that he turned out to be a needy, desperate, decidedly un-sexy person.
That’s what you come off as when you let desperation leak into your text. When you show him that you are too eager, available and dependent on getting his response, you lose the vibe that makes you appealing and intriguing to him in the first place.
Instead of imagining the possibilities with you, he will come to see you a “sure thing” at best and at worst, as a needy person to stay away from.
MORE: 10 Reasons He Didn’t Call or Text You Back
And that’s why it feels so horrible when he doesn’t text you back. Subconsciously, you know that you’re turning him off, only you don’t know how to stop yourself.
Well, I do.
More: Man Decoder: What Do Men Think Of Neediness?
Here’s Exactly What To Do To Make Him Text You Back
- Step 1: Take a minute to relax
- Step 2: Relax and remember nothing bad would happen if he didn’t text you back
- Step 3: Focus on being in a good mood when you write the text
- Step 4: Send him the positive text filled with good vibes
So, you’re ready to stop yourself from turning him off when you text him.
Get ready, because just like in the last section, I’m going to give you a step by step plan of how to make sure you don’t scare him off by coming off desperate.
Recommended: Ask a Guy: Why Did He Suddenly Stop Texting Me?
Before you’re going to text him, take a minute to relax. If you’re feeling any fear, tension or stress, let it go.
MORE: Bro Advice: Why won’t he text me back?
Think about what would really happen if he didn’t text you back. Would the world end? Would your house burn down? Would you never find another man? Would you get really jealous that he texted his mom back before you and flip out on him? Would your relationship be over?
No. Nothing is actually happening when he doesn’t text back. I know that when you’re thinking about it and you’re in the moment where he’s not responding, you feel like he’s somehow going out of his way to torture and hurt you.
But the truth is, this is a reality you create in your mind. I’m not saying this is your fault or something you did wrong, it’s something that happens to a lot of people.
MORE: 17 Perfect Responses For When Someone Doesn’t Text Back
When we’re in an emotional situation, our emotions have an arresting, overwhelming effect on us. It’s true for men and women. Seeing the reality of the situation is almost impossible.
In your mind, the reality is some horrible, terrible worst case scenario, where he’s somehow rejecting you or hurting you.
But the truth is…
His phone probably just ran out of battery.
Or maybe he was just busy.
Or maybe he was focused on something really intensely and didn’t want to stop what he was doing.
Men are different than women, in that they like to laser-focus on one specific thing at a time. He could just be tuning out everything – including his phone.
See also: Ask a Guy: When a Guy Doesn’t Text Back…
No matter what, you’re going to be OK, even if he doesn’t text you back. You’re going to keep living your life and doing your thing no matter what, because even if it feels like it, you don’t actually need him to respond.
(super secret optional bonus) step 3:
Imagine something lighthearted, playful and funny… Maybe even a bit flirty, and let yourself relax, think about it, and enjoy it for a bit before you text him. Allow yourself to get in a lighthearted flirty mood. Then, when you’re feeling great (and just a little bit naughty), type out that text. It’ll come across to him in a big way.
If you skipped step 3 (like a doofus), and you’re feeling relaxed and in control (like a doofus), write him the text.
That’s it! When you get your emotions totally under control before you text him, there won’t be any stress, fear, or worry that leaks into the text itself.
That way, he can tell that you’re honestly OK with whether he texts back or not, and it takes all the pressure off him in his mind.
He’s not instinctively thinking, “Ahh crap, if I don’t say the right thing here she’s going to blow up, what does she want?” he’s thinking, “Oh, she is cool and not desperate for me to write her back. That’s cool. Ironically, I want her even more now.”
We good? Good.
For a closer look into why men don’t call or text back, check out: Man Decoder: Why Doesn’t He Call Back?
Texting Do’s and Don’ts
When it comes to texting a guy, not all texts are created equal. Here are a few do’s and don’t’s you can add to your text etiquette repertoire.
Do: Ask him if he wants to do something specific with you, at a specific time.
Don’t: Text him generic questions like “How’s it going?” “What’s your day been like so far?” “What’s up?” That’s BORING.
Do: Feel totally comfortable whatever happens, whether he responds or doesn’t respond or hucks his phone into the moon. It’s not your problem, because you’re happy whether you’re with him or doing stuff on your own.
Don’t: Ask him anything that comes off as needy, demanding, or interrogational, like “Where are you?” “What are you doing right now?” “I can see what clothes you’re wearing…”
Do: Keep it light. Especially if it’s your first message to him, keep things fun, playful, and not at all serious.
Think more, “Hey I’m going to a museum tonight at 9 and it’s supposed to be really cool, do you want to come?” and less, “Oh my GOD you HAVE to come to this museum with me tonight it’s going to be AMAZING and if you don’t go you’re TOTALLY missing out why wouldn’t you go do you want to come?”
MORE: 52 Text Messages He ACTUALLY Wants to Receive
Don’t: Ask him his relationship status/about other women in his life/demand any information from him. Those conversations are for when you’re in person, not for a crappy, easily misunderstood text message.
Do: Keep it short. Nobody likes getting a text that’s paragraphs long (or even one paragraph long). Well, I know a lot of women wish they could get a text like this… but guys don’t like it. If you’re writing a novel on your phone, you’re turning him off, so make like Hemingway and keep things brief.
Guy Confession: “My ex girlfriend used to literally send me text after text when I wouldn’t respond. It drove me completely nuts. There’s a reason she’s my ex. Hearing that noise go off on my phone would seriously just annoy me so much sometimes.”
–Chad, Los Angeles, 26
Don’t: Send him multiple texts in a row. If he didn’t respond to the first one, there could be a few reasons why. Maybe he didn’t have his phone on him. Maybe he saw it, but didn’t have time to respond to it at that moment and is planning on texting back later. Maybe he saw it and has no interest in responding. Maybe his phone is out of battery. Maybe he got eaten by a dinosaur.
Tip: If you absolutely have to text him and you don’t have a plan, keep it short, light, and positive.
Now, (and this is important), is there ANY situation where sending him another text helps you at all? No matter what, no matter for what reason he didn’t respond, sending another text only hurts your case, rather than helping it. Don’t send multiple texts in a row.
Quit with the “what if’s”. They’re not useful. Plus, they’re making it impossible for you to understand what’s really important.
The truth is, the specifics of the situation don’t matter.
It’s always, always, always more important what your text says than when it’s sent or who sent it first.
So drop specifics. Don’t give a crap about them. They’re not important.
Well, the specifics are still kind of important. Like, don’t call him by the wrong name. Or send your text to the wrong phone number. Those specifics matter.
So anyway. With that said…
Here’s what’s important:
Are you OK with whatever happens after you text him, even if he doesn’t text you back (Or at least, did you get yourself in the mindset of being OK with whatever happens before you texted him)?
Did you avoid being boring by getting the ball rolling and moving the action along?
Is your phone a poisonous snake that’s about to swallow you whole?
As long as your answers to those questions are Yes, Yes, and No, you’re solid. Golden, even.
But the truth is, 99% of women out there have no idea how to text a guy in a way that gets him excited and eager to text back.
And because of that, they get all wrapped up in stress, worry, and horrible knot twisting emotions in their gut that leaks into their texting and make it even more painful for them when he inevitably doesn’t respond (which he won’t).
Some women even find themselves muttering, “I know he’s not going to respond. I already know,” before expectantly checking their phone. There’s something about the act of saying it out loud that’s comforting, it seems. Kind of like saying, “I failed the test… or I’m gonna get fired.”
There’s a strange sense of comfort in declaring the thing we don’t want to happen just in case it does happen. It also avoids humiliation that comes from being open about truly wanting something and then not getting it. Or maybe none of this applies to you and what I just said sounds crazy.
The point is… now that you’ve read this article, you never have to feel that horrible, soul-crushing terrifying feeling ever again. You know how to feel OK about any text you send him, in any situation, no matter what.
Guy Confession: “This girl used to always have this chill, calm vibe whenever she’d text me. Sounds weird, but it really made me want to talk to her more. And I’m not a texter.”
—Alex, 28, Colorado, firefighter
You never have to feel anxious, or nervous, or freaked out about sending a text again. Plus, being relaxed about texting is going to make you even better at it, which is going to get the guy you want to respond and text with you even more often. It’s an amazing feeling, right?
Until next time,
P.S. It’s hard to read a whole article and figure out why a guy didn’t text you back…
But what if you could take a quiz that gives you the real answer on why he didn’t text you back?
Want to find out why he didn’t text you back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Why Didn’t He Text You Back” Quiz right now and find out why he *really* didn’t text you back…
Just keep txtn make it worth your while like 100 in a row. Lol. But that might win you a restraining order ..
My crush always complianned about receiving too many texts a hr and hates having like millions of friends. He purposely ignores my texts but that doesn’t bother me. It just kicks me that he has no time for me cuz he is constantly busy 24/7 and always had parties with friends but never invited me. I walked out and replaced him with more positive friends.
Took me 10 months of courage to ask for a coworker’s number. We don’t work for the same team so no interaction at all. He was nice and polite when he gave me his number and even said let’s hang out sometime. But when I sent him a text on whatsapp (I admit I was super boring, just wrote it’s me), he didn’t respond. Next day, I asked if he received my message on whatsapp, and he didn’t reply to that either. I see this person was in office, sitting right across the room so I was sure he wasn’t eaten by a dinosaur.
I got ao frustrated I just deleted his number from my phone without sending anymore texts.
I just feel horrible because we see each other everyday and I don’t know how to pretend that he doesn’t exist :(
But he pretended you don’t exist…
Exactly, feel like we dont know all the.info but still
Why don’t men take their own advice and refrain from texting me boring messages? I can’t stand “Heyy” or “WYD” either.
I ask my guy friends how they are doing and they answer me sometimes it’s a one word answer so if a guy didn’t answer me his number is getting deleted and if I was his friend before he doesn’t answer me you best believe he will end up a former friend
I believe the pie chart has a typo. Both the 35% and 55% graphs are labeled to say that men prefer women to initiate contact.
How do people make long distance relationships work then? I hear and see couples connect over the Internet, having never met eachother and eventually they save up to do so. I guess you should just be yourself, respect him by texting him a few times a day instead of having a pointless 3 hour long conversation (I mean, if he is as enthusiastic then why not!) …. respect yourself and stop over thinking things. I think guys prefer face to face or over the phone conversations. I personally do to.
Wow, Nick, I like you! The most level-headed comment by far!
I was going to date a new guy but he texted me to much! It was a bit creepy! All I could think was that this guy has no life! He was double texting about being stuck in traffic even though I never responded! He texted at 2am! He wanted me to get him on e-cigarettes! I thought that he is a grown man he just needs to buy them at the Supermarket! After three days of his texting I told him I didn’t want to date him! this article was good for guys and girls! Desparation is never good!
im not the author , I’m another nick. This article is not accurate at all. Maybe you over thought this guy texting you, maybe he was just not insecure and texted the way he would talk with you, IDK how he was texting but texting 2xs isn’t that big of a deal especially if he is stuck in traffic for example and is looking to distract himself, is it a big deal if a guy in real life says two sentences to you without you responding in between? The Ecig thing is a bit weird, 3 days seems like a short time idk if he texted you all day every day or something, you gotta realize, all you women are not clones and you all act different, I had a girls I spoke to for 2 weeks non stop because of how social she was through text, I didn’t text her for 2 days because we had a date coming up and her friends apparently were in town , so I figured, id chill finally for two days and well meet up for the date, I text her the day of the date and she said … ummmm we haven’t talked in two days, and I was like HUH , I made her realize how dumb she was acting and I did not take her offer to let me take HER out on another date after that. What a drama queen. Another chick I spoke to, who sent mini paragraphs bailed on me 2x, after me getting to know her better than anyone else I had met on dating sites, I called her out for being a waste of time, she said “you didn’t even bother to get to know me” I literally could swipe through our texts for 15-20 seconds straight all the way to the top of it, thats how much we talked in a couple of weeks and then there is someone like yourself who doesn’t want to talk that much, so you gotta think about the fact that many women always think they are right and somehow a guy is supposed to know exactly what that specific girl wants at that specific time, thats not reality, the most important thing is, ” Is he trying?”
there was no adjument between us its only dat he cant talk when he is busy and end up don’t understand and send sms while I’m cross of not resonding on my text. he decided to block me. problem he is busy with politics and busy attending all those meetings.
texting is strictly for co ordination of plans, “im on my way” , “what’s the address, i’m close” and things like that. conversation is for in person and over the phone. i would never put up with a full on texting conversation, who has time for that? if you are serious about a person pick up the phone or meet in person, texting is very impersonal and should be used to conduct business/co ordinate plans only, i don’t want someones story of their day via text, no thank you.
I don’t really freak out when my boyfriend doesn’t respond for an hour or hours because i trust him. Now if he isn’t texting or calling for 5 hours or more I get worried. Is he ok? Did something happen? We have been together for two years and I’m comfortable enough to trust what he says. He’s away on vacation with his friends. First time in a loooooong time. It’s nerve wracking. So use to sleeping together every night. It’s good for our relationship though. Space is key
Not all guys are like this I hope you realize
This article must’ve been written by a feminized male who is expecting the woman to assume the masculine position.Jesus man, your suggestions to women of what they should text a guy are things the man should be saying to a woman.If anything,given the fact that men are logic and reason based and require specifics, the women should be texting them and letting the guy know that she thinks he’s hot, attractive, or whatever she feels, and that she’d like him to ask her out or take her out. The mere fact that your examples are leaving the women with the power of the decision making shows me that you have absolutely no clue what you’re talking about and now you’re steering a lot of women in the wrong direction.
well i get mad over my bf whenever he doesnt texting me back in an hour…except if i know he is at work and busy with work…but yeah i kinda trip with that…lately he says to me he doesnt text me back if it is at night cause he fall asleep but in my mind he is just flirting or texting other woman thas why he has no time for me…i guess im doing it all wrong…:-( he said to me he hates when a woman is suspicious of him! But i love him and yeah i get jealous sometimes….!
So what do you think is the issue is if the guy initiates the convo but after you respond, he takes a long time/(doesn’t text back for hours) to reply?
he probably read an article like this telling him not to be “needy” because responding to quick shows desperation, articles written for men say the same as this article, he probably is trying not to seem desperate cuz maybe most of the girls he has spoken to do that same thing to him. I am not like that instinctively, I will respond quickly because I feel its respectful, but when I see a girl takes her time to respond, I feel I matter little to that girl, and after being pissed off at the fact that she is immature about it to a degree, I say ill take my time too. Its a bad cycle tho because then people will try to out wait each other and say less and less, then can you blame anyone for losing interest? if there is no interaction then you can’t be attracted, this articles advice is wrong, These articles are making people over think stuff, to be honest, if he replies thats a good thing, unless he is insecure and just wants attention, I mean if you guys are hanging out, then theres your sign, but idk me personally , I don’t want to make someone wait forever because I don’t want them to feel unimportant, if you guys chill and are fine then just accept that he is that way unfortunately and be prepared for it to go sour and know that its okay. BTW I’m no the guy who wrote this article I’m another nick.
I figured the guy I just met doesn’t respond because our relationship just isn’t right, maybe he’s doing me a favor…
Y’all are ridiculous. There are no “rules” to texting. Also, people are people. Some like to text, some don’t. If a guy doesn’t text enough to make you happy, I guess you could ask him to text more, and find a happy medium with him, but if he flat out refuses, or just never texts you back… move on! Trust me, you can find men who will never shut up over text, and you can find ones that will never text you back. Also, you can find one that enjoys texting in the same way that you do. Seven billion people on the planet, you can find one that matches with you. Have some self respect and realize that you deserve to be with someone that cares about your feelings, and who will compromise with you, or you can go ahead and find someone who likes to text the same amount as you do. YOU DESERVE TO BE HAPPY. Some random ass man doesn’t get to decide how your relationship will go. Why does he get all the power? You are giving it to him. If you’re not happy, it’s not worth it.
thank you for this comment
Totally agree. Sometimes you just stuck in this thing, if you do not care too much and let it go naturally.Everything will be all right. It just time and care. In the relationship, sometimes, the one who cares less mostly get all the power. Very unfair but it is the truth.
You’ve got a lot of good stuff and some really nice lines both men and women could use, but your article is so damn long that it loses context and dilutes the good stuff. Thought I’d give you some constructive feedback. Keep up the great work.
It sounds like these guys are emotionally constipated asshats. It’s good to avoid them anyway. Look, you can text too much (consecutive texting is generally not great) and you can text too little (a guy saying “sup” won’t exactly sweep me off my feet either). But if a man can’t handle you simply saying you had a good time after your date, what good is he anyway? I swear, you’re all so chill that you’re practically dead.
Ok so we have been flirting with each other for weeks , he has made it Very obvious ( he is a work man )
So he turned up on yet another excuse to come to the street to take a photo. So I made him a brew an we ended up talking for 45 minutes an at the end he took my number but I never took his ( so the ball is in his court)
What are the chances of him texting me ?
My boyfriend used to text and call me bery often on the first two weeks of our relationship,if I called him and he missed my call then he would apologize and call back immediately,my texts were a priority and every time I texted I could tell he was comfortable replying them regardless of his schedules…after his mom passed after the two weeks we’d known each other,he totally turned into something different,I tried to give him space to heal from the lose but still it’s as though he just wasn’t interested anymore…after two weeks not talking ,I texted him ..well he did reply but it’s like he got used to not replying my texts and picking up my calls so he still does the same thing…well I tried getting all naughty and sending him some nudes which he replies instantly but goes back to the silence … dont know what possibly came over him…I mean how can somebody change in a course of a day…
Im trying to be cool about it to see if he’ll come around…
I understand where you are coming from. I am going through a similar situation. I thought sending pics but I changed my mind.
Hi Steph…..Think about it…..his MOTHER just died. That’s all I have to say.
i stil dnt get it, why would sending a simple text be even too complicated 4 men?! too freakin unfair!
I totally agree with you. I am dealing with that now.
guys who arent really into women would give the most nonsense reasons 4 not not texting back so know when enuf is enuf & stop waiting 4 any kind of attention
texting him requires now that u hav a plan? seriously, whatever happened 2 spontaneity??
yup, u have a point. any form of communication needs 2b 2way
sum men R just really full of crap. theres too much reasoning when they dnt txt u back. but when they need u, they come runnin after u
ladies, make sure u dont bombard ur men w/ nonsense texts esp asking him his whereabouts and whatnots..this will annoy him and surely u wont get any text in return at all
if he doesnt txt u bck, means hes not worth ur time at all, move on
fact: men are just not that into texting..sexting maybe haha (:
a good percentage of men nowadays are attracted to women who are not afraid of expressing themselves, so go on and send that 1st text… youll never know until u try anyway…
never ever come off too strong..most men despise that!
men sometimes just need some air, seriously though
guys would sometimes do this on purpose… they like to tease & play around
heads up ladies, good read right here!
Reality check: MOST men r just really not into texting, period. My bf would usually start a text convo then mins later he’s gone. but now iv learnd to accept men r generally d same.
OMG…..this is sooooo ME!! just cant help texting til i get a reply haha :)
The guy I met blew up my phone in the beginning. We texted all the time. It was fun, exciting and organic. I didn’t have to think about anything I said, nor did he. Now, fast forward four months. Texting has become my number one stress in life. Seems that somehow texting is strictly on his terms and really bugs the piss out of me. All of a sudden he started spacing his responses farther and farther apart. Often, he will read my text and just not respond at all and let a week or so pass. Then, out of the blue I will get a text like nothing has happened. I am not the kind of person that will let on it bothers me and will not play games. I will just respond. It almost feels like he is making sure I am still around and not mad. Once he knows this, the cycle starts over again. He texts on Saturday after 11 days. Told me about something he was working on. The next day, I texted a quick text asking if he was still working on his home repair. He reads it immediately after I send it (read receipt) and 24 hours later, nothing. I am not so much bothered he didn’t respond, I am just annoyed that because he is a “man” and has these special rules that apply to him because he is a “man”, I am forced to look like a dumb ass. I am really not a game player but seriously thinking of giving him a dose of his own medicine. The reality is, I am about 80 percent less interested in him than before.
Honestly, I am usually like the guy when it comes to texting; I suck at it, I respond hours later (busy), read receipts (I read it at a busy time and forgot to respond), and lastly, he/she just really haven’t sparked my interest.
When I am into you? Different story. I honestly Dont have time to text all day; call me. If you are interested pick up the damn phone and call. As long as its a good time, I rather chat, its hard to get to know a person through text.
It’s all a game. Yep, I said it. I do it too. Not intentionally, but sometimes I might text that persistent texted (throw them a bone), to keep them calm, but its probably better to tell them I’m not interested. Guys are just as clingy as girls. Well, the ones I’ve given my number to lately, maybe I am bad judge of character. Who knows.
I just rather a guy be honest. You will never get to see how cool a girl can be if you get her emotionally stress. Sometimes, we are not even sure if we like you, but we are divas, dont ignore us. We will go from 0 to 100, real quick. Just saying. Other than that phuck texting! No one has time to do that all day, call me for a real convo and text me for the little stuff.
He asked for my number, called me that night but our call was cut short when my dad called. We texted the next 2 days. He sent a pic ( of his face) and asked for one. He said I looked beautiful I responded with a simple thank you. The next day I wanted to keep the ball rolling and asked how was your day? I asked at a bad time when he was busy I think, and now having read this I realize it was super boring and lame thing to say. He read it as his phone send read receipts. It’s been 19 hrs and he hasn’t text back. I’m embarrassed. I know not to text again but I wish I could redeem myself:( Thoughts?
You could try seppuku. I’m like completely certain that could solve at least 90% of your problems.
I rather meet you face to face, texting is one thing but seeing is better then words.
I am going through the smae thing.We met up on thursday and then saturday.He went away the monday for work and I have messaged hima few times.He hasn’t read the 3 i sent.I really didnt expect to heard from him much or at all but i would just wait till he retturns to call him and see what happens.It driving me crazy at the moment but i will wait .
Ugh. I really dont know. Maybe he was eaten by the dinosaur haha! Sigh :'(
The reason that I do not text back is simple, if it is easier to talk to me directly or on the phone, please do so. I cannot sit around and answer 45 texts in a row. That is all.
I like how fast a simple text conversation can spiral out of control. You ask a couple of simple things and boom, 10 minutes later you are talking about things that are unrelated. That would be enough for me.
All woman have to do is make sure they are not pestering me. If I cannot get back to your text right away, maybe I am in the bathroom, or at the drive thru, or just do not have the time right NOW. If I am not going to text you back, there is a reason, trust me.
I guess a good way to get him to text back is to ask him a question. If you still get nothing, then you are going to have to just give him some time.
I think “over-texting” is rude to begin with. If you need to “talk” to me that much, you should be calling, it just makes more sense!
Some of these are really good. Could it be that he might have fallen asleep at the end of a busy day? Point 1: Don’t freak out, there is most likely a reason!
How many texts can you send in one hour :) It can get annoying for me to receive a lot of them from a woman, but I usually end up calling to see what is up before it gets to be too bad.
Two things. They are busy, or they are lazy. Unless of course you are the type that is sending a text every other minute. Most people cannot reply to you if you are not going to give them to breath before answering.
I can keep it very simple. IF the guy is not calling back, he is busy. IF he does not call back in the same day, something is up and that requires another call from me :)
I guess the problem comes into affect when the text goes unanswered and deciding what the cause is, right? If the unanswered text is after 5 others, maybe the conversation is just over, or should be a face to face at that point. This is a great guide!
There are many reason he might not text back. As you can see here, some of these are quite normal and common in my experience. For me, if I do not text back it goes like this:
I guess this is part of the reason that talking face-to-face is better for people. At least you can have a conversation without wondering if the other person is even listening. If someone doesn’t text back, it might be because they are busy, whereas, if they are listening to you and you can see they are not responding, there is less wondering involved.
Texting has become the new “talking” so this guide is very much needed for everyone. It does seem that woman are a little more aggressive with the texting and I can see why a guy would not text back. One thing I cannot figure out is why the woman has to get all crazy because the man did not text RIGHT back.
It is truly sad that texting is the new talking. There are reasons that I might not text back, but I am guessing that most men would want to just talk directly to you if the conversation is going to last more than 2 minutes.
so why is it so difficult for a man to say I’m busy right now I’ll text you later? and he might be that busy that he forgets that you texted And by the time he reads your text they’re so old he just doesn’t bother to respond. but I think the point the woman are making it’s communication. You read our texts so stay to us hey I’ll talk to you in person I’m really not in a texting mood right now