Mmmmm. Cheese. If there’s one food I could never give up, it’s cheese. I could say no to bacon, bagels, and pretty much any type of dessert. But you will have to pry cheese from my cold, dead hands.
That’s because cheese is going to be the cause of my death. Several years ago, I found out that cheese was having a torrid affair with my wife. Not wanting to impugn my wife’s sterling reputation and wishing to keep matters confidential, I approached cheese and asked him that if he could keep the matter between us, all would be forgotten.
Well, it seems that cheese had other plans than keeping his trap shut and his hands to himself. We got into a shouting row that ended with me swearing to turn him from cheddar to swiss if I ever saw him with my wife again.
Even now, as I turn the recently taken photographs of cheese and my wife together in the park over in my hands, I know the ending that this sordid tale will take. Cheese will die at my hands. Or I will die at his.
Cheese gets a bad reputation in terms of diet and weight loss because it’s generally high in saturated fat and so much of what’s in the supermarkets now is processed, it’s usually the first thing to go in any diet or weight management program.
And that’s bullsh*t. Leaving aside cheese’s extra-marital indiscretions, cheese is god danged delicious . A cheese-less existence is akin to death.
People who tell you to cut cheese out when you’re trying to lose weight can jump off a bridge. In fact, selecting the right cheese can actually help you lose and maintain your weight. Sounds too good to be true, right? It’s not though. You just need to know how to pick the correct cheese and of course, as always, eat in moderation.
And don’t let cheese be alone in a room with your wife.
A balance of a little of everything is most beneficial to your body so there’s no reason to cut cheese out of your diet if you really can’t bring yourself to. Unless, of course, you’re mowing down an entire wedge of it in one sitting. By yourself. On the couch. Looking through your wedding pictures. Wondering where it all went wrong.
Anyways. The best way to still enjoy cheese when trying to stay trim is buying unprocessed, real cheese. Sometimes this involves going to the “fancy” section of the cheese store but it doesn’t have to break your wallet. Plus, if you get a wallet made of Velcro, all you have to do is pull it apart to open it! It won’t break if you’re gentle!
I guarantee that once you try real, shaved Parmesan, you may never go back to the grated, plastic container kind and you find that you need less of it on your plate.
5 Great Cheeses To Try:
If you’ve ever seen photos of fancy salads with ribbons of white cheese spiraling over the top, you’re probably looking at Parmigiano-Reggiano. Or some really REALLY weird porn.
Not that I’m judging.
These blocks of cheese are fairly inexpensive and a delicious way to eat some amazing tasting curdled cow product without adding to your waistline.
Two tablespoons contains 4 grams of protein and only 2.8 grams of fat. Plus, the flavor is out of this world. Shave some over a salad with a balsamic vinaigrette or top a small plate of whole wheat pasta with some ribbons.
And if you see this cheese with my wife, tell him to watch his back. I’m coming for him.
This plump cheese is so versatile you can have it in pasta, soups, salads, or even in string form as a snack. It’s a favorite for kids finding string cheese packed in their lunch but you can enjoy it too. Because, c’mon, kids get all the best things. Jerks. Steal their string cheese and watch them cry while you enjoy it all to yourself.
Just half a cup of non-fat mozzarella has a whopping 18 grams of protein! Slap some tomato slices on it, drizzle with olive oil, and sprinkle some fresh basil on for a tasty, creamy, flavorful snack.
My darling wife… I don’t know what she sees in cheese that she doesn’t see in me. Why? Why is she doing this?
3. Cottage Cheese
A staple of diets in the past few decades, cottage cheese is still a legitimate way to keep cheese in your diet and drop unwanted, stubborn pounds.
Did you know that cottage cheese is a type of cheese, and not a cheese that lives in an actual cottage? You learn something new everyday!
Most people prefer fruit or even cinnamon sprinkled on their cottage cheese. I like going the savory route and mixing in some ranch dressing powder and dipping pita chips in it. Because pita chips are CHOICE .
Look for a container with 1% milkfat and no sodium added. Just one cup makes a light snack coming in at a little over 160 calories. The high protein content will also make you feel full so you’re not tempted to munch on any more calories.
I wonder if I could have done anything differently. If she’s still in love with the person I was when we were married. Or if she would have fallen in love with cheese no matter what I did. I’m so alone.
This creamy, deliciously rich cheese is often used in stuffed shells and other pasta dishes but it’s great for dips and snacks.
Spread it over toast with some honey and figs, on top of roasted asparagus, or simply blend it up with Cannellini beans for an easy dip that’s loaded with hunger-fighting protein and fiber.
Would she even still want to be with me if cheese was gone? Does she love me anymore? Did she ever truly love me?
5. Bleu Cheese
Buy this one in crumbles and toss a tablespoon or two on your favorite salad. By skipping bleu cheese dressing, you’re skirting around added fats, oils, and preservatives.
Bleu cheese has the added benefit of loosing like a typo AND tasting delicious. And if you don’t like the taste of bleu cheese, well then, you are an unfortunate soul and I don’t even want to KNOW you.
One ounce of this exotic cheese has 100 calories, 6 whole grams of protein, and 15% of your daily recommended calcium. Because the flavor is so intense, you only need a little bit. That way you can get your cheese fix without sacrificing your waistline for it.
With healthy and smart portions, you should never have to give up cheese for a diet.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to drink alone while staring at a picture of cheese and sharpening my knife. Tell me what you’d like to do with cheese in the comments. And please, leave my wife out of it.
The 5 Best Cheeses To Eat For Weight Loss
- Cottage Cheese
- Bleu Cheese