I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years, going on 7. We’re really in love and have a good time together. The thing is, I want to get married… and I don’t know what he’s thinking or what the reason is but for some reason, he refuses to get married. I’ve asked him why, and he says the same thing. It’s along the lines of this: “I like what we have right now, I don’t get why people need to put that specific title on things. I don’t need to be married to you to be in love.”
And even worse, he gets moody and kind of upset when I do bring it up. I try not to mention it too often, but deep down I’m always thinking about it. What am I supposed to do? How do I make my boyfriend marry me?
Now, whether you’re in a relationship right now or not… across the board, I’ve seen a lot of women who are in a rush to get married in general. Even a lot of my close female friends and family members, strong and wonderful women in my life that I have nothing but respect and admiration for, have expressed fear in never finding that “one perfect man” to devote their life to.
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You’ve been thinking about your future and at the same time, you’ve seen your friends getting hitched. You’ve been thinking about settling down, maybe having kids. And ultimately, you want to know that your guy will make the final commitment and love you forever.
The thought of finally getting married to one man who dedicates the rest of his life to you might seem like the ultimate dream that will finally make you feel safe. Getting married might be something you dreamed of as a little girl, before you went to sleep at night…as you imagined putting on that white dress and walking down the aisle in front of all the people you love.
Except now, you are in a situation where you don’t know if you will ever end up getting married…and it’s terrifying.
It’s beyond terrifying. It might give you a sinking feeling if you even think about a life without a husband.
Here’s Why He Won’t Propose
So how do you make a guy finally realize that you’re the woman of his dreams? Well, the weird part about getting a guy desperate to propose is it begins with your mindset. The way you think about marriage is going to make or break the vibe you give off. The mindset sabotaging you right now is the fixation on “getting married” as if it is something you can possess. Marriage is nothing more than a title or a label. This label will bring you nothing. Just because you are married does not mean you won’t get divorced or separated.
Just because you are married doesn’t guarantee a happy ever after.
Marriage doesn’t mean your husband won’t cheat.
And most of all, marriage does not mean your man will never leave you.
I don’t say that to be harsh, it’s just the truth.
Like I said, marriage is nothing more than a label people place on their relationships to show their devotion towards one another. Nothing more and nothing less. If you stop focusing on the idea of getting married as something that needs to happen and instead focus on the quality of the time you spend with your guy you will maximize the chances of him getting down on one knee…and begging you to be his wife.
It might sound weird, but the truth is…this is the secret women who get men dying to marry them know: The act of fixating on it makes men NOT want to do it.
A good friend of mine, Clare, was frantic when she came to me. She was dating a guy for 7 years and she felt like she tried everything… he still refused to tie the knot. His logic was that marriage would ruin things and the nonstop pressure she put on him to do it started causing problems in their relationship. Not only that, but the more she brought up the issue, the more he pulled away.
Now, when she came over crying hysterically, I gently told her, “Just enjoy your time with him. Seriously, stop fixating on the idea of marriage and let it go. This is going to make him realize you are actually someone he wants in his life long term.” You might be surprised, but most women share the very same fears about marriage. For example, many women are terrified of the idea of their soul-mate leaving them and bearing the scars of divorce.
There are three common reasons men don’t want to get married.
1. Fear of Divorce
Just like a lot of women are really scared of getting married and having it fall apart, it’s actually the very same for most men! It’s been statistically shown that the average guy is afraid of the risks of divorce. What’s the best way to avoid that? Not getting married in the first place. That’s not necessarily fair, but it’s true.
Hence why this is a reason a lot of men aren’t fond of the idea of marriage. It could have nothing to do with you but everything to do with his fear of what will happen if things don’t work out.
2. Pressure To Have Children
This one may not shock you, yet a lot of men don’t want to get married because they don’t want to feel obligated to have kids. What do I mean by that? I don’t mean that men don’t want kids, that wouldn’t be true. A lot of guys simply want to wait until they’re older and more prepared to have children. (And believe me, if a guy says “I don’t want to have kids” it really means “I don’t want to have kids now”.) Men are short-term planners and live in the now, not 15, 10, or even 5 years from now.
3. Fear of Things Changing
A lot of men think that after you get married, things all of a sudden change. He might genuinely love the way things are right now and not want things to become any different after tying the knot.
The bottom line is, you can’t force a man to marry you (and even if you could, it would be setting the marriage up for failure). You can, however, inspire your man to marry you by showing him that you are his soul-mate, the woman he will always love and adore.
It’s ok to feel impatient about securing marriage with your man, but forcing a man to put a ring on your finger is only going to accomplish one thing; frustrate him. He wants to relax and simply enjoy your relationship.
So, how do you inspire him to propose?
After working with hundreds of couples and researching the dynamics behind what leads to couples getting married for years and I’ve narrowed it down to 2 steps.
Step 1) Relax and take your relationship easy. If you want to be with him forever, enjoy your relationship like it’s going to last forever. This effectively gives your man room to breathe and you get to have some space for yourself.
Take all the energy and effort you’ve been putting into trying to make him propose and invest it into your own life. Spend time with your friends, your hobbies, and your family. When you’re happy about your own life, this creates a powerful vibe that entrances your man and makes him love being around you.
Step 2) Excite him! If you want him to stick with you forever, show him that you can mix things up. A lot of guys are afraid that if they commit to a woman, the passion will slowly fizzle out and he’ll get bored.
Challenge him by showing interest in his hobbies, try something new together, or… spend some time apart. I don’t mean leave him or “taking a break”, but if you can take time for yourself, he will feel like his time with you is precious and he’ll want it even more.
When you inspire this feeling of devotion and love in your man, he will overcome all of his fears and worries about marriage because all he will be able to think about is spending his future with you.
That doesn’t mean he will immediately think the answer is marriage, but it will definitely bring him closer to popping the question.
Bottom line: you can’t force a man to marry you. Trying to will only push him further away from the idea of proposing.
Are you in a relationship right now where your guy refuses to put a ring on your finger but you desperately want him to? What are your thoughts on marriage in general? Let me know in the comments, I love to hear from my readers.
Want to find out if he’s going to commit? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really going to commit to you…
This article and advise is kinda BS to be honest.
I have been with my partner for 3.5 and in late 2020 we had the conversation about marriage and he got really defensive about it and said we would be married by 2022.
Well 2021 FLEW by and by December 2021, there was still no engagement ring and he couldn’t give me an answer.
Now I gave him time, made his life easier when he was having a hard time with work, looked after him when he was sick, took interest in his hobbies- I HAVE DONE EVERYTHING and he still hasn’t proposed.
Apparently (and this was in 2021), he said he really wants to.
Well if he really wanted to, he would have done so already.
I’ve given myself an ultimatum that if I don’t see some sort of progress with this by the end of August= well when our lease is up, I’m moving out on my own and gathering some independence back.
I refuse to waste anymore of my thirties on someone who tells me what I want to hear and then does the complete opposite.
“[M]arriage is nothing more than a label people place on their relationships to show their devotion towards one another. Nothing more and nothing less.”
“This label will bring you nothing.”
You know that’s not true. There’s this other very common thing that men say when their girlfriend wants marriage but they don’t: “Why should we let the government rule our relationship and stick their nose into our business?” Because there’s lots of legal and bureaucratic crap behind that label. There’s the option to file a joint tax return, there’s becoming next of kin so you’re allowed to make medical decisions for your spouse. Also – and here’s where that dreaded, unromantic prenup comes into the picture -, marriage makes it less of a hassle to divide property if you split up (this is where a man might get “screwed over” if he’s the one contributing the most to the household; this is actually a very common reason why men are hesitant to get married) and to claim inheritance when one of the spouses dies. If you’re not married, all these things need to be dealt with separately and you’ll have to face a crapton of bureaucracy if you want to protect your stuff.
But maybe getting married IS a hassle. Maybe none of these things apply to you and your life situation. Maybe you don’t need it. Maybe it won’t change anything. Maybe you simply don’t want it. It’s not for everyone. It’s not impossible to live in a domestic partnership arrangement with kids and a mortgage. To each their own. Just be sure you have the same vision about where your relationship is heading.
My boyfriend and I were high school sweethearts. He decided he wanted to see other people so we broke up for 6 years and were both with other people. We’ve been back together for 2 years, we live together, and he’s open (and a little more eager than me) about us getting pregnant. The problem is, my family is extremely religious and VERY vocal. So I can’t have a baby without a ring on my finger or I’ll never hear the end of it. At least an ENGAGEMENT. He keeps saying “I know I should’ve proposed a long time ago, I just haven’t made it happen yet. But I will.” And he’s been saying that for almost a year and every holiday that goes by, I can’t help but get more and more discouraged. I’m scared it’s never going to happen and I also don’t feel like I’m allowed to bring it up because “bringing it up only makes him want to do it less”, but that doesn’t seem fair to me. I’m almost 31 and I have no kids and no ring and the pressure is claustrophobic. I’m not really sure what to do at this point.
Hi !! I been with my boyfriend since 2002 i was 16 when we got together we had our son in 2004 which now 15 yrs old…. we been together 17yrs now he did cheat on me in 2006 we worked thru it i guess things have been goin pretty good since than … but now that we are in our 30s i am getting pretty worried that marriage still isnt something thats on the table i say something about it and he gets weird bout it an changes subject an wont answer me… it just worrys me we aint getting any younger an i love him with all my heart but what kind of security does his son an i have if god for bid anything was to happen to him…. he just haf surgery this year an his mother over stepped her boundaries even though he told her before hand i am his contact for the hospital an he has it down they talk to me an me only. . But me being nice that i am i told them it was ok for them to talk to her an she had enough nerves to say i’m his mother they aint even married she doesnt need to know nothing…. so it scares me spending all these years with him an seen how i get treated by his family an he still wont marry me only makes me wonder if their the reason why he wont marry me…. not to mention in 2017 we had a pregnancy scare an it was false reading we’ll he told me either i get my tubes tied or he leavin me well i did it even though i didnt want too but i didnt want him to leave me… i have just gave up so much for him an he still wont marry me i dont know what to do anymore ….
If you like it then you should have put a ring on it!
Ladies, I will be cruel – in the desire to be kind.
1) We’ve finished with our education, are reasonably settled in our careers, and we feel that making we’re making a comfortable enough income;
2) You’ve made your intentions clear that you want to get married; and
3) We haven’t proposed by the end of year 3
Then we will never willingly marry you.
By that point, we will never willingly propose, nor emotionally commit to you, ever. All those lovely sweet nothings we whisper in your ears are done to keep you sleeping with us and provide enough domestic amusement while in the meantime we hope to find the type of woman we really want. And if/when we do come across that woman (and we’ll be able to spot her very quickly), we’ll toss you out like yesterday’s trash.
We will only resign ourselves to marrying you one day if we think we’re too old, too tired, or not good enough to get the woman we really want.
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 9 years and we have a 6 year old together. When we met he knew marriage was something I’ve always wanted with someone I see me growing old with. ( I say this because I was married before for a year only because we were together for 5 and i thought thats what we needed to do) well, we had a kid first and instead of getting married to ” make me a hobest woman” we decided to wait. Problem is it’s been almost 9 Years and I’m growing incredibly impatient. About 2 yeats ago I gave him an ultimatum and said he had 6 mos to piss or get off the pot. The next day I realized i didn’t want him to marry me because of a ultimatum so I Said I love you, im not going anywhere, we can get married when the time is right. 2 years later im still wondering why the time still isn’t right. We’ve discussed how I only want a ring that won’t turn my finger green and ill be happy with that. We can even get married at the courthouse. He says he wants to marry me and be patient but im running out of patience. We live together, we have a child together and we’re playing house but im still technically the girlfriend/ baby mama. My reason for marriage as he knows is to show me that ultimate commitment under gods eyes and to finally unite us as a family. I even told him if he asked me without a ring I’d still say yes and if he got someone to marry us at our apt with 1 witness I’d be ok with that. I don’t need a fancy ring or wedding. I just want our family to be complete but he keeps making excuses why he’s not ready. First its cus its just a piece of paper, then its cus 50% of ppl get divorced, then its cus its just a title, then its finances.yet in thecsame breath he says he does want to marry me. I don’t want to leave him and break up our family but Idk how much longer I can wait. Im at the point where I feel if ge doesn’t do it soon and I mean 3 mos or less that by the time he does ask I’ll say no then leave him just for taking soo long. I feel if he really loved me and wanted to spend his lufe with me and he knows how important this is to me he would have already proposed wich tells me he doesn’t feel the same as i do so why should i stay with him or continue to wait. At this point idk what to do. My real fear is breaking up our family but at the same time him not proposing after so many years and all we been thru shows me he doesn’t want to marry me.
Thanks. Helped a lot.
its not a matter of wanting a title or a wedding in my case. my dad is a pastor, my family is religious to the point my gay brother has estranged himself and has not spoken to us in 6 years. we both agree we want to get married, we both talk about the future kids/ stuff all the time. he says he wants to marry me, but would like us to move in first. i don’t want to destroy the relationship with my family but it’s stressful and heartbreaking for us to be apart. whenever i ask when he’s going to propose or why are we waiting he gives off a bunch of excuses and gets mad whenever i point out the obvious fallacies in his logic. i’m heartbroken and confused and just so lonely. i just want to get married so we can be together without breaking my parents hearts. it’s been 3 years i’m tired of sneaking behind everyones backs.
I am in the exact same situation, nearly word for word. Marriage is the only way for a woman to have a life of dignity other than being completely single; either men don’t see that or are not willing to grant it to us. I hope everything works out…
This person only ended up this way because of deep hurt snd also being used. He doesnt have the inner fortulitude to heal thst so has mafe his lofe work fkr him in a way that feels safe and still fulfills basic needs. Before he felt this way he was prob a romantic who idealizsd love and just didnt figure out how to pick a good woman..a goos woman helps a man be the absolute best version of himself. This guy needs compsssion. Men in pain show false bravado.
Yes! I agree with all of you and I’m so sorry you were alone to have a life with a child. The only people you should consider dating our dads who are widowed or dads in their forties who were in a long term relationship that ended in divorce. There is love as a solo parent if you know how to choose the right person! I value you for being a straight shooter and learning all of this and you are absolutely spot on. Women too often are over givers, we get a little bit from a man and we give give give give give back because in our mind we think if we continue to give will get more. This often backfires for us because when a man gets given to he then relaxes and doesn’t give back. As over givers we just poor ourselves into another and end up with just crumbs. It’s a long learning curve but you’ve got it. I wish you the best and I wish you love to. I didn’t in that meeting a partner after raising my child alone for 12 years being in the same situation as you. It’s 3 years and is pretty good and it can’t happen.
This truly sucks. I moved in with my love of my life. I saved his life. Nursed him back to health when he almost died. . He helps me I help him. We live love each other but where is my ring. His family introduces me In Year three as the girlfriend. And his mom still has picture of him and his Ex wife on her wall. I love him but feel used. I pay for house contribute to bills not feel used. Three years. Too long. Propose. It’s going to end if you don’t. Impatient it’s three years. I’m fifty. Love love this man but can’t keep running myself in circles waiting for him to honor me. It’s going to end soon if I’m disrespected by his ignorance and lack of respect In not asking me. It’s just that simple. I’m stubborn good person good looking responsible and deserve a life. I Can’t deal with you waiting on this Dis me this way. It’s over. Guys. Your going to forfeit a lot. I’m at my boiling point. It’s been three years. I won’t make it much longer. I’m going to go quiet and depressed and pissed offf mad. It will send me so upset. Because the frustration will kill the relationship. Advice. Ask soon or I’m gone.
Love him so much. He hit me diamond earrings necklace rings. But not the ring. I need this.
Not ungrateful. It’s the security the love. The respect of being asked. Cherished love. Don’t want it then tell me. If you want it. Do it other wise what is the long if all this. Uggh.
So down. I can’t make him do it. And won’t force anyone. So down invested my life into us.
Praying he does it soon. I can’t handlf waiting
I hear you! Read my comment above. And here’s what I think you should do. Right now you’re pretty angry and it’s completely understandable why. But that anger, it’s going to be felt in your relationship whether you know it or not and that’s going to work against you ultimately in what you want. So here’s what you can and do you’re going to work to situation. You’re going to mentally prepare yourself for being in the best shape of your life and the best phershon of yourself. We going to give this man a little bit lass incrementally while you give yourself more and you’re going to know that he is either going to nail it down and make it real with you or once you get yourself in a position where you look amazing and the world stars to notice you again then if you do need to leave your car stepping out with confidence and grace. You value yourself and you don’t put it all on him to value you. This is what you can to do and this will transcend the anger. Yes men sometimes who were down they need us and we step in and save them and what do we get? Nothing. And then it really pisses us off because we know they wouldn’t be even half of where they are now if it weren’t for us and our sacrifices, our love, and our vision. In that is worth the world! Has anyone ever given to you at the level that you’ve given to this one? If not there in lies your answer. Turn you on you and give yourself the love and amazement that you gave this man. Save yourself basically and if he doesn’t get off the pot then boom you’ve got your personal power and you can step out into the world and not look back.
Personally I can only speak for myself, i believe noone should try force anyone in marriage.. if person is honest and upfront about not wanting to get married from day 1 ..and you choose to go out with that person . Even if u know not what you want .then that is a signal to move on .. you cant force someone to marry .. be happy ..if your. Wanting more then move on ..
I’ve been with my bf for almost 6 years now. We were suppose to set a wedding date for next year but as soon as parents met and a date was almost confirmed he panicked and said he isn’t ready. He’s trying to focus on his career and he’s doing very well and I’m also growing in mine but more beginning mine than him. I’m I down so commitment for me is a lot more than just a title. It’s about the fact that I e been with him for a long time so not only is there pressure from families. But putting that aside I’m ready, I’m ready to start a life with him and doing the things I’ve always wanted to with him. So for me it’s less about the title and I’m more wanting it just to be with him. In my culture it isn’t the norm to be living together before marriage or even vacationing either. So for me I’m dying to do all of those things so I can move forward. We’ve had loads of fights gone days with not talking. Were in a better space and really trying to understand eachother but he just keeps saying that he isn’t mature enough and that he’s still a kid and that he wants me to wait. He says I’m the one, wants all the same things with me that I want with him but that he just isn’t ready and when he is j will know.
Im impressed, I must say. Really rarely do I encounter a blog thats both educative and entertaining, and let me tell you, you have hit the nail on the head. Your idea is outstanding; the issue is something that not enough people are speaking intelligently about. I am very happy that I stumbled across this in my search for something relating to this.
Because us men see others get totally screwed over as soon as we say I do and especially, when we father children. Providing a good home and fathering children, all become weapons against you in the hands of an angry woman. The only protection is no kids no ring. Date forever, just don’t get married or father kids. Adopt if you must.
So what John Smith is telling women in general is that we all need to go back to the days of “we don’t put out and we never move in unless we are married to you” or some version of that because men can’t be expected to date and live with you for several years and then marry you. Once you are in they figure you aren’t leaving and so “why put a ring on it”. I have told many women that they need to draw a line in the sand with an expiration date on the relationship. If we are not engaged with a wedding date set by the end of year four than one day you will come home and I will be gone. Women need to stop thinking this dragging of the feet things is anything other than enabling. Men are afraid…..give me a break. Women continue to be disenfranchised economically in this country from the day we are born.
Amen to that. The truth is if you are a respectable women these days you don’t find a man because there are too many women in society now who think they have to waste their life with a user because that is accepted over marriage.
You are full of excuses. Your just saying this because you haven’t found the right one yet. If you think this way, you’ll just get behind in life. You’ll see the whole world, people from your generation and the next getting married, having kids and having a home and you’ll be the loser who didn’t get it, the point of life. Getting married is not just a title, it’s saying to the world I won my battle of love, reached a huge mile stone in life where you’ve graduated in the social world.
Well I’ve been seeing this great guy for a little over two years now
We have so much in common and enjoy the time together . I have stayed at his home for a few days here and there over this time period along with go to his cottage but we live in different cities and I have now asked for a real commitment with a ring and his answer is no he doesn’t need too as we still do not live together yet as he says he is not wanting anyone to live with him yet as he also has a 26 year old daughter at his home too and has now created issues for me coming for a few days here and there so I don’t go there anymore now and told him if he wants me to be with him I feel when you say you love me so much too then I would like a real commitment with a ring now which he still will not do or move me into his home with his daughter there he says anyways I miss not being with him each day and just want us to be together like a normal relationship together but he wants me at his home when he wants but will not mi e me in or give me a ring I’m am afraid he will never commit even though he states he is committed to me completely
But still live in different cities one hour away from each other that he drives to see me a few hours twice a week but will not commit and I fear he never will as he knows I’m very unhappy with this situation of not being together each day so now I’m wondering do I give him up now the love of my life as I’m very unhappy each day missing not beigtigether each day and say goodnight
Please help Do I leave him as he will never commit to be with me or hang in a bit longer Everyone I know thinks I should duo him as if he loved me like he states he would most certainly put a ring on my hand til we move to the next step of living together we are not young I’m 63 and he is 57 therefore he should totally understand and not pay love games with me keeping me so unhappy and sad not being with him
What do you think
Thank you for this dose of sanity!
I came across this thread when having similar issues. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years, and we have decided to start trying for a baby in the summer. I haven’t said it out loud as personally I think it should be obvious, but I would like a proposal when we start trying or when I am expecting. I wouldn’t say I believe 100% that you should be married BEFORE having children, but certainly the intention should be there. The way I see it, if my boyfriend thinks I am good enough to live with and good enough to have his children, then he should feel I am good enough to be his wife. I will be incredibly unhappy if he doesn’t feel the same way but it’s not a discussion I feel needs discussing, as it is the right thing to do and I refuse to believe any man out there thinks differently. To the ladies who are waiting and people are saying he may have a reason blah blah blah, I repeat – if he thinks you are good enough to be with, good enough to live with and good enough to have children with, you should be enough to marry. If not – leave, and find someone who does.
Girl – you gotta communicate that! He might have no idea that’s what’s on your mind!
Please, I’m begging you, whatever you do do not have a baby with this person if he doesn’t put a ring on your finger 1st, before you are expecting. I felt terrible when I was expecting and I didn’t even have a ring on my finger. People would definitely look at me when I was out and obviously pregnant and I hated that feeling hated hated hated it. I ended up raising my child alone and it’s not something I would ever wish on my worst enemy.
I lived together with my boyfriend for 6years and we have two daughters together i dont know why i wanna get married but i do i really love him but this feeling of forcing him to get married is getting nowhere and i hate this feeling im angry all the time i get frustrated and stressed out this is not science you want to or you dont.
I’m in the same boat with my ex we dated for 6 years have 2 boys together but he can’t seem to let go I have broken things off but we co-parent anan sleep in separate rooms but he still acts as though we are together I told him what I wanted from the day wearly started dating and he said ya even proposed and said we would do it this year and then he’s all distant and closed off he said he wasn’t ready so I ended thingSeptember but he won’t let me go so I can find my prince charmington.
At 5 years I got a promise ring……p.s. men don’t give promise rings for an actual promise it only buys them longer time to use you. At 6 years we got prengnat and he walked. Don’t waste time on a man with no dignity who is only out to use you.
My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have 2 children together and I have 2 from a previous relationship that he helps me take care of. A couple weeks ago I told him that I want to get married. He said “ok”. A few days went by and he didn’t say anything about it. So a couple of days ago I told him that I wanted to get married in May. No reply. To be fair, he does have a lot on his mind. For instance, bills, Christmas, he has to pay a speeding ticket, and he has court in a couple of weeks that may result in a couple months of jail time. What do I do?? Im driving myself crazy!! I’m in love with this man and I know he loves me. He said he wants to get court out of the way and I told him I’m not waiting years until we are married. He said we would be married within the year. But still, there has been no talk after that and I bring stuff up all the time but I’m scared I’m annoying him with it. Please help :(
Can someone please help me I feel like I’m going insane :( me and my boyfriend have been together now for 3 and a half years, we are madly in love, we got it so good at the moment we live In a nice house , we share everything together when ever we have a problem or stressed or annoyed we’re the first people we go to, we both go boxing together which is really good for us to get some time together as we have just had a beautiful baby boy, I’m 22 and my boyfriend is big 30 in December, my other half works and I’m a stay at home mom I do everything for my family and would take a bullet for my son and boyfriend, I couldn’t have asked for a better dad than my other half he is amazing and always wants to spend time with are son, we both have a good social life we are always up and doing things if it’s not going out on family days out we’re cuddling on the sofa watching movies as a family. Everything is perfect how it is now but something is bothering me and it’s killing me to think like this but I’m always asking myself why not me? Why are all my friends getting engaged, planning there special day, going to try on there dream dress? I’m always thinking in the back of my head why hasn’t he asked me? What more can I do? Does he not wanna spend the rest of his life with me… does he not see me as a wife to him? It really breaks my heart I have been so off and quiet with him because iv hinted I want a ring he knows I want it bad he tells me I’ll do it in my own time but how long can a girl wait? It also makes me think does he even want to ask me to be his wife? Am I pressuring him? Kills me to say this but lately iv been thinking about walking away Does kill me to even think about that but I dream of the day I do actually get married, it’s not about the size of the ring to me I’m all about my son now, he is my absolute world and more. I just want to marry my best friend and have a happy life with my family, is that to much to ask for? I feel like I’m going to give up soon and that’s when I will go past caring and will walk…. I do so much for my family and I don’t expect a thank you or this and that I jay went my fairytale wedding with all my family around me watching me marry the man I love with my son watching his mommy and daddy say the words I do❤️ Please If anyone has any advice I’m more than happy to hear as I feel like I’m going crazy and really don’t wanna get to that point I really do love my boyfriend all the world but what’s stopping him from asking? ☹️Thanks guys
Leave him! I don’t think women really understand men very well because they never really tell them how they feel and they sure as hell aren’t going to tell them if they think they can do better or are thinking of leaving.
They get complacent in relationships and end up riding them out till they meet someone else because they’re either financially scared or scared of being alone. A guy who deeply loves a girl will ALWAYS marry her just so he doesn’t end up losing her in the end. This is where “not showing your love”, can actually make them seriously think about proposing to you.
The problem with women is they always go for the guys who are the most persistent trying to court them, these are often not the guys looking for relationships. Guys looking for relationships will keep their distance and will try to get to know you first and let the love come later. Most of the poor relationships I’ve see are due to one side pursuing the other relentlessly. There is nothing more beautiful then seeing somebody who is in love and it can make you fall in love with that person almost instantly and while in love you tend to not look at the other persons faults.
Ive seen very few of my male friends marry a girl after dating them for a long time. Most of them got married a year after starting a relationship. I know personally, it’s easy to think you have a great connection with somebody and that you’re both in love with each other, while the other person may just know how to push your buttons just right and not really have feelings for you.
The thing is, many women take your advise and relax and create the best environment possible for a loving partnership but then the 5 or so years pass and then they start holding the boyfriends feet to the fire. Then we seem pushy or irrational putting to much pressure on the mans precious freedom. Sad. We do the right things but need different options.
Marriage is nothing more than a title or a label. This label will bring you nothing. Just because you are married does not mean you won’t get divorced or separated.
I feel it is not true. All this articles is always only concerning the fact that people are from the same country. I am sad och anxious every day cause my now almost 2,5 year boyfriend (or common law spouse?) not have proposed yet. I am from Europe and he from the US. He lives her on a temporary visa. In 1,5 year he has to move back. I can’t move to the US cause I have been doing internship in the US and now can’t move there until 2018 cause of student visa restrictions. Every day I feel like life is falling apart cause we will have to be apart in the future if we don’t get married. He says to me EVERY day he wanna spend the rest of his life with me. Still never pop the question. I mean, I want to get married cause I love him, but honestly also cause I am afraid of being apart again. Very very afraid. While waiting for his visa her he we were apart 7 months (!) and that might be coming again. I don’t support people who just get married to come over immigration rules but we have been together for a while. And most my friends are married so its nothing crazy even. I can’t understand why he never do it.
here** it should say on most places, not her*
I am in the same boat! I am American and have been with my German boyfriend 4 years. I learned German, worked, saved money, and put myself through grad school but always there is the periodic review of my visa and the incredible stress to try and extend the time I am allowed to stay again, which is never guaranteed. He says he is afraid of divorce but somehow he can’t see I am terrified of losing the relationship we worked so hard to build and the home here I have sacrificed so much for and love so much. It’s like he has no empathy or understanding of how stressful it is. How we could be torn apart at any moment. He says he wants to be with me forever anyway and have kids etc. so if we are doing that anyway why can’t we just get married and leave this visa stress behind us? It hurts and I feel like he sees some flaw in me or I am not the one for him and that is why he doesn’t commit and it is making me resent him.
You need to have an honest conversation about how much this hurts you. If he is the man for you he would want to end this stress. Watch the show 90 day finance. There are people who marry just to bring the ones they love to their country. If he won’t marry you even though you have done so much to be with him, he’s just not the one. It’s better to find out sooner rather than later. If you do nothing you might be in this same spot in 2 years. If you address this, you could be married to him or engaged to someone else in 2 years.
This article was on point. My boyfriend of 2 years isn’t showing me any interest in committing or proposing. I plan to talk to a therapist to help me to plan my life without him. If a man loves a woman, why make her wait? It has been 2 years and I’m not wasting my time when I don’t know how much I have left. My reasons for wanting to get married… Every woman wants this. And I don’t want to leave this earth without accomplishing that. So right now, all I can do is better myself and focus on being the best I can be for me.
I so agree with so many of these comments. I was married once for 15 years and then now have dated a guy for 5 years. He had 3 kids with another women and does not care to get married. He gets very angry when I start talking about it and says why, it is just a piece of paper. I never had the opportunity to wear a white dress and have an actual wedding. If i am devoted to this guy and we have a great time, then why am i not good enough to get a commitment and a next step?
Because he has three kids that he already has to pay for, so he’s not trying to pay for you too. Word of advice – don’t get involved with a man with a bunch of kids!
Kiki.. doesn’t it take longer than a year to know someone though?
It sure does! A year is not a lot of time. Sometimes it can take YEARS to get to know someone. When people are desperate, they tend to marry quickly and worry about consequences later.
Your comment makes me wanna cry. I agree with you and am in the same boat. I would rather be with someone I love too but it makes me wonder why he wouldn’t want to marry me. I wonder if there is someone that would love to marry me and would think my bf was crazy.. but then I wouldn’t love him because he isn’t my boyfriend. Its tough but im choosing not to get down watching others get married
Hahaha, dunno whether to laugh or cry ..but i chose to laugh.
This is the worst decoder ever .. i mean .. EVRRRR !
I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we have a flat and an 18 month old together aswell as my 6 year old son from a previous relationship, my boyfriend has made it clear from the start that marriage isn’t something that he wants and as much as it hurts seeing all my friends getting married (classic case of always the bridesmaid never the bride over here) I accept that because I would rather be with the man I love, unmarried and happy than marry someone else just for the sake of being married…. After all, it’s a piece of paper and that’s it.
If your man hasn’t proposed to you after a long time together, it is for one reason and one reason only: He thinks he might be able to do better. If he does not know after a year that you are the only one for him, he never will. If he thinks he can do better, let him go. Let him know you don’t have time to waste on someone who doesn’t think you are the cat’s meow. ;-) He will either come to his senses, or you will find the man that will treat you like his goddess.
Fear of divorce can be a very strong feeling and one that has you making poor decisions.
you might have to really try and push him into marriage. if you think that “you have plenty of time”, think again. Before you know it, you are looking at a 10 year old relationship and no ring to show for it!
I am not sure this is really happening that much anymore, don’t you think? Most couples race into marriage and it has never been an issue as to why he might not propose. That might be part of the problem with the rising divorce numbers.
it really comes down to just asking him what his reason might be. it could be something very simple and he might actually need some help to overcome it. just ask.
These are all great reasons, but I am guessing that the man has his own. The trick would be to find out what that is and if you can help him through the possible changes he would need.
I am hoping we are talking about a relationship that is longer than 4 months. So many people rush into a relationship and marriage and that is part of the reason they end in a divorce.
I really never understood why a woman would want to “make” their boyfriend marry them. Get down to the reason that the proposal has not come yet. Then hit him with an option that has one of the outcomes as marriage.
The reality is that he might not be into you that way. If you are looking for a wedding and he seems to be taking too long, time to have a talk and figure out where he stands. If he does not stand in the same boat as you, time to push him along and find someone that will.
Exactly. One of the reasons that he might not propose could be something that he needs to tell you. If you are pushing and he is pushing back, realize there is something in the way. Find out what it is.
How long should you wait for a man to get his act together? If you’ve been with each other and committed for 5 years and yet he hasn’t proposed? What should I do?
I have had 2 ex husbands and the sad truth is we were married yet it did nothing… Marriage means nothing because guess what divorce exists. Harsh but true. Get with the program, ladies. It’s called REALITY.
Sounds harsh but it’s the truth that I refused to swallow. Marriage means nothing unless you are truly in a good relationship with love.
That is a bit harsh, but it is reality. You need to find someone that is going to HONOR and OBEY you. If you are butting heads all of the time and he is talking smack when you are not around, that is not a good sign.
But people from other countries then? All people doesn’t have partner from the same country… People always forget.
So if a guy says he wants to be serious with you, and he wants to commit to you fully, but he doesn’t want marriage what does that mean? He says he wants no one but me but he wont propose? My family and friends all think we should be married I dont know how to wait much longer
I think it’s strange how men are with marriage. Specifically, the man I have been dating for the past 3 and a half years. Don’t get me wrong. I love him and we are extremely close. But the problem is… I want to get married and he doesn’t seem to want to. It’s super frustrating because it’s something that’s truly important to me.
How can i convince him that he should propose to me? I don’t get why men are afraid of marriage, it’s not like I am going to divorce him and hurt him. I don’t think men are truly that afraid of divorce, like you said… Why would they be?
You need to get down to the reason he has not proposed yet. There could be a very good reason, right? if you love him you will at least allow him to explain himself. From that point, if things are not going to move the right way, then forget him.
I do not think this is something that can happen overnight. It might seem that men need to be groomed into marriage, but that is how it works. If you cannot steer him that way, the cause is lost.