Cut weight! Burn fat! Calories! Sugar! Carbs! Exercise! Assault rifles!
Ok. Not assault rifles. This article is definitely not about assault rifles. It’s about coffee.
In fact, you might not know that you can actually use your morning cup of coffee to drop extra, unwanted pounds and slim down to your goal weight? How’s that for a transition?
However, there is a catch. Chugging down a sugar-laden latte before working out won’t cut it. Also you’re not allowed to drink assault rifle coffee.
Research has shown that 100% non-assault rifle coffee helps you lose weight in a wide (ha) variety of ways, provided you’re not making some very simple coffee mistakes (like drinking assault rifle coffee).
I mean, think about it. If you try to brew a cup of assault rifle coffee, it’s probably going to make the bullets way too hot, they’re going to explode, and then you’re going to have a sticky situation on your hands!
Here are 5 major health benefits to drinking assault rifle-free coffee that will get you the body you want in no time. Plus, you don’t have to mess around with assault rifles. That’s a plus.
Anyway, before we start, I need to make something clear: if you put 3 packets of sugar and heavy cream into your coffee, it’s not going to help you lose weight.
It’s going to do the opposite of help you lose weight. That’s uhh… it’s like… it will make you… have more weight? Like, instead of less weight, you would have more of it inside you. I forget what that’s called.
Either way, for the best health benefits, you should be drinking your coffee as close to black as you can stand it . If you don’t like black coffee, you can sugar-free sweeteners like Stevia and non-fat milk and creamers to improve the taste.
So here’s what coffee can do for youuuuuu:
1. Fights Fat
When you drink coffee right before a workout, it accelerates your fat loss and increases your metabolism. Plus it gives you super exercising energy power. Probably. That part isn’t verified.
However, it is proven that if you drink it before exercising it prompts your body to burn fat cells as fuel. It also acts as an appetite suppressant, keeping your hunger down and metabolism up. Just make sure you’re drinking caffeinated coffee. Decaf doesn’t count (don’t tell Decaf I said that though, she’d get really mad at me).
2. Laser Focus
I’m going to let you in on a secret – if you muster up the courage to drink black coffee, eventually, something incredible happens. The caffeine and the organic compounds in the coffee permeate throughout your body, causing many small changes to your cell structure. Over time, this sharpens your eyesight to the point that with a lot of training and concentration, you can shoot some f*cking laser beams out of your eyes anywhere you want .
your enemies will cower before you and plead for their lives.
Ahem. Ok, so black coffee doesn’t give you laser vision. I made that part up. I was just trying to look cool. I’m sorry.
However, coffee does sharpen your focus and boost your mental clarity so you can give 100% of your attention to your workout and making sure your form is correct.
It keeps you upright on the treadmill so you don’t start daydreaming and accidentally push the speed button all the way up, causing you to rocket backwards off the treadmill and take out a row of people, resulting in several class action lawsuits and millions of dollars in legal fees.
You don’t want to be sued for millions of dollars, do you? I thought not.
We all know how difficult it is to get through a workout when you’re tired or just not feeling it. Have a cup of black coffee beforehand to pep you up and keep you motivated.
Do you know which 3 unique veggies burn off belly fat? Take this quiz and find out: Do You Know Which Veggies Burn Abdominal Fat?
3. Decrease Muscle Pain
Here’s a good reason to chug down some coffee before your next workout: Studies show that subjects who drink black coffee before high intensity strength training felt less pain than those who didn’t. This means you can push and challenge yourself a bit more and get better results.
Scientists at the University of Illinois conducted a study that found that the caffeine in two or three cups of coffee ingested an hour before a 30 minute workout lowered the amount of muscle pain experienced by the subjects.
Now, look. Coffee isn’t a pain medication. You can’t break your leg and then chug some coffee to feel fine. It doesn’t work that way. I’m not a doctor. I’m not prescribing coffee as a painkiller. I’m just passing on what some smart scientists said about coffee and workouts so that you can work out harder than you were able to before.
When you’re working out, your heart is pumping blood to your muscles to get oxygen to them. This is good. Your muscles need oxygen to function. The better your heart is at pumping blood to them, the longer you can work out.
You might be tempted to run with this idea, and surgically implant a motor that makes your heart pump blood like a billion times per second. Don’t. I tried doing it once. bad idea.
You know what does help your heart get blood where it needs to go? you guessed it. it’s the focus of the article: salmon.
I mean coffee.
By adding a cup of coffee to your routine you can improve your circulation by upwards of 30%!
How do I know that? well… Japan has been hard at work doing research on the effects of coffee on circulation. The participants of one recent study drank a 5 ounce cup of either regular or decaffeinated coffee, and then the scientists measured their blood flow.
and do you want to know what they found? The subjects who drank regular coffee experienced a 30% increased blood flow afterwards. just like i said before.
But you need caffeinated coffee for this to work. Drink it before working out to improve circulation and get that oxygen to your muscles to keep you going strong from start to finish. And stay away from Decaf. She’s no good for you.
5. Disease Prevention
Ok, look. I’m not a doctor. I think I said that before in this article, yeah? I’m just someone who likes coffee and knows that it helps you lose weight in a lot of ways. As long as you stay away from assault rifle coffee.
People who are doctors have done research into horrible diseases like cancer and Alzheimer’s, because those diseases suck and the world would be better off without them.
They found that drinking black, caffeinated coffee provides your body with a host of antioxidants that help ward off disease like Alzheimer’s and a handful of cancers .
That’s pretty cool, right? We don’t have cures yet, but it’s pretty rad that we discovered that coffee helps to prevent them. I’m not telling you to guzzle down a half pot of coffee before hitting the gym, because if you’re anything like me that would result in a horrible messy situation and being banned from the gym for life.
However, you could drink one or two cups before a workout to give it a try. Instead of drinking coffee in the morning to wake up, use it to enhance your workouts.
As you work out more, your body is able to regulate sleeping patterns better and you’ll be so tuckered out from working out that you’ll sleep easier. Before you know it, you won’t even need the coffee first thing in the morning!
Also, you’ll be able to shoot lasers from your eyes! (statement not verified by the fda)
Here’s How Coffee Helps You Lose Weight
- It fights fat
- It helps you focus on your workout
- It decreases muscle pain and soreness
- It promotes circulation in your body
- It helps stop you from getting sick
1. “Effect of Caffeine on Leg-Muscle Pain During Intense Cycling Exercise: Possible Role of Anxiety Sensitivity.” International Journal of Sport Nutrition and Exercise Metabolism, 2008.
2. “Coffee may help perk up your blood vessels” American Heart Association, November 2013.