How to talk dirty… this topic is asked so frequently I decided to address it in an article. So many women write to me describing feelings ranging from: being uncomfortable about talking sexy, or feeling afraid of humiliation, or not wanting to look or think that you’re “that type” of girl?
You might be completely confused and lost about how to “talk dirty,” but for some reason you think “talking dirty” is what men need, secretly crave and desperately want.
Or you might be confused about what the right way is to talk dirty and don’t think you could do it without feeling very awkward and uncomfortable.
Even worse, you know that you’re not pleasing your man sexually (or at least, this is what you suspect). It would be so amazing to be able to just know how to be sexy, like some women naturally do.
Are you not “that type of girl?” who would ever talk dirty, which is why you can’t believe it’s even something you have to now figure out?
Suspend disbelief for a moment and take a deep breath.
First of all, I want to make something clear: you do not have to embarrass yourself or humiliate yourself to “talk dirty” to your man. And it’s not something shameful or something only “those kind of girls do.
Talking dirty isn’t something you have to imitate from a porn script, either. In fact, if you watched porn and tried to talk like the women do… this would end up making him feel extremely uncomfortable at worst, and utterly indifferent and confused at best.
I’m going to explain to you exactly how to solve this relationship issue that can absolutely make or break a relationship.
Unfortunately, this is not a myth. You will understand why dirty talk actually represents a much deeper part of a relationship: the sexual relationship.
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I will tie everything together at the end but for now, I want to take you through all the stuff you need to realize first before you can really grasp why the mindset that you have right now about “dirty talk” is actually going to sabotage one of the most important parts of a relationship.
I will also give you specific instructions on what to do and what not to do. I will reveal the fatal mistakes so many women make when talking dirty to their man that sends him into the arms of another women.
First, I just want to say:
Dirty Talk Isn’t Scary
Talking dirty is not scary.
It’s not supposed to feel like a chore, it is supposed to be fun and sexy and exciting for you, not something you agonize over and fixate about.
So, with that in mind…
What’s The Key To Dirty Talk?
The key is to say what feels natural. Say what comes to your mind!
You are more than capable of talking dirty. Trust me!
The entire topic is completely distorted by all the horrible bad advice out there (there is so much bad, misinformed information out there about how to talk dirty that ends up hurting, not helping, and scares women away from ever attempting to do it).
The reason talking dirty is often associated with being “that type of girl” is because society has horrible ideas about female sexuality that end up making women unable to freely express themselves.
Wipe the Slate Clean
This means you must abandon anything you believe about what it means to talk dirty. This is essential for you to be able to actually do it.
And by do it I mean in a way that will make your man so turned on his brain will not function. He will be so sexually satisfied by you that he will feel no need to look at porn, fantasize about other women-and god forbid, cheat.
Don’t Force It… Ever
If you think because you read somewhere or watched something in porn where a woman said something outrageous that you have to imitate… nope, you are wrong.
This is actually a huge turn off if you try to imitate something that isn’t natural.
Pushing yourself or forcing yourself will come off as weird, and sometimes hilarious to the man. (for example, “call me daddy”)
I’m a man, and I’ve experienced this.
Now, this doesn’t mean to hold back. As a matter of fact, don’t hold back.
Society tells women to be chaste and “classy.” Well, this does not apply to the bedroom. The words trashy and slut should go straight out the window the second any intimate action begins.
If he’s turned off by you talking dirty… let’s imagine the worst case scenario… you talk dirty and he’s turned off by it… the moment is killed.
Later on, you catch him watching porn lustfully pleasuring himself, while you, an actual woman, are merely feet from him. He seems more than willing to participate with a computer, while completely shutting down on you.
Then screw him! You two are not compatible. Either that or he himself has been tainted by society’s twisted values of how a woman should be in all aspects. And that includes obviously the bedroom.
Most men hope that an angel in the streets is a freak in sheets
That duality is hot to men. Most men absolutely crave that. Trust me, it’s an unbelievable turn on for a man to watch an innocent kind woman transform into sexual being. To watch her carnal nature take control and literally override her conscience.
Talking dirty is not good, it’s great. But… only if it’s done right.
And by done right, I mean what feels the most natural, instinctual, comfortable, spontaneous, fun, and playful.
Don’t overthink it. Let the moment happen. Don’t focus on what he wants. Focus on what you want, and what feels good.
Spontaneous Is Sexy
Most girls know that a lot of the time the man will take control in the bedroom, but believe me, when a girl spontaneously transforms into the dominant role, or the initiator in where the sex is leading, it can be an unbelievable turn on for the man.
Plus, it’s nice for a man to be able to lie down and have a break for a minute or two, letting the woman take control.
The Fatal Sins Of Dirty Talking
What do I mean by “only if done right” is that if done wrong. Ohhhhhh boy. It can be a real disaster!
Let me tell you from personal experience! When you have a girl calling you daddy in a creepy forced way, and you’re not exactly into incest, trust me, as a man, that’s a boner killer right there, and even a relationship breaker.
I’m kind of exaggerating and making a joke but not really. I am trying to illustrate a point.
Now, please understand I am not trying to offend or insult anyone. If you find “daddy role play” to be a turn on, that’s nothing to be ashamed of.
There is no good that comes from feeling shame (obviously with one caveat… that you are not hurting yourself, someone else or doing anything illegal, etc.)
Shame is actually the biggest roadblock stopping you from feeling free and comfortable expressing yourself in a “dirty” way.
Shame blocks you from doing what is actually the sexiest thing a woman can do: express what’s really going on in her mind, what is really turning her on and what she really feels.
Let me elaborate on what “comfortable is” or “natural”. Ironically enough for some guys calling them “daddy” IS a turn on. To me, it’s a deal-breaker turn off.
So what are the fatal sins?
- Doing something fake or unnatural thinking it’s the way to turn all men on
- Not doing what feels natural and comfortable
- Imitating porn even though nothing you feel matches the words you are saying
- Lying about what turns you on and faking it
- Staying silent and being completely ashamed of your sexuality
All Men Are Different
This is what we have always been taught, that all human beings are different.
Well, think about dirty talk this way: there is no “right answer” to how to turn him on by talking dirty.
Why? Because certain things turn some men on that do nothing and potentially even scare away another man.
It’s almost impossible to create a clear set of “dirty talk” phrases that will work on all men but my goal is to make your love life as successful as possible so I have come up with a few general guidelines and one specific phrase that I would say work for most men.
The Dirty Talk Phrase That Will Work (Like Crazy) For Most Men
The phrase is… “I want you inside me so badly right now it’s crazy.”
In fact, saying anything about him being inside you is pretty much a good thing to say to a man you’re having sex with (or will potentially have sex with in the future).
Specific Dirty Talk Examples
ok, so as I have said many times… doing something uncomfortable or natural when talking dirty will not come across as a turn off.
Literally sticking to a specific script and using specific, pre-written phrases is not necessary but I know that lots of people want to know exactly what to do.
That’s why I made this list of specific things you can say to turn him on. It’s hard to say someone else’s words so I’m not going to tell you to say any of these exactly, these are just some ideas to get your imagination running wild.
Sometimes all you need is some examples to realize what you’d say.
Dirty Talk Examples To Get Your Imagination Going
- Oh my Godddd
- That’s so f*cking insanely hot wow
- You turn me on so much
- You make me so wet it’s not fair
- I’m so wet right now it’s insane
- My body reacts this way to you i can’t help it
- Please don’t stop
- I love when you’re inside me
- Holy f*** that’s so hot
- I’m fingering myself right now
- I literally love having sex with you
- Why are you such a turn on
- I love when you cum
- That feels so good
- I wish this feeling could last forever
- This isn’t fair why are you so hot
- I love when you are hard and can’t help it
- It’s so hot when you’re clearly turned on and hard
- I would do pretty much anything to turn you on
Coy/Less Direct Dirty Talk Phrases
- I randomly feel turned on right now I am not sure why
- I can’t stop thinking about last night
- So I’m definitely not wearing underwear
- Text him: I am currently at work but can’t stop thinking about having sex with you
General Ways To Turn Him On Using “Dirty Talk”
- Start off through very mild, innocent means of talking dirty
- Bring up the topic of sex when you are not having sex so that it is more of a general conversation, not something specific
- Mmmm, that feels so good I can’t believe it
- Texting him something very mild (sexual innuendo)
- If you are having sex and he is doing something that feels amazing, say it. Don’t exaggerate or try to sound sexy. Just say that feels so good, keep it simple.
The main takeaway I want to make sure you understand because it is so crucial is:
We are all different and turned on by different things. Period. That is a fact.
One form of dirty talk could be the key to that man’s heart, while that same talk could have another man running for the hills.
This brings me to one of the most important points about dirty talk…
Communication Is Key
The key in any relationship, be sexual, or strictly a friendship is communication.
What is the best way to talk dirty? Begin by asking him his biggest turn on!
Ask him what turns him on!
Mention something, anything, about the topic of dirty talk. Ask his opinion on it. Feel him out. Simply communicate!
Talk god dammit! Talk! Talk with your partner!!
Don’t pretend they’re some sort of alien that has no idea what sex is. Everyone knows what it is, we’re all here because of it. There is no such thing as perfection, even in sex.
It’s either good or bad. Simply enough.
The key to a healthy relationship obviously isn’t dirty talk, but ironically it could be the end of one, because you didn’t communicate.
Ask your man what he likes. I love asking my girlfriend what she likes, and pleasuring her is one of the highlights of my relationship.
This is something that should be an integral part to all sexual relationships. It should literally be a rule.
That’s how important it is to communicate what you are both sexually comfortable with.
Dirty talk to me, in my experience, when done right is always fantastic, and always heightens the mood… and I will be honest with you. I am extremely shy.
I would have never imagined myself enjoying a few dirty lines whispered into my ear while making love to my girlfriend. In the heat of the moment, experiencing dirty talk even brings out a different side of me.
Sometimes I will feel the woman’s free and uninhibited energy, and it is literally a contagious energy. And the sex is amazing.
Do me a favor. Talk dirty.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
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How To Talk Dirty Without Feeling Embarrassed
- Don’t force it, only say and do things that feel natural to you in the moment.
- Remember that when you do this it turns him on like crazy and he wants you to.
- Allow yourself to be spontaneous and in the moment with him.
- Say what comes to your mind and don’t worry about trying to be creative.