Is it lust or love?

Is it lust or love?

ok . While most of us think we know the difference between deep meaningful love and impulsive passionate lust (right?), it’s been proven that the deep sexual attraction we often feel at the beginning of a relationship can actually blur the lines and remove all common sense from our once intelligent brains.

Medical research has found that when they study the brain under an mri scan during the ‘lust-stage’, the brain activity mimics a brain that is high on drugs.

This means that we are likely to view the person through rose-tinted glasses and view the ‘relationship’ as more than it actually is. ie: feel we’re in love when in fact…we’re not.

The lust stage is fun but eventually, one of you will wonder where the relationship is going and either want to take things further or politely move on. But how do you know, for sure?

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These signs should help:

How To Tell If It’s Lust Not Love

  • You’re having sex lots, certainly every time you see each other.

  • The focus is on the physical. You talk about how you both look, what physical attributes you like about each other and think about their best body-parts…

  • There’s no conversation about future relationship plans, being boyfriend or girlfriend, or how you really feel for each other.

  • Although you’re great lovers, you wouldn’t call them great friends or feel that you could talk to them about deep subjects.

  • Meeting their family or friends hasn’t really entered your minds.

how to tell if its lust not love


  • The affection and sex is still going strong but it’s not the sole focus of your relationship anymore. You want to do lots of other things together and just be in each other’s company.

  • Meeting their friends and family is important to you because they are a big part of your partner’s life.

  • Their happiness and well-being is your main concern and the thought of never seeing them again devastates you. Look out, you’re falling.

  • Hours pass when you’re together talking and sharing thoughts.

  • You’re planning the future and starting to think they really are ‘the one’. You’ve even dared to imagine what your kids might look like. Oooh, you’re falling hard.

So there are our quick signs to assist any lust-fuzzy brains. Whatever happens, be true to your heart, be honest with yourself and the person you’re with. If the end goal is love, keep your eye on the ball. is a multi-award winning dating site that lets you date singles that live, work or are simply waiting nearby.

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23 comments… add one
  • paula February 16, 2017, 5:18 am

    more and more time shows you mean the world to him .it takes more than just i love you for you to feel closer to him love is in action and love is precious guys

  • Romay Opare September 12, 2016, 2:46 pm

    At first i thought it was lust but i have realize it was Love cus lust can cause disaster but with LOVE,it is AWESOME!

  • Annie Morton September 28, 2015, 9:25 pm

    For me, at this point in my life, LUST is where the fun is at :)

  • Gloria Jones September 28, 2015, 9:18 pm

    I am not a fan of meeting parents too quickly. I had a b/f that happened with right away and it just seemed like things died right after that and things were awkward.

  • Jane Bessler September 26, 2015, 9:29 am

    Great comparison and right on if you ask me.

  • Leigh Jones September 26, 2015, 9:20 am

    Do you think all the sex you might have as a newly married couple is about lust or love?

  • Anna Craig September 25, 2015, 8:57 am

    In college it is LUST. After, it should be LOVE :)

  • Mary Mollica September 25, 2015, 8:45 am

    Showing interest in your partner and his family is all about love. You are trying to love everything about him and that says a lot and is translated in the same way.

  • Trish Logan September 24, 2015, 8:51 am

    This is a pretty good comparison. Lust is more fun for me :) It is usually spontaneous and not planned, hot and sexy all at the same time!

  • Amanda Oman September 24, 2015, 8:41 am

    Lust has been in the news a lot lately with that whole Ashley Madison breach. Clearly those people were not looking for love.

  • Sylvia Anderson September 22, 2015, 2:03 pm

    I think we all go through stages of this, even in a long term relationship, don’t you think? It works that way for me and I find it refreshing once in a while!

  • Ellen Gurney September 18, 2015, 2:27 pm

    Lust is great when you are young. Love is for when you get older and need to settle down.

  • Karen Vivier September 18, 2015, 2:06 pm

    I always felt that meeting the family of the other person was a major step. That is a bit passed lust in my opinion.

  • Gladys Scurry September 17, 2015, 9:53 pm

    Lust will get you into trouble in more cases than love will, that is what I think about it!

    • Christine Holden September 22, 2015, 12:42 pm

      Very true statement!

  • Lisa Yazzie September 17, 2015, 9:43 pm

    I like the LOVE list. Those are very good indicators that there is a little more to things that just a roll in the sack!

  • Mae Brewer September 16, 2015, 12:22 pm

    I always wondered this as well. At one point, I even asked the man I was with at the time just to see what he would say. That was a mistake and the first time I even realized we were not on the same page.

    • Kyle York March 7, 2017, 11:09 pm

      Well, if that’s how you realized you weren’t on te same page, then while it probably felt like a mistake at the time, it was probably a good thing that it happened.

  • Ava Dowd September 16, 2015, 12:12 pm

    I can buy this break down for sure. However, I like a little lust from my husband every now and again. It keeps things moving in a marriage :)

    • Crystal Gatto September 27, 2015, 11:09 am

      Exactly, it is one of the things that keeps the fire alive in a marriage.

  • Juanita Newman September 15, 2015, 10:12 am

    I can see the difference here as you have it written. They are certainly different.

  • Shantel Pardo September 15, 2015, 10:01 am

    For me, I can tell the difference. It just feels different!

    • Teresa Davis September 27, 2015, 11:18 am

      I have had friends say the same thing. I cannot really tell the difference and it might be the fact that I get over excited during either that I can barely remember my name.

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