Exactly What Makes A Guy Want To Be Exclusive With You?

Exactly What Makes A Guy Want To Be Exclusive With You?

So you’re here because you want to know what makes a man want to be exclusive with you.

The good news is that the answer is pretty simple!

The bad news is that your instincts might be telling you to do the exact wrong things that will actually make him want to be exclusive with you less.

more: The Top Signs He’s Never Going To Commit

So where are your instincts leading you astray? How do you make the man of your dreams want an exclusive relationship with you? What should you do to take your relationship to the next level?

Don’t worry – I’ve got you covered. Here’s everything you need to know.

Here’s What Makes A Man Want Exclusivity With You

The absolute best way to get a man to want to be exclusive with you is to incentivize him to lock you down and become exclusive. The only way to do that is to be exactly as committed to him as he is to you. That means that if he hasn’t explicitly said that you’re exclusive, you can (and should) date as many other men as you want. He will only want to lock you down on his own if he thinks that it’s a possibility he’ll lose you, and the only way for him to think that is if you’re not committed to him until he’s committed to you.

what makes a man want exclusivity with you

Step 1: Avoid This Deadly Mistake

So I just mentioned that your instincts might be telling you to do exactly the wrong thing in this situation – and believe me, it’s extremely common.

more: These 5 Signs Mean He’s Not Going To Commit To You

In fact, if you make this extremely common mistake, not only do you make it less likely that he’ll want to be in an exclusive relationship with you… you also put yourself in the worst position possible in your relationship.

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Is He Going To Commit?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s going to commit to you…

This mistake leads to more breakups than I care to count – and it’s completely avoidable.

So what is it?

more: Why Won’t He Commit To You?

The huge mistake that ruins relationships is: thinking that you can make him want an exclusive relationship by acting like you’re already in an exclusive relationship with him.

In other words, it’s thinking that you can get him to commit to you by committing to him first.

It’s simple, but it will ruin your relationship and make you pull your hair out in frustration, believe me.

If you’re not exclusive with your man, then you’re casually dating him. But if you want to take the next step in your relationship, you should start acting like it, right? Isn’t “fake it ’til you make it” a good strategy?

more: The Best Ways To Make Him Commit

Actually – no. It’s a strategy that’s going to leave you heartbroken.

In your situation, you’re casually dating and you want to take things to the next level. Your instincts will tell you that if you treat your man amazingly well – if you make him feel good, and let him know that you’re going to be there for him no matter what, and show him how amazing a committed relationship with you can be by committing yourself to him, it’ll make him want to commit to you, right?


When you commit yourself to him in the hopes that it’ll make him commit to you, what you’re actually doing is giving up all power and agency in your relationship.

more: The Exact Signs You’re With An Emotionally Unavailable Man

You’re saying “I want to show you how good a committed relationship will be!”… but what he’s hearing is “The effort you’re putting in right now is enough for me to devote myself to you – you don’t have to put in any more effort to keep me.”

I’m not saying those are the exact words he’s thinking in his mind – this is mostly in the unconscious dynamics between you. It doesn’t make him a bad guy if he unconsciously responds that way, it just makes him a human being.

Think about how this looks and feels from his perspective. When you commit to him without requiring commitment from him in return, in effect he can do whatever he wants and know he’s not going to lose you.

more: 4 Ways To Get Him To Commit

After all, you’re casually dating him, but he knows you’re not casually dating anyone else. He’s free to keep the relationship where it is (because he knows you’re committed to him), and he’s free to date other people (because he never explicitly committed to you).

What incentive does he have to change that situation? When you think about it from his perspective, he’s getting everything he wants without having to put in any additional effort.

Again, this doesn’t mean he’s a bad guy. It just means you’re trying to work against human nature, rather than with human nature.

more: The Top Signs You’re Dating A Commitment-Phobe

So what should you do? How do you get him to want an exclusive relationship with you?

How Do You Get A Guy To Want To Be Exclusive With You?

I just gave away the trick in the last paragraph. You have to work with human nature.

In other words, just don’t commit to him unless he explicitly and clearly commits and locks you down.

It’s as simple as committing to him exactly as much as he’s committing to you.

more: These Signs Mean He Doesn’t Like You

What that means in practice is that if you haven’t had a conversation with him where you both agree that you’re dating exclusively and aren’t dating other people, then you’re allowed to date other people – just like he is.

I know this might be hard to think about if you only want to date him. But if you make that commitment to him without requiring it from him, it’s only going to push him further away (as well as wrap you around his finger).

The truth is, in order to make him want to lock you down, all you have to do is be completely fair. If you’re dating casually, that means you’re both allowed to date other people – no exceptions.

more: The Best Ways To Tell If He’s Not That Into You

Let me tell you exactly what happens in real life when you’re both allowed to date other people. Instead of knowing that he’s got you in your back pocket (because you committed to him without requiring commitment from him), he’s going to know that at any moment you could meet another guy and he could lose you.

Instead of thinking that he doesn’t have to put in any effort to keep you, he’s going to know that unless he puts in more effort – he’s absolutely going to lose you. He’s going to know that when you meet a guy who wants to put in the effort to lock you down, he’s going to lose you to that guy.

See what I mean about working with human nature rather than against it?

more: Why Won’t He Call You His Girlfriend?

His human nature is going to be freaked out about the possibility of losing you – and that’s going to motivate him and encourage him to lock you down.

All of a sudden, he has the incentive to lock you down and commit to you – because he knows that if he doesn’t, he runs the risk of losing you to another guy who will.

more: Should I Bring Up Being Exclusive Or Let It Happen

There’s two things that could happen in this situation – he could either lock you down or he could not.

If he doesn’t, it hurts, but it’s not the end of the world. For one, you’re not committed to him, so you’ve already got a head start on finding another guy.

For two, if he doesn’t lock you down when he knows he could lose you, he was never going to lock you down and commit no matter what you did. You saved yourself months (or maybe even years) of waiting for a guy to commit who was never going to step up no matter what.

more: How To Make A Guy Who Doesn’t Do Relationships Commit To You

The other (and far more likely) result is that he locks you down – in which case you have the committed, exclusive relationship you were looking for.

Either way, you win.

So remember, if you want a committed relationship with him, don’t make the deadly mistake. Commit to him exactly as much as he commits to you, and don’t be exclusive with him until you explicitly agree on an exclusive relationship.

more: 6 Signs He’s Ready To Commit

That’s the best (and fastest) way to get the committed relationship you want.

Want to find out if he’s going to commit? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really going to commit…

Take The Quiz: Is He Going To Commit?

33 comments… add one
  • Corynn November 26, 2019, 9:04 am

    I’m glad I found this article. It still left me a little confused. The man I want to have commit to me, am I putting in the same effort as before? Or should I stop caring and communication while applying these ideas.

  • Alex March 5, 2018, 6:36 pm

    I read the same rule for men. What happens when both are expecting the other to commit with the technique of not commiting first? It never happens while they both want it?
    This is sad…

  • sara January 4, 2018, 4:25 pm

    This advice works! I just got a guy who once told me he didn’t see himself in a relationship to ask me to be his boyfriend. Basically, I said no physical intimacy unless we were exclusive and seeing each other at least once a week. At first he said that was not for him and therefore we should be free to see other people. I said fine and we continued going on dates. To be sure, he asked me a couple of times to sleep over but I told him I only do that when I’m in a mutually exclusive relationship. Then one day out of the blue he tells me he wants to be exclusive and is willing to commit to seeing me more often and he wants to take our relationship to the next level.

  • quinn June 20, 2017, 12:01 am

    this is an awesome article! i’ll share this to my girls!

  • carynn June 14, 2017, 7:45 pm

    perfect! i’ll do this and hope for the best!

  • margaret June 12, 2017, 11:48 am

    The huge mistake that ruins relationships is: thinking that you can make him want an exclusive relationship by acting like you’re already in an exclusive relationship with him.
    -oh wow, this just blew me. i’m guilty of this. :(

  • emma June 9, 2017, 4:19 am

    i love this! thanks for the inspiration to be better not only for our partners but for our own selves too.

  • naomi June 6, 2017, 11:35 pm

    men need their partners to be supportive and understanding.

  • eraianne June 5, 2017, 11:30 pm

    women shpuld read this because they will really learn a lot

  • avery June 4, 2017, 10:51 pm

    great article! i enjoyed reading this and will read more of your writings :)

  • priscilla June 1, 2017, 7:04 pm

    wow, this is such a good read! i want my guy to want a more serious and exclusive relationship with me so this is perfect!

  • lizzy May 31, 2017, 7:54 pm

    as always, thanks for generously and genuinely sharing your knowledge, women like me absolutely learn a lot from your ideas! <3

  • faye May 29, 2017, 8:11 pm

    thanks for sharing this. i’m sure my friends will like it too.

  • nicole May 25, 2017, 4:09 pm

    i hope more women will come to learn from this and you other posts. they’re really good advices.

  • mariah May 24, 2017, 11:57 pm

    very true indeed. this is i knew my now-boyfriend wanted exclusivity after a while.

  • bettina May 22, 2017, 5:18 pm

    i love this! i’ll make sure to share this.

  • peggy May 21, 2017, 6:33 pm

    i feel like he’s too far from wanting exclusivity right now. :(

  • gerri May 18, 2017, 2:22 pm

    talk to him about this when you’re both comfortable with each other so you’e not giving the impression you’re too excited to get him commit.

  • shawna May 16, 2017, 9:57 pm

    thank you for always sharing great thoughts and ideas that we can pick up and apply in our own relationships! appreciate your work!

  • mary May 15, 2017, 10:18 am

    thanks for your articles, they help me a lot with my boyfriend :)

  • athalia May 11, 2017, 5:59 pm

    this is nice. i hope i could find someone who’d instantly want to be exclusive just because he doesn’t play games.

  • monica May 10, 2017, 7:14 pm

    this is too important to read! i’ll be sharing this to my friends.

  • trina May 9, 2017, 5:24 pm

    this is a nice post, i didn’t realize i can also see others until we are exclusive. i don;t think he dates other women but how do i even know for sure, right?!

  • rosario May 8, 2017, 7:30 pm

    never commit to him unless he also commits to be exclusive with you. this is a rule that all women should know and follow

  • roxette May 3, 2017, 8:29 pm

    great round of ideas right here! thanks for your tips, these will surely help

  • cherry May 2, 2017, 11:56 am

    love this post! thanks for the ideas

  • sally April 27, 2017, 12:57 pm

    thanks so much for these great tips, ill keep these in mind

  • kendall April 25, 2017, 3:02 pm

    i wouldn’t date a guy who doesn’t want to be exclusive

  • rachel April 24, 2017, 11:33 pm

    be sincere and natural as can be. men aren’t looking for much

  • bhea April 24, 2017, 11:32 pm

    Ladies should keep these in mind to help them keep their men and be exclusive

  • "leah evers" April 23, 2017, 10:26 pm


  • shannon April 23, 2017, 2:18 pm

    im hoping this will happen to me and the man im dating right now.

  • kei April 20, 2017, 3:38 pm

    im gonna keep this in mind and hopefully apply them when it’s time.

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