It can be really frustrating when you’re in a relationship with a guy and he doesn’t seem to care about how you feel. Your feelings basically seem to be a nuisance to him. And when you try to express them, you might wonder whether he even cares about how upset he made you…
You might feel like you want to scream from some weird combination of frustration and fear… Fear that your relationship is falling apart or isn’t going how you want it… Fear that he isn’t how you want him to be… Fear that he doesn’t care about making you happy.
There’s something important you need to know: there is a specific way to deal with your frustration that can make or break your relationship… which is why I’m going to give you a simple solution to avoid the #1 mistake women make that has men running away from them.
Say your man has disappointed you. He didn’t call you when he said he would. He didn’t go to your sister’s 30th birthday party even though you gave him plenty of advance notice.
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He lied to you and said he was working late because you’d be upset if you knew he was out drinking with his friends instead of going to the party.
The problem isn’t that you shouldn’t be upset. You have every right to be upset when your guy disappoints you.
The thing that’s important is…
The way you talk with him about it can be the difference between him apologizing and making it to your sister’s 31st birthday party or completely disappearing and ignoring you. It’s all in how you approach the resolution.
We’re human. We all make mistakes. When you’re in a relationship it’s easier to see another person’s behavior and assign blame to it than to fairly evaluate your own. In the course of a relationship, you’re bound to hurt your man unintentionally of course.
Making him into a villain or “bad guy” every time will ruin your relationship and send him running, but learning to approach him with the most constructive method will bring you closer together. It really is that simple.
Your man can’t make you feel any particular way without your permission.
Before you talk with him about an issue in your relationship take a second to see why you’re feeling this way.
The #1 mistake you can make in your relationship is using a conversation with your guy to figure out how you feel.
You should figure out how you feel before you talk with him. When you’re upset and emotional, you’re more inclined to say hurtful things. Things you can’t take back.
Ask yourself a few questions to put what happened in perspective:
- If the situation were reversed, how would you want him to approach you?
- What would you want him to say?
- Is this something that happens all the time or is this the first time you’ve been upset with him?
- Are you happy?
While it’s tempting to yell and scream when a relationship isn’t going the way you want, there are two people in a relationship. So you have to see what role you play.
If you aren’t happy in other areas of your life, it could affect how you see your man.
Furthermore, if your guy has always been doing the same things since day one, you aren’t going to change him. Figure out if it’s something you can live with before engaging in the same endless battle.
When you finally talk to your guy after you’ve sorted out how you feel, you’re going to be in a much better state of mind.
Guys appreciate hearing how you feel but they don’t want to be on the other end of an attack. Just like you wouldn’t want him to attack you with insults just because you made a mistake, your man wants to resolve disagreements in a calm, rational manner.
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When you talk to him tell him how you feel, not how he made you feel. You can say something like, “My feelings were hurt when you couldn’t make it to my sister’s party. I was looking forward to you being there.” You can let him know how you feel without making any demands, yelling or giving him a guilt trip. Now he knows how you feel and it’s up to him to make the next move. He can apologize or think of some way to make it up to you, but don’t place expectations on
You can’t control his response and use it as a license to start another argument.
I don’t want you to mistake this for saying you should lower your expectations of your man. You can set the bar wherever you want. But if he continues to disappoint you and you decide to stay, that’s fine as long as you take responsibility for it.
It’s your choice to be with someone who isn’t fulfilling his half of the relationship. You’ll waste time and energy if you consistently try to change him.
When you take the time to evaluate your emotions before unloading them on your partner, you will take a huge step in the right direction to change the way you communicate.
If the connection is right you’ll see your intimacy deepen with every obstacle you overcome together.
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