I’ve found love and feel a deep sense of “hell yeah” when others find love, too. It’s (perhaps) why the universe led me to my current position as managing editor of a dating site.
Week after week the team and I ooh and ahh over the matches being made and the dates that soon follow. Month after month I gaze (with no small amount of pride) at the sheer volume of content our experts contribute to the site—all with the same purpose, all with the same goal… to help everyone out there who wants it find their own slice of glorious love.
What I’ve learned, though, is matchmaking is the easy part. Getting from date number one to happily ever after? Not (always) so much. Things you didn’t realize would be “things” become game-changers. Issues you never considered to be issues become deal breakers.
Love can be tragically (and laughably) messy.
Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Is He Going To Commit?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s going to commit to you…
So what do you do when the problems bubble up? You sit down with a cup of coffee and listen to this little lady’s heartfelt advice—a lady who’s not claiming to be an expert in love, just someone who’s had a little more professional exposure to the joys and discomforts of romance than your average Joe.
As such, I’m here to address a question that seems to weigh heavily on fragile hearts:
“How do I get him to commit?”
Here’s what to do:
Get clear about what you want.
Getting your partner to commit starts long before you get to the exclusive stage of your relationship; in fact, it begins before you even meet. To invite the life (and love) you want, you have to get clear on exactly what you want first. How can the right person to find you if your idea of Mr. or Ms. Right is straight up wishy-washy? How can you recognize the real-deal if you don’t define it?
Spend some time detailing who that perfect-for-you person is (and isn’t)—the commonalities, the differences, the deal-breakers.
Know who they are and know who you are with them, too. You can’t expect the universe to work miracles without an inkling of what best-case scenario means to you.
Be clear about what you want.
Once you’ve met someone, it’s time to start talking. If you’re interested in being married someday, say so. If you’re interested in living a child-free existence, say so. If you’re interested in dating freely till the end of time, say so. There’s no right or wrong when it comes to life decisions, especially the big ones. The only real “wrong”? Not communicating your deepest, no-way-am-I-budging-on-this-one desires from day one.
You don’t have to bring up baby names on the first date, no. You don’t need to discuss marriage plans one month in, either. What you do need is honest and open communication about what is important to you—anything else is a lie… a betrayal to authentic, marvelous you.
Remain true to you.
Love is complicated, we know this, but it isn’t so complicated we can’t have a few guidelines to rely on. Of the guidelines that scream “Pick me! Pick me!”, embracing and honoring your most authentic self screams the loudest.
Love—new love, especially—can spark borderline whacky behavior. Sometimes we’re so hungry for the feel-good deliciousness of love we forget about how much better authentic love is for us. We find ourselves compromising on things we don’t really want to compromise on, or behaving in ways we don’t really want to behave, all in the hopes of clinging to something we perceive to be good.
Reality check: what we perceive to be good and what is actually good can be very different things. So bamboozling someone into committing by showing them an in-authentic version of yourself will only delay some heavy disappointment. Instead, hold the task of listening (always) to your internal voice, the one that speaks up deep inside, in the highest regard. Allow your partner the opportunity—and supreme privilege—of falling for the real you.
Witness (and accept) the partner they are capable of being.
So many failed relationships start out with good—albeit misdirected—intentions. If your partner is honest with you about their hopes and goals, believe them… even if it doesn’t fit into your own ideal. If your partner shows you their true colors, recognize them… don’t waste time wishing or hoping they are something they’re not. If your intuition starts nudging you in the ribs… pay close attention. There are always red flags, the only question is whether or not we’ll see them.
Too many love stories end because there was a false hope that some way, somehow you were going to be the one to change them. There is a huge difference between evolving with a partner and imposing changes on a partner. Surprise: It’s not your job to change your partner.
What is your responsibility? To love and accept them, or have the decency to move on. The person who wants nothing more than to commit to
you exists, but you have to have the space in your life to welcome them in—you can’t do that while force-fitting someone else into a mold.
Be a proliferator of good-ass vibes.
Finally, be the partner you wish for yourself. Be a love-warrior in your own story. Stand up for your right to love and be loved. Embrace joy and happiness and compassion and all things that make you feel like this world is spinning to the beat of your very own heart—there’s nothing more magnetic.
So, how do you make him commit?
Simple: you don’t.
Instead, you tap into the glorious human you are… the one who knows, deep down, that she’s worthy of incredible love. You put yourself in environments and communities where like minded people exist. A perfect example is a dating site like MeetMindful, where conscious singles come together to meet other link-minded individuals. Then? Watch the magic unfold!
Take The Quiz: Is He Going To Commit?
How To Make Him Commit
- Get clear about what you want
- Be clear about what you want with him
- Remain true to you
- Witness (and accept) the partner they are capable of being
- Be a proliferator of good vibes
About the Author
Sara Crolick is the Managing Editor at MeetMindful. She digs whiskey, vintage typewriters and the written word, but not necessarily in that order. She raises two inspiring boys with her mister, who is a bona fide music-maker—which works out nicely, as she happens to also love music. You can connect with her via her site, her author page on Facebook and on Twitter, too.
MeetMindful is a dating site for people who are single and into healthy living, mindfulness, meditation and personal growth. To join the online dating evolution, check out our website, follow us on Facebook or tweet us at @meetmindful.
Want to find out if he’s going to commit? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really going to commit to you…
I am going to college in the spring and do not have a b/f. I would hope that I find one that is willing to commit ONE day. Like, if our relationship is heading that direction at some point and that is where he is willing to meet me.
I wouldn’t say that you have to make him commit, but you can move the relationship forward to the point that he is ready to commit. At least put the thought in his mind that he would want to spend the rest of his life with you.
It sounds like there are some good reasons that a person will not commit. I can buy a few of them, but if there are deeper issues, something has to be talked about.
How many woman really want the formula for this? Wouldn’t you just want things to progress naturally?
I agree that being clear about what you want is a good starting point. If he is not interested in that part of your life, maybe it is time to move on.
I agree that this will work for some men, however NOT all of them. You have to be proactive about it and when you cannot do that, you are setting yourself up for disaster.
Honestly, you just have to wait it out. There is no REAL way to make him commit and the end result is good. it just does not happen that way.
Great tips! I am going to start laying the groundwork for this so we can get married soon :)
I feel like some of the others here, why would I want to MAKE him commit?
I wouldn’t say that you are going to “make” him commit, but you are maybe going to push him in the right direction, a little?
He will commit one way or another if he is serious about you. All you have to do is make sure that he is. One way to find out? Ask him!
You just keep being YOU. If there is no commitment after a set amount of time, you should re-evaluate your situation.
That is what I do. I ask. That is the best way to get the most honest answer in my opinion.
Thank you for the tips. I am going to put these to work and see what happens!
I have been with Matt for more than 5 years now. I think we are ready to commit marriage to each other, but it seems like each time I bring it up, the conversation gets twisted around and we never end up with a resolution. What do I do about that?
There shouldn’t be any formula, right? I mean, there is more to it than that and it should come naturally if you want it to be serious.
I tell those that are not being true to themselves about what they want that they should expect to be tossed around in a relationship where the guy will not commit.
Exactly. They need to be ready to be going through relationships more than they want.
If you are a willing partner to him, he is more likely to be one to you. Just get to know him, make sure you are ready to make a move like commitment yourself and see where it goes from there.
Forcing any kind of commitment is not going to end well, just saying.
I am the same way. commitment has to come from the heart, not from being pushed into a relationship.
Telling the guy what you really want is key. Then it is up to you not to change just because he claims that committing is something that he is not going to do.
Exactly. If you cannot do this, for whatever reason, you should be ready for him to go they other direction.
Great tips. The last time I was in a longer relationship, I made it clear that I was ready to move to the next step and when he wasn’t, it was clear and we split up.
You can make it any easier than that when it is that clear.
Being clear about what you want is the best way to at least get it out there. Then it is up to the man if he wants to work towards it, or away from that.