Are You Carrie Still looking for Mr. Big? How to Make a Man Commit

Are You Carrie Still looking for Mr. Big? How to Make a Man Commit

The time has come. You have a man on your Love Radar-finally. Maybe you have been dating him for some time now and you are ready to move things along- progress the course of your relationship. You want the thing that relationships are made of-commitment. You are officially Carrie from “Sex and the City” and you’ve found your Mr. Big. You’re smitten with him. You can’t get enough of the time you spend with him, the sound of his voice, and the way he makes you feel. You are at the point where you have the background music track to Mariah Carey’s song “Emotions” playing in your head- “[He] got [you] feeling emotions- deeper than [you] ever dreamed of” (Shoo-Be-Doo-Be-Doo-Da). You have convinced yourself that you have found the Crème de la Crème of Men. You may even go into overdrive and find yourself doing lots of work to get what you want from him-you want him to commit.

On the other hand, may you have already been emotionally, physically, and spiritually invested in a man for some time now (maybe it’s been years). However, you are not satisfied with the progress of the relationship you are in with him. Despite the amount of time you have under your “relationship belt”, you may still lack an appropriate title- girlfriend, fiancé, or wife. You have invested your heart and time into this man, yet still don’t have what you want from him-forward motion in your relationship.

Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Is He Going To Commit?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Going To Commit” Quiz right now and find out if he’s going to commit to you…

You’re a great catch, attractive, and most important you love him. The logic is simple you think, “If I have invested my heart, mind, body, and soul, then he should appreciate me and commit to me.” Both scenarios have one thing in common. He has something that you want-a commitment. If this is being withheld from you, you may inevitably find yourself to asking:

“How do I make a man commit?”

Instead, perhaps the real question you should ask yourself is:

“Why am I concerned with making a man commit to me?”

To have the notion that you must to do specific things to make a man commit to you is a deeply flawed thought to have when approaching relationships. Why? Well for starters, to “make” something happen (in this case a commitment from a man), implies that you have to take steps to convert, manufacture, or produce this “commitment” with lots of effort. Healthy love should be freely given. Committing to you in a relationship has to be something that he wants to do of his own volition.

How To Make A Man Commit

If he is not already doing things to reciprocate your love in a way that is satisfying to you, leading to an organic commitment on his part, it is totally his problem. It is not something you are doing wrong or have to do right, to get him to commit. Don’t make his problem become your problem. However if you think you have to do something to “make” your man commit (backflips and somersaults for his love perhaps), then his problem now becomes your problem and you will enter into drama mode (reality tv style).

how to make a man commit

Instead, you should “let” a man commit to you of his own free will (but be sure not to let him string you along forever-know your limits). To “let” implies that you give the situation an opportunity to succeed or fail (without screaming at him “Commit!” with a voice that can shatter a lead wall). You must also come to the realization that some men are not emotionally available to commit to you-again his problem. All you can do is ensure you have a higher likelihood of having a healthy relationship with him by keeping the following things in mind (all of this is provided he even wants a healthy relationship and a commitment to begin with):

Be Your Authentic Self. Know Your Worth from the start of the Relationship. Don’t Shape Shift and Mold for the Relationship (Don’t Expect Him to Either).

You don’t have to change who you are and shape shift and mold into Perfect Patty for his love. The best you can do is to take good measures to ensure that you are in a relationship, or situation, that is in alignment with your relationship values and preferences (compatibility). If you want a monogamous relationship with a man, all you can do is set appropriate boundaries with him, and keep a healthy sense of yourself present at all times. You can’t lose yourself in doing specific formulaic things to “make” him commit-that gives someone too much power over you.

Ladies, you know what you are willing to tolerate and not tolerate way before entering into a relationship with any man. Your focus should be to determine if the behavior he is already exhibiting, of his own free will, is consistent with a man who wants to commit to you. Ask yourself “Would a man who wants to commit to me…Cheat on me? Constantly ignore my calls? Play really hard to get? Just use me for a booty call? See me only a few times a month (even though we have been together for a considerable length of time)? If with the passage of time he is not organically moving toward a commitment with you, that doesn’t mean you should begin to bend your boundaries in order to get him to board The Commitment Boat. It does however suggest that you may need to evaluate the nature of the relationship and his capacity to be in a committed relationship with you. Know your worth girl! Never settle for less or feel that you have to change who you are for a man. Also, if you need him to do that much changing for him to commit to you, he may not be a good relationship match for your needs.

Ladies, Don’t Give Away Your Power

If you want a decent shot at cultivating a healthy relationship with him, you must never give away your power. Your sole basis for happiness cannot be the success of a relationship with a man. Why? Well for starters, nothing in life is guaranteed. People can be especially unpredictable. Some relationships eventually end. Some relationships last a lifetime-that is reality. Additionally, if you are only happy when you get your man to commit, then your happiness is based on external things. You have to already have internal happiness before stepping into the relationship with him. This way if it doesn’t work, you don’t fall apart-this is key. If it does work, you will have the satisfaction of knowing that you approached the relationship already being secure in yourself, having your own life, and living your dreams-maintaining your power. Emotionally healthy men are attracted to secure and emotionally healthy woman.

You have power too. The commitment or relationship you want is not just about him- it’s about you too! You have a voice and a say so about it!! Don’t let a commitment with a man be your exclusive source of happiness. To do so is to put the responsibility for your happiness outside of yourself, and in doing this, you give away your power. When you give away your power, it makes it … (continued – Click to keep reading Are You Carrie Still looking for Mr. Big? How to Make a Man Commit)

37 comments… add one
  • Diane May 29, 2016, 2:22 am

    You explain things really well. I now understand my flaws in what I did wrong and I ended up liking someone so much. He ended up actually breaking up with me because I was so serious about him. I’m still crying and it’s been since March.

  • Cynthia Hotaling December 4, 2015, 9:13 pm

    Yes, this article explains me to the T. However, I will wait forever for a man to commit because I want a guy that is willing, not forced.

  • Betty Sjogren December 2, 2015, 11:57 am

    I would say that you have a pretty good angle on whether a guy is going to commit or not just by the way he acts around you. If you don’t see those signs after a few years, it might be time to start asking questions.

  • Velma Cowan December 2, 2015, 11:48 am

    My b/f makes me feel “worth” it so I am pretty happy right now with the thoughts that we could commit anytime.

    • Laura Goza December 4, 2015, 9:23 pm

      That is good news. thank you for sharing that with us and now we can all continue being jealous :)

  • Martha Oleary December 1, 2015, 12:37 pm

    I am in a relationship for about 8 years. Things have progressed nicely so far and I only have one question. How long should I wait for that commitment?

  • Faye Anderson November 30, 2015, 9:55 am

    I made a man commit one time. we were together for like 4 years and i told him that we should get married because it seemed so perfect. He freaked out and thought it was “too early”. I said, well, then lets break up because I do not think it is too early. We were away from each other for 3 weeks before he decided to change his tune :)

  • Mary Farr November 30, 2015, 9:44 am

    I have been with a man for a while now and I think he is not ready to commit. I am thinking that he is not ready to do so emotionally and I am not sure how to bring up the fact that I think we should see someone for the problem.

  • Javinne November 29, 2015, 7:45 pm

    @Sandra and Susan: Thank you for reading!

  • Cecelia Johansen November 28, 2015, 9:31 am

    I always wondered when the appropriate time for a new “title” was in a relationship. I mean, it is hard to understand what you are to a guy without asking him.

  • Diana Davis November 26, 2015, 10:00 am

    There is a lot of talk about making a man commit on this blog. I am a firm believer that if it is going to happen, it will and it is up to YOU to decide how long you are going to wait and how much work you are going to put into it.

  • Cherie Richards November 25, 2015, 9:25 am

    I tend to give the guy a little room if he does not want to commit. A conversation must happen at some point and maybe he’ll come around to it.

  • Librada Thompson November 24, 2015, 9:35 am

    I would think that if you are “putting your time in” as the significant other, at some point there will be a title change. If not, you might want to ask what the hold up is.

  • Teresa Winner November 23, 2015, 7:37 am

    Commitment is a very funny thing. What might not work for one guy, will be totally opposite for the next.

    • Sheila Seely November 24, 2015, 9:47 am

      Yeah, that is why you cannot just assume that one relationship is going to go as well as the one you had in the past.

  • Javinne November 22, 2015, 10:28 am

    @ Robin: First, thanks for reading the article. However, remember you deserve the best. So, I would caution against wanting just “ANY” ole’ man to commit to you . If that thought is truly in your heart, you might find yourself settling for “ANY” man down the road (even one that mistreats you or who’s behavior is hurtful) . Being open to a commitment from “ANY” man could open the door for you to be in a situation that is hurtful for you at worst and not satisfying at best. Hang in there! never settle.


  • Javinne November 22, 2015, 10:22 am

    @ Karen: This is often a very common experience. You do have a lot going for yourself and that is good. It shows you know how to take care of your needs. However consider this, how attractive we are, or the good job we have, or the nice apartment we have, have nothing to do with our ability or capacity to have a healthy relationship. The key is to not feel like something is wrong with you or missing. Keep living your life, like you are. The things we possess have nothing to do with our ability to have or attract the relationships we desire.

  • Karen Renfroe November 20, 2015, 9:14 am

    See, now this is where there is a problem for me. I feel I am quite attractive, I can get a long with guy just fine. I have a good job and an apartment, but I am not having any luck with relationships that last.

  • Robin Dodson November 19, 2015, 9:07 pm

    I am not sure that I am acting like Carrie, but it would be nice to have a commitment from ANY man at this point. It seems that the 3 month mark is about where we cut it off, what could be the problem?

    • Lisa Sawyer December 1, 2015, 12:48 pm

      Well, what are you doing on your end to find that commitment? It is not going to just fall into your lap.

  • Javinne November 18, 2015, 11:47 pm

    @ Vivian: You got it Vivian. It is all in the behavior.
    Usually, his behavior will tell all you need to know.

    Thanks for reading the article.


  • Javinne November 18, 2015, 11:45 pm

    @ Martha: Yes, holding on to your power is important.
    You are definitely right about that.
    Thanks for taking the time to read and comment.


    • Susan Sanford November 20, 2015, 9:25 am

      Very good points!

    • Sandra Noggle November 23, 2015, 7:47 am

      You man god points Javinne.

  • Javinne November 18, 2015, 11:43 pm

    @ Sharon: Yes, Sharon exactly! Well said.
    Thanks for reading the article.

  • Tammy Carlson November 18, 2015, 11:57 am

    Make a man commit? I found that if you push to hard, into you or not, that will pull him away.

    • Delois Mullins November 28, 2015, 9:41 am

      For some men. Others need to be pushed into something like this. Not that they do not want to commit, but they need help getting over that bump in the road.

  • Vivian Finlay November 18, 2015, 11:47 am

    I think the trick comes down to knowing whether or not the man has actually dedicated himself to you. If you can see and know that he has, then a commitment is in order.

    • Sabrina Ballantyne November 26, 2015, 10:10 am

      That can be a tough sign to pick up on. If you are an “up front” type of person, you can learn a little faster by just asking.

  • Martha Dargan November 17, 2015, 8:18 am

    I like having a little bit of power in a relationship, so that is something that I will NEVER give up on.

    • Shannon Francis November 25, 2015, 9:43 am

      That is a good stance to have, but it does make for some interesting situations.

  • Sharon Fontaine November 17, 2015, 8:07 am

    I think if you are so caught up in getting a guy to commit, you are going to be setting yourself up for a disappointment. Why can’t it just come naturally, even if it takes longer than you would like?

  • Javinne November 16, 2015, 11:25 am

    @ Helen: If you find yourself stuck in a relationship that isn’t going anywhere chances are it is way beneath what you deserve-Remember you deserve the best. Keep your head up, stay positive , keep Loving YOU, and perhaps one day you will find your “Mr. Big”.
    Thanks for reading the article,

  • Javinne November 16, 2015, 11:21 am

    @ Brittany: It was a great show, wasn’t it? Remember, the more we wait for something outside of us to come along and make us happy, we are usually focused on what is missing. The end result of that is usually discontent. The more you are thriving in your own life and comfortable in your skin, the less it will matter if someone else comes along and the less it will feel like something is missing. And if he does come along, you have a better chance at attracting a good healthy relationship because you will be Loving YOU and it will radiate.
    Thanks for reading the article.

  • Helen Howard November 16, 2015, 9:00 am

    I wouldn’t say that I am exactly like this, but when I get stuck in a relationship that does not seem to be going anywhere, I wonder if there is a “Mr. Big” out there for me.

    • Mae Hale November 19, 2015, 9:18 pm

      There is a Mr. Big for everyone. It is just a matter of timing and when you are going to meet.

  • Brittany Martinez November 16, 2015, 8:51 am

    I used to love that show. There was so much about it that allowed me to relate to. I feel like I am waiting for Mr. Big to come along.

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