How to Be Proudly Single During the Holidays

How to Be Proudly Single During the Holidays

As a psychologist who specializes in dating, I often hear how difficult it can be to be single during the holidays. It can be tough not have that special someone during those celebrations but sometimes the hardest is the family pressure and all the questions people can ask about your love-life during these gatherings. So, just in case this applies to you too, here are some tips for dealing with this:

1. If people ask you why you’re still single, tell them about your life and what you’ve been focusing on. Remind them that you are not more valuable as a, ‘plus one’, and that you have a great full life.

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2. Practice your own positive self-talk. The only opinion that really matters is your own, so remind yourself that you’re wonderful. Tell yourself that you’ll meet someone when the time is right and think about all the ways that you are loveable. People can only push buttons that are already there so if you feel loving about yourself that will come through.

3. Find positive role models. It can help to think about all the amazing single women that you know and admire. Maybe they’re passionate about their career, travel, their circle of creative friends or hobbies.
You belong to this group and thinking about that will make you smile, even if others don’t get it.

4. Set boundaries. Just because people are friends or family does not mean that they can meddle deeply into parts of your life that you’d rather not discuss. You can just firmly and politely say that you’d rather not be asked about dating right now and leave it at that.

5. Change the subject. When asked about your love life, you can say, ‘I’m not seeing anyone right now but I do have news about ______.’ Hopefully they will get the hint and will talk about that instead.

6. Celebrate the holidays with your single friends who understand. It helps to have a group of like-minded friends around you so make another special time to party it up with them and to celebrate your singlehood and freedom.

I hope you have Happy Holidays full of love!

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In summary…

How To Be Single During The Holidays

  1. Tell people about what you’re focusing on in your life if they ask if you’re single
  2. Practice your own positive self-talk
  3. Find positive role models
  4. Set boundaries
  5. Change the subject
  6. Celebrate the holidays with single friends who understand

how to be single during the holidays


Dr. Paulette Kouffman Sherman is a licensed psychologist, dating coach and author of the, “The Book of Sacred Baths,” published by Llewellyn Worldwide. It includes baths to improve your love life, to attract a mate and to improve your dating anxiety, self-esteem and more. You can preorder it here: She’s also the author of “Dating from the Inside Out,” published by Atria Books, and others. An expert in JDate’sJMag, Eligible Magazine and Digital Romance, she’s been a guest on television shows like the cbs Early Show & the am Northwest Early Show and a radio expert on the Curtis Sliwa show, Pathways and others. Dr. Sherman was quoted on, USA Weekend, the NY Post, Newsweek,, More,,, Fox Business, Crains, Better Homes & Gardens, Reader’s Digest, Redbook, Glamour, Forbes, Woman’s Day, Metro newspapers, Men’s Health, Seventeen, Men’s Health, New York Magazine, Web MD, Everyday Health, Complete Woman magazines, the Huffington Post and the NY Times. She has a psychotherapy practice in Manhattan and does dating coaching internationally by phone. Learn more at and the upcoming, Follow her at @kpaulet or

26 comments… add one
  • Katrina Fletcher December 7, 2015, 7:35 am

    This is not a big deal. My friends and I get together after family time and that way we do not feel that we are alone.

  • Gloria Tyndall December 6, 2015, 11:28 am

    Great tips! And women should realize there is nothing wrong with being single during the holidays.

  • Bernice Mellinger December 4, 2015, 9:12 pm

    There is no good way to be single during the holidays. It is just not normal. I feel like a person that is single during the holidays does not even have any friends they can bring along.

  • Michelle Welch December 2, 2015, 11:46 am

    I never had an issue with being single during the holidays. I can come and go as I please and sometimes it is less stressful that way.

  • Patricia Jones December 1, 2015, 12:46 pm

    I would never judge a person that is single for the holidays as it could happen to any one of us.

  • Deborah Rouse November 30, 2015, 9:42 am

    Like other ladies are saying here, there is nothing wrong with being single. If you are going to be getting made fun of by your family or whatever, then find another family to spend time with.

  • Sylvia Lewis November 28, 2015, 9:29 am

    I have no issue with being single. I find it is better that way then forcing myself to find someone, just to have someone.

  • Debbie Nevin November 26, 2015, 9:56 am

    I can be single during the holidays. I am a single child and it is easier when I do not have siblings bring their significant others to dinner.

    • Georgia Bannon December 6, 2015, 11:36 am

      That would make it much easier when you are not seeing the rest of your siblings with their families around the table.

  • Jessica Back November 25, 2015, 9:42 am

    I never thought being single would be that big of deal, until last year. It was the first time I was single during the holidays and it was a bother. I hope I can find a date this time around.

  • Jennifer Sutphin November 25, 2015, 9:23 am

    Single friends! That is a great idea, thank you for the suggestion!

    • Jack Gray November 26, 2015, 10:08 am

      That is what we do with our guy friends. It turns out to be a pretty good time and there is nothing wrong with it.

  • Barbara Dunbar November 24, 2015, 9:46 am

    I have never been single during the holidays since I have been an adult. Even though these are good tips, I hope I am not in a position to have to worry about it.

    • Alice Johnson December 4, 2015, 9:22 pm

      Me, too. I find myself knocking on wood now just to make sure :)

  • Rita Berglund November 24, 2015, 9:33 am

    Very good post. This will give me and others the confidence to walk into the holidays without someone hanging on our side.

    • Clara Carroll December 1, 2015, 12:36 pm

      I am using these tips. Single for the first time around the holidays in 10 years. I hope things go well!

  • Antoinette Teal November 23, 2015, 7:35 am

    There is nothing wrong with being single, even during the holidays. You can go to your family gathering and that would be it. I would love that!

    • Horace Abel December 7, 2015, 7:45 am

      exactly. be true to yourself and do not just find a date to “impress”.

  • Shannon Reyes November 20, 2015, 9:24 am

    I love being single during the holidays. Usually, by the time dinner is done, most of the couples are mad at each other and I do not have to deal with that :)

    • Graciela Bricker November 30, 2015, 9:53 am

      LOL, that is the same thing that happens at our family gatherings :) It never fails and I leave there single and happier than ever.

  • Jacinda Garcia November 20, 2015, 9:10 am

    I am in this situation right now. After reading this I feel much better about being single over the holidays.

    • Carolyn Hickman November 23, 2015, 7:47 am

      This is awesome. I am sorry that you are single for the holidays, but maybe it is time for reflection and when they are over, a new start!

  • Diane Paxton November 19, 2015, 9:17 pm

    Yeah some people are just busy and do not want to ruin something because they might not be able to focus enough time on building.

    • Lisa Cloutier November 28, 2015, 9:40 am

      I can understand this. The pressure comes from the family in most cases, but that should not MAKE you have a date.

    • Katrina Dennis December 2, 2015, 11:56 am

      This is true. Career focused types might not have enough time to get into a relationship with someone they would want to take home for the holidays

  • Maryann Turner November 19, 2015, 9:06 pm

    One year I was not single for the holidays, or so I thought. Right before Thanksgiving I was dumped by my b/f that thought we were not the best fit all of a sudden. This post rings true for me.

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