So, you thought things were going great. You went on a few dates, had great conversation and a great time together. You even thought he might be “Mr. Right”! Suddenly the texts slowed down except an occasional “hey stranger,” the calls completely stopped, and he never asked for another date again. You start to internalize things and you think “what did I do wrong? Why did he go ghost on me? What a jerk for being so cold.” I know you’ve been through a litany of reasons of why he lost interest in you and before you ask What Happened To Dating, here are few to consider.
1. He was looking for a hook up not a relationship
Sometimes men are on the dating scene prowling and not looking for anything serious. If you had some good chemistry he might contact you on occasion just to check in but odds are he’s on the prowl again looking for another chance to hookup.
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
2. He wasn’t attracted
I know you may think it’s shallow but maybe the picture he saw online or how he thought you would look didn’t quite match how you looked in person. Maybe he was expecting one thing and got another and what he got didn’t keep his interest. This doesn’t mean something is wrong with you so don’t internalize this, but maybe you just weren’t what he was looking for.
3. He couldn’t see himself building a future with you
At a certain point in life men are looking for a specific type of woman that he can build a future with. When men begin to seriously date instead of just dating for sport then they are specific about who they entertain and invest energy in. For example maybe he wants kids and on the first few dates you made it clear that you don’t want any kids. Maybe he values spirituality and you said you were an atheist. You may never know exactly what it was but if your values don’t align then he may lose interest.
4. His drama sensors went off
Men of a certain age and stature desire peace in their lives more than anything else and if he gets the vibe that you will cause more chaos than peace then he may exit stage left. If he sees those early signs of insecurity like you asking a million questions about his social media, if you sound like you and your friends are always on the drama train or if your last relationship seemed very unhealthy he might see the red flags and lose interest.
5. He might already be involved
Sometimes in the midst of dating a guy might already have someone who he is already seriously interested in but not necessarily exclusively dating. It may very well be that as he was starting to date you he transitioned into a relationship with another woman and knew he couldn’t have it both ways. Men don’t do closure very well so while you might be thinking he should have just told you that, he may have found it easier to just stop talking to you all together.
There are many reasons that men lose interest and quite frankly they probably aren’t very different than the reasons that ladies lose interest. The key is to not internalize everything just because someone loses interest it may simply be that the two of you were not a good match or the timing wasn’t right. This is even more of a reason to slow down and stop moving so fast when dating.
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
The Biggest Reasons Men Lose Interest
- He was looking for a hook up not a relationship
- He wasn’t attracted
- He couldn’t see himself building a future with you
- His drama sensors went off
- He might already be involved
About the author
Troy Spry a Certified Life, Dating, and Relationship Coach and the one and only “Reality Expert”, resides in Charlotte, nc. He created his blog, Xklusive Thoughts, with the intent of putting out a very realistic perspective on love, dating, relationships, and marriage and using it as a vehicle for inspiration! He hopes to challenge people to think differently and to inspire people to do and be better in relationships and in life!
some men re out there to get inbtw ur legs and dump u period
I hope that I never have to deal with this. If a guy just stops loving you or loses interest in your relationship, I would hope that he is man enough to talk to me about it.
If you cannot tell that a guy was just looking to hookup compared to wanting something more serious, you need to get yourself checked out.
What if he never loved you to begin with? Like, he was telling himself that he could go through with the relationship and give it a “try”, but that wasn’t how he really felt?
Well, even though it would suck to have a guy just lose interest in a person like me, I can see these reasons being “valid”.
I am not sure I would say these are good reasons why men lose interest, but they are all possible.
I found that your comments are spot on, troy. thank you for the advice and giving me things to think about.
These are good points that deserve further discussion. If you find that your man has just given up, there is something that needs to be said.
Did you know that men lose interest because you are not interesting enough for them? This is part of the reason that I refuse to have sex with a guy until we have been together a few months. You just never know what you are going to get.
I have lost interest in a guy before. It can happen. We just grew away from each other and mutually broke up. It was the weirdest thing ever.
Thanks to everyone who took the time to read and comment on my blog! I appreciate the thoughts and dialogue and hope this piece gives some insight into some burning questions about why men might lose interest!
You’re welcome! This is a good article and might be one that was can all learn from some day.
Troy has some very good points. I have seen people fall out of love before and it is not a nice scene. The hope is that you catch it before it gets to bad.
Guys are hard to figure out. Even when you think you have them pegged, there is something they say or do that makes you question your sanity.
Linda I think the best thing to do to weed out any complexities is to just pay attention to actions and make sure they match words and look for consistency and reciprocation. I always say “when it’s right it’s easy!”
Good point Troy. Thank you for being so easy to understand.
Troy has some very good points here, but I think they can all be figured out before you get too far into a relationship.
Tina I agree it doesn’t take too long to figure it out if you have patience and pay attention to the person and not the IDEA of the person. Often times we don’t see the reality because we fall for the lustful feelings that are many times compounded by sex and a false sense of intimacy.
All that I would ask is that he is straight with me and not holding his real feelings back at all.
I am the same way. I tell the guy how I feel, try to be very straight with him and hope that I get that back in return.
Agreed! Honesty is the key but for some reason we fear it. It could all be so simple! HA!
I have given up trying to figure out men. If they are not interested in me, fine. I just move along and forget about it otherwise I spend way too much time thinking about it.
Nicole you won’t have to “figure out” the right man in the right situation. I think we over complicate things because we see it as the “dating game” instead of just getting to know someone and focusing on shared values and intentions. I agree that if it seems to hard and you have to force it then you probably shouldn’t be in it.
IF the guy cannot see building a future with you and is afraid of losing interest, he should be honest about it right away.
Patsy I agree 100% but I believe part of being an empowered dater is recognizing when things aren’t moving in the right direction and actions aren’t consistent and then being willing to cut your losses if not.
it happens. sometimes things are not jiving good and that is why men fall out of love.
this is true. You have to be able to maintain a good relationship and that means hard work and determination between the two of you.
I can see who not being attracted might be the reason. A guy could think he is having a one night stand, but it turns into something more without him really putting anything into it.
I would hate for a guy to just lose interest, but I can see how it might happen.
I would feel like a failure at that point.
Even though it would suck to have a guy lose interest all of a sudden, I can see how these reasons are valid.
I would not buy any reason when it seems to be “all of a sudden”. There is a reason and in that case it was there for a while. He should have said something.
I am not sure they are “valid” reasons, but they are situations that DO happen. It is too bad and the only hope that you have is you learn sooner than later.