Right when you feel your relationship is heading to the next step, he starts to pull away, and you’re left wondering what went wrong.
When a man withdraws and pulls away most women want to know what’s going on and why, and how to figure it out.
You might want to analyze every single thing you could have said or done in an attempt to answer: “what are the exact reasons men pull away? Why do guys come on so strong at first and then pull away?”
Why Do Men Pull Away?
The reasons men pull away are VERY important to understand. Why? There are two general reasons, and one doesn’t include you. He is either pulling away for reasons that have nothing to do with you and the relationship is fine, or things have gone sour and he requires some space. For now, do not panic because any feelings of anxiety from you will make him pull away more regardless of his reason. Also remember, things could be perfectly fine right now. There is no need to rock the boat and tip things into bad territory.
When Guys Pull Away It Is Not Always A Bad Thing
This is something to pay close attention to. Things could be fine, so don’t get anxious until reading through this article. It will give you a clearer picture.
When Men Pull Away What Should I Do?
Do you know what the worst part about a man pulling away is? It's not the emotional pain. It's not the underlying fear of abandonment. It's not the terrified hopelessness of losing him.
It’s that most of the time the one who cares the most in this situation somehow always turns out to be the villain, the one blamed, and the one getting hurt. When a guy pulls away women tend to make the horrible mistake of closing in and putting pressure on the situation, only to have him pull further away because of it. It seems the more you care and try to fix the relationship the more he distances himself from you.
When a man comes on strong, and then pulls away sometimes it can even feel as if he’s testing you in some sick sort of way. It’s natural for us to feel worried, and want to put more focus onto the situation.
This reaction will almost always push him away even further and damage your relationship even more.
When you’ve met a man you really feel compatible with, one who you really like and who seems like he really likes you, it feels like you’re on top of the world. He’s giving you tons of attention, you keep making plans to see each other, he’s keeping in touch on the phone and with texts, you’re happy, and he’s happy – in short, things feel perfect.
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But then… out of nowhere, you start to feel that something is going wrong. He stops calling as much. He pulls away from you a little more. He doesn’t want to make plans this weekend, and it seems like his affection towards you is waning.
Whatever it is, you can sense it, and it feels horrible in the pit of your stomach. Knowing someone you love is pulling away from you can be one of the worst emotions we can feel.
For most women, the very first instinct is to try to fix the situation by getting closer to him and more involved in his life. We may want to dig deeper and figure out the root of the problem by asking questions and even watching his every move.
The problem is, this reaction almost always causes the opposite of the desired effect.
This is going to sound like a paradox – but the best way to stop him from withdrawing and pull him back to you is to stop trying to pull him back. Start focusing on yourself. Basically, try and do your own thing.
If you spend your efforts trying to pull him back, you’re going to push him away. Spend your efforts on things that you want to do. As a matter of fact, act is if you have better things to do than worry about him liking you. As long as you are focused on how to conform to his likes then you are putting him on a pedastal, and lowering your worth, which is the opposite of what you want to do.
It seems totally counter-intuitive, but the only way to get him to come back to you is if he comes back to you on his own, without you trying to pull him back in.
So with that in mind, here are the 3 steps to giving him the space he needs to come back to you willingly and happily, instead of trying to get him back in a way that will end up pushing him away even further:
1. Calm down and realize that him pulling away is a totally natural thing
Even if a man is completely in love – it’s natural for him to drift away at times. There may be something he’s going through that you don’t know about, or he may be having a difficult time at work. The point is, you dont know, and there is more going on in the world than just you. If you feel it in your gut that you guys are still close, give it the benefit of the doubt.
It’s also because most men are afraid of becoming vulnerable – and there’s nothing that makes a man feel more vulnerable than falling in love. Traditional societal roles have taught most men to shut down and hide their emotions, so having raw feelings for someone and being totally open can be very tricky for a man.
Men sometimes bounce back and forth between close and distant when they’re falling in love because they’re not one hundred percent comfortable yet with being totally open with you. But little by little, over time, they’ll work out their feelings and start to become more comfortable, and the gaps in your relationship will begin to shrink.
That’s why it’s so important to remind yourself that if he’s feeling distant – it’s totally normal. Don’t immediately go to into emergency mode – that would be just about the worst thing you could do!
If things are meant to be, he’s going to become less distant as the relationship goes on. He’s always going to want “space” sometimes, just like anyone, but it’s going to become less and less frequent. Just remember, that in the end, love conquers all!
Do you want to know why men pull away and what to do about it? We’ve summed everything up in an awesome infographic for you, click below to view it:
2. Create a desire in him to get close to you again
Like I said before, for most women, the reaction when a man is pulling away is to freak out and try to close the distance. This almost always backfires. Putting pressure onto the sitiuation is the last thing you want to do.
When a woman chases after a man, she undermines his attempt to feel more independent. It can make him feel under scrutiny, and can take away any incentive he has to further the relationship by lowering your value and making you less attractive.
Also, when a woman is trying to fit the mold of another person and is clearly trying to be someone else, it comes off as disingenuous – even desperate, which is not a good look. There is nothing more attractive and sexy than a woman who doesn’t care who does, or doesn’t like her. When it seems like your entire world is depending on that person you have automatically devalued yourself, while rasing them onto a pedastal. In order to be the most attractive to men you have to at least be on their level, or above. This kind of skewed dynamic with him taking priority over you never works out, no matter how hard you try.
By chasing after him when he pulls away, you’re only pushing him away further. You’re also making it so he doesn’t even feel like he’s getting the distance and perspective he needs. Therefore, he tries to pull away more, which makes you chase him harder, and the whole thing blows up in your face. It becomes a self-destructive cycle.
Don’t obsess on why he’s becoming distant or what’s wrong, and don’t try to push a response out of him. That means no pestering calls or texts, and definitely no showing up where he works or at his house.
Remember, he has to reach the conclusion himself that he misses you and wants more of you in his life on his own. You can’t make him want that… any more than you can make him want to eat more ice cream if he’s full. There is simply no way to force someone to like you.
Instead, you have to let him naturally get “hungry” again. That means giving him space.
Guys are going to naturally cycle between wanting intimacy and wanting independence. Trying to guess the reason is impossible – some guys want space to reflect on the relationship, some more insecure guys may even want space because their friends make fun of them for being “too whipped”, some guys want space because they need time alone to clear their heads and gain clarity in life. Maybe hes struggling with a personal issue, or with his work. The reason could be anything for a multitude of different reasons.
It’s not possible to guess the reason why he’s acting a bit distant – but it is possible to give him time and space. The one thing you can control is you, and how much attention and effort you put into him, as well as your mood.
You have to let him make the choice to come back to you instead of trying to force it. If you do, it will be much stronger when he decides he wants to be with you again, and it will feel much better for both of you. Putting too much pressure on things will always make it worse.
You have to let him make the choice to come back to you instead of trying to force it.
Men are enthralled by the chase, so by making yourself less available, and by doing your own thing more often, you actually become much more attractive. Men want what they cant have. The more independent you are the more attractive you become to all men.
Watch The Video: Why Men Pull Away: Reasons Why And How To Stop A Guy From Withdrawing
3. Communicate your feelings effectively
It’s very easy to feel a sense of anger and neglect when a man pulls away from you – just like it’s easy to feel resentful of him when he comes back. Many women want their man to know just how bad he hurt them when he pulled away, so that he knows it’s not ok for him to do that.
However, most women go about expressing this in completely the wrong way.
You have to be able to express this with words ( not passive aggressive actions), and you have to be able to express how you’re feeling without blaming him for it. Never act like your running an interrogation, or like you are shaming him or belittling him. Always remain totally open and non-judgmental with what you are hearing.
For example: don’t attack him with questions like “Where have you been? Why did you just drop off the face of the earth? Why didn’t you call?”
Instead, tell him, “I feel great that I’m hearing from you!” Instead of giving him something negative and aggressive to associate with you, make sure that when he’s with you or talking to you, he feels fun, positive energy from you. Your mood is one thing you have absolute control over, and how you act can be infectious. People like being around postivity. Think of all the times people have complained to you and how enjoyable it was to listen them.
Plus, if you don’t lash out with anger or blame, he’ll see that you’re in control of your emotions and that you’re not living and dying with everything he does or doesn’t do – and that will make him want you even more. He’ll know that you’re someone who understands him and he won’t feel so trapped by his emotions while he’s around you. Having the freedom to be perfectly honest with someone is freeing, and almost addictive in a sense.
As you keep spending positive, happy time with him, he’ll realize more and more how comfortable he is with you, and you’ll begin to see that you’re his first choice!
Frequently Asked Questions
Why men pull away early stages?
Men have difficulty being raw with their emotions. Taking that first big step into complete openness with a woman can sometimes feel like it’s a leap into the abyss. For a man, showing his feelings feels risky, and sometimes the thought of rejection, or not being understood can prove too stressful.
Why do men pull away when they are falling in love?
Love is the strongest emotion of all, so for a man this can easily be an intimidating feeling. It’s not easy to give yourself wholly to someone, and it takes a degree of letting go. For men letting our feelings go can be difficult, especially with traditional societal roles that tell men to hide their emotions and hold them in.
Why husbands pull away?
Generally, it’s usually as simple as him needing space. Marriages can be extremely fulfilling in their unity, but at times being around one another too often can feel repetitive and can get stale. Always try to do new things and give each other space when needed. Don’t think the worst is happening just yet. Relationships, especially marriages, always have their ups and downs.
Is he pulling away or breaking up?
Sit back and don’t freak out if you’re feeling this one. As I said previously, he may need space, and you also have no idea what could be going on in his head. Take your time and scope the situation before making any rash decisions. Most likely he just needs a little room or has something on his mind other than you.
Why do guys pull away before they commit?
Guys fear commitment for the simple reason it means they have to expose their true emotions to a woman. This can be frightening for a man. Women tend to forget how intimidating they can be to men! Exposing yourself is hard enough to do to a friend, let alone to someone you’re attracted to.
Why do men pull away when things start to get serious?
Commitment is scary for men, just as it is for women. Let him know your not judgmental, and that you will love him no matter what his flaws may be, if he feels safe with you, he will inevitably begin to feel more comfortable.
I hope this article helped you understand what to do if a guy is pulling away. It’s a question I get asked a lot – so I wrote this article as a “band-aid” to get rid of the worst of the symptoms right away. My number one solution to this problem is by simply trying to put your best foot foward. Try becoming the best version of yourself, and make a world that other people want to live in with you. The one thing you have control over is you, and your mood. “Strong” and “independent” should be synonymous with “sexy” and “attractive”. Focus on yourself more, and you’ll begin to see him focusing on you more as well. It seems crazy, but it works!
It’s important to note that if you really want him to stop pulling away forever, you need more powerful advice. If you’re ready for that, you need to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Have stories of a guy becoming distant and then coming back? Or disaster, withdrawing from you completely? Share them below.
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Here’s Why Men Pull Away
- Men pull away for lots and lots of different reasons, and trying to get closer or pull him back to you pushes him away further and damages the relationship even more
- The best way to stop him from withdrawing and bring him back to you is to stop trying to pull him back
- Try to remember that him pulling away is a totally natural thing that all men go through at one time or another
- You can create a desire for him to get close to you again by not chasing after him
- Win his respect and love by communicating your feelings effectively and without judgment