Now, this is something that can actually drive a woman crazy, make her feel sick to her stomach and make her feel unworthy of love. When a man looks at another while he is with you, it can be an earth-shattering experience, something you can’t help feel furious and unbearably upset at. Even if you “aren’t that type of girl,” the type who gets jealous a lot… seeing your man stare at some other woman can send you into a wave of fury coupled with a sense of sadness deep in your soul.
A lot of the men I’ve taught as clients have come to me with what I thought was an unusual problem: they couldn’t stop looking at other women when they were in a relationship, and it was affecting them negatively.
For many of them, looking at other women had become a big problem. Married men especially had trouble – because everything in their lives was going well for them, except that they couldn’t stop their “wandering eye.”
For these guys, it negatively impacts their lives because of how upsetting and hurtful it can be to their partner, in addition to how demoralizing it is to them when they realize they’re unable to stop on their own.
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They struggle with incidents that they feel are out of their control, like a quick glance at a woman on the street – and they feel awful about it, especially if the other woman notices. The pain comes both from hurting their partners, and from not being able to control looking and feeling awkward and panicked about it.
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Taking The First Step
The first step in addressing this issue is recognizing that it’s a problem. A lot of men simply don’t consider this a problem, either because they’re single or because they think their spouse is unaffected.
But for the men who know this has a painful effect on their spouses, it’s a huge step to admit that they want to stop this behavior – they just don’t know how.
To realize what this habit is about, we need to look at it from the beginning. Most men start habitually glancing at women when they’re teenagers. They discover it naturally and it actually feels good to them – really good.
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Men are especially susceptible to a very positive physical reaction when they see an attractive woman as teenagers. Their brain responds with neurochemicals that make them feel amazing – which reinforces the behavior.
Why Men Look At Other Women
Men are especially susceptible to a very positive physical reaction when they see an attractive woman as teenagers. Their brain responds with neurochemicals that make them feel amazing – which reinforces the behavior. These neurochemical responses in the brain are the reason why men begin to look at other women habitually. Add that to the constant stream of attractive women shown on the news, in media, tv , and movies, and you get the makings of a habit that can be very difficult for a man to break.
The habit becomes so strong that for a lot of men, it feels like a “reflex” rather than a habit, and like it’s impossible to stop doing.
Meanwhile, men are told over and over again that this is “natural” male behavior, that males “should” glance and “check out” other women. Advertisements on tv are particularly guilty of promoting this behavior, and most of them use very attractive women to try to sell products.
In short, this kind of behavior is not only promoted, it’s reinforced day after day by the media in today’s society – which makes it even more difficult for a man to “turn it off.”
It’s only when men get into committed relationships or marriage that they start to see this behavior as a real negative – because they see how it’s hurting and negatively affecting their partners.
Here Are 3 Suggestions For How To Get Him To Stop Looking At Other Women:
1. Help him realize that this is a habit , it’s not a reflex . He doesn’t have to do it, it’s not uncontrollable, it’s just a deeply ingrained habit that he will need to work on breaking.
2. Help him to take a look at his life and really scrutinize it to find the things that support and feed that habit. Things like internet porn, advertisements with hot women, men’s magazines, etc. Try to help him cut those things out of his life so they don’t make the habit any stronger (and give him some breathing room to work on breaking it.)
3. Acknowledge that it’s totally normal and natural to notice attractive women. It doesn’t make him a freak, it doesn’t mean he’s awkward or a creep, it’s totally 100% natural. What you’re trying to help him do here is not stop noticing them, but rather limit how often he “checks out” other women and for how long.
Do you have any strategies to help stop the habit of looking at other women? Let me know in the comments!
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