What does it take for a man to fall in love with you and decide that you’re the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with?
You know the scenario: You meet a great guy and things seem to be going great. The two of you have a lot of fun together. It’s been a few months and you’re really starting to have strong feelings for him. You know you’re ready to commit.
But the instant you comment on how pretty an engagement ring is when a Kay Jewelers commercial comes on or gush over how adorable your cousin’s new baby girl is, your man’s face goes blank and he changes the subject. Or worse, he just goes completely silent.
You become determined do everything in your power to show him that you’re the one for him.
You cook him special romantic dinners or you text him, “Can you come here for a second?” from the bedroom and when he walks in, you’re wearing nothing but whipped cream and a seductive smile.
Maybe you even go so far as to learn to play his favorite video games or pretend you love watching football so he can see how supportive you can be.
But no matter what you do for him to show him how you feel, he doesn’t seem to be falling head over heels in love with you. Sometimes he acts like everything else in his life is a priority except for you!
What on Earth does it take for him to show you a little affection so you feel reassured that things are going the direction you hope they are??
You might actually be sabotaging your own chances for lasting love
Many women feel like they’re doing everything they possibly can to get a man to fall in love with them. But in many cases, you could be doing the exact opposite and have no idea you’re doing it!
If you genuinely want to show your guy that you’re the woman he can be with forever, then it’s vital that you understand the things that he needs to feel certain of in order for him to know you’re the lady he can count on to get through life with.
Take The Quiz: Does He Really Love You?
Women tend to view love and commitment as the same thing while men do not.
For a man, love and commitment are two separate things entirely. A man can love you very much and still not choose to commit fully to you.
For a woman, once she begins to fall in love, she can easily picture sharing her life with this man and raising his children in a little house in the suburbs.
Her imagination paints a picture of what could be and if she likes what she sees and it feels right to her, that becomes the path she wants to go down. If she doesn’t see any obvious red flags, it’s a go. Love conquers all.
It is not so easy for a man.
A man can be happy with a woman, be wildly attracted to her physically, and know that he loves her, but something can still just not feel quite right.
He might not even be able to pin down exactly what is wrong but he just doesn’t feel like his heart is safe with you and if this happens, there is nothing on this earth that is going to make him change his mind.
This is why you often see a couple split up because the man doesn’t want to get married but then he turns around and marries someone else a few months later. He has found that “thing” he needed.
You can be a perfectly amazing woman and still not be the person a man chooses to spend the rest of his life with…
Everyone has a responsibility to themselves to be selective with their partner.
Let me give you a powerful metaphor to illustrate this: You have friends and then you have your best friends. They’re all terrific, but not every friend is your best friend, right?
It’s the same with romantic relationships. Like your bestie, lasting romantic love must be based on a particular combination of attractions and compatibilities. On both sides.
Just because you feel something strongly does not mean he is feeling those exact same feelings… or will ever feel those exact same feelings as you do.
As a universal truth: Just because you feel something (no matter how powerful), it doesn’t mean the other person feels it.
And, another important truth is…
When a man says that he is not interested in long term commitment, it is always best to take him at his word.
Move on before you get in too deep and be smart enough to protect your heart..
No commitment means no commitment!
No amount of convincing is ever going to get a man to change his mind about not wanting a relationship just as no amount of convincing will ever be needed if a man does want one.
Now we’ve established that no amount of giving/love/patience will cause a man to feel that you’re his one and only.
So, the question remains: If you have a pattern of giving and giving and being disappointed because the guy doesn’t respond to it and you begin the endless cycle of keeping score and resenting the lack of balance in the relationship, where do you go from here so that you can have a healthy and strong love that you both can count on and that will stand the test of time?
That really depends on how much you genuinely want a loving, committed, long-term relationship and on how willing you are to learn how to be your half of your loving, committed partnership.
Think about it…
We go to college to get a good career.
We study and test to get our license so we can drive a car.
We take the time to learn about many things in life so that we do them well.
Why wouldn’t we want to do the same thing to help ensure that our love has its best chance at lasting a lifetime?
I’m about to share what makes the all the difference between whether relationships are really easy, fun and fulfilling… or disasters. Are you ready to learn it?
Giving versus Sharing
This is not just about relationships.
Understanding the difference between giving and sharing will affect how fulfilled, successful and happy you are in every aspect of your life.
It is absolutely critical to know the difference between giving and sharing when it comes to creating a strong and lasting love.
Now I want you to understand that I’m going to use the terms “giving” and “sharing” in a specific way in this article, so pay attention to how I’m defining each term.
Giving is done with an end result in mind. An expectation and even a guarantee of a desired outcome is the purpose of the giving.
Over time, it makes you feel like you do and do for others and never seem to get enough in return or have your needs met, causing anger and resentment and a feeling of one person being against the other.
You have to rely on external sources to replenish your capacity for giving.
In other words, you put a lot of energy and effort into your relationship, but you are doing so with the expectation that you’ll get something back in return for all your hard work.
You give and give and end up feeling like you’ve spread yourself too thin, holding your breath and hoping for that moment of relief, where you finally get your reward and can breathe again.
A “giving” mentality sets you up for failure because it is based on expectation, which inevitably leads to resentment within you when he doesn’t meet your expectations.
On the other hand, a “sharing” mentality gives the relationship a much stronger foundation to create an unbreakable bond.
Sharing happens when you have enough inner peace of mind and happiness that you’re able to share yourself with others without ever feeling like you’re losing anything.
Another way to say might be that you feel completely ok within… totally content, happy and at ease… and so whatever you do is done freely without any thought of wanting something in return.
It is done without expectation and it is a choice that you make based on what you genuinely want to do.
Because that is who you choose to be. Sharing never leaves you feeling depleted because it is impossible to share too much when you always have enough. Because of this, you never feel that you need anything in return.
Sharing means that you are always ok with the outcome, no matter what it is. Your feelings about your own value never fluctuate according to the actions and reactions of the man you are with because your value isn’t influenced by how other act or react.
When you understand the difference between giving and sharing, you can begin to realize why it is so important to enter into love coming from a place of sharing rather than giving.
If you have your own emotional issues…
If you have any emotional issues that limit your ability to share, you owe it to yourself and your future relationships to work on these issues.
You can never just sweep baggage under the rug and expect it to stay there. That’s not how it works. One day it will come boiling up and interfere with your life again. Get rid of it for good.
Take responsibility for and deal with issues through therapy or self help books or online courses.
If your issues are draining you and taking too much of your energy, then you feel depleted and incapable of sharing, boxing yourself into the far less desirable giving mentality.
And who could blame you? If you don’t feel ok, all you want is relief from that feeling of not being ok.
I want you to know it’s ok for you to finally let go. You’re not being selfish by living into your own happiness – your inner ok-ness is a gift within you that radiates outward and attracts love to you.
Here’s Why Men Fall In Love
All men really want is to find the right someone to share life with. To work together as a team, moving in the same direction. Not just his direction, but the direction you both want to go! When a man feels like being with you is comfortable and simple and you are working together toward something greater than either of you could create on your own, he will never want to be without you. And when you feel the same about him? You will have a lifetime of having someone by your side, by choice, not by need, to get through anything and everything with.
And a love that will grow stronger day by day.
Love is a lifestyle
Look at it this way: You plant a flower seed. You give it the right soil, you give it water, you make sure it gets plenty of sunshine. It starts to grow and thrive effortlessly when it’s in the right environment. There is no forcing a flower to grow and bloom. Love is the same way.
Good soil, water, and sunshine create the perfect environment for a flower to thrive.
Sharing, when you’re happy, whole, and in touch with your inner ok-ness, creates the perfect environment for lasting love to grow and thrive over time. Naturally, without effort or force, and at its own rate.
When you bring the sharing mentality into your love life…
The greatest thing of all is that even if the guy you’re with has not read this article and isn’t really able to put into words what he wants, you already understand now and you can put this knowledge to use by living it and being an example.
People have an innate wisdom for seeing what works and emulating what they see. So if you are coming from a place of sharing with your guy, he will almost certainly see how easy it makes things and he will choose sharing and a team-mentality as well.
Love is not a sprint… it’s not a marathon… it’s a lifestyle.
Having a sharing approach to life brings you more love, it doesn’t drain you, and it promotes a stronger bond.
Conversely, the giving mentality pushes love away and worse, it also drains you, builds resentment, and creates separation and conflict.
It’s important to have an approach that doesn’t drain you of energy since you can’t predict the future.
Things can go wrong and he may decide to make a different choice in his life. That’s ok too.
You will not feel like you’ve given everything to him only to have it all be for nothing because you’ve simply shared the wonderful parts of all that you are with him.
You did not give them away.
You did not use them to gain a result.
Your value is not lowered.
You haven’t lost a thing.
You are still everything you were when you began.
If you are not a good match with a man, you will painlessly realize that you’re not meant to be with this him and you have plenty more to share with someone who will be a much better match for you.
When you are approaching a relationship from a sharing mentality, you effortlessly have a relationship that grows, deepens and flourishes with a partner you love and who loves you.