I remember being in a relationship where jealousy got the best of me.
I was checking his phone when he would go to the bathroom. I even asked him who he was talking to everytime he picked up his phone.
Nevermind the fact that he was secretive, that he lied a lot, or that he wasn’t exactly faithful.
No… I let jealousy … get the best of me .
This guy, who did what he wanted, was married to me and I was so overruled by jealousy that I had to know his every move. I needed to know.
“I didn’t want to look like a fool,” is what I kept telling myself. I would be so convinced that I needed solid proof every time I called him out. The only way I felt “in control” was to be “in the know”.
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This guy was mine, and I wanted to have a say.
One day, after a divorce and a couple attempts at reconciliation with this man, I realized I was trying to compensate control measures as a way to deal with my lack of self-love.
Jealousy is about comparison, not possession.
I could not control his choices. I could only control my own. Yet, I was so bent on believing that if I at least knew what the truth was, then I could make a validated choice.
I had given up all of the focus on myself. I was trying to validate a reason for why I felt jealous.
The truth was though… He couldn’t tell it and I didn’t need it.
So I took the long “scenic” route to figuring out how to tame the jealousy, and here’s what I found.
Keep the eye on the prize – that’s you… not him. He does not become more important than you just because you made a commitment to each other.
Clean out from under the rug – This is twofold, as you will need to have a come to Jesus meeting with yourself, and then have one with him. The fact is, you need to get honest about what you’re feeling… And how you’d like to feel. Keep inventory over what you are in control of, and what he can help with. Communication about this stuff is the only way to see if you can move past it.
Examine the truth – Can he be faithful and honest? Does his actions and words match? If the answer is no, then there’s nothing more you can do for him. You can’t force a man to be honest, no matter how many times you catch him in a lie.
Go easy on yourself – show yourself some compassion girlfriend.
Trying to be perfect really sets you on a very unattainable end goal. You’re pretty awesome in all your quirks, and beautiful in all your flaws and perks.
Get reacquainted with yourself and learn how to cherish your amazing qualities.
Check your source – Remember that Jealousy is the “I don’t have that” feeling. When we are missing out on having what we want, we need to get clear on the source we are looking to fill it. you are the most important source of your happiness. How you fulfill this can be done through emotional healing, and new adventures.
Remember ladies, you are valuable, and you deserve to have a journey you love!
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How To Stop Being Jealous
- Keep the eye on the prize
- Clean out from under the rug
- Examine the truth
- Go easy on yourself
- Check your source
With a M.S. degree in Forensic Psychology, and relationship/love coach training, Kristi Kay specializes in emotional awareness, communication, self-love, and authentic self-expression for women. All of these factors influence the success, and satisfaction, of a woman’s journey in love.
The goal of Kristi Kay Coaching is to provide women the confidence in their authenticity and vulnerability again. Her free eBook– “It’s Your Love Journey, Enjoy the Ride- Three Steps to Shifting the Vibe”- can be obtained by subscribing to her newsletter. It focuses on taking the awkwardness out of interacting with men.