How To Stop Jealousy Dead In Its Tracks And Get Over It Fast

How To Stop Jealousy Dead In Its Tracks And Get Over It Fast

ok – let’s get one thing out of the way first. It’s a totally natural feeling to feel jealous… but it can also make you feel awful and drag your mood down.

Plus, it can put distance between you and your man by making you upset around him and driving you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. It’s a big mistake that can destroy your relationship.

If you want to make sure you can keep your relationship strong, you’re going to need to get rid of negative emotions like jealousy before they affect your relationship and put a dent in the trust between you.

Luckily, if you follow these steps, it’s not that hard. Here are some surefire ways to get rid of jealous instincts.

1. Recognize Jealousy When You Feel It

  • ok, so you’re feeling crappy, and you don’t know why… wait, it’s jealousy!

    When you start feeling jealous, figure out exactly what it’s about so that you can deal with the cause. Is it because the man you want is spending time with another woman? Or because he looked at another woman? Or your friends are choosing to do things without you? Or from another source?

    Whatever it is – identifying what you feel jealous about is the first step towards stopping jealousy at its source(1).

  • Take The Quiz: Do You Trust Him?

    Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Do You Trust Him” Quiz right now and find out if you really trust him…

    2. How To Take Down Jealousy Before It Messes You Up

  • If you’re looking to minimize jealousy’s impact on your life, you’ve got to hit it where it lives. You have to realize what jealousy thrives on, what it uses as fuel – and then deprive it of that fuel.

    Jealousy usually starts because you’re feeling insecure about something – whether it’s a man you like seeing someone else or any other reason. It all stems, and flows, from insecurity.

    That’s why one great way to stop jealous feelings is to identify the feelings of insecurity at its source, and deal with it(2).

    If you want to stop jealousy from controlling your life, try building your self-esteem. If you want to do that, the most effective thing to do is to act like someone who already has confidence. The “fake it ’til you make it” approach sounds hokey, but it really works.

    When you can build your confidence from within, you’ll find yourself feeling much less jealous, because you know you’re a worthwhile person and you don’t need to feel insecure (3). After all, if your man is talking to another woman, that’s fine… she could never understand him like you can.

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  • The best part about gaining confidence? You don’t have to go through the awful process of comparing yourself to other people anymore.

    The truth is, comparing yourself to other people is a waste of time. You don’t really know what’s going on in that person’s life, you can’t see their struggles or their pain, so all you have to go on is how they look to the outside world – which is easily faked.

    When you stop comparing yourself to other people, you begin to feel much better about yourself, because you’re not holding yourself to an impossible standard.

    You’re able to stop focusing on things you don’t like about yourself, and instead start focusing on things you do like about yourself, which builds your confidence even more.

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    More: Why Men Pull Away: 3 Easy Ways To Stop A Man From Withdrawing

  • If you’re in doubt about your behavior and you feel like you’re acting out of jealousy, here’s a handy tip: do whatever you think is the opposite of what a jealous person would do in the situation.

    Making accusations or giving someone the silent treatment is only going to harm your relationship with that person and make you feel even more jealous. Instead, do the opposite instead – act trusting and loving of that person.

    If the man you like is going out with his friends and you’re jealous he’s not spending time with you, don’t get mad at him. Instead, act like someone who’s happy for him – by suggesting something fun to do or a good movie to see.

    If you see the man you like talking to another woman, don’t be cold and hostile towards her. Instead, you can join the conversation with them, and be super friendly and positive towards her.

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  • Don’t let your paranoia get the best of you. Paranoia is often the worst part of jealousy, since you can’t tell when you’re being unreasonable and when you actually have cause to worry.

    That’s because jealousy forces you to imagine nightmares in your mind and go over them again and again in detail… when in fact those scenarios never even happened at all.

    Resist the urge to run scenarios in your head, and instead just accept the other person’s actions at face value.

  • 3. Trust Is The Most Important Thing

  • This is easier said than done, but it’s true – you have to be trusting! I know it’s hard, and I know in the moment it’s a lot easier to give into temptations of jealousy and paranoia, but trust me, that’s going to undermine and destroy your relationships from the inside.

    If you’re a jealous person, chances are you’ve been hurt and betrayed in the past. The problem is, if you allow the past to make you feel jealous and paranoid in situations that you’re in in the present, it’s going to control your life and make the same awful things happen.

    The truth is, even though it’s hard, you have to keep jealousy at bay, or else your past will control your present. Think about it this way – is the person you’re jealous of right now ever given you a reason not to be trusting?

    If the answer is no, then there’s no real reason you should be jealous of them. Every person deserves to have your trust until they prove otherwise, and if you act mistrustful of them without a reason that they gave you, it’s going to hurt your relationship and drive them away.

  • However, if this person has given you reasons to be mistrustful, and are still finding ways to make you feel jealous, it means they’re not a good person to have in your life. In that situation, the best choice is to move on.

     

  • Remember, jealousy is a negative emotion – but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn something from it. You can learn a lot from what you’re feeling jealous about – and what situations trigger your jealousy.

    In fact, just by paying attention to what you feel jealous about, you can figure out what areas of your life you’re insecure in, which friends you’re insecure about, and how you feel about all sorts of aspects of your life.

    So although jealousy is unpleasant, it can be one of the best tools for self-inspection and insight.

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  • If you’re having trouble controlling your jealousy even after all this, chances are your expectations are out of whack somewhere.

    Most importantly, you have to have reasonable expectations about how much time someone can reasonably spend with you. If you’re expecting your boyfriend to spend every second of every day with you, chances are you’re going to be disappointed – and jealous if he decides he wants to go do something else.

    So take a good, close, honest look at your expectations, and ask yourself: am I really being reasonable? Or am I being sort of unreasonable to expect these things.

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  • Finally, if you want the best way to keep jealousy at bay, learn to think about things optimistically instead of pessimistically.

    Pessimists will find reasons to be jealous in everything they see, and that winds up undermining their lives and their happiness. This is because pessimists find it very hard to trust people due to their pessimistic viewpoint.

    On the other hand, optimists don’t have trouble trusting people, because they believe people are generally going to do the best they can to validate and honor that trust. By avoiding negative thinking, you avoid creating those situations in your own life. Funny how that works!

  • Want to find out for sure if you really trust him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Do You Trust Him” Quiz right now and find out if you really trust him…

    Take The Quiz: Do You Trust Him?

    In summary…

    How To Stop Being Jealous

    • Recognize any jealousy when you feel it
    • Figure out what your jealousy is using as fuel
    • Build your confidence and fight insecurity to deprive jealousy of fuel
    • Try to stop the habit of comparing yourself to other people
    • Try to do the opposite of whatever you think a jealous person would do
    • Don’t let paranoia get the best of you
    • Work hard on being trusting

    how to stop being jealous

    47 comments… add one
    • N June 4, 2018, 12:17 pm

      this article is useless and does nothing to help. i get sick and tired of going out with a group and watching my man flirt with my girl friends or his female “friends”, he’s a whore why should i have to be the one to change. yes he says he loves me and that he’s with ME but he’s a leo and needs attention. it’s sickening to watch him do these things and i become consumed with madness playing the scenarios over and over instead of enjoying myself. i hate the women he’s flirting with and i could never see myself “joining in and laughing along and liking the women”, i’d rather sock them both in the face for trying to humiliate me in public. men are whores, why should i do the work. for days weeks months i can’t get over these scenarios and they just consume everything i do. it’s like having a knife stuck in your heart in public. he shows no remorse for his behavior and says i’m the problem. no HE’S the problem, i’m doing nothing but he’s making all the mistakes. why should I HAVE TO DO ANYTHING FOR HIS SHITTY MEGLOMANIAC BEHAVIOR. MEN ARE PIGS PERIOD.

    • Kate May 18, 2018, 10:21 am

      I’m jealous too what will I do about it

    • Mindy February 9, 2018, 10:13 pm

      If jealeous person is with a looser/ poor communicator or pervert. Actually the jealeous person is rarely the problem. If someone takes time to know your love language and makes an effort to show love there would be no jealeousy.

    • Hannah January 26, 2018, 10:18 pm

      My ex-husband was a sex addict and lied to me almost every day for 15 years. I am now re-married but it is so difficult to completely trust my new husband or anyone for that matter. My new husband has lied to me a couple times but not about anything too serious. Still I find myself looking over my shoulder and his far too often. Even though he knows my past he hates when I show signs of jealousy; this is fair considering my jealousy really should not be stuck on him. I find it very hard to be objective about this matter – i’m paranoid but often I don’t know whether i should be or not, I completely lack perspective; probably because I have experienced the worst. I absolutely hate this emotional, mental conflict. I think things have gotten better slowly and I have large spans of time where I don’t experience jealousy or paranoia – but then just when I see him erasing a fb conversation or something of that ilk its back with vengance. I’m not sure how to move beyond this.

    • Edith Haley January 23, 2016, 8:04 am

      i think if you start to feel jealous about your man, just talk to your friends about it and see what they have to say. you are most likely worried about nothing.

    • Rosie Sanders January 22, 2016, 7:15 am

      I have been with men that seem to have a switch they can turn on and off. That makes it very hard to understand.

    • Charlotte Frazier January 20, 2016, 2:15 pm

      The jealousy factor can really be an issue in a relationship.

    • Mary Bowe January 19, 2016, 6:33 pm

      I do not deal with jealousy very well. If I am going to be questioned and things like that, I will kick that guy to the curb asap.

      • Griselda Mack January 20, 2016, 3:35 pm

        Most people do not and it does NOT matter what side of the coin you are on in this case.

    • Leilani Brewton January 18, 2016, 2:39 pm

      Is this just pointed towards the lady in the relationship? I hope not, because it can EASILY go both ways.

    • Nicole Rodgers January 15, 2016, 8:18 pm

      I have a friend that is so caught up in everything her man is doing. I know she does not trust him, but I cannot understand why she still is with him.

      • Sophie Martin January 19, 2016, 6:41 pm

        She must not be able to sleep very well at night!

    • Jackie Kwong January 14, 2016, 9:00 pm

      Jealousy is the death of any relationship or family. It does not even have to be between loved ones. It is bad.

      • Sylvia Rojas January 18, 2016, 2:50 pm

        That is true. When things have to be watched or questioned every step of the way, you are never going to advance in that relationship.

    • Eliza Ellis January 13, 2016, 11:14 am

      I think a lot of times the person is not understanding the feelings they are having. Jealousy can rip through your mind and heart and if you are not there to recognize AND stop it, things can get ugly quickly.

    • Annie Barna January 12, 2016, 5:43 pm

      After many years of counseling, I have been able to get rid of the jealousy that always consumed my relationships. I feel great now!

      • Marsha Floyd January 15, 2016, 8:29 pm

        That is a great start Annie. All you have to do now is beat those old habits and find a guy that is not going to drill you about it each day.

    • Cassandra Poland January 11, 2016, 9:35 pm

      Trust might be one of the hardest parts of any relationship. when that is lost, especially from being jealous, there are few things you can do to get it back.

      • Julie Jakubowski January 23, 2016, 8:13 am

        Trust is huge. That is why I feel there is two different types of jealousy, but they are not covered here.

    • Donya Nilsen September 18, 2015, 2:11 pm

      There are a lot of quotes about jealousy and there are not that many of them in the group that are GOOD ones.

      • Barbara Jones January 12, 2016, 5:53 pm

        I agree with you. You really have to sift through them to find the “good” ones.

    • Lela Batista September 17, 2015, 9:47 pm

      Is it just me or does it seem that the most jealous folk are my girlfriends and not their partners? It just seems like a personality trait that comes along with a lady :)

      • Mary McAuley January 11, 2016, 9:45 pm

        LOL. I have a lot of jealous friends as well, but none of them are going to admit it.

    • Wendy Keenan September 16, 2015, 12:16 pm

      I think a lot of times the jealousy could be curbed if there are boundaries set in the beginning, right?

      • John Stinson January 14, 2016, 9:10 pm

        This is a very good point and has a lot to do with communication.

    • Kimberly Lawrence September 15, 2015, 10:05 am

      Keeping trust and confidence in a relationship is not an easy task. However, when it can be done, it is truly a great way to reward yourself and your partner!

      • Alice Thomas January 13, 2016, 11:25 am

        No it is not and if both of the people involved are not going to work equally as hard, there is going to be an issue for sure.

    • Gladys Bowden September 14, 2015, 11:19 am

      I have had jealously break up a lot of good relationships. It is hare to deal with and when person cannot control it, things can get toxic very quickly!

    • Martha McFerren September 11, 2015, 6:09 pm

      I hate jealous people, men or woman, they are just not good for your soul!

      • Katheryn Vanwinkle September 15, 2015, 10:15 am

        I agree. These types are usually the reason that a positive situation can turn into a bad one.

    • Rosalina Samsel September 11, 2015, 5:58 pm

      Jealously comes with insecurity, I believe that.

      • Maria Blackwell September 14, 2015, 11:30 am

        exactly. there is always little something hiding.

    • Verna Ziegler September 11, 2015, 11:13 am

      I think there is a fine line between what jealously is our not, so I do not think you can see it as easy as some might think.

    • Cindy Hartley September 9, 2015, 12:42 pm

      If jealously is in your personality, do you think you can get rid of it?

      • Gaynell Clough September 11, 2015, 4:19 pm

        I would say that you could not. It would always be hounding you in the back of your head. That is what would bother me most.

      • Charles Cullen September 16, 2015, 12:26 pm

        I partially agree. As a psychiatrist, I can say with certainty that it is something you can remove from your personality.

    • Anna Harper September 9, 2015, 12:33 pm

      Jealously sucks the life out of any relationship and I usually end one quickly if that is going to be the case.

      • Michele Smith January 22, 2016, 7:27 am

        As long as I can see that is happening, I will do the same. I had one relationship where the jealousy seemed to come out of nowhere and it was not there the months before. I was not sure what happened or how to feel, but it was not a good thing for me.

    • Ruby Magnuson September 8, 2015, 8:27 am

      Jealousy is going to get the best of any person at some point in their life. It is not something that is easy to get around. Some people just handle it worse than others.

    • Janette Obannon September 8, 2015, 8:13 am

      Trust is very important, you got that right. How do you gain that back after you have been hurt more than one time?

      • Deborah Ellis September 18, 2015, 2:34 pm

        That is a lot harder than it seems.

    • Robert Johnson September 7, 2015, 9:26 am

      I am a very jealous person when it comes to my relationships, but I would like to change that because I think it is a major turn off for the ladies. What do you think I could do?

      • Nadine Wilson September 17, 2015, 9:57 pm

        Well, you can make sure you are not freaking out about every little thing. If you have not been given any reason to be jealous, then why are you?

    • Ninfa Weiner September 7, 2015, 9:01 am

      Of course, trust is the most important. What if you had all the trust in the world for the last 3 years and then all of a sudden there was something that makes you not trust? Do you just toss him to the curb because of that or do you allow him to try and build the trust back?

    • Dagny Reber September 4, 2015, 8:48 am

      Being jealous all the time can ruin a relationship in a hurry.

    • Ashley Archie September 4, 2015, 8:36 am

      I have been in a new relationship for only a few months and I get a jealously feeling every time I go out with my b/f and his friends. Is this something that I should talk to him about?

      • Corede December 2, 2017, 4:50 am

        In my first relationship, my b/f was always involved with one girl or the other, I became insecure and jealous that it became a great issue. We broke up and got back together, the same old feelings are eating me up and it’s destroying my relationship. He’s the only man I have ever been with. How do I stop these habits completely. Need help.

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