ok – let’s get one thing out of the way first. It’s a totally natural feeling to feel jealous… but it can also make you feel awful and drag your mood down.
Plus, it can put distance between you and your man by making you upset around him and driving you to do things you wouldn’t normally do. It’s a big mistake that can destroy your relationship.
If you want to make sure you can keep your relationship strong, you’re going to need to get rid of negative emotions like jealousy before they affect your relationship and put a dent in the trust between you.
Luckily, if you follow these steps, it’s not that hard. Here are some surefire ways to get rid of jealous instincts.
1. Recognize Jealousy When You Feel It
ok, so you’re feeling crappy, and you don’t know why… wait, it’s jealousy!
When you start feeling jealous, figure out exactly what it’s about so that you can deal with the cause. Is it because the man you want is spending time with another woman? Or because he looked at another woman? Or your friends are choosing to do things without you? Or from another source?
Whatever it is – identifying what you feel jealous about is the first step towards stopping jealousy at its source(1).
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2. How To Take Down Jealousy Before It Messes You Up
If you’re looking to minimize jealousy’s impact on your life, you’ve got to hit it where it lives. You have to realize what jealousy thrives on, what it uses as fuel – and then deprive it of that fuel.
Jealousy usually starts because you’re feeling insecure about something – whether it’s a man you like seeing someone else or any other reason. It all stems, and flows, from insecurity.
That’s why one great way to stop jealous feelings is to identify the feelings of insecurity at its source, and deal with it(2).
If you want to stop jealousy from controlling your life, try building your self-esteem. If you want to do that, the most effective thing to do is to act like someone who already has confidence. The “fake it ’til you make it” approach sounds hokey, but it really works.
When you can build your confidence from within, you’ll find yourself feeling much less jealous, because you know you’re a worthwhile person and you don’t need to feel insecure (3). After all, if your man is talking to another woman, that’s fine… she could never understand him like you can.
The best part about gaining confidence? You don’t have to go through the awful process of comparing yourself to other people anymore.
The truth is, comparing yourself to other people is a waste of time. You don’t really know what’s going on in that person’s life, you can’t see their struggles or their pain, so all you have to go on is how they look to the outside world – which is easily faked.
When you stop comparing yourself to other people, you begin to feel much better about yourself, because you’re not holding yourself to an impossible standard.
You’re able to stop focusing on things you don’t like about yourself, and instead start focusing on things you do like about yourself, which builds your confidence even more.
If you’re in doubt about your behavior and you feel like you’re acting out of jealousy, here’s a handy tip: do whatever you think is the opposite of what a jealous person would do in the situation.
Making accusations or giving someone the silent treatment is only going to harm your relationship with that person and make you feel even more jealous. Instead, do the opposite instead – act trusting and loving of that person.
If the man you like is going out with his friends and you’re jealous he’s not spending time with you, don’t get mad at him. Instead, act like someone who’s happy for him – by suggesting something fun to do or a good movie to see.
If you see the man you like talking to another woman, don’t be cold and hostile towards her. Instead, you can join the conversation with them, and be super friendly and positive towards her.
Don’t let your paranoia get the best of you. Paranoia is often the worst part of jealousy, since you can’t tell when you’re being unreasonable and when you actually have cause to worry.
That’s because jealousy forces you to imagine nightmares in your mind and go over them again and again in detail… when in fact those scenarios never even happened at all.
Resist the urge to run scenarios in your head, and instead just accept the other person’s actions at face value.
3. Trust Is The Most Important Thing
This is easier said than done, but it’s true – you have to be trusting! I know it’s hard, and I know in the moment it’s a lot easier to give into temptations of jealousy and paranoia, but trust me, that’s going to undermine and destroy your relationships from the inside.
If you’re a jealous person, chances are you’ve been hurt and betrayed in the past. The problem is, if you allow the past to make you feel jealous and paranoid in situations that you’re in in the present, it’s going to control your life and make the same awful things happen.
The truth is, even though it’s hard, you have to keep jealousy at bay, or else your past will control your present. Think about it this way – is the person you’re jealous of right now ever given you a reason not to be trusting?
If the answer is no, then there’s no real reason you should be jealous of them. Every person deserves to have your trust until they prove otherwise, and if you act mistrustful of them without a reason that they gave you, it’s going to hurt your relationship and drive them away.
However, if this person has given you reasons to be mistrustful, and are still finding ways to make you feel jealous, it means they’re not a good person to have in your life. In that situation, the best choice is to move on.
Remember, jealousy is a negative emotion – but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn something from it. You can learn a lot from what you’re feeling jealous about – and what situations trigger your jealousy.
In fact, just by paying attention to what you feel jealous about, you can figure out what areas of your life you’re insecure in, which friends you’re insecure about, and how you feel about all sorts of aspects of your life.
So although jealousy is unpleasant, it can be one of the best tools for self-inspection and insight.
If you’re having trouble controlling your jealousy even after all this, chances are your expectations are out of whack somewhere.
Most importantly, you have to have reasonable expectations about how much time someone can reasonably spend with you. If you’re expecting your boyfriend to spend every second of every day with you, chances are you’re going to be disappointed – and jealous if he decides he wants to go do something else.
So take a good, close, honest look at your expectations, and ask yourself: am I really being reasonable? Or am I being sort of unreasonable to expect these things.
Finally, if you want the best way to keep jealousy at bay, learn to think about things optimistically instead of pessimistically.
Pessimists will find reasons to be jealous in everything they see, and that winds up undermining their lives and their happiness. This is because pessimists find it very hard to trust people due to their pessimistic viewpoint.
On the other hand, optimists don’t have trouble trusting people, because they believe people are generally going to do the best they can to validate and honor that trust. By avoiding negative thinking, you avoid creating those situations in your own life. Funny how that works!
Want to find out for sure if you really trust him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Do You Trust Him” Quiz right now and find out if you really trust him…
Take The Quiz: Do You Trust Him?
How To Stop Being Jealous
- Recognize any jealousy when you feel it
- Figure out what your jealousy is using as fuel
- Build your confidence and fight insecurity to deprive jealousy of fuel
- Try to stop the habit of comparing yourself to other people
- Try to do the opposite of whatever you think a jealous person would do
- Don’t let paranoia get the best of you
- Work hard on being trusting