In a truly happy relationship, it goes way beyond having intense psychical chemistry. The quality of your conversations will be what defines your relationship..
You know, there are a lot of ways to tell whether a relationship is working or not.
Sure, you could go with the obvious ones, like how often you make love, or how often you see each other, or even how often you smile around each other.
But none of those are really definitive. If you want the answer on what really makes a happy couple happy, you have to look at what they talk about.
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The journal Psychological Science found that couples who talk – and I mean really talk – about the important stuff wind up way happier in the long run than couples who mostly small talk.
Couples who had the most satisfaction in the survey were the ones who only spent 10% of their time with small talk… while the most dissatisfied couples spent nearly 30% of their time on small talk (1).
So what does that mean?
It means that couples in happy relationships have deeper, more meaningful conversations – and they do it more often.
Now, I don’t know if those couples are happier because they’re having deeper conversations, or whether they’re having deeper conversations because they’re happier.
All I know is that the happiest couples don’t hold back from the deep end of the conversation pool. And that’s super important – because that’s how you find out if you’re meant to be together.
If you’re in a relationship – next time try to skip the small talk and talk about some of the more important things in life. Here are the 9 things that the happiest couples find time to talk about:
If you don’t know where someone came from, how can you truly know who they are?
Talking about someone’s upbringing, their family, and their relationship with their siblings and parents is super important for finding out what kind of person they truly are, underneath everything else (2).
Plus, everyone’s got good stories about their family growing up. Even if they’re embarrassing.
2. Past Love Life
ok – so right off the bat, I’m not advocating that you talk to your boyfriend about his exes like, a few weeks into the relationship.
But if things are cruising along with this guy – you really like him, he really likes you, then talking about past relationships with him can be a great way to build trust and intimacy (3).
Obviously, you don’t want to hear that he’s still in love with an ex (and neither does he), but knowing what kind of romantic experiences he had in the past is a great way to get more insight into what makes him tick as a person.
3. What Being A Kid Was Like
no one makes it out of childhood unscathed. Every single person goes through stuff that leaves its mark.
And that’s important to know about someone! What kind of stuff happened to them when they were a kid? What did they do? What were they like?
This is the deep stuff. This is the stuff you don’t talk to someone about unless you really know them.
This is the stuff that makes people who they are.
4. What Really Scares Them
And I’m not just talking about being afraid of spiders.
What keeps each of you awake at night, staring up at the ceiling? What do you worry about? What does he wake up feeling dread over?
It’s hard to share fears – but there’s also no better way to grow closer to someone and understand them.
I know – this one might seem scary to some people.
But when we’re talking about a guy you could see yourself spending the rest of your life with – this is an important one.
Do you match up? Do you at least have some common ground? Can you talk about politics for more than 5 minutes without a screaming match?
Definitely something good to find out sooner rather than later.
6. Embarrassing Memories
ok – come on. If you’re going to share that one memory from high school that to this day you still cringe when you think of it – you should be sharing it with the guy you could really see yourself with.
Because who else are you really going to share that with? Experiences like that are for the person you trust to understand you – and the person you know you can understand.
Plus, he’ll definitely have some hysterical (and terrible) stories of his own.
7. Your Vision Of The Future
So obviously, don’t ask the guy you’ve been seeing for a few weeks about whether he wants kids and where he wants to live and what he wants to spend the rest of his life doing.
He probably would get freaked out.
But what’s more important than the future? What’s more important to agree about in a relationship?
By talking about the future with a committed partner, you can find some common ground – and bond closer to each other than ever.
8. What’s Going On In The World
And I’m talking about at a deeper level than, “Oh, the baseball team won again.”
I mean what’s going on in the world – what’s happening in your town, your city, your state, your country, and beyond.
What interests him? What gets him going about the world today? Does that jive with your opinions?
You can both learn from each other – and get a better perspective on the world through each other.
9. Movies and TV
These things matter!
I mean – obviously not as much as what you think about the future, or what you’re truly afraid of, but they matter!
Having similar tastes – or at least being able to understand why he likes what he likes and him understanding why you like what you like is important!
And finding that shared ground becomes oh so much sweeter.
Want to find out how compatible you are with him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Are You Compatible” Quiz right now and find out whether you’re *really* compatible with him…