Question: I’ve been best friends with a guy for the last 5 years and I’m secretly in love with him. I’m not sure what to do because I’m afraid if I confess my feelings, I will not only humiliate myself but it will ruin our friendship.
Even worse, I don’t think he “feels that way” about me. Except when we hang out, he’s super considerate and I think he might be flirting with me.
People even ask us if we’re together when we’re out. I’ve hinted at how I feel about him, and he basically said “I don’t want to ruin our friendship.”
It was heartbreaking, but I’m convinced he’s just scared of how intense our bond is. How do I make him realize that we’re meant to be?
So you have a guy friend who you’ve developed intense, strong feelings for that you honestly can’t control. You feel in your gut you could be perfect together if only he would see things the same way as you.
You trust him with everything. You can talk to him for hours and every moment spent together puts a smile on your face. You feel like he always knows what’s on your mind and you know what’s on his.
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Everything is perfect except for one thing…you aren’t in a relationship. Maybe he’s said things to you like, “You’re the most important person in the world to me and I’ll always be there for you.”
Or, “You’re like a sister to me.”
Or even, “I don’t want to risk ruining the great relationship we already have. You’re my best friend.”
Still, you can’t help but shake the feeling that he’s “the one”, the perfect man for you. All you want is to know what you can do to finally make him see it the way you do.
How can you become more than just friends? How do you get out of the friend zone?
Why Is He Afraid Of Being More Than Friends?
– His Heart Was Broken
If your guy had his heart broken from a previous relationship, he’s much less likely to start a relationship with a woman he sees as a close friend. He feels like you’re a person he can go to when he feels vulnerable and weak, and he almost becomes emotionally dependent on your availability as his friend.
Likewise, he may feel that if he starts a relationship with you, he risks losing that emotional security and will experience similar heartbreak.
Solution: Make time for yourself. Show him that you can have a happy fulfilling time without him (and he will have to find a way to be fulfilled and happy without you being around as much).
I’m not saying cut him out of your life, that doesn’t make any sense at all. But what I am saying is to let him do the chasing.
Have you ever heard the song, “Hooked On A Feeling”? Well, aside from it being a classic, it’s a perfect example of how guys feel when a woman presents a challenge. It literally hooks a guy on to the idea of pursuing you.
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– He Feels Like You’re The Safe Option
One major turn off that drives men away is neediness. If he feels like you’re always going to be around because you’re giving off signals that you really want to be in a relationship, he’s going to immediately lose interest and file you under the “safe option”.
This is the very last thing you want, because it means he will either think of you last when it comes to starting a relationship, or he won’t think of you at all because he knows you are going to stick around no matter what, even if he says he’s not interested.
Solution: Examine what you are doing. Don’t get so caught up on making him out to be the “perfect” guy for you that you put him on a pedestal and almost worship the idea of a relationship with him.
Instead, you need to relax. Don’t treat this like it’s the only chance at love and a relationship that you’ll ever have, because it’s not.
This leads me to my final thought.
Keep your options open! Don’t tie yourself up with a “possible relationship” and close off every other option that comes along. In some cases, this will cause him to realize he’s about to lose his chances with you.
I am not saying to pretend like you are over him and that you’ve “moved on,” I am saying to actually move on. It’s going to give off an attractive, refreshing energy he will naturally want to be around.
First of all, when you are fixated on your feelings for him, it gives off a needy vibe. If you let go of your fixation and accept that you are genuinely just friends…
you automatically get rid of the “needy” vibe. Having a needy vibe is an instant turn off to a man.
Another benefit of moving on is that when a man feels like he could lose you, he has room to pursue you. Here’s a secret about men you need to know: men want to feel like winners in the world.
If you give him the chance to “win you” by stepping back, accepting things as they are and moving on (genuinely moving on, not just pretending to) it makes him more likely to step up and pursue you as more than just a friend.
If you keep trying to push for an outcome (escaping the friend zone) you will make it 100% impossible to ever have a romantic relationship with him.
Another thing to keep in mind, as tough as it may be, is that if you’ve expressed your interest in a relationship, and he still only wants to be friends, it’s time to listen to what he’s saying.
How To Get Out Of The Friend Zone With A Guy
If you want to get out of the friend zone with the man you really want, there are two main things to focus on. First off, you want to focus on yourself and your happiness. Men (and women) are attracted to people who are happy, relaxed, and enjoying themselves and their lives. The second step to getting out of the friend zone is opening your options to include not just him. When he realizes that you’re not fixated on him, it makes him “put up or shut up” – and if you ever had a chance with him he realizes that he needs to step forward or risk losing you to another man.
I know hearing this will hurt, but the truth is maybe he’s just not attracted to you in that way. Maybe he’s just not ready for a relationship at all.
You have to ask yourself, is it going to make you any happier if you sit there and worry about every single thing this guy is thinking and doing?
If you keep waiting around for a certain outcome with your friend, you will waste time fixating on a guy who is never going to come around which is time you could have spent meeting the man of your dreams.
Until next time,
P.S. If you’re not ready to give up on him, you should try to find out if you’re actually compatible romantically with him.
Compatibility is the #1 most important predictor of relationship success between two people. If you’re compatible – you’re golden. If you’re not…
Want to find out how compatible you are with him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Are You Compatible” Quiz right now and find out whether you’re *really* compatible with him…