Why Won't He Propose?

Man Decoder: Why Wont He Propose?

I’ve been with my boyfriend for 6 years, going on 7. We’re really in love and have a good time together. The thing is, I want to get married… and I don’t know what he’s thinking or what the reason is but for some reason, he refuses to get married. I’ve asked him why, and he says the same thing. It’s along the lines of this: “I like what we have right now, I don’t get why people need to put that specific title on things. I don’t need to be married to you to be in love.”

And even worse, he gets moody and kind of upset when I do bring it up. I try not to mention it too often, but deep down I’m always thinking about it. What am I supposed to do? How do I make my boyfriend marry me?

Now, whether you’re in a relationship right now or not… across the board, I’ve seen a lot of women who are in a rush to get married in general. Even a lot of my close female friends and family members, strong and wonderful women in my life that I have nothing but respect and admiration for, have expressed fear in never finding that “one perfect man” to devote their life to.

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You’ve been thinking about your future and at the same time, you’ve seen your friends getting hitched. You’ve been thinking about settling down, maybe having kids. And ultimately, you want to know that your guy will make the final commitment and love you forever.

The thought of finally getting married to one man who dedicates the rest of his life to you might seem like the ultimate dream that will finally make you feel safe. Getting married might be something you dreamed of as a little girl, before you went to sleep at night…as you imagined putting on that white dress and walking down the aisle in front of all the people you love.

Except now, you are in a situation where you don’t know if you will ever end up getting married…and it’s terrifying.

It’s beyond terrifying. It might give you a sinking feeling if you even think about a life without a husband.

So how do you make a guy finally realize that you’re the woman of his dreams? Well, the weird part about getting a guy desperate to propose is it begins with your mindset. The way you think about marriage is going to make or break the vibe you give off. The mindset sabotaging you right now is the fixation on “getting married” as if it is something you can possess.

Marriage is nothing more than a title or a label. This label will bring you nothing. Just because you are married does not mean you won’t get divorced or separated.

Just because you are married doesn’t guarantee a happy ever after.

Marriage doesn’t mean your husband won’t cheat.

And most of all, marriage does not mean your man will never leave you.

I don’t say that to be harsh, it’s just the truth.

Like I said, marriage is nothing more than a label people place on their relationships to show their devotion towards one another. Nothing more and nothing less. If you stop focusing on the idea of getting married as something that needs to happen and instead focus on the quality of the time you spend with your guy you will maximize the chances of him getting down on one knee…and begging you to be his wife.

It might sound weird, but the truth is…this is the secret women who get men dying to marry them know: The act of fixating on it makes men NOT want to do it.

A good friend of mine, Clare, was frantic when she came to me. She was dating a guy for 7 years and she felt like she tried everything… he still refused to tie the knot. His logic was that marriage would ruin things and the nonstop pressure she put on him to do it started causing problems in their relationship. Not only that, but the more she brought up the issue, the more he pulled away.

Now, when she came over crying hysterically, I gently told her, “Just enjoy your time with him. Seriously, stop fixating on the idea of marriage and let it go. This is going to make him realize you are actually someone he wants in his life long term.” You might be surprised, but most women share the very same fears about marriage. For example, many women are terrified of the idea of their soul-mate leaving them and bearing the scars of divorce.

There are three common reasons men don’t want to get married.

1. Fear of Divorce

Just like a lot of women are really scared of getting married and having it fall apart, it’s actually the very same for most men! It’s been statistically shown that the average guy is afraid of the risks of divorce. What’s the best way to avoid that? Not getting married in the first place. That’s not necessarily fair, but it’s true.

Hence why this is a reason a lot of men aren’t fond of the idea of marriage. It could have nothing to do with you but everything to do with his fear of what will happen if things don’t work out.

2. Pressure To Have Children

This one may not shock you, yet a lot of men don’t want to get married because they don’t want to feel obligated to have kids. What do I mean by that? I don’t mean that men don’t want kids, that wouldn’t be true. A lot of guys simply want to wait until they’re older and more prepared to have children. (And believe me, if a guy says “I don’t want to have kids” it really means “I don’t want to have kids now”.) Men are short-term planners and live in the now, not 15, 10, or even 5 years from now.

3. Fear of Things Changing

A lot of men think that after you get married, things all of a sudden change. He might genuinely love the way things are right now and not want things to become any different after tying the knot.

The bottom line is, you can’t force a man to marry you (and even if you could, it would be setting the marriage up for failure). You can, however, inspire your man to marry you by showing him that you are his soul-mate, the woman he will always love and adore.

It’s ok to feel impatient about securing marriage with your man, but forcing a man to put a ring on your finger is only going to accomplish one thing; frustrate him. He wants to relax and simply enjoy your relationship.

So, how do you inspire him to propose?

After working with hundreds of couples and researching the dynamics behind what leads to couples getting married for years and I’ve narrowed it down to 2 steps.

Step 1) Relax and take your relationship easy. If you want to be with him forever, enjoy your… (continued – Click to keep reading Man Decoder: Why Wont He Propose?)

43 comments… add one
  • anon7 February 7, 2017, 1:03 pm

    With all due respect, I disagree with the overall tenor of this article, and the advice given. The couple in this situation clearly lacks communication skills; I’m sure they’re fine on some fronts, but I would find it deeply, deeply worrisome if I were with a partner that refused to hear my perspective or needs on the subject. He wouldn’t have to change sides (after all, I’m equally obligated to listen to and understand his perspective), but the fact that he isn’t even open to hearing her out is really problematic. He becomes moody, and is just pushing the problem away and buying as much time as possible, because right now he likes the situation as it is – clearly not caring that she’s in pain. That in and of itself would have me pause… Not really marriage-material! How many other issues just like this will arise in life, with the person you’re supposed to be teammates with?

    For the girl, I think it would be time to have a gentle but firm talk about how they both have different desires for what they see in their futures, and they might need to break up. He’s not going to all-of-a-sudden change his mind about this, and her being asked to coax him into wanting it is counterproductive and fails to acknowledge a major issue: they both want different things, and she has waited 7 years. Don’t waste another precious day.

    You can’t change someone, she needs to move on and find someone who will take her needs as seriously as she’s taking his.

    • Daisy March 27, 2017, 6:00 pm

      Thank you for this dose of sanity!

  • Sophie February 6, 2017, 4:03 am

    I came across this thread when having similar issues. My boyfriend and I have been together 2 years, and we have decided to start trying for a baby in the summer. I haven’t said it out loud as personally I think it should be obvious, but I would like a proposal when we start trying or when I am expecting. I wouldn’t say I believe 100% that you should be married BEFORE having children, but certainly the intention should be there. The way I see it, if my boyfriend thinks I am good enough to live with and good enough to have his children, then he should feel I am good enough to be his wife. I will be incredibly unhappy if he doesn’t feel the same way but it’s not a discussion I feel needs discussing, as it is the right thing to do and I refuse to believe any man out there thinks differently. To the ladies who are waiting and people are saying he may have a reason blah blah blah, I repeat – if he thinks you are good enough to be with, good enough to live with and good enough to have children with, you should be enough to marry. If not – leave, and find someone who does.

    • anon7 February 7, 2017, 1:05 pm

      Girl – you gotta communicate that! He might have no idea that’s what’s on your mind!

  • Beaurenshia January 20, 2017, 2:42 am

    I lived together with my boyfriend for 6years and we have two daughters together i dont know why i wanna get married but i do i really love him but this feeling of forcing him to get married is getting nowhere and i hate this feeling im angry all the time i get frustrated and stressed out this is not science you want to or you dont.

  • Shelbilynn Bancroft December 23, 2016, 8:26 pm

    My boyfriend and I have been together for almost 3 years. We have 2 children together and I have 2 from a previous relationship that he helps me take care of. A couple weeks ago I told him that I want to get married. He said “ok”. A few days went by and he didn’t say anything about it. So a couple of days ago I told him that I wanted to get married in May. No reply. To be fair, he does have a lot on his mind. For instance, bills, Christmas, he has to pay a speeding ticket, and he has court in a couple of weeks that may result in a couple months of jail time. What do I do?? Im driving myself crazy!! I’m in love with this man and I know he loves me. He said he wants to get court out of the way and I told him I’m not waiting years until we are married. He said we would be married within the year. But still, there has been no talk after that and I bring stuff up all the time but I’m scared I’m annoying him with it. Please help :(

  • Lauren October 17, 2016, 7:09 pm

    Can someone please help me I feel like I’m going insane :( me and my boyfriend have been together now for 3 and a half years, we are madly in love, we got it so good at the moment we live In a nice house , we share everything together when ever we have a problem or stressed or annoyed we’re the first people we go to, we both go boxing together which is really good for us to get some time together as we have just had a beautiful baby boy, I’m 22 and my boyfriend is big 30 in December, my other half works and I’m a stay at home mom I do everything for my family and would take a bullet for my son and boyfriend, I couldn’t have asked for a better dad than my other half he is amazing and always wants to spend time with are son, we both have a good social life we are always up and doing things if it’s not going out on family days out we’re cuddling on the sofa watching movies as a family. Everything is perfect how it is now but something is bothering me and it’s killing me to think like this but I’m always asking myself why not me? Why are all my friends getting engaged, planning there special day, going to try on there dream dress? I’m always thinking in the back of my head why hasn’t he asked me? What more can I do? Does he not wanna spend the rest of his life with me… does he not see me as a wife to him? It really breaks my heart I have been so off and quiet with him because iv hinted I want a ring he knows I want it bad he tells me I’ll do it in my own time but how long can a girl wait? It also makes me think does he even want to ask me to be his wife? Am I pressuring him? Kills me to say this but lately iv been thinking about walking away Does kill me to even think about that but I dream of the day I do actually get married, it’s not about the size of the ring to me I’m all about my son now, he is my absolute world and more. I just want to marry my best friend and have a happy life with my family, is that to much to ask for? I feel like I’m going to give up soon and that’s when I will go past caring and will walk…. I do so much for my family and I don’t expect a thank you or this and that I jay went my fairytale wedding with all my family around me watching me marry the man I love with my son watching his mommy and daddy say the words I do❤️ Please If anyone has any advice I’m more than happy to hear as I feel like I’m going crazy and really don’t wanna get to that point I really do love my boyfriend all the world but what’s stopping him from asking? ☹️Thanks guys

    • Jake November 13, 2016, 9:04 pm

      In men’s English, you ask, “why won’t my boyfriend turn into legally bound slave/bitch?”

      • Jake November 13, 2016, 9:07 pm

        “…a legally bound slave/bitch?” Excuse my typo.

    • kunami January 1, 2017, 12:39 am

      Leave him! I don’t think women really understand men very well because they never really tell them how they feel and they sure as hell aren’t going to tell them if they think they can do better or are thinking of leaving.

      They get complacent in relationships and end up riding them out till they meet someone else because they’re either financially scared or scared of being alone. A guy who deeply loves a girl will ALWAYS marry her just so he doesn’t end up losing her in the end. This is where “not showing your love”, can actually make them seriously think about proposing to you.

      The problem with women is they always go for the guys who are the most persistent trying to court them, these are often not the guys looking for relationships. Guys looking for relationships will keep their distance and will try to get to know you first and let the love come later. Most of the poor relationships I’ve see are due to one side pursuing the other relentlessly. There is nothing more beautiful then seeing somebody who is in love and it can make you fall in love with that person almost instantly and while in love you tend to not look at the other persons faults.

      Ive seen very few of my male friends marry a girl after dating them for a long time. Most of them got married a year after starting a relationship. I know personally, it’s easy to think you have a great connection with somebody and that you’re both in love with each other, while the other person may just know how to push your buttons just right and not really have feelings for you.

  • Lauren October 17, 2016, 6:56 pm

    I know the feeling

  • Elaine August 17, 2016, 12:04 pm

    The thing is, many women take your advise and relax and create the best environment possible for a loving partnership but then the 5 or so years pass and then they start holding the boyfriends feet to the fire. Then we seem pushy or irrational putting to much pressure on the mans precious freedom. Sad. We do the right things but need different options.

  • Amanda August 6, 2016, 2:59 pm

    Marriage is nothing more than a title or a label. This label will bring you nothing. Just because you are married does not mean you won’t get divorced or separated.

    I feel it is not true. All this articles is always only concerning the fact that people are from the same country. I am sad och anxious every day cause my now almost 2,5 year boyfriend (or common law spouse?) not have proposed yet. I am from Europe and he from the US. He lives her on a temporary visa. In 1,5 year he has to move back. I can’t move to the US cause I have been doing internship in the US and now can’t move there until 2018 cause of student visa restrictions. Every day I feel like life is falling apart cause we will have to be apart in the future if we don’t get married. He says to me EVERY day he wanna spend the rest of his life with me. Still never pop the question. I mean, I want to get married cause I love him, but honestly also cause I am afraid of being apart again. Very very afraid. While waiting for his visa her he we were apart 7 months (!) and that might be coming again. I don’t support people who just get married to come over immigration rules but we have been together for a while. And most my friends are married so its nothing crazy even. I can’t understand why he never do it.

    • Amanda August 6, 2016, 3:00 pm

      here** it should say on most places, not her*

  • Chris June 25, 2016, 8:30 pm

    This article talks about divorce but it go into detail on how radical second-wave feminism made that possible in the 70s? Women wanted to be strong, independent and do not need men…which turned out to be true! They just need protection.

    Divorce gave them half a man’s earnings through alimony.
    Tinder Years Doctrime (which is still praticed) makes moms the primary caretaker
    Child Support does not even ensure the money goes to the kids.
    Welfare replaces the security that men provide with the government.
    No-Fault Divorce makes this all possible with no required reason.
    Cohabitation can make it to where what is above, can apply for couples in select states that live together for a while that are married.

    Society does not want men to lead the house, they do not want parents to diciplibe their kids and want women to view submission as a form of institutionalized slavery.

    Plus, it is actually more beneficial for men to stay single. More women will want them once they get older and acquire more wealth.

    It’s funny how men are so simple but yet feminism has made woman to the point where they do not even understand or care to understand how men think, or their issues, yet they still persist to ask questions.

    • Jake November 13, 2016, 9:36 pm

      Lol, why should any capable man marry? In the modern marriage, I only see weak men prostrating to serve their wives and families.

      Marriage is legalized abuse of men. Stop the sexism please! And, stop the abuse of weak men. Some men just can’t “man up” and defend themselves. I feel sorry for most married men.

      • Molly January 10, 2017, 7:46 pm

        Lol, this sounds harsh but can be true. Jake, you are one funny person.

  • Diva 504 May 31, 2016, 3:32 pm

    This article was on point. My boyfriend of 2 years isn’t showing me any interest in committing or proposing. I plan to talk to a therapist to help me to plan my life without him. If a man loves a woman, why make her wait? It has been 2 years and I’m not wasting my time when I don’t know how much I have left. My reasons for wanting to get married… Every woman wants this. And I don’t want to leave this earth without accomplishing that. So right now, all I can do is better myself and focus on being the best I can be for me.

    • Vanessa March 11, 2017, 10:11 pm

      I so agree with so many of these comments. I was married once for 15 years and then now have dated a guy for 5 years. He had 3 kids with another women and does not care to get married. He gets very angry when I start talking about it and says why, it is just a piece of paper. I never had the opportunity to wear a white dress and have an actual wedding. If i am devoted to this guy and we have a great time, then why am i not good enough to get a commitment and a next step?

  • Bill Brewer May 21, 2016, 11:41 pm

    I have a hard time believing that women don’t know why men won’t propose.

    Marriage is a has-been scam for men. Any man who walks down the aisle needs his head examined.

  • Christine April 29, 2016, 10:30 pm

    Kiki.. doesn’t it take longer than a year to know someone though?

  • Christine April 29, 2016, 10:28 pm

    Your comment makes me wanna cry. I agree with you and am in the same boat. I would rather be with someone I love too but it makes me wonder why he wouldn’t want to marry me. I wonder if there is someone that would love to marry me and would think my bf was crazy.. but then I wouldn’t love him because he isn’t my boyfriend. Its tough but im choosing not to get down watching others get married

  • Petz April 28, 2016, 2:29 pm

    Hahaha, dunno whether to laugh or cry ..but i chose to laugh.
    This is the worst decoder ever .. i mean .. EVRRRR !

  • Sian February 8, 2016, 11:21 am

    I’ve been with my boyfriend for almost 5 years, we have a flat and an 18 month old together aswell as my 6 year old son from a previous relationship, my boyfriend has made it clear from the start that marriage isn’t something that he wants and as much as it hurts seeing all my friends getting married (classic case of always the bridesmaid never the bride over here) I accept that because I would rather be with the man I love, unmarried and happy than marry someone else just for the sake of being married…. After all, it’s a piece of paper and that’s it.

  • Kiki January 12, 2016, 1:25 am

    If your man hasn’t proposed to you after a long time together, it is for one reason and one reason only: He thinks he might be able to do better. If he does not know after a year that you are the only one for him, he never will. If he thinks he can do better, let him go. Let him know you don’t have time to waste on someone who doesn’t think you are the cat’s meow. ;-) He will either come to his senses, or you will find the man that will treat you like his goddess.

  • pradeep nilanka April 24, 2015, 12:41 am

    Hello I am nilanka 35 year old I wants ti married some girl we’re inputted Speke English I am from sri lanka

  • Girls87 April 3, 2015, 4:38 pm

    Fear of divorce can be a very strong feeling and one that has you making poor decisions.

  • SomeMen March 25, 2015, 5:17 pm

    you might have to really try and push him into marriage. if you think that “you have plenty of time”, think again. Before you know it, you are looking at a 10 year old relationship and no ring to show for it!

  • PoshTrish March 21, 2015, 10:29 am

    I am not sure this is really happening that much anymore, don’t you think? Most couples race into marriage and it has never been an issue as to why he might not propose. That might be part of the problem with the rising divorce numbers.

  • Lucky Girl March 13, 2015, 10:59 am

    it really comes down to just asking him what his reason might be. it could be something very simple and he might actually need some help to overcome it. just ask.

  • Chelsea March 2, 2015, 12:29 pm

    These are all great reasons, but I am guessing that the man has his own. The trick would be to find out what that is and if you can help him through the possible changes he would need.

    • Hope Smart March 14, 2015, 9:02 pm

      I am hoping we are talking about a relationship that is longer than 4 months. So many people rush into a relationship and marriage and that is part of the reason they end in a divorce.

  • Frank the Tank March 1, 2015, 7:11 pm

    I really never understood why a woman would want to “make” their boyfriend marry them. Get down to the reason that the proposal has not come yet. Then hit him with an option that has one of the outcomes as marriage.

  • Nicky Gene February 27, 2015, 10:41 am

    The reality is that he might not be into you that way. If you are looking for a wedding and he seems to be taking too long, time to have a talk and figure out where he stands. If he does not stand in the same boat as you, time to push him along and find someone that will.

    • Colleen Harris March 19, 2015, 12:16 pm

      Exactly. One of the reasons that he might not propose could be something that he needs to tell you. If you are pushing and he is pushing back, realize there is something in the way. Find out what it is.

  • Joanna E. February 25, 2015, 7:19 pm

    How long should you wait for a man to get his act together? If you’ve been with each other and committed for 5 years and yet he hasn’t proposed? What should I do?

  • Martha February 18, 2015, 1:39 am

    I have had 2 ex husbands and the sad truth is we were married yet it did nothing… Marriage means nothing because guess what divorce exists. Harsh but true. Get with the program, ladies. It’s called REALITY.

    Sounds harsh but it’s the truth that I refused to swallow. Marriage means nothing unless you are truly in a good relationship with love.

    • Debbie March 15, 2015, 12:08 pm

      That is a bit harsh, but it is reality. You need to find someone that is going to HONOR and OBEY you. If you are butting heads all of the time and he is talking smack when you are not around, that is not a good sign.

    • Amanda August 6, 2016, 3:08 pm

      But people from other countries then? All people doesn’t have partner from the same country… People always forget.

  • Kelly January 30, 2015, 4:57 pm

    So if a guy says he wants to be serious with you, and he wants to commit to you fully, but he doesn’t want marriage what does that mean? He says he wants no one but me but he wont propose? My family and friends all think we should be married I dont know how to wait much longer

  • Sandra January 30, 2015, 3:30 pm

    I think it’s strange how men are with marriage. Specifically, the man I have been dating for the past 3 and a half years. Don’t get me wrong. I love him and we are extremely close. But the problem is… I want to get married and he doesn’t seem to want to. It’s super frustrating because it’s something that’s truly important to me.

    How can i convince him that he should propose to me? I don’t get why men are afraid of marriage, it’s not like I am going to divorce him and hurt him. I don’t think men are truly that afraid of divorce, like you said… Why would they be?

    • Reality Check March 1, 2015, 7:13 pm

      You need to get down to the reason he has not proposed yet. There could be a very good reason, right? if you love him you will at least allow him to explain himself. From that point, if things are not going to move the right way, then forget him.

      • Dorris March 10, 2015, 11:51 am

        I do not think this is something that can happen overnight. It might seem that men need to be groomed into marriage, but that is how it works. If you cannot steer him that way, the cause is lost.

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