When you’re trying to lose weight or eat healthier, desserts can quickly derail your plans. You eat dinner, you sit down to watch some TV, and you can’t help but glance at the freezer.
Because you placed your freezer directly in between the couch and the TV. I mean, what the hell? Why would any sane person do that?
That container of triple chocolate fudge brownie ice cream is calling out to you. “Just one bite. It won’t hurt you. How many calories can be in one bite? C’mon. eat me .”
And now you’re hallucinating? You’re hallucinating dessert in your refrigerator talking to you and asking you to murder it with your mouth. This isn’t normal. You’re not normal.
You try to ignore it but the more you say you’re not going to eat it, the more you crave it. No matter how hard you try, you can taste the chocolate on your tongue, the richness of the brownie. And before you can say “screw it”, you’re already spoon-deep in a broken resolution.
See, this is just textbook schizophrenia. If your desserts are talking to you, begging you to murder and eat them, you’ve got far bigger problems than food cravings. See a doctor. Seriously.
I know the pain of trying to ditch desserts only to end up defeated and feeling guilty by the 5th bite of something. I’ve even tried keeping desserts out of the house. I figure, if it’s not around, I won’t eat it. It’s the same attitude I have regarding children.
Well, just like when I’m babysitting, I end up going to CVS at 11pm at night for a box of Oreo cookies.
If you can’t completely kick your dessert habit (or your eating children habit, if you’re a bridge troll), you can at least substitute in some healthy alternatives. Try these suggestions to get a healthy kick while satisfying your sweet tooth and/or not getting arrested for eating children.
1. Chocolate Covered Strawberries
You might not consider these outside of Valentine’s Day but they’re easy to make on your own and make them healthy or at least as healthy as they can be for something smothered in chocolate.
Smothering something is so ambiguous, you know? Like, I can smother strawberries in chocolate, and everyone celebrates. Then I smother someone with love, and they’re all like “I need some space.” Then a crate of puppies gets smothered, and all of a sudden the ASPCA shows up. WHERE’S THE LINE?
While chocolate itself has a lot of calories and saturated fat, you can opt for dark chocolate which is rich in antioxidants that help to fight free radicals. Not like, isis. Strawberries won’t help fight isis.
But there is evidence that antioxidants help against a whole host of physical ailments, like eye degeneration.
According to a six-year trial called the Age-Related Eye Disease Study, there’s evidence that antioxidants help prevent age related macular degeneration, and keeps your eyes healthy as you get older.
Quiz: Do You Know the 3 Unique Vegetables That Fight Abdominal Fat?
In just six medium strawberries (the kind you get from the grocery store), you get 1.2 grams of fiber and 66% of your daily vitamin C intake. You can make your own at home and control how much chocolate you’re melting down and dipping them into.
Or, if you can’t control that, you can control how much chocolate you buy to dip them in the first place. Or, if you can’t control that, set your car on fire so that you can’t get to the grocery store to buy more chocolate. problem solved.
2. Stacy’s Banana Nut Bakery Crisps
Stacy’s is known for their excellent and slow-baked pita chips but they also make some tasty dessert items. These mini crisps of banana bread are indulgent enough to have with a tea or coffee without making you regret reaching into the bag.
Just four crisps contains only 120 calories, 1 gram of fiber, and 2 whole grams of protein.
Just for your information we are in no way being compensated for recommending Stacy’s brand food. They are just good old, wholesome, tasty treats.
*Stacy’s lowers the gun from my head and walks out the door without breaking eye contact with me*
3. Newman’s Own Peanut Butter Cups
If you’re going to reach for a candy bar or other packaged chocolate product, it might as well be Newman’s Own. This company has a whole line of delicious foods and desserts are no exception.
One package of these contains antioxidant rich dark chocolate with a smooth, satisfying peanut butter filling. One packet of 6 cups will set you back 260 calories, 4 grams of fiber, and 5 grams of protein to keep you feeling full. You can thank the peanut butter filling for that one.
Now, obviously, just because this is a health-IER dessert doesn’t mean that you can just scarf packages of this down without thinking about it. It’s still dessert. It’s not going to help you lose weight.
*Newman’s Own brandishes a sawed off shotgun in the direction of my face*
I mean, eat Newman’s Own and you’ll never gain a pound! It will win you the lottery! Please, I just want to see my children again!
4. Justin’s Maple Almond Butter
This is a favorite snack for hikers but I also keep a jar in my cupboard for breakfast. You can spread this on a piece of toast, fruit, ice cream, or anything else you can imagine.
Except like, uranium. Don’t spread Justin’s Maple Almond Butter on uranium. Or a rabid skunk. Both of those would be bad ideas.
Two tablespoons gives you 6 grams of protein, 3 grams of fiber, and only 3 grams of sugar. How’s that for a healthy snack product that will satisfy your sweet tooth without sending you to the dentist?
That’s not to say you shouldn’t go to the dentist. Please, go to the dentist. Your teeth are important.
5. Frozen Pudding Pops
I like to make these all the time during the summer. Pick up a 4-pack of your favorite pudding cup (or make your own from a box mix or scratch).
Stick a wood popsicle stick or spoon in through the foil top. Don’t peel it off. Just shove the popsticle stick or spoon in there and try to get it standing upright so it’s sticking straight through the top. You might need to take a knife and create a small slit first.
I just realized that paragraph could double as really creepy murder instructions. Don’t murder anyone like that. Or, don’t tell anyone that you murdered someone like that because of me. I’m pretty sure I can’t be an unwilling accessory to murder just because you read something I wrote online. Preeeetty sure. Look, just don’t kill anyone please?
Pop these puddings in the freezer and leave overnight or at least for a few hours. And now you’ve got pudding pops! You get a variety of flavors and choose whether you want no/low sugar or non-fat depending on your mood and diet needs.
If you’re having trouble getting them out, run warm water over the bottom of the cup and wiggle the stick until it comes out. And make sure you have a paper towel handy. Nothing ruins a good dessert like pieces of it stuck everywhere and dripping on your clothes.
I feel so bad about that last sentence that I’m not even going to make a joke about it.
6. Kettle Corn
You know, I used to hate kettle corn as a kid. I thought it was so gross. Give me butter or give me death! But then as an adult my taste buds changed and I’m so glad they did.
I mean, I’m not glad that scientists kidnapped me, forced me into a strange laboratory, surgically extracted my tongue and implanted a new tongue inside me, but hey, you live with the cards that you’re dealt. And now I like the taste of broccoli! And kettle corn! And I only have horrible debilitating nightmares 5 nights a week!
This salty but sweet treat is the least guilt-inducing of all and probably the least messy. Just throw a bag into the microwave and boom, it’s done. You can eat this any time. Pack it with lunch. Have it for dessert during a movie.
Eat it with buddies around a campfire. Enjoy some when society has collapsed and you live in an underground shelter designed for 40 people with over 200 other survivors. Thoughtfully chew on your last bite of kettle corn before madness descends and humanity exterminates itself with its last rage filled thrashing death throes!
The Publix grocery store brand I get only has 40 calories per bag and no sugar added but it still tastes sweet. Make sure to check the labels when comparing brands. Look for the one with the least amount of additives and extra calories. They pretty much all taste the same so you’re not losing anything by choosing one over the other.
Also, there’s no brand that’s threatening my life and the life of my family if I don’t shill for them. So I’ve got that going for me, which is nice.
Take this Quiz and Discover the 3 Unique Vegetables That Fight Abdominal Fat.
These are some of my favorite healthy-ish treats. When my sweet tooth is acting up, I feed it one of these. Come to think of it, having a sentient tooth in my mouth that demands different foods is pretty messed up. It bites my tongue really hard when I don’t give it what it wants. Please, can anyone recommend a good dentist to get rid of my evil tooth? Tell me in the comments section. Or tell me what your favorite desserts are. Please help me.
The Best Healthy Desserts That Won’t Break Your Diet
- Chocolate Covered Strawberries
- Stacy’s Banana Nut Bakery Crisps
- Newman’s Own Peanut Butter Cups
- Justin’s Maple Almond Butter
- Frozen Pudding Pops
- Kettle Corn
1. “A randomized, placebo-controlled, clinical trial of high-dose supplementation with vitamins C and E and beta carotene for age-related cataract and vision loss: areds report no. 8. Arch Ophthalmol. 2001.
2. “A randomized, placebo-controlled, clinical trial of high-dose supplementation with vitamins C and E and beta carotene for age-related cataract and vision loss: areds report no. 9. Arch Ophthalmol. 2001.
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