How To Charm The Man You Want

How To Charm The Man You Want

How come some girls are so effortlessly charming? Let’s imagine two twins are in a room. They literally look exactly the same. Except one gets every guy in the room fixated on her while the other just kind of sits there, awkwardly twirling her hair around her finger trying to stare at her phone to distract herself from the awkwardness of her life.

This is where being charming comes in and separates the girl who gets guys flocking to her from the girl who doesn’t. Being able to charm the man you want is what matters more than what you look like.

But wait. How do you actually be charming? Especially when it comes to the man you actually want? You might even be able to charm people in general, but when it comes to the particular man you want you just shut down. Thinking about it might just make you feel nervous or like it’s not even possible so you shouldn’t bother trying.

You’re not alone. Turns out, it’s harder to be charming when you’re not a character in a sitcom! At least the writers have as much time as they need to write charming lines for the character.

But still – some people seem like they have natural, effortless charm, while other people struggle with even the basics. What gives?

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Turns out, charm isn’t something you have to be born with – it’s something that can be learned through practice. (Plus, it’s a lot easier to tell whether a guy likes you if you’re a charming person.

Want to become one? Here’s how.

1. Charm Through Your Attitude

  • Want to know what makes charming people so charming? It’s not their looks, or their jokes, or how suave they are.

    It’s how they relate to other people.

    Turns out, the most charming people are the ones who are genuinely interested in other people. (Want to melt a guy’s heart? Be totally interested in him.)

    People like it when other people take an interest in them. Makes sense right? Everyone likes feeling like someone else is interested in them (1).

    So if you want to be a charming person, a great way to start is to practice finding something interesting about every person you talk to.

    Learn more about them by asking them questions – about their life, their habits, their likes and dislikes – anything that strikes you as interesting.


  • If you want to charm the pants off someone, remembering the little things helps. Like their name. You should remember their name.

    For some people, this is easy. For others (like me), it’s impossible .

    A great way to remember someone’s name is to absolutely repeat it back to them after they tell you. “Hi Mark, it’s nice to meet you.” That will help it stick in your brain.


  • Want someone to really feel charmed by you? Assume that you’re already friends with them (2).

    People can tell whether other people are comfortable instinctively – it’s been bred into us by evolution. So by simply assuming that you’re friendly with someone, you’ll act a lot more comfortable and natural around them, which is, well, charming!


  • If you’re a quiet, closed, or introverted person, chances are you don’t really feel comfortable sharing things about yourself with others.

    If you want to be charming, you gotta change that up!

    Charming people aren’t afraid to share things about themselves, because charming people are always searching for shared ground.

    Practice talking about yourself with people you don’t really know. If you see an opportunity to share something, take it.


2. Charm Through Body Language

  • Charming people do a lot of these things naturally – so if you want to be charming, you’re going to have to think about doing these things specifically when you’re talking to people.

    Don’t worry though – you won’t have to think about them every time. Eventually, everything on this list will become second nature, and you won’t even have to think about it.

    Take eye contact for example. A lot of people don’t like making eye contact! Whether it’s conscious or unconscious, there are a lot of people out there who won’t make eye contact in a conversation.

    That’s a mistake. Charming people love eye contact. It helps to connect with someone else, which is what charm is all about (3).

    So don’t shy away from contact. Don’t stare into someone’s soul uncomfortably for hours on end, but don’t avoid eye contact either.


  • A lot of charm is about authenticity, and authenticity can be seen through body language.

    Was that confusing? Here it is simple – smile with your whole body, especially your eyes.

    Everyone has seen a fake smile before. The person smiles with their mouth, but it doesn’t reach their eyes – their eyes stay cold and wide.

    When you smile, make sure it’s a real smile. Let your whole face smile! It’ll be charming as all get out.


  • If you want to charm people, and you think you’re really not a charmer, you might be making some simple body language mistakes.

    For instance, when you’re talking to someone, make sure you face towards them, not angled off to the side or away from them. That makes it look like you’re trying to escape, not like you’re excited to have a conversation with them.

    We’ve already mentioned eye contact, and smiling. Remember, when you’re a charming person, things come naturally. At the beginning, things won’t seem natural – but that’s ok! All it takes is practice, and soon these “unnatural” charming behaviors will seem as natural to you as breathing.


3. Charm Through Conversation

  • Want to know how to get people to think of you as a charming person?

    It’s simple.

Make them feel good when they’re talking to you.

And what’s one of the best ways to make someone feel good? Giving them a compliment!

People love to be complimented. It’s most people’s favorite activity outside of eating chocolate cake.

So if you feel like you want to compliment someone, go for it! Don’t hold back! If you see someone is making an effort at something, comment on it and give them encouragement.

At the same time, if someone has made a change in their lives, you can compliment it and talk about something you like about it. People need encouragement! And encouraging people are charming people.


  • In the same vein – when someone compliments you, you have to be gracious in accepting it.

    No one likes to give a compliment and hear, “Oh no, I’m not _____, you’re way more ______.” When you do that, the other person hears, “I reject your judgment and I think you’re wrong.”

    So accept compliments that you get! Accept them graciously! When someone compliments you, a fine response can be “Thank you!” A better response is something encouraging, like “That’s so sweet you noticed!” or “I’m really glad you like it!”


  • Remember – people are charmed by people they feel a connection with. And if you want someone to feel a connection with you, the absolute best way to create it is by listening to them.

    You can’t form a connection with someone who’s not listening to you, and vice versa. People need to feel like you understand them, like you recognize and acknowledge where they’re coming from to feel a real connection with you.

    So if you want a shortcut for all this “be charming” business, it’s as simple as really, really listening to whoever you’re talking to, and being genuinely interested in them. That’s the secret. That’s all of it.

  • Want to find out for sure if he’s flirting with you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Flirting With You” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really flirting with you…

    Take The Quiz: Is He Flirting With You?

    In summary…

    How To Be Charming

    • Charm through your attitude by being genuinely interested in the people you’re with
    • Remember the little things that people tell you
    • Be open to sharing things about yourself with other people
    • Use your body language to be charming by making eye contact
    • Charm through conversation by making people feel good while you’re talking to them with compliments

    how to be charming

    31 comments… add one
    • sheks joydikko September 13, 2016, 1:36 pm

      I learn so much on how to charm a man with d right smile and talking to him in a nice way can attract him to u give him a sexy look and he get connected.

    • sheks joydikko September 13, 2016, 1:32 pm

      I ‘ve learn so much on how to charm a man. Giving d right smile and talking to him in a nice way can attract him to u give him a sexy look and he get connected.

    • Trisha G. May 3, 2016, 8:39 am

      You got a wake up call coming if you think only the man is supposed to “charm” you. Guys have a sensitive side too whether they admit to it or not. It’s a two way street, honey. Put in that effort to charm him, too. You can’t expect everything and not return the favors. Solid for a solid, nahmsayin?

    • Jennifer Alvarez November 1, 2015, 5:40 pm

      Charming people are sexy regardless of it being a man or a woman. These tips would work for a lady without any doubt!

    • Ellen Jones October 31, 2015, 9:02 am

      What if you never were able to accept compliments that well? I have been getting better, however, my b/f is always complimenting me and I am not sure how to react each time.

    • Leanne Hernandez October 30, 2015, 3:09 pm

      I can be very charming. Most of the time the men do not notice and that is the most frustrating part about it!

    • Karen Madera October 29, 2015, 9:27 am

      Charming a man is overrated. If a man wants to charm me a little bit though, I am all for that :)

    • Lee Gurley October 24, 2015, 9:09 am

      Obviously I am a guy. If a woman did ANY of these things I would be impressed and charmed at the same time. Great post!

      • Annie Baggett October 30, 2015, 3:18 pm

        You sound like my kind of guy! :)

    • Blanche Davis October 23, 2015, 10:57 am

      I love charming people. that is why i visit in the south when i am on vacation. they are so nice and it makes me not want to come back to NYC and get mean mugged all day long.

    • Anna Miller October 23, 2015, 10:44 am

      I was in a relationship once where I felt that my b/f at the time was not really interested that I was interested in art. It just felt weird to talk about it with him, mostly because he wouldn’t listen. That was a short relationship.

    • Helen Sterling October 22, 2015, 2:48 pm

      Great tips. There are some friends of mine that would benefit from a couple of these and a “how to be a lady” training class!

      • Thelma Kiefer October 31, 2015, 9:12 am

        Are they the ones that are always talking nasty and swearing? I have friends like that as well.

    • Kelly Palmer October 22, 2015, 2:38 pm

      IF you want to be charming as a lady, make sure that you are not walking around swearing like a sailor! There is nothing more charming than a lady that speaks the “F” bomb :)

      • Barbara Roberts October 24, 2015, 9:21 am

        LOL, you are right about that. Not exactly my idea of “charming”.

    • Jeanette Miller October 21, 2015, 11:09 pm

      Being charming does not have to be that hard, BUT, if you are not going to be getting the same treatment back from that person it is pointless.

    • Laura Cecil October 21, 2015, 10:44 pm

      if you have a smile that never quits like i do, charming a man is the easy part ;)

      • Annette Soliz October 29, 2015, 9:37 am

        LOL, is that so? It must be nice to have things that make tasks like this easier for you than they would be for me. I try so hard, but have had NO luck with guys.

    • Nancy Cervantes October 20, 2015, 2:15 pm

      I read the title and I think that charming a man is easy. But as I read through the article, there are some things that I never really considered.

    • Geraldine Butters October 16, 2015, 9:12 am

      I love this post. I melt for any man that can be completely charming. Especially those that can be that way without even saying a word.

    • Florence Yost October 15, 2015, 8:09 am

      Charming people are the happiest and they generally project happy to others as well!

      • Bernice Allen October 31, 2015, 9:25 am

        I agree with you Florence. If you can project happiness to others, that is the best.

    • June Jorgenson October 15, 2015, 7:57 am

      I have found that it is not that easy to charm a man UNLESS, he has a sensitive side. I am not sure why it works that way, but it seems to be the best combo.

    • Greg Roth October 15, 2015, 12:26 am

      Charming a guy is easy :) As a guy, the one thing that usually does the trick is being naked in front of him LOL.

    • April Hulse October 13, 2015, 9:32 pm

      Being charming is not easy for everyone. These are very good tips and they are likely to get you some attention from the man!

    • Nancy Matzke October 13, 2015, 9:21 pm

      I always found that just being nice and respectful with a smile was a good way to get some charm into someone’s life!

      • Angela Tanner October 20, 2015, 2:38 pm

        You are right. That is a great start, but for some people, there is a little more to it.

    • Loretta Whitlock October 12, 2015, 2:54 pm

      A guy should like to be charmed. I hate the arrogant men that feel they cannot be charmed, or that they are the charmers.

      • Janette Young October 15, 2015, 12:37 am

        I know a few men that love to be charmed. It is not something that is hard to find in my book!

    • Sandra Casey October 12, 2015, 2:44 pm

      I love to charm men. I find it very easy to do with the right smile and body language. My friends always want me to do all the talking because then we get what we want.

      • Joyce Poole October 16, 2015, 9:24 am

        You must have a very charming look then LOL… if your friends always have you do the talking, how are they ever going to learn to be charming when you are not around?

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