How come some girls are so effortlessly charming? Let’s imagine two twins are in a room. They literally look exactly the same. Except one gets every guy in the room fixated on her while the other just kind of sits there, awkwardly twirling her hair around her finger trying to stare at her phone to distract herself from the awkwardness of her life.
This is where being charming comes in and separates the girl who gets guys flocking to her from the girl who doesn’t. Being able to charm the man you want is what matters more than what you look like.
But wait. How do you actually be charming? Especially when it comes to the man you actually want? You might even be able to charm people in general, but when it comes to the particular man you want you just shut down. Thinking about it might just make you feel nervous or like it’s not even possible so you shouldn’t bother trying.
You’re not alone. Turns out, it’s harder to be charming when you’re not a character in a sitcom! At least the writers have as much time as they need to write charming lines for the character.
But still – some people seem like they have natural, effortless charm, while other people struggle with even the basics. What gives?
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Turns out, charm isn’t something you have to be born with – it’s something that can be learned through practice. (Plus, it’s a lot easier to tell whether a guy likes you if you’re a charming person.
Want to become one? Here’s how.
1. Charm Through Your Attitude
Want to know what makes charming people so charming? It’s not their looks, or their jokes, or how suave they are.
It’s how they relate to other people.
Turns out, the most charming people are the ones who are genuinely interested in other people. (Want to melt a guy’s heart? Be totally interested in him.)
People like it when other people take an interest in them. Makes sense right? Everyone likes feeling like someone else is interested in them (1).
So if you want to be a charming person, a great way to start is to practice finding something interesting about every person you talk to.
Learn more about them by asking them questions – about their life, their habits, their likes and dislikes – anything that strikes you as interesting.
If you want to charm the pants off someone, remembering the little things helps. Like their name. You should remember their name.
For some people, this is easy. For others (like me), it’s impossible .
A great way to remember someone’s name is to absolutely repeat it back to them after they tell you. “Hi Mark, it’s nice to meet you.” That will help it stick in your brain.
Want someone to really feel charmed by you? Assume that you’re already friends with them (2).
People can tell whether other people are comfortable instinctively – it’s been bred into us by evolution. So by simply assuming that you’re friendly with someone, you’ll act a lot more comfortable and natural around them, which is, well, charming!
If you’re a quiet, closed, or introverted person, chances are you don’t really feel comfortable sharing things about yourself with others.
If you want to be charming, you gotta change that up!
Charming people aren’t afraid to share things about themselves, because charming people are always searching for shared ground.
Practice talking about yourself with people you don’t really know. If you see an opportunity to share something, take it.
2. Charm Through Body Language
Charming people do a lot of these things naturally – so if you want to be charming, you’re going to have to think about doing these things specifically when you’re talking to people.
Don’t worry though – you won’t have to think about them every time. Eventually, everything on this list will become second nature, and you won’t even have to think about it.
Take eye contact for example. A lot of people don’t like making eye contact! Whether it’s conscious or unconscious, there are a lot of people out there who won’t make eye contact in a conversation.
That’s a mistake. Charming people love eye contact. It helps to connect with someone else, which is what charm is all about (3).
So don’t shy away from contact. Don’t stare into someone’s soul uncomfortably for hours on end, but don’t avoid eye contact either.
A lot of charm is about authenticity, and authenticity can be seen through body language.
Was that confusing? Here it is simple – smile with your whole body, especially your eyes.
Everyone has seen a fake smile before. The person smiles with their mouth, but it doesn’t reach their eyes – their eyes stay cold and wide.
When you smile, make sure it’s a real smile. Let your whole face smile! It’ll be charming as all get out.
If you want to charm people, and you think you’re really not a charmer, you might be making some simple body language mistakes.
For instance, when you’re talking to someone, make sure you face towards them, not angled off to the side or away from them. That makes it look like you’re trying to escape, not like you’re excited to have a conversation with them.
We’ve already mentioned eye contact, and smiling. Remember, when you’re a charming person, things come naturally. At the beginning, things won’t seem natural – but that’s ok! All it takes is practice, and soon these “unnatural” charming behaviors will seem as natural to you as breathing.
3. Charm Through Conversation
Want to know how to get people to think of you as a charming person?
Make them feel good when they’re talking to you.
And what’s one of the best ways to make someone feel good? Giving them a compliment!
People love to be complimented. It’s most people’s favorite activity outside of eating chocolate cake.
So if you feel like you want to compliment someone, go for it! Don’t hold back! If you see someone is making an effort at something, comment on it and give them encouragement.
At the same time, if someone has made a change in their lives, you can compliment it and talk about something you like about it. People need encouragement! And encouraging people are charming people.
In the same vein – when someone compliments you, you have to be gracious in accepting it.
No one likes to give a compliment and hear, “Oh no, I’m not _____, you’re way more ______.” When you do that, the other person hears, “I reject your judgment and I think you’re wrong.”
So accept compliments that you get! Accept them graciously! When someone compliments you, a fine response can be “Thank you!” A better response is something encouraging, like “That’s so sweet you noticed!” or “I’m really glad you like it!”
Remember – people are charmed by people they feel a connection with. And if you want someone to feel a connection with you, the absolute best way to create it is by listening to them.
You can’t form a connection with someone who’s not listening to you, and vice versa. People need to feel like you understand them, like you recognize and acknowledge where they’re coming from to feel a real connection with you.
So if you want a shortcut for all this “be charming” business, it’s as simple as really, really listening to whoever you’re talking to, and being genuinely interested in them. That’s the secret. That’s all of it.
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How To Be Charming
- Charm through your attitude by being genuinely interested in the people you’re with
- Remember the little things that people tell you
- Be open to sharing things about yourself with other people
- Use your body language to be charming by making eye contact
- Charm through conversation by making people feel good while you’re talking to them with compliments