Do real men exist?

Man Decoder: Do Any Real Men Exist Anymore?

This is a question so many women ask themselves. Are ANY real men left in the world? Do good men even exist? And if they do, are they all taken?

As a man… this is an interesting question to answer. I’ll jump right into it because I know it’s a question you really want to know about.

First of all, I want to say this: there are real men out there; you just have to know how to spot one and the keys to keeping a relationship with a real man when you do find one. Every woman deserves to be treated with respect and to feel fully loved for who she is. I know how many women are truly fed up with the dating pool out there. I know a lot of women end up getting into relationships with guys who are way below their standards. I get how frustrating it can be.

Here’s the deal: No woman should have to struggle with lowering her standards and expectations just to have a boyfriend.

You deserve to be loved. You deserve to be fully adored. You deserve to be showered with affection and love by the man you want.

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The thing is, before you can ever find a real man, you need to change your mindset of trying to find a “real man” in the first place. Here’s why. If you have this mindset, it ends up sabotaging your shot at ever finding him. Just bear with me for a second…

This mindset is: going into a relationship with a checklist of expectations and requirements you expect to have met and filled, like it’s a job interview and not about getting to know the other person. The reason this repels “real men” is because you end up giving off a specific type of energy that makes them feel like they’re being scrutinized and criticized.

You don’t have to drop your standards or endure disrespectful behavior you normally wouldn’t put up with, but you must realize that everyone is human and even the “realest” of men will not have a check next to every single box on your grand list of expectations.

Instead of nitpicking every single detail, you should look at the big picture of your relationship and who he is as a person. Without abandoning this mindset that he must meet a certain list of criteria, you will never be able to find and keep a “real man.” I’m saying this so bluntly in order to help you, not to be harsh.

So here’s the next question. Why are “real men” repelled by this mindset? Well, the reason men are repelled isn’t because they are “bad” or evil.

The reason is because, deep down, all men have some kind of insecurity. All men feel vulnerable. Most men feel like if a woman knew the “real them,” they would not be loved. I know, this might seem shocking, right?

Well, it’s true. Men (all men, no matter how confident and composed they seem) walk around the world wearing masks to hide their true, inner self.

They walk around desperate to be understood, truly understood and accepted for who they really are.

So when you walk around with a checklist of what a real man “should be,” you end up giving off an energy that makes a man feel like if he exposed his true self to you he would be rejected.

So the first step in finding a “real man” is abandoning the mindset of him needing to meet a certain criteria. With that said, here is what you need to really get the man you deserve (and find a “real man”).

1. Trust

Being in a relationship with and finding a “real man” requires TRUST. By trust, I mean… You go into it trusting each other. A man who is deserving of your time and attention will be honest to you and trustworthy, and you trust him equally in return.

When you can trust your man fully, you will never be afraid of him doing anything to break that trust because he is loyal to you and only you.

The kind of man deserving of a great relationship is confident and secure with himself and the woman he loves, which is why a “real man” will show you he trusts you. But to keep a “real man,” make sure you reciprocate that trust.

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2. Enjoyment Of Each Other’s Company

You are able to relax and enjoy each other’s company. This means that you can be equally happy together and apart. When you are together, you feel like you can tell him anything and he will listen and understand you.

He will do anything in his power to make you feel better about yourself as a person, and he will actively show you that he enjoys being with you for who you are. This leads to my next point.

3. Acceptance

If you really want to get the man you deserve, you have to accept him for who he is without judging him for his mistakes. He will do the same for you, and he will always accept and love you for who you are.

This doesn’t mean you don’t both seek improvement though. You both support each other in self-improvement and help each other when you need a shoulder to lean on.

4. Honesty

When you are with a man worth your time, he will never hide anything from you. He is open and honest about who he is as a person because he wants to you love and get to know the real, vulnerable him. In return, he wants to love and know you for the true you. He doesn’t evade questions you have, and he doesn’t hide you from his friends or family. He is straightforward, honest, and does his best to let you know anything you want to know.

5. Respect

If a guy doesn’t respect your space or your personal desires for growth, he isn’t worth your time. A man should encourage you to be your own person and celebrate you for being who you are.

If you really want to know if he’s the guy you really deserve, respect him. And if he shows you the same respect in return… he’s probably a keeper. :)

6. Intimacy

One huge red flag that a guy isn’t worth being around is if he refuses to let you in and be intimate with you. He should want to hug you, hold you, and make a concerted effort to make you feel loved.

That does not mean that you should be needy and with him all the time. I mean that he should be willing and wanting of you in his personal, intimate life.

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Just as much as a woman deserves to be loved, adored and appreciated… men deserve the same thing in return. You cannot go into a relationship expecting him to meet every condition you set if you don’t plan to meet the same things in return.

Relationships are about giving your time, attention, and love to another person, not about relying on them to make you happy.

Now I want to end with one key thing you need to realize about the whole notion of finding and keeping a “real man.” When I use the term “real man,” what I really mean is… a man who you are compatible with. There are some men who will be a good partner for one woman and be a horrible partner to another woman. So when I use the term “real man,” it really means a man who is compatible with you.

What do you think you absolutely deserve in a relationship? What do you think of these six criteria for being in a relationship with a “real man?” Let me know in the comments below!

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In summary…

The Biggest Qualities Of A Real Man

  1. Trust
  2. Enjoyment of each other’s company
  3. Acceptance
  4. Honesty
  5. Respect
  6. Intimacy

qualities of a real man

14 comments… add one
  • Stephaman August 26, 2017, 7:36 am

    I’m telling you guys that they are an endangered species and if you can find one you better not let anyone else know about it because they will find you and do mad expiraments on your man and dissect him until he is no longer a real man anymore

  • Alyssa August 20, 2016, 1:33 pm

    He’s lied to me before, he said he didn’t like any one else it was only me but then the next time I ask he tells me he wasn’t completely honest….. Now he says he’s changed and only find me attractive should I believe him?

  • Josey March 14, 2015, 8:40 pm

    I agree that real men DO exist. Or you could be like one of my girlfriends and just assume that all men are the same as the one that dumped her years ago. With that mindset, you are never going to get anywhere.

  • Jim March 6, 2015, 2:04 pm

    I believe that they do. When a man is willing to be a MAN, he will do the right thing, treat people right and be willing to work hard at a relationship.

  • Marty March 2, 2015, 12:42 pm

    I have even suggested to friends that claim they cannot find a “good man” that they should move away. It might seem drastic, but in the end, you are going to get a new location in your life and a new group of men to meet.

  • Irene March 1, 2015, 7:18 pm

    I believe that real men do exist and they are everywhere. If you are looking for him, you are looking too hard and that is just the way it is. Keep in mind that a “good” man is defined differently with each person you meet.

  • Cristi G. February 26, 2015, 11:43 pm

    You do a good job of listing the traits that a “good” man would have, but I honestly think that it would come down to what a woman considers is a “good” man. Don’t you think it could be different for every one?

  • Betty R. February 25, 2015, 7:20 pm

    Real men exist alright – and they’re all taken! Gorgeous women see a real man and they snap him up and leave nothing for the rest of us. I’m not pretty enough to compete with gorgeous women, I know that, so what can I do? Settle for a crappy man who won’t treat me right? It’s not fair.

  • Theresa A. February 13, 2015, 10:28 pm

    My ex was a real man… until he cheated on me with a “friend” of mine. I can never understand why a guy can be so good to you for so long and then seemingly out of the blue turn on you and become someone you never knew he could be… How did he change so fast? What signs did I miss? How could I tell that he was going to turn into such a jerk?

    • JustWondering March 12, 2015, 4:18 pm

      I guess we could say this about all men. They are the “real man” we hoped they would be until…..*fill in the blank*, right? Sorry to hear about your “real man”.

  • Christina O. February 5, 2015, 5:54 pm

    I disagree with #3. There’s things you can accept about a man sure and it’s always better to accept a guy’s faults rather than try to change him because then he just gets mad at you and drifts away from you. But if a guy makes a huge mistake like cheating or flirting with another woman you shouldn’t just “accept” that and move on, that’s bogus. If he cheats on you then he’s not a real man anyway…

  • Amanda C. January 30, 2015, 5:28 pm

    what about if u find a guy who has most of the stuff on this list but not all of it. does that make him a real man? is it enough if hes honest with u, respects u, accepts u, likes to be with u, but theres no intimacy?

    • Corey Smith March 1, 2015, 7:19 pm

      that comes down to what you feel is the “good” man out there. Do they need to have each of the items on the list? I am afraid that nobody is going to be that “good”, LOL.

      • Carry March 15, 2015, 12:13 pm

        I feel that you could have all of the things on the list. However, you are NOT going to be good at all of them at the same time. As long as there is trust and honor, you are going to be good to go!

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