The Exact Reasons Why Men Suddenly Disappear

The Exact Reasons Why Men Suddenly Disappear

How many times has it happened to you or someone you know…

You meet a guy, you have great chemistry, and everything is going in the right direction.

And then, poof, he just vanishes out of your life so completely it’s like he’s been whisked away into the witness protection program.

You have no clue why he suddenly stopped all contact and you frantically call and text him to make sure he hasn’t been in the terrible accident that keeps replaying itself over and over in your imagination.

When you get no reply to your anxious voicemails you begin leaving messages that quickly turn angry, demanding that he give you an explanation.

When there is no reply to any of your messages, you finally realize what’s going on.

That dirtbag ghosted you!

more: Why He Suddenly Stopped Texting You Out Of The Blue

The aftermath

After calling him every rotten name you can think of (and some you invented just for him) the full impact of his betrayal sinks in. It feels like you’ve been hit by a bus.

You can’t stop crying and you feel like you won’t even be able to function until you just know why.

You really felt like things were going well. You hadn’t been seeing him long but you were good together and you’re sure he felt it too!

The people in your life who care about you assure you that it wasn’t your fault, but how can you know? There are no answers so there’s no closure to be had!

more: Why That Guy Faded From Your Life And What To Do About It

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

It’s an impossible place to be in

You start to think about getting out and dating again but it’s so hard to even imagine making yourself vulnerable to someone new.

You stare at the dating app on your phone’s screen wishing you had the nerve to set something up with the hot guy holding the adorable beagle puppy in his profile picture.

What if it happens again? What if you just start to get comfortable with another guy and you can see a future with him and he pulls the disappearing act on you?

How can you ever trust anyone again when you don’t know who was to blame for what happened?

Why that way of thinking isn’t helping you to move on

Blaming yourself or the guy who left you adds no benefit to your future. Chances are good that you may never know what was going through his mind when he decided to leave.

There are so many reasons men run.

more: Why Men Lose Interest

Here’s Why Men Disappear

All men have had plenty of both good and bad relationships before they met you that helped to shape their thoughts about how love should be. Not only romantic relationships, but any interactions with another person that taught them a lesson that caused them to become the person they are now. Their life experiences create the way they believe love should be. And if it doesn’t match up with what’s in their head, they’re not going to stick with it. So you see, it may have been something you did, but it also may have had nothing to do with you whatsoever .

why men disappear

Men learn to trust or not to trust women through these types of experiences. You cannot control someone’s level of trust. You can only control your own.

more: Take The Quiz: Is He Slipping Away From You?

It’s wise to get a handle on your trust because if you don’t, you can appear bitter, jaded, suspicious, or even angry toward anyone you date.

That could actually push men away and bring on the very thing you want the least…for someone you let yourself care about to vanish on you again.

So how do you date confidently again after a ghosting?

There are a few habits that you can adopt to help you to not feel so vulnerable and to get your confidence back after you’ve had a man suddenly abandon a relationship.

The first thing is to choose wisely with the men you date. Is he in the habit of developing long term partnerships with the women he dates or has his longest relationship been a few months or less?

Know what you want and date accordingly. Don’t settle for “he might change one day if he loves me enough”.

Always remember that men who say they are not looking for commitment mean it. If short term is a deal breaker for you, don’t even go there.

The second thing is to be mindful of where the relationship actually stands and not get wrapped up with where you can see it going in the future.

more: Anewmode’s The Number One Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest

This prevents you from falling head over heels into your fantasy and it keeps you in the present moment.

Because in a healthy relationship, this is where your guy’s head is at. He isn’t three steps ahead imagining white picket fences and what your children will look like.

He’s simply enjoying his fourth date with the girl he’s getting to know.

The third thing you want to keep in mind is that it is your own responsibility to decide when you can handle the vulnerability of being physical in a new relationship.

Making out and sex should be allowed to happen naturally and not be attached to a lot of rules that make you feel safer about doing them.

more: How To Deal When A Guy Disappears

If you feel like you’re going to fall apart if you get physical and then he never calls you back, then you owe it to yourself to do a little more work on your ability to handle the situation if it happens.

Before you start dating.

And finally, if you want your man to be honest and forthright with you, you’re going to want to be a woman that a man can tell anything to.

I can’t stress this enough.

If you’re having a deep and revealing conversation and your man confides in you that he cheated on his ex girlfriend, your reaction matters.

If you are outraged and demand to know if he’s seeing someone else while he’s dating you and you’re crying and making it about you, what do you think is going to happen the next time he wants to be real and honest with you?

He’s going to think twice about it. And he’ll be tempted to lie or not tell you. Now, it is 100% up to the character of the man himself what he actually does do. You are not forcing him to lie.

Your chances of him telling you the truth drastically increase if he knows that you are a safe person to share things with.

The conversation must be about the two of you handling whatever he tells you together as the team you hope to one day become. Listen fully, and with an open mind and heart.

more: Why Men Withdraw From Relationships

Let it be about you being there for him when he’s in a vulnerable position. Do not let it be all about your feelings and reactions.

The last thing I want to mention is to be aware of your communication process. We use texting far too often to form the foundation of our new relationships and it’s like building a house out of straw.

Always remember that just because you can text him, it does not mean that you should. Do not make your boredom his responsibility. Try to have respect for his time.

Make your conversations something he will want to be part of.

If you’re chatting on the phone, be conscious of whether he is politely humoring you or if he is actively involved in the conversation.

Make clear ahead of time how long the two of you will be on the phone and stick to the time limit.

You’d be surprised at how much this helps someone to want to pick up the phone when you call.

So what does the future look like if you do this work to become a better partner?

You’ll have more confidence with your entire dating experience.

You’ll have absolute certainty that you bring value to your relationships beyond physical attraction, which means that you have less insecurity and less worry.

If a man doesn’t call you back, you know you’ll move on, bounce back, and it will hardly slow you down because you understand that you can go on to be with someone who does want to stay in touch.

You’ll live in the moment and enjoy every step of dating instead of being so fixated on the future that you miss out on the here and now.

You’ll make better dating choices because you’ll see men for who they are right now. Not for who they may become in the future.

You’ll thoroughly enjoy getting to know the man you date because you’re fully present in the here and now instead of being too heavily focused on your imaginary future with him.

You’ll be free to be a happy and confident woman who understands that your future will be great because you make it great and you are not dependent on the actions of any man for that to happen.

On the other hand if you feel that this man is the one you want and he’s slipping away it usually means he’s losing interest and his biology is telling him that he needs to pull away so if you’re worried he’s losing interest, or he’s already disappeared but you want him back, you have to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…

Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?

44 comments… add one
  • Marcelle February 2, 2022, 10:46 pm

    This guy did this to me and it really sucks. He seemed so into the relationship, made plans with me after going out of his way to visit me. Offered to help me with my fame etc etc etc. Then nothing,,, after saying he would like seeing me everyday. As he lived almost 2 hours away. This was a new thing, only one week and we saw each other 3/4 times. I think he had another life and either got caught or decided it wasn’t worth it and men can’t tell the truth. They learn how to manipulate us with words to get what they want from us. I’m disappointed with myself for not listening to my gut. Get to know someone before dating them. But it just seemed like the right thing to do. And gosh it was fun!! Just gotta let it go. That’s what gives us peace, whatever the reason fir the ghosting, at least it wasn’t a huge waste of time or energy or money or ….. you know.

  • Criket September 25, 2020, 2:22 pm

    I fell in love
    . and i waited and waited to have “the talk” the sex is the best the connection is the most genuine ive felt . he an army vet / combat vet w PTSD. Ppl tell me i am trippin to hard ghosting is basicly his from of communication i accsept this and i let it go for 6 months.

    I started to feel emotionaly needing more bc i was going through this job los / pandemic/ single partenthood . …. And i stsrted flailing

    Its very obvious why he dissapeared but alas the most sweetest kis and hug and “ill see u soon”
    Was the last phisical interaction we had.

    A week has gine by and ive txted every single day at first exighted …. Then anxious… Then worried

    I’ve called twice ….. Nothing
    So …. I give up
    I have soo much love to give and i wanto give it all to this one person not because i see him as perfect but bc i love him.

    I will have to learn to give it back to my self and my kido and then prey ….. That he finds the courage to contact me soon

    The more i ask the more i worry bc the questions have not been ensured. But i literaly non religously am praying to the love of life that he will see the messeges eventualy and try not to feel upset or pushed away.

    The longer i dont hear back the more i wanto say. But that doesnt prove that im strong enough for things to last .

    So dear universe . please?give me strength to lat this?go and olease?send him understanding and courage to come to me with honesty and hope

    That we might just communicate . if that is scarry part than forgive me for trying to hard to proove what i already know

  • Helen August 14, 2020, 3:23 am

    I’ve met such dude who just stopped texting me back and when I called him he said he didn’t want continue for no reason even though he “likes” me. So girls never blame yourself if the guy suddenly “disappears”, this kinda d-bags care NOTHING about your feelings. Women should feel glad instead. Bad thing for me, though, is that it becomes hard for me to trust somebody and always hold back in a relationship.

  • Tammy April 6, 2019, 5:18 pm

    The best date was a dinner date with Russ, he was a nice guy, but we didn’t “click”. After the date he texted me to say, though he enjoyed himself, he didn’t feel the chemistry. One, he was honest and upfront and I respected him for it. I wished him well and moved on. No ghosting necessary, because we each employed common courtesy; a rare find these days.

  • Antananarivo March 13, 2019, 9:27 am

    A guy ghosted me after we’ve been dating for three weeks (no sex)
    Ir was constant communication and phone calls and 6 dates and then he went radio silent on me

    I was confused but decided to not contact him. On the third day, he liked my pictures on FB. I kept silent. The fifth day he messaged me again and we got back on track

    Now I’ve lost interest and have not replied to his messages.
    It’s a vicious cycle.
    I think he was losing interest because I had expressed myself before he ghosted me or he was playing mind games with me.
    Whatever it is, it backfired and now I’m no longer interested and he’s texting me every day asking me what’s happening. Bummer

    • Diane April 27, 2019, 8:45 am

      It just happened to me two days ago. We never met in person, but we spent many (way too many) hours on the phone for over three weeks. The connection was instant. He was making plans eventually to sell his house and move to my area. Two days ago he just disappeared, like you said – radio silent. We are still connected on FB, and I am very active on FB (very positive way). Hoping he will reappear and I can pay back with my silence.

  • VK December 2, 2018, 12:33 am

    I don’t get it. The ghosting. I am still devastated after not hearing from him for over a year. My self worth is shattered. I can’t find a job because I feel worthless.

    He made me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world. He was madly in love with me and he showed me thru his actions how much he was in love with me.

    Now “POOF” gone.

    WTF? Men are cowards.

  • Dimplez November 10, 2018, 4:41 am

    I agree I recently have been done like this. I met a guy and he was lusting over me and telling me how much he liked me. I was interested in him. He went all out of his way go pursue me. We finally hung out we had sex and he switched up on me. He doesn’t call me or text me like he use to. I feel so played. I’m disappointed in myself. He don’t call me back when he say he will. I sent him texts expressing myself and letting him know how i felt he never responded.

  • Well June 18, 2018, 8:19 am

    Well, I am a man who committed ghosting -with two women (after about 2 – 3 dates, no relationship) and with close friends in my 30s.

    First: the women I ghosted saw something in me which I am not. One communicated to me how fascinated she was about my job, what I do, my career oportunities. All this: my job, career (in fact I never wanted to make any career at all but live my live self employed and rather relaxed), professional skills: had nothing to do with me and my personal interests.
    Both of these women fell in love with a picture of me they kept in their mind or a “I would like you to be so and so” but for sure not with: me
    They only saw a lawyer in me, a status object, nothing else – and they communicated it right away (when your career starts, buy a bigger car, wear this and buy this) . Since I stopped beeing a lawyer and work as a translator I meet women who really share my personal interest in music, art, different things …and who show interest in: me (I have to add that I left the city and now live on a Mediterranean island, so do these women)

    I think many men who commit ghosting (I use the word commit, as no one should do so in first place) escape from the picture their partner has of them: the perfect nice guy, perfect career, perfect children, perfect car and house, perfect in everything.
    Sorry but: men/women are human beeings, not superman or a God. The image of an “ideal and perfect partner” is murder to love. Many men try to fulfill this picture, manage to keep it up for some time, maybe for years, but within themselves, they feel empty, not accepted as what they are, feel that they: fail. Why do they fail?
    Because humans cannot be perfect.

    I ghosted friends for other reasons: they were middle class, upper middle class or at least had the background of a “good family”. They did not know about the violent background of my family (with parents attacking each other with knives when I was 5), about the bankruptcy of my familie`s company and: about two severe deseases I am suffering from (heat and ulcer). They knew me as the party guy, but making party was for me a way to escape realities (also severe depressions at that time). They only saw the big house and car of my parent`s but did not know that in fact this was all property of the bank. When I could not stand the party and the joint adventures any more I withdraw from the friendship: by ghosting. I gave them an explanation about 15 years later, but they still kept the picture of the big house in their mind and did not believe me when I told them about the violence in my family, did not understand that my heart desease since my early 30s has had a deep impact on my everyday life. Did I ghost friends in first place or just people I spent some time with?

    Some may commit ghosting because they are simply cold as ice, but many do it because they are completely overwhelmed by the picture their partner and friends have of them, maybe also overwhelmed by their own picture of themselves.

    • Sel September 28, 2019, 9:08 pm

      You have made a very good and valid point here!

  • TJ0 May 19, 2018, 2:25 pm

    Marielles comment is the best one by far and by the way how many guys have you ghosted???

  • Brandy Mundy April 17, 2017, 3:03 pm

    Personally I’m realizing men are selfish and care about themselves much more than the woman. My ex ghosted on me for three weeks after we started dating. I didn’t swear it I just chopped it up to him loosing interest. Imagine my surprise when he sent me roses for Valentine’s Day chocolate candy. I accepted his bribe and allowed him back into my life. For three years he was in and out mentally and emotionally. Tried to control me and did not care what my thoughts were. Alot of times conversation was one sided with him always wanting his way. We split up. I meet a new guy. He seem nice and sweet in the beginning and while our emotional and mental align he is not such a nice guy. He hasn’t spoken to me all weekend and I know he will eventually and when he does I’m going to tell him to go mess with someone else. I believe men at times disappear as a power trip. They do it for control and frankly I’m am done with the bs. I’m too good for this. They do this to nice women who they perceive is stuck on them and also for ego purpose. Well my ego is about to kick em to the curb.

  • Katy March 21, 2017, 10:46 pm

    This recently happened to me. I have to say the first few days I couldn’t believe it and then I felt myself getting indignant even angry when I thought of him. The sad truth is there is no way to turn it around once it’s starts happening.

    Still.. I didnt give into the raging impulse to text or call asking what’s the matter …. Like him I went NC. He used to text me a million times a day when we werent together and the last message in our exchange was from him wishing me goodnight before the radio silence.
    I asked myself this: do I really wanna be the girl who gets the transparent excuse ‘I’m super busy at work’ or worse no excuse at all…or the girl who he is pretty sure he went MIA on but then she never got in touch either, not a peep, n frankly he is a little surprised …
    Ghosting is a disrespectful move from the guy who lost interest and is too much of a coward to fess up. He is already out of your life; you just dont know it cause he didn’t tell you…let him leave with a dented ego, not an ego boost

  • marion September 29, 2016, 12:45 pm

    it’s true, most of the time it’s not even the woman’s fault but then we tend to feel guilty and we go crazy thinking of reasons why he could have done this thing. it’s just so unfair when men can’t just tell how they really feel and what they really want.

  • lolita September 28, 2016, 11:28 am

    this is very painful for anyone. no one deserves this kind of treatment.

  • madeline September 26, 2016, 12:18 pm

    really sucks to be with someone who can just walk away without even a word. i wouldn’t want this ever happening to me.

  • emma September 22, 2016, 3:27 pm

    Men withdraw for lots of reasons and a great deal of them have nothing to do with you.

    • Sel September 28, 2019, 9:12 pm

      I agree Emma.

      I was talking to a guy just recently and he’s dropped off.

      Rather than get upset and take it personally I chose to remind myself that it could be for a number of reasons and that it may have nothing to do with me at all…

      Yes, it really does hurt when someone drops off but there’s no point in getting upset about it until you actually know the reason for his actions.

      Sometimes you’ll find out and other times you may not…Either way just move forward.

  • diane September 21, 2016, 8:03 pm

    thanks to this article, made me feel better.

  • kerry September 20, 2016, 3:02 pm

    how do you bounce back from such devastation? i’m glad i never had to deal with that kind of pain, it’s just too unfair for women to experience this

    • Sel September 28, 2019, 9:14 pm


      I just don’t take it personally anymore.

      When you stop taking stuff personally, making it about you or blaming yourself etc it becomes somewhat easier to bounce back and move forward.

  • cathy September 19, 2016, 7:02 pm

    i’ve been this situation before and made me feel so low about myself. i never thought i could again but i’m glad i did, i now have a partner who i know will never leave me just like that

  • bheng September 16, 2016, 1:02 pm

    i once experienced this and it devastated me, i didn’t want to go out for a long time

  • nadine September 14, 2016, 12:53 pm

    it’s so frustrating when your man left you without even knowing the problem…

  • martine September 13, 2016, 1:14 pm

    tsssssk..always the ladies on the losing end :(

  • karina September 12, 2016, 1:07 pm

    this is really bad for the ladies. you give your all and then when a man feels like they don’t want it anymore, they’ll just leave you!

  • carmela September 9, 2016, 12:51 pm

    oh gosh! this happened to me and i hated it! i thought we got along fine and we evidently had great chemistry. 1 day, he just suddenly disappeared and i was left alone, feeling devastated. ):

  • wynona September 8, 2016, 12:13 pm

    i think it’s very insensitive and selfish for someone to just leave when all he should do is say what he wants or doesn’t want. it is that simple

  • marielle September 7, 2016, 6:30 pm

    just date responsibly..make sure you try to get to know the guy in a personal level so you’d know if he’s someone capable of suddenly disappearing.

  • matilda September 6, 2016, 3:36 pm

    whoever did wrong or whatever the reason is, a guy should not just suddenly disappear without even trying to fix things in the relationship. everyone deserves at least an explanation.

  • ronaliz September 5, 2016, 1:00 pm

    whatever the reason might be, it’s still cowardice for someone to just walk away from a relationship especially if the person left behind did not do something so bad.

  • lisa September 2, 2016, 1:48 pm

    thanks for the advice.

  • haley September 1, 2016, 3:19 pm

    it really hurts when your man left you without saying goodbye. :(

  • melanie August 31, 2016, 12:33 pm

    i just don’t get it why men do such thing, it’s unfair!

  • jhen August 30, 2016, 7:45 pm

    men who does like this are cowards!

  • ashley August 29, 2016, 4:36 pm

    this article made me sad, it reminded me of my ex…

  • mabelle August 26, 2016, 4:34 pm

    oh gosh! this is so common to men! i hate it when i hear stories of my friends’ boyfriends going MIA. yikes! i hope it doesn’t happen to me!

  • linda August 25, 2016, 8:32 pm

    it really hurts when a guy left you without knowing the reason. :(

  • annie August 24, 2016, 4:00 pm

    men, when they’re done they’re just done. make sure you nourish the relationship to not lose him.

  • manda August 23, 2016, 2:21 pm

    good thing i came across this article, it will definitely help me

  • marge August 22, 2016, 4:29 pm

    it sucks when guys leave you without saying anything!

  • brigette August 19, 2016, 12:43 am

    success of a relationship doesn’t only lie on the man’s also need to put in enough effort to nurture and grow the relationship and not let your man slip away

  • myrna August 18, 2016, 4:37 pm

    you’re right patricia, men are so unfair when all they need to do is man up!

  • patricia August 18, 2016, 1:06 am

    i feel like men are so unfair. i mean, why all the complications?? can’t they just tell it straight to our faces?

Leave a Comment