How many times has it happened to you or someone you know…
You meet a guy, you have great chemistry, and everything is going in the right direction.
And then, poof, he just vanishes out of your life so completely it’s like he’s been whisked away into the witness protection program.
You have no clue why he suddenly stopped all contact and you frantically call and text him to make sure he hasn’t been in the terrible accident that keeps replaying itself over and over in your imagination.
When you get no reply to your anxious voicemails you begin leaving messages that quickly turn angry, demanding that he give you an explanation.
When there is no reply to any of your messages, you finally realize what’s going on.
That dirtbag ghosted you!
After calling him every rotten name you can think of (and some you invented just for him) the full impact of his betrayal sinks in. It feels like you’ve been hit by a bus.
You can’t stop crying and you feel like you won’t even be able to function until you just know why.
You really felt like things were going well. You hadn’t been seeing him long but you were good together and you’re sure he felt it too!
The people in your life who care about you assure you that it wasn’t your fault, but how can you know? There are no answers so there’s no closure to be had!
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
It’s an impossible place to be in
You start to think about getting out and dating again but it’s so hard to even imagine making yourself vulnerable to someone new.
You stare at the dating app on your phone’s screen wishing you had the nerve to set something up with the hot guy holding the adorable beagle puppy in his profile picture.
What if it happens again? What if you just start to get comfortable with another guy and you can see a future with him and he pulls the disappearing act on you?
How can you ever trust anyone again when you don’t know who was to blame for what happened?
Why that way of thinking isn’t helping you to move on
Blaming yourself or the guy who left you adds no benefit to your future. Chances are good that you may never know what was going through his mind when he decided to leave.
There are so many reasons men run.
more: Why Men Lose Interest
Here’s Why Men Disappear
All men have had plenty of both good and bad relationships before they met you that helped to shape their thoughts about how love should be. Not only romantic relationships, but any interactions with another person that taught them a lesson that caused them to become the person they are now. Their life experiences create the way they believe love should be. And if it doesn’t match up with what’s in their head, they’re not going to stick with it. So you see, it may have been something you did, but it also may have had nothing to do with you whatsoever .
Men learn to trust or not to trust women through these types of experiences. You cannot control someone’s level of trust. You can only control your own.
It’s wise to get a handle on your trust because if you don’t, you can appear bitter, jaded, suspicious, or even angry toward anyone you date.
That could actually push men away and bring on the very thing you want the least…for someone you let yourself care about to vanish on you again.
So how do you date confidently again after a ghosting?
There are a few habits that you can adopt to help you to not feel so vulnerable and to get your confidence back after you’ve had a man suddenly abandon a relationship.
The first thing is to choose wisely with the men you date. Is he in the habit of developing long term partnerships with the women he dates or has his longest relationship been a few months or less?
Know what you want and date accordingly. Don’t settle for “he might change one day if he loves me enough”.
Always remember that men who say they are not looking for commitment mean it. If short term is a deal breaker for you, don’t even go there.
The second thing is to be mindful of where the relationship actually stands and not get wrapped up with where you can see it going in the future.
This prevents you from falling head over heels into your fantasy and it keeps you in the present moment.
Because in a healthy relationship, this is where your guy’s head is at. He isn’t three steps ahead imagining white picket fences and what your children will look like.
He’s simply enjoying his fourth date with the girl he’s getting to know.
The third thing you want to keep in mind is that it is your own responsibility to decide when you can handle the vulnerability of being physical in a new relationship.
Making out and sex should be allowed to happen naturally and not be attached to a lot of rules that make you feel safer about doing them.
If you feel like you’re going to fall apart if you get physical and then he never calls you back, then you owe it to yourself to do a little more work on your ability to handle the situation if it happens.
Before you start dating.
And finally, if you want your man to be honest and forthright with you, you’re going to want to be a woman that a man can tell anything to.
I can’t stress this enough.
If you’re having a deep and revealing conversation and your man confides in you that he cheated on his ex girlfriend, your reaction matters.
If you are outraged and demand to know if he’s seeing someone else while he’s dating you and you’re crying and making it about you, what do you think is going to happen the next time he wants to be real and honest with you?
He’s going to think twice about it. And he’ll be tempted to lie or not tell you. Now, it is 100% up to the character of the man himself what he actually does do. You are not forcing him to lie.
Your chances of him telling you the truth drastically increase if he knows that you are a safe person to share things with.
The conversation must be about the two of you handling whatever he tells you together as the team you hope to one day become. Listen fully, and with an open mind and heart.
Let it be about you being there for him when he’s in a vulnerable position. Do not let it be all about your feelings and reactions.
The last thing I want to mention is to be aware of your communication process. We use texting far too often to form the foundation of our new relationships and it’s like building a house out of straw.
Always remember that just because you can text him, it does not mean that you should. Do not make your boredom his responsibility. Try to have respect for his time.
Make your conversations something he will want to be part of.
If you’re chatting on the phone, be conscious of whether he is politely humoring you or if he is actively involved in the conversation.
Make clear ahead of time how long the two of you will be on the phone and stick to the time limit.
You’d be surprised at how much this helps someone to want to pick up the phone when you call.
So what does the future look like if you do this work to become a better partner?
You’ll have more confidence with your entire dating experience.
You’ll have absolute certainty that you bring value to your relationships beyond physical attraction, which means that you have less insecurity and less worry.
If a man doesn’t call you back, you know you’ll move on, bounce back, and it will hardly slow you down because you understand that you can go on to be with someone who does want to stay in touch.
You’ll live in the moment and enjoy every step of dating instead of being so fixated on the future that you miss out on the here and now.
You’ll make better dating choices because you’ll see men for who they are right now. Not for who they may become in the future.
You’ll thoroughly enjoy getting to know the man you date because you’re fully present in the here and now instead of being too heavily focused on your imaginary future with him.
You’ll be free to be a happy and confident woman who understands that your future will be great because you make it great and you are not dependent on the actions of any man for that to happen.
On the other hand if you feel that this man is the one you want and he’s slipping away it usually means he’s losing interest and his biology is telling him that he needs to pull away so if you’re worried he’s losing interest, or he’s already disappeared but you want him back, you have to read this right now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…