You’re here because you’re wondering is he testing me by pulling away from me?
You’re trying to figure out what’s driving his behavior and making him pull away from you.
Is he genuinely losing interest in you? Is this all a ploy to get you to come chasing after him? Is something in his life bothering him and taking him away from the relationship? Or is it something else entirely?
How do you figure out his true feelings?
more: This Gives You The Exact Things To Do To Stop Him From Withdrawing
What, in short, are you supposed to do? And how do you get him to come back to you after he pulls away?
It’s a terrifying feeling having a man you care about withdraw and pull away from you – and I know how vulnerable and scared you might feel.
So don’t worry – I’ve got you covered.
I’m going to tell you exactly what to do when he’s pulling away so that you don’t get caught in a situation where you’re chasing after him, and you give yourself the best possible chance of having a strong, lasting relationship with him.
more: What To Do When A Guy Is Withdrawing From You
Take This Quiz And Find Out Right Now: Is He Slipping Away
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Slipping Away” Quiz right now and find out if the man you want is really slipping away from you…
He’s Not Testing You By Pulling Away From You
If you’re wondering whether he’s testing you, the answer 99.9999999 times out of 100 is that he isn’t, and that him seeming distant is actually about something else altogether. Most of the time, when it feels like he’s pulling away, he’s really just dealing with something that doesn’t have anything to do with the relationship and devoting his energy there. Regardless of the reason, and even if he is testing you, the best thing to do is play it cool and let him come back to you of his own accord.
What To Do If You’re Wondering Why He’s Pulling Away From You
So you’re freaked out. This guy you really like is going cold and acting distant towards you. Why?
There are lots of reasons why a guy might start to pull away in a relationship – and a ton of them aren’t about you or the relationship at all.
more: When A Guy Withdraws…
Sure, he might be pulling away as a power game to try to get you to chase after him.
Or he could be pulling away because he’s worried about the relationship getting too serious and he needs to grab some space and gain perspective.
Or he could be super jam packed with problems at work and be devoting 100% of his time and energy towards solving them – making you feel like he’s pulling away from you when really he’s concentrating on something else.
Or it could be one of a million other scenarios where he feels the need to take some space from the relationship for a period of time.
Out of what I listed, the first is probably the least likely – unless you know for a fact that this is a pattern with him and that he habitually tests boundaries in relationships by pulling away.
If you don’t know his dating history, then it could be one of a million different reasons that he seems distant towards you. Most of those reasons might not even be about you.
But regardless of whether he’s getting distant because he needs space, or because he’s dealing with a private problem, or even because he’s testing you – there’s one solution:
Here’s Exactly What You Should Do Whenever He’s Pulling Away
more: 9 Signs He’s Really Not That Into You And Not Interested
Regardless of what’s causing him to pull away, there’s always one solution that you should respond with:
Just play it cool.
Don’t try to chase after him, don’t try to “save” the relationship, don’t try to interrogate him to figure out why he’s pulling away from you, and definitely don’t try to analyze everything he says and does for clues as to how he’s feeling (more on that later).
All of those responses are mistakes – and the problem is that they feel right in the moment. They seem instinctively like the right thing to do – when really all they do is push him further away from you.
more: The Number One Reason Men Suddenly Lose Interest
That’s where women get into trouble and wind up chasing after a guy begging him to be with her – not the position you’d want to find yourself in.
So the solution is simple: just play it cool.
If he’s pulling away from you or acting distant, it’s because he’s looking for space from the relationship. Why he needs the space isn’t as important as what you do when he’s looking for space.
If you chase after him, call him and text him, and let your anxiety force you to look for validation from him, it’s going to push him even further away. He won’t get the space he’s looking for – quite the opposite.
Instead, he’ll feel even more crowded by the relationship, which will make him grow even more distant, which blows up into a vicious cycle that can end the relationship prematurely.
more: Why Do Men Lie?
So instead, don’t try to chase after him. If he’s looking for space, let him have that space and let his desire to come back to you grow on its own.
You’re never going to be able to manipulate him into wanting to come back to you – that’s only going to make him feel more crowded and push him away further.
But if you let him have the space he’s looking for, it lets him know that you can give him what he needs – which makes him much more likely to come back to you.
There’s one other concept that I want to talk about here that’s super important:
Here’s The One Super Important Dating Rule To Follow
99% of the time I see women get completely screwed up in a relationship and wind up in a terrible spot, it’s because they neglected this rule.
more: Decoding Male Behavior A Guy’s Take On Neediness
If you follow this rule, you won’t wind up running around in circles driving yourself crazy trying to figure him out ever again.
Are you ready? Here’s the rule:
Don’t try to look for hints about how he “truly” feels in the things he says and does.
Meaning: don’t spend your time and your energy trying to figure out his true intentions or his true feelings from what he says to you or how often he texts you.
So many women fall into the trap of trying to figure out how a guy “really” feels about them by reading into his words and his actions to find “clues” and “hidden hints” about his true feelings.
This is a trap. It’s never going to help you. It’s never going to make your relationship better.
All it’s going to do is push him further away and drive you crazy trying to figure out why.
more: Why Men Seem To Pull Away
Looking For “Hints” From Him Is Going To Push Him Further Away
Great relationships work because it feels great for both people to be there.
Or, to put it in other words: your relationship is great if it feels great to be around each other.
When both partners are relaxed, comfortable, and in a good mood around each other – it feels great.
But if one or both partners are feeling anxious, or freaked out, or worried – it poisons the dynamic of a relationship and leads to both partners feeling like there’s something “off”.
That more than anything leads to both men and women growing distant from a relationship. It doesn’t feel as good to spend time with each other anymore, so one person seeks distance and pulls away to try to gain perspective.
more: Give A Man Space When He Pulls Away
When you look for “hints” in his behavior or try to analyze what he says to figure out his “true feelings” – it poisons the dynamic between you.
Instead of feeling relaxed and happy around you, he’s going to feel like you’re combing through everything he says. It’ll feel like he’s walking on eggshells around you, afraid to say the wrong thing.
That dynamic pushes him further away, because all of a sudden it doesn’t feel good to be around you anymore. And when he pulls away more, it makes you more anxious, which makes you look for clues even more intensely, and well… you get where I’m going with this.
more: 3 Reasons Your Guy Might Pull Away
That’s why the best way to respond when a partner is getting distant with you is just to play it cool and give him the space he’s looking for.
Don’t overanalyze. Don’t put him under a microscope. Don’t sabotage yourself by trying to read into what he does.
Just let him have the space he’s looking for. He’ll naturally feel better when he gets what he was looking for, and that good feeling will naturally draw him back to you.
Want to find out he’s slipping away from you Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Slipping Away” Quiz right now and find out if the man you want is really slipping away from you…
Been talking to a guy months then he started acting distant and I panicked. I also took talk from someone who said he is not gonna take things further with me because his words were not matching his actions and he kept saying he was to busy to meet me. His calls also turned to only messages. I got so upset of that thought so I spewed it out on him over a text. He got so upset because of the message I sent him, that he told me not to message him ever again.
if hes pulling away? the go! even if im in love with you? naah!! go wherever u want and do whatever u want, its ur life not gonna stop you instead i support you♀️. the world is blessed of plenty good men out there so cheers!
This is why now I am started to see different people. I can’t deny there’s that especial one who makes me anxious but I WILL NOT chase him.
Just had this happen to me, guy putting in way too much effort, planning the future after 3 weeks.
Then goes “cold” says he is busy doesn’t say what with and stops texting.
So I read some of these articles and was horrified at the advice , that I should sit waiting dutifully for him when he is ready … or maybe he won’t and disappear.
So I dumped him by text. Awful I know but it felt good really as the space he had given me whilst he put me on ice gave me time to see all the things that I didn’t like about him.
I’m sure men can communicate better than just disappearing when it suits. Women can’t do thus they have responsibilities!!
Good for you!
Good on you Alison, these days I’d do exactly the same thing as life is too short to waste time on some guy who doesn’t know what he wants.
I seem to attract these types. I’m in my 40’s and this never happened to me before the online dating scene. In my 20’s, a guy would ask me out and the rest would be history..we’d date for a few months and it would either continue or slowly decline because I lost interest overtime or they did. There was never a time when it was going absolutely fantastic and then the guy abruptly went off on me. Now divorced, I am having one hell of a time scratching my head with every guy I have started dating online. I can no longer tell my friends/family that I’m dating someone, because low and behold..the guy who’s totally smitten with me, that I’ve been seeing for 7 or 8 dates all of a sudden goes all weird and stops calling / texting etc. Basically he’s been lovey dovey ga ga attentive and then 8 hours later “crickets”. If there was something I’ve done to turn the guy off, I’d be admitting it…but there has been nothing done or said by me during that time frame that would get them to switch off their feelings. This has happened to me so many times that I don’t think I can handle going out on another date again. My married friends and family (who never online dated) can’t possibly be buying the fact that guys are like this now…I’m sure they all think I’m the one with the problem because how can ALL guys be like this…but THEY ARE..at least the ones I’m meeting!
Carla…Your story IS my story! I am sorry you are going thru this, as I echo your sentiments completely, all the way thru to where family and friends must think we’re the ones with the problem. It’s a sad state of affairs out there. Literally. Hugs to you.
Omg. Good description. Exactly what I’ve been finding in the internet dating era. The level of ghosting is insane! I personally think it’s because of the amount of ‘options’ or the ‘next best thing’. Totally tired of it.
Carla, yes! I’m same age as you and it shocks me to read of girls in their 20s who are dating a guy for six months, having sex, meeting parents and friends but still don’t know if they are their girlfriend or not! What is going on?!
I’ve only been with secure or anxious attachment style men. So, I never had to deal with a hot/cold pursue/distance type of situation until recently. Usually, I end up with men that are needy for my attention. When you find a guy that pulls away all the time, It’s quite stressful and can turn even the most secure person insecure! I have someone in my life that reaches out and gets close then pulls away and disappears only to reach out again every other month. During the last pull away, I did fall in love with someone else and date them. However, it was short lived and immediately after the breakup, look who comes walking back into my life. Ughh, I allowed him in only to have him pull away again. What I do realize is that some people have an avoidant attachment style and they will always pull away when things are getting too intimate. They freak and leave to gain back their autonomy. They might even go out on casual dates just to blow off steam. Once they feel grounded again, they start to miss you and come back. My advice is to keep these types of people at arm’s length and a watchful eye. But also accept that they need space in order to function and that means for us to not smother them or bother them during their space. Also, its very hard to maintain a secure and healthy relationship with these types and it takes a lot of effort and patience. It’s not for those who love big and are comfortable with feeling vulnerable.
This is good to know :)
dear ladies, recently a guy told me he needs space,i found out that all he had said had been a lie.his father whom he had always talked about and wanted to introduce me to and the same father whom he presumably always played soccer with wasn’t a CEO as he had said and additionally the poor guy had died 10years before so the guy was obviously playing soccer with a dead person… be careful ladies!
What if your married one year and he acts Distant…you lean in for a kiss & he pats your Face??…..
No matter the reason – block him and go out with somebody else.
i’ve been seriously thinking about this. i hope he’s not really testing me
men do not usually do this to test you. they really go thru such a stage and you need to understand that.
do not overreact. talk things through and try to understand him before speculating.
wow, this is really big! thanks for sharing this and for being honest.
it doesn’t necessarily means he’s testing you. most of the time men needs space due to personal issues he doesn’t want affecting you.
thank you for sharing this. i can be paranoid at times.
a typical guy won’t waste time for dramas like this.
don’t panic, stay focused and communicate.
this is such a nice article. i like it and i definitely learned something here.
a real man won’t do this. if he says he needs space, he really mean it
most of the time, men pull away because of fear that the relationship gets too serious. but not to worry, he’ll recover from this.
no, a real would not do this.
he might not be testing you. men do sometimes need space, that’s just it.
it would help to know his background especially when it comes to dating and relationships. this way, you would know if he has a background and habit of doing things such this.
i will follow your advice and hope for the best! thank you!!
i definitely hope he isn’t testing me.
well i hope he really is NOT trying to test me.
if he pulls away, play it cool and just let him be
i can only hope i won’t experience this from my boyfriend.
do not be too hard on yourself, almost everyone goes through this.
men usually need to pull way but they almost always come back, don’t be paranoid.
he’s most likely not testing you..a guy would sometimes really need space
good to know, thanks for sharing!
let him test you all he wants, prove him that pulling away is his worst move ever!
thanks for sharing this. i wouldn’t wanna be in this kind of situation, i’m glad i read this today. i would know what to do just in case.
oh wow, i wouldn’t like this
this is a good read, thanks for sharing!
this blows my mind in a way..but that you for sharing. it’s worth reading.
why does he even have to pull away when he can just say if he’s dealing with something!?
i would hate him if he does this to test me