The Real Reasons Guys Disappear After A Great First Date

The Real Reasons Guys Disappear After A Great First Date

Recently, I had a close friend come to me and ask, “I’ve had 3 guys disappear on me after we went on what I thought were great dates… why is this happening? Is it me?

It’s actually what inspired me to write this article.

Each time, the guy talked about wanting to go on a second date – even about what they might do or when they might do it.

And then, nothing. Nothing but radio silence from the guy. No call, no text, no second date.


Why ask her on a second date if they had no intention of going on one?

And most importantly: why does this keep happening over and over?

more: How To Know For Sure If A Guy Likes You Or Not

I’ll get this out of the way first – if you’re wondering why guys keep disappearing on you… I’ve got the answer.

Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You” Quiz right now and find out if he likes you…

The Real Reasons Guys Disappear After A First Date

I’ve heard people say that maybe the guy didn’t want to hurt her feelings, so he pretended to want a second date and then disappeared.

And while that might happen once, the chances of it happening 3 times in a row are remote. That means that something else is probably going on.

more: What Do A Guy’s Excuses Really Mean?

So with that said – there are a couple of reasons why a guy might talk about a second date but wind up not calling you:

1. Either he actually likes you and wants a second date with you, but he thinks you’re not interested…

2. Or you’re making a subconscious mistake that a lot of women wind up making that makes him want to disappear.

Let’s start with #1, I’ll get to #2 in a second…

more: Big Signs A Guy Doesn’t Like You

Reason #1: He Thinks You’re Not Interested…

If he actually really likes you and wants to go on a second date with you, but he’s not calling you…

The most likely scenario is that he thinks you’re not interested – meaning he’s picking up on some signal that he thinks means you don’t like him.

As guys get older and more experienced, they realize that it’s usually always better to just assume their partner likes them (up to a point of course).

more: Here’s How To Make Him Treat You Like A Priority

But some guys never develop the confidence to make that assumption, and so they look for signs to figure out whether you’re interested or not.

In my experience, a guy will think that these signs mean a woman isn’t interested in him:

  • If she’s not smiling during the date
  • If she’s texting or talking on her phone (without it seeming important or being apologetic about it)
  • If she’s not really talking with him and only doing the minimum to hold up her end of the conversation
  • If she’s showing disinterest in talking to him and looking for any sort of distraction (by looking around the room or checking her phone a lot, for example)

When a guy gets one or more of those signals, it could mean that he thinks you’re not interested. So rather than ask you out again and risk getting rejected (especially because he thinks you’re not into him in the first place), he simply never calls you again.

more: 9 Signs He’s Really Not All That Into You

That’s the first reason a guy might not call you back after a first date. Now let’s get to the second…

Reason #2: He Thinks You Came Across As Too Eager…

This is a subconscious mistake that many women make without even realizing it.

What does “too eager” mean? Women come across as too eager when they signal to a guy that they’re not happy… and that they’re looking for a relationship to make them happy.

more: The Exact 8 Things Every Man Really Wants In A Woman

Obviously, it’s hard to imagine a woman saying, “I hate my life right now, maybe if we start dating I’ll feel better.”

But it’s much easier to imagine a man getting that impression subconsciously, from several things said over the course of a date.

For instance, if she talks about how tired she is of being single, or talks about feeling depressed recently, then talks about wanting to get into a relationship – it’s a huge signal to a guy.

more: Why Guys Might Not Call Back After A Date

That signal says, “I want to use this relationship as a lifeline to feel better and make me happy.” And that’s the biggest turn off in dating that there is.

A relationship should never be the thing in your life that makes you happy – it should be something positive that you add to an already positive lifestyle.

In other words: relationships should always be the icing on top – never the cake.

Men (and women) ask questions and feel each other out during dates. They get a feel about how you live your life, whether you’re generally happy or not, and what your overall attitude is.

If you’re not happy with your life – if you’re unhappy about your job, or you’re getting tired of spending time with your friends, or you’re unsatisfied with your lifestyle – he’s going to pick up on that.

(Just like you would pick up on a guy talking about how stuck he feels playing video games in the basement every day).

If he picks up that you’re not happy with your life, it’s going to make him not want to get into a relationship with you. Most guys don’t want the responsibility of being the only source of happiness in their partner’s life.

more: Dating Fails: Why Guys Disappear On You

How To Avoid This Deadly Mistake

If you think there’s a chance you might fall into the second category (where you’re coming across as too eager)…

Then it’s a very smart idea to put your effort and your attention into making your life more fun.

Try out new hobbies (or get into old ones that fell by the wayside). If you’re tired of your friends, try making new ones or getting in touch with old ones that might have fallen of your radar.

The important point to remember is to try to enjoy yourself – do the things you love doing that make you happy and “light you up inside.”

more: The Top 10 Reasons Why Guys Suddenly Vanish

When you do that, your life become the “cake”, and the relationship will be the “frosting” – and guys will be able to sense that.

And the truth is, a woman feeling relaxed, confident, and happy is the most attractive thing she can possibly do with a man. It means that you’re already happy and you’re looking for someone to share your life and your happiness with.

That’s a huge signal to a guy that dating you is going to be something that adds joy and pleasure to his life – and gives him an opportunity to share his happiness and joy with you as well.

When two people with that attitude find each other – they build a relationship together that lasts.

I hope this article helped you understand the real reasons guys disappear after a great first date. It’s a question I get asked a lot, and most of the time it’s because of unconscious things the woman is doing that are making the guy lose interest and pull away without even realizing it… even if he was really interested in her in the first place. If you suspect he’s pulling away from you then you definitely need to read this before it’s too late and he’s gone forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…

Want to find out if the man you want really likes you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You?” Quiz right now and find out if he likes you…

Take The Quiz: Does He Like You?

In summary…

The Biggest Reasons Why Guys Disappear After A First Date

  • He thinks you’re not interested in him or in going out with him again
  • He’s picking up on some signal that he thinks means you don’t like him
  • He thinks you came across as too eager to get into a relationship
  • He doesn’t want to lead you on

reasons guys disappear after a first date

39 comments… add one
  • Sel October 20, 2023, 1:58 pm

    I had a great date, definitely liked each other, he texted to make sure I got home safe, the next day he was still talking and even started sending me kisses. We agreed we’d go on another date… a few days went by… told him I was available Fri/sat and POOF gone. I’m honestly so down by it… it’s gutting and genuinely hurts.

  • Lisa December 16, 2022, 1:08 am

    Too eager. When someone strikes up a conversation with you, tells you they’re lonely and will you go out to dinner with them and you do, then express you like them and would like to go out again to not be vague, this is too eager?! Relationships are not icing on your cake. They’re natural and normal; they make us feel alive and happy. What’s wrong with admitting that? If a guy doesn’t like your eagerness, I think they may have bonding problems. How about that?!

  • Steve November 19, 2021, 2:50 pm

    Neither reason is true. Usually it’s because of something she said that made her worldview seem unappealing, but she would only argue or get angry if confronted about it. Basically he thought you weren’t compatible but you wouldn’t accept it if he told you.

  • Tiffany October 1, 2020, 8:32 am

    Be interested, but not too interested

  • Gerald May 13, 2019, 4:32 pm

    Point 1 seems incredibly legit.
    Point 2 is a reach.

    My friends and I were talking about how signs of disinterest always ruin chances for a second date. In fact, we created a rule. “If she texts twice and it’s not an emergency, ask for the check immediately and split the bill.”

  • Cecile November 13, 2018, 6:48 am

    I went on my first date, I like the guy but he hasn’t call or text me. I sent him message “thanks for the catch up” but didn’t reply so I guess he doesn’t like me.

  • Miley November 7, 2018, 6:48 am

    My first date was great. He made me feel like we have connections and he enjoyed my company with dinner, talk and movie. We kissed and everything was so real but he disappeared after first date. I really liked him but i think he just wants casual things, not serious. So disappointed with this guy.

  • olivia November 22, 2016, 4:53 pm

    great point but still sad for women to experience such

  • iyanna November 21, 2016, 6:22 pm

    some also disappear because they’re scared you’re too serious

  • mariette November 17, 2016, 6:38 pm

    If you think there’s a chance you might fall into the second category (where you’re coming across as too eager)…
    Then it’s a very smart idea to put your effort and your attention into making your life more fun.
    – the best thing you ever said here. most women miss this part.

  • annalyn November 16, 2016, 7:31 pm

    some men are just for first dates because the problem is, they don’t know what they really want. you’re lucky to get rid of him at once and not allow yourself to be so into him

  • serena November 15, 2016, 4:35 pm

    so unfair for men to even have the guts to blame the woman for being to eager.

  • amanda November 14, 2016, 12:42 pm

    they’re too afraid to commit

  • girlie November 11, 2016, 2:57 pm

    if you know you didn’t do or say anything wrong, don’t even bother finding the blame on yourself. some men are just really not good with dating

  • trizh November 10, 2016, 2:26 pm

    this is too sad :(
    i would be devastated if i showed interest on our 1st date and didn’t come across as too eager too

  • sylvia November 9, 2016, 11:15 am

    you made good points here. i think a lot of women do not realize what they’re doing wrong during the first date pushing away men instead of keeping them

  • martha November 8, 2016, 12:11 pm

    i would have to agree that oming across as too eager would definitely push him away

  • annika November 7, 2016, 1:16 pm

    uugh! hate these kind of men!

  • shareen November 4, 2016, 12:55 pm

    women need to make sure also that they are ready to be in a relationship. ready means they are happy and fulfilled as they are, not waiting for a guy to be happy and to feel complete.

  • darla November 3, 2016, 12:45 pm

    pointing a finger to the woman saying “she doesn’t seem interested” is unfair. if you ever date a guy like this, ditch him right away

    • Gerald May 13, 2019, 4:29 pm

      If a woman is texting during the date and her attention is elsewhere while you are trying to have a conversation with her, it is extremely fair to say she is not interested, because she really isn’t. Those are red flags that should never be ignored. If you ever exude those red flags, don’t worry about ditching him, because there probably won’t be a second date 99% of the time.

  • melanie November 2, 2016, 6:29 pm

    either he’s a fool or a coward. i mean, how difficult can it be to tell the woman the truth, right?

    • YoMama November 16, 2021, 11:06 pm

      I went on a date with this guy. We got into some foreplay and things got pretty hot and heavy. Our connection was cosmic. He told me everything I wanted to hear like how beautiful my singing voice was, how talented I was, how much I was a good kisser, how he is looking to settle down and start a family etc. When I asked him to describe his type, he basically described me. He even wanted to cuddle, so I spent the night. I thought that moment meant something to both of us but I never heard from him again. I followed up the next day with a text and he didn’t even have the decency to respond. I was heartbroken.

  • minnie October 28, 2016, 1:56 pm

    if he thinks it was a great date, he should not have been gone missing. a man like this is a total coward

  • jillian October 27, 2016, 12:18 pm

    if he doesn’t ask you out for a second date, let him be. don’t find fault in yourself. some are insecure and might be intimidated to you. as long you be yourself, nothing to worry about.

  • april October 26, 2016, 11:00 pm

    he’s definitely not ready for you and a relationship with you.

  • racquel October 25, 2016, 1:28 pm

    it’s still devastating… :(

  • ellie October 24, 2016, 11:53 pm

    still unacceptable for any girl :(

  • amelia October 18, 2016, 4:09 pm

    don’t be too hard on yourself and put the blame on you..there just men who can’t handle strong women. you don’t have to change for a man, just as you can’t change a man the way you want him to be. it is a matter of acceptance and learning to love the person you are/he is.

  • heather October 17, 2016, 3:39 pm

    this happened to me once and i knew it was because i was too nervous, i didn’t talk much and he felt i was too boring. when i recall that moment, i can’t help but laugh

  • chloe October 12, 2016, 1:13 pm

    now this is really sad :(

  • rona October 11, 2016, 10:10 pm

    i have experienced his before and i didn’t know what to do. i kept asking what’s wrong with me. eventually i realized there are just those men who cannot be brave enough to say how they feel or what they really want.

  • vina October 10, 2016, 8:35 pm

    this is just too cruel. i can’t imagine this happening to me. i need to be careful, i might like the guy and then he’ll just suddenly disappear.

  • laura October 7, 2016, 3:23 pm

    don’t fret, some guys are just really not into serious relationships as opposed to what you want. just try to take it easy on your first date next time.

  • erenia October 6, 2016, 12:14 pm

    thank you for this article. i hope men also would learn the effects of their actions.

  • atasha October 5, 2016, 4:36 pm

    these are great tips, thank you for sharing your thoughts and expertise

  • scarlett October 4, 2016, 3:11 pm

    this one’s a really bad situation for any woman. my friend had just met someone who made her feel like they had a connection but after finally having a great date, he didn’t show up anymore and it’s sad. :(

  • leony October 3, 2016, 6:13 pm

    i think men sometimes are just full of crap making these kinds of excuses.

  • larrae October 1, 2016, 3:26 am

    yeah, it’s sad that sometimes it’s also the fault of women being too busy chatting with friends and being on the phone while on a date. guys of course don’t like that.

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