Find Dating Success: Avoid The ‘Identity Trap’ And Be Yourself

Find Dating Success: Avoid The ‘Identity Trap’ And Be Yourself

One of the biggest dating mistakes that I constantly see people falling into has me amazed.

No, not because it’s not an easy mistake to make (it is), but because the cure for that mistake is so widely well known and accepted!

MORE: How to Be Yourself on a First Date

The mistake I’m talking about is the common “identity trap”, where you feel that you have to play a certain role or define yourself a certain way to attract the person you really want to date.

And the cure for that trap is one of the most commonly repeated suggestions in dating – just be yourself!

Watch out for these 5 common (and deadly!) mistakes that destroy relationships.

That’s why I think so many people fall into this trap – because they’re tired of hearing “be yourself” and they’ve given up on thinking it’s good advice.

Take The Quiz: Are You Compatible With Him?

Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Are You Compatible” Quiz right now and find out if you’re really compatible with him…

But think about things for a second, do you really think that being someone you’re not will attract the right person to you?

MORE: Dating Rules: Selling Yourself vs. Being Yourself

If you’re honest with yourself, do you think that trying to be someone you’re not will catch up to you?

The truth is – if you want to attract the person who’s truly right for you into your life, you have to be true to yourself and honest about who you really are.

If you’re trying to be someone you’re not for someone else, eventually the chickens always come home to roost. For instance, let’s say you’re pretending to like sports because you want to be with someone who’s a huge sports fan.

Well, let’s say it works and you start dating them. Will you be happy when 5 years down the line they’re watching sports every day, and you’re getting more and more fed up with it?

Or will they be happy with you when you begin to resent them for watching sports so much?

MORE: For Better Relationships, Just Be Yourself

Of course not!

It’s because that person is a bad match for you – and by pretending to be someone you’re not to attract them you’re really hurting both of you.

People who are great in relationships have these 9 things in common.

Most people are afraid to look for what they really want in a … (continued – Click to keep reading Find Dating Success: Avoid The ‘Identity Trap’ And Be Yourself)

25 comments… add one
  • Linda June 1, 2020, 5:29 am

    Nice article!

  • Christopher March 27, 2020, 6:14 pm

    I just stopped seeing a girl after our fourth date, because I felt I was lying to myself. One side was giving her the attention while the other side was uncomfortable with her seeing other men and then I realized this particular woman isn’t for me, so I told her person to person, because I don’t belive in ghosting. So, I did it, and she mentioned that she didn’t expect that from me, either way, I walked out for the best and if she still wants a piece she’ll come back, but in the meantime, I’m still searching for that amazing woman to enjoy sunsets with after a wild night.

  • "leah evers" June 9, 2017, 11:22 am

    societal expectations bring the worst out in people. Everyone has set standards for others that not even they live up to. I think a lot of people fall into this trap because of that

  • Sophie Miller July 8, 2015, 2:43 pm

    I tend to try out a few different “styles” of myself to see which one the guy bites on. That way I am still being myself, just in a different way :)

  • Zoe Mackenzie July 8, 2015, 2:32 pm

    Be yourself. Check. I have a date coming up this weekend and really do not want to mess it up.

  • Irene Hart July 4, 2015, 12:48 pm

    You really have to “learn” how to date well. There is a certain level of experience that comes along with it. Good luck!

  • Jessica Paterson July 4, 2015, 11:26 am

    Most relationship counselors will tell you that being yourself is the best thing that you can do. It keeps you honest and your partner honest as well. There is little room in anyone’s life for a fake person.

  • V. Hightsman July 2, 2015, 8:33 am

    There are many relationship doctors that will tell you to be true to yourself and that starts right away. Just be yourself and do not try to be someone that you are not just because you THINK your partner is interested more in that person.

  • Dr. Cara July 2, 2015, 8:19 am

    Women need to be sure that they can be themselves around other people for THEM. Being yourself is not about the other person, it is about being true to yourself.

  • Stacey B. June 29, 2015, 4:44 pm

    Very good tips. There are so many woman that are not sure who they really are and that is where it becomes difficult for them to adjust in a relationship. They try so hard to be what they THINK the partner wants and not enough time being themselves.

  • Norene Zimble June 26, 2015, 2:55 pm

    I am a perfect example of being yourself and having success while dating. The guys that I cannot be myself around are gone quickly. I cannot be fake, it does not help me and it is not fair to the person you are meeting with.

  • Stacie Bronsen June 26, 2015, 2:39 pm

    It is not easy being yourself, we all know that. When you first meet a person, it might be your best bet however.

    • Lucy June 29, 2015, 4:57 pm

      I agree. In society today, people are tossed around so much it is hard for them to keep up with what is real and who they are.

  • Hatty T. June 26, 2015, 2:17 pm

    I have seen so many woman try to be the way their friends want them to be. You might be similar to your friends, but there is no way that you need to be exactly the same. Take a step back and try to see what being like YOU really is.

  • Lorinda V. June 22, 2015, 5:54 pm

    Women fought for many rights back in the day and that is even more of a reason to be yourself. There is nobody in your life that should be forcing you to act like or be like anyone else.

  • Hazel Chrone June 22, 2015, 4:33 pm

    If you are going to be a successful dater, then you need to be true to yourself AND the other person. Being yourself is just part of that as a whole.

  • Louisa E. June 22, 2015, 4:16 pm

    There are very few reasons that you should not be yourself. Especially when it comes to dating, being yourself is important since the odds are good that you will expect the other person to be themselves as well.

  • Nadine B. June 22, 2015, 3:42 pm

    If you cannot be yourself all of the time, who are you trying to be?

  • Cara W. June 22, 2015, 1:08 pm

    I am not sure what the big deal is. Why can’t people figure out who they are?

  • Lonnie Graham June 22, 2015, 11:41 am

    Being yourself might be something that is not easy for some. On the other hand, when you know you are being yourself, there is a certain level of stress that is not there and that is the best part.

  • K. Locals June 22, 2015, 11:31 am

    I see this so often working as a teacher. The young ladies are trying hard to find themselves and once they do, you have to wonder if it is really them.

  • CrazyLady June 19, 2015, 12:43 pm

    I always try to be myself. I know people that are not themselves and it seems that they drive themselves crazy trying to pretend to be someone they are not.

  • Brandy Wittier June 16, 2015, 6:06 pm

    I have been done this road before. A few years ago, I always felt that I was not good enough for my b/f. So I played a different role, but that was so exhausting and eventually I realized it was not worth it. What do you think?

  • Jamie Sprinkler June 16, 2015, 4:05 pm

    I always felt that I was myself during the dating scene. I usually bumped into men that were different from the ones that I thought I met very quickly and that is discouraging.

  • Chelsea H. June 16, 2015, 2:46 pm

    It can be hard to be yourself sometimes. I agree that you need to do so and it is a better thing for your relationship.

Leave a Comment