Almost everyone alive has experienced the loss of love. It sucks. There’s not a nice way to put it – no sweet and sassy way to make it an easier experience. Yet there’s tons of relationship and love advice telling people to just get over it and move on when they’ve broken up with someone that they still pine away for.
In this article, I’m not going to tell you to suck it up and move on. That’s not even a healthy way to deal with lost love or a relationship that has ended. People can spend an entire lifetime mourning a lost love, why would anyone in their right mind suggest that you can just wash your hands of someone you’ve invested your heart and soul into like it was nothing?
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Instead, I’m going to share with you how real and visceral that loss was for me, and what I did to “get over it,” in a way that I can now honestly say I’m free to love again.
I know that you don’t just miss the “idea” of someone. When you fall in love, yes, you look at all that’s good in someone and overlook their weird idiosyncrasies and bad habits. You forget that they always had a wandering eye or that they never picked their dirty clothes up off the floor. When they are gone, you obsess about the million and one things they did right.
The way they kissed you, the way they laughed at your jokes, and the way that they always made you feel beautiful even when you didn’t feel beautiful yourself – these are the things that linger in your mind and make it hard to let go.
And that ridiculous and short-sighted advise that “There are a million fish in the sea, you should just enjoy being single again,” is another stupid platitude that people offer you. What’s up with that?
You are fully aware there are literally billions of people on this planet, and there is likely someone else that you could love, but you picked that person for a reason.
You don’t particularly revel in the idea of watching Netflix alone for the next decade, either. Being in a committed relationship was nice – even if it had its icky parts.
The funny thing is, you met him when you weren’t even looking to be in a relationship. You were single, and loving it.
Then fate stepped in, and you started to love being part of a couple. When that ended, it turned your whole world upside down.
You’ve spend months, maybe even years defining yourself in relation to another human being. You made big plans together, and went through some challenging things together. You had the same mind on so many things. You don’t just turn that off over night.
When it was time to go, it hurt so bad, because you realized that no matter how hard you tried to make things right, you just couldn’t. All those memories you made – worthless. All that time you spent laughing or making love – gone.
And yet you are supposed to instantaneously put yourself out there in the dating world to expose all your raw emotions and vulnerabilities before you’ve even healed from the last courageous attempt at love?
Is this why our attempts at connecting with someone else too quickly always fail?
Here’s my advice. You don’t need to stuff those feelings away.
You don’t miss the idea of someone you loved. You miss the person you loved and spent time with. You invested in them. You took a gamble, and you had to walk away leaving all your money on the table.
It’s o.k. to miss having someone to go to dinner with, or snuggle with when it’s cold outside, or laugh at your little girlie toots under the blankets.
This also means you don’t have to lock yourself away until your heart has completely healed.
You go at your own pace. You may never completely get over someone you love, but you can heal your heart enough to make room in it to love again.
You will find someone that will make you want to be vulnerable. That will make putting your heart on the line seem worth it. But don’t rush. Don’t hurry up and get over him. Take all the time you need. You deserve it, and so does the next guy that wants to take a chance on loving you.
Losing love sucks, and if we can’t be real about that, then what are we even doing trying to give love a second or third or twentieth chance? I’ll get over my ex when I’m damn good and ready. In the meantime, I’ll date someone on my own terms, and you should do the same.
When it feels like you are ready, it won’t be forced, and you won’t have to forget every happy moment you spent with someone else to be with someone new. You’ll just be ready to make new memories. Love is amazing like that.
Now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…