Almost everyone alive has experienced the loss of love. It sucks. There’s not a nice way to put it – no sweet and sassy way to make it an easier experience. Yet there’s tons of relationship and love advice telling people to just get over it and move on when they’ve broken up with someone that they still pine away for.
In this article, I’m not going to tell you to suck it up and move on. That’s not even a healthy way to deal with lost love or a relationship that has ended. People can spend an entire lifetime mourning a lost love, why would anyone in their right mind suggest that you can just wash your hands of someone you’ve invested your heart and soul into like it was nothing?
MORE: Exactly How To Make Your Ex Miss You After A Breakup
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can get your ex back or if he’s gone for good…
Instead, I’m going to share with you how real and visceral that loss was for me, and what I did to “get over it,” in a way that I can now honestly say I’m free to love again.
I know that you don’t just miss the “idea” of someone. When you fall in love, yes, you look at all that’s good in someone and overlook their weird idiosyncrasies and bad habits. You forget that they always had a wandering eye or that they never picked their dirty clothes up off the floor. When they are gone, you obsess about the million and one things they did right.
The way they kissed you, the way they laughed at your jokes, and the way that they always made you feel beautiful even when you didn’t feel beautiful yourself – these are the things that linger in your mind and make it hard to let go.
MORE: Exactly How To Get Your Ex Back In 5 Steps Guaranteed
And that ridiculous and short-sighted advise that “There are a million fish in the sea, you should just enjoy being single again,” is another stupid platitude that people offer you. What’s up with that?
You are fully aware there are literally billions of people on this planet, and there is likely someone else that you could love, but you picked that person for a reason.
You don’t particularly revel in the idea of watching Netflix alone for the next decade, either. Being in a committed relationship was nice – even if it had its icky parts.
MORE: The Real Reasons You’re Not Over Your Ex
The funny thing is, you met him when you weren’t even looking to be in a relationship. You were single, and loving it.
Then fate stepped in, and you started to love being part of a couple. When that ended, it turned your whole world upside down.
You’ve spend months, maybe even years defining yourself in relation to another human being. You made big plans together, and went through some challenging things together. You had the same mind on so many things. You don’t just turn that off over night.
When it was time to go, it hurt so bad, because you realized that no matter how hard you tried to make things right, you just couldn’t. All those memories you made – worthless. All that time you spent laughing or making love – gone.
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And yet you are supposed to instantaneously put yourself out there in the dating world to expose all your raw emotions and vulnerabilities before you’ve even healed from the last courageous attempt at love?
Is this why our attempts at connecting with someone else too quickly always fail?
Here’s my advice. You don’t need to stuff those feelings away.
You don’t miss the idea of someone you loved. You miss the person you loved and spent time with. You invested in them. You took a gamble, and you had to walk away leaving all your money on the table.
It’s o.k. to miss having someone to go to dinner with, or snuggle with when it’s cold outside, or laugh at your little girlie toots under the blankets.
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This also means you don’t have to lock yourself away until your heart has completely healed.
You go at your own pace. You may never completely get over someone you love, but you can heal your heart enough to make room in it to love again.
You will find someone that will make you want to be vulnerable. That will make putting your heart on the line seem worth it. But don’t rush. Don’t hurry up and get over him. Take all the time you need. You deserve it, and so does the next guy that wants to take a chance on loving you.
Losing love sucks, and if we can’t be real about that, then what are we even doing trying to give love a second or third or twentieth chance? I’ll get over my ex when I’m damn good and ready. In the meantime, I’ll date someone on my own terms, and you should do the same.
When it feels like you are ready, it won’t be forced, and you won’t have to forget every happy moment you spent with someone else to be with someone new. You’ll just be ready to make new memories. Love is amazing like that.
MORE: How to Fill the Emptiness When You Miss Your Ex
Now in any relationship I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…
we all go thru this stage. sometimes when we think we’re over the guy, but then it seems that we’re really not and all we ever think about is him and the stuff we do, etc. just give it time and refocus on the more important things. but first, focus on yourself and love yourself first.
i am not really looking to bring my ex back but i am missing him so bad. gotta let go of this feeling so i could make room for love again in my heart.
how can i forget my ex after everything we’ve been through? it is very hard… i am keeping myself usefully busy but it doesn’t work. hope i can get through this.
my brain is telling me to stop missing my ex but my heart is saying that it is not easy. oh well, breakups are really tough.
surround yourself with people you love. hang out with your friends, go see a movie or a concert. try working out or doing yoga together..these activities will surely help you focus on more important things.
my ex recently broke up with me and i’ve spent a lot of time evaluating what went wrong. this post is an eye-opener for me. i will pull myself together, probably take a vacation to get over him.
i’m starting to feel this way too. i have just broken up with my boyfriend and we agreed to not talk and see each other but i think i’m starting to miss him. thanks for this article, i really need some good advice right now.
my ex and i really had an amazing sex life reason why thinking of him really turns me on! this is one of the many things i miss about him but i was able to convince myself already that i don’t need to bring him into the picture anymore.
i don’t know if i would be able to love someone the way I felt for my ex. i really miss him and i don’t know what to do. my friends are giving me advice and i am thankful i have them. i just keep myself busy and do the things i love most. hope time will let me move on from him.
it is very hard to let go of the memories.. the way he kissed me, the songs we used to listen together and how he tells me that i look beautiful. oh how i wish i could turn back the time!
spend time with your friends and do things that you enjoy the most. go to the movies or shopping! you’ll sure forget about your ex that way.
remember that this feeling is very normal. but you have to make a commitment not to stay in this phase forever. one way or the other, you’d need to move on. and when you’ve decided you’re ready to do that, you first focus on yourself.
no matter how time passed by, you will surely miss your ex and it is very natural especially if there are things, incidents, places, words and so much more that will bring back his memories.
for me, the best thing to do is nothing. sit tight and give him space. make him miss you by not bothering him at all. he’ll soon come to his senses if he still has feelings for you. do not beg for him to come back to you.
if you know that there’s no going back and need to learn to move on, take your time. mourn if you must but make that decision to move on and focus all your energy to improving yourself. do the things you love and when you’re ready, start seeing people and try to have fun.
i’ve recently split with my ex-boyfriend and it is very difficult for me to get over him! it is really an upsetting time in my life! i don’t know what to do.. good thing i came up this post..
i was in this situation a few months back and only had the courage to move on after realizing there’s so much more for me out there. i guess, it’s normal to get past the grieving phase but make sure not to dwell in there for long.
i better stop missing my ex-boyfriend for good. it is not an easy thing to do but i love myself more so i should stop doing things that are hurting me.
focus on what and who you have in your life..and most of all, focus on yourself. don’t be afraid to take risks, have fun and you’ll soon realize there’s so much more in life for you.
it is totally ok to miss your ex but you have to take control of the situation. it is not easy to forget someone whom you shared good and bad memories with.
i’ve been in this situation and i almost lost it. i thought we were doing great and yet he broke up with me 1 day. i felt so low and i felt really bad about myself, im just thankful my friends never gave up on me..they helped me focus on myself and now i feel good about myself more than ever.
i can’t deal with my emotions anymore. i miss everything about my ex not just the idea of him. this post is an eye-opener for me. i am happy i get to read this.
i can’t thank you enough for posting this article! now i know what how to fill the emptiness whenever i miss my ex.
i miss my ex so much. he will always have a place in my heart and i will hold our good memories together.
yeah, loss of love really sucks! sometimes i ask myself why do we need to meet someone if it will just end up to a heartache. i am afraid to fall in love again.
breaking up is hard to do. the worst part is not the breakup but the moving on phase— when everything gets tough…
i needed some advice right now. my boyfriend left for someone new and i really miss him.. i want him back but i don’t know what to do.
i was the one who broke up with him but i am missing him everyday! i hate this feeling. so happy i found this article. definitely worth reading!
thanks for sharing this. i really need this article right now. my boyfriend broke up with me and i miss him so bad.
i am going crazy because i am missing my ex so much! thank you. your article made me feel better.