Want to know the strangest thing about getting back with your ex?
That actually getting back with an ex isn’t that hard. With a couple tricks, getting back to together can actually be really easy.
The tricky part is actually keeping him once he’s back. There’s a difference between learning how to get your ex back and learning how to win your ex back.
Lots of women get back with ex boyfriends every day. But most of them lose him again.
Because the same problems that destroyed their relationship before are still there, unaddressed.
And unless you know how to find and solve those problems that are rooted in the dynamic of your relationship, they’ll stick around, waiting to ruin your chances with him again.
To get your ex back and keep him for good – that takes a little bit more.
(But not a lot more, don’t worry.)
In this article, I’m going to give you a 5 step plan that will teach you how to win back your ex by magnetically drawing him back in – and keeping him there once he’s back.
Getting your ex back is only hard when you make mistakes. Unfortunately, it’s really easy to make mistakes when you’re struggling with the pain of a breakup with usual feelings of being lost, confused, and miserable. You might find yourself inundated with the question: I want my ex back, but where do I even start? Will my ex ever come back? How do you get your ex boyfriend back? And if it’s been long enough: Is it possible to get your ex back after months?
All of that being said, how do you get your ex back? No matter what stage of a breakup you’re in, let me fill you in on this cold, hard fact:
Getting back together with ex boyfriends is only hard when you make mistakes.
But when you have a 5-step plan, you won’t feel confused. You’ll know exactly where you’re going, and exactly how to get there, and exactly how to get over the breakup.
You’ll be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel with a straight line that shows you how to get back there as fast as possible.
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Instead of Googling vague instructives like “how to get my ex back”, you need a solid plan to help you actually do the leg work. Well, lucky for you, this article is your plan. Follow the steps I give you, and you will irresistibly draw your ex back to you.
It’s not rocket science. It’s not even complicated.
Here’s the truth – you’ve done a lot of the hard work already. At its core, getting your ex back is about letting him remember how much he misses you, and how good your relationship was.
And that’s exactly what step 1 is all about.
Step 1: The No Contact Rule – Cut Off Contact With Him
If you’re wondering how to get back together with your ex, and keep him… he has to realize how much he misses you.
And for that to happen, there can’t be any contact between you.
So here’s the rule: Cut off contact with him for at least 4 weeks.
What does that mean?
- No Calling Him
- No Texting Him
- No Contacting Him Online (Facebook Messages, Email, Gchat, Twitter, im)
- No Spending Time With Friends In Common To Run Into Him
- No Running Into Him “By Accident” (Exactly what you think it means)
If you have any questions, check the faq at the end of this section.
Here’s the big secret to making the no contact rule work that almost every so-called expert misses: No contact rule is for YOU too…
It’s when you detox yourself from everything inside that would cause problems in getting your ex back.
Yes, it’s typical after a breakup that we want to think about it constantly… worry about it, wonder about it, analyze it, etc. It is typical for people (men and women) to have a thought about the relationship or breakup and just feed into it.
It’s typical and it’s understandable. But does it help you? Not at all. In fact, it does all sorts of things that HURT your chances of getting your ex back.
It kills your mood. It keeps you “stuck” on him. It eats up your attention and energy, which COULD be going towards doing things that will improve your chances of getting him back.
So if you’re not detoxing how you think and feel on the inside, you’re not doing the no contact rule! This is a secret that most relationship coaches don’t tell you, but the “detox” of your inner world is the most important part of the no contact rule
The no contact rule is about not contacting him, yes, but even more importantly, it’s what YOU are doing during the no contact time that really matters.
What to do when thoughts about him, the breakup or the relationship come up in your mind:
The no contact rule is not about “waiting” or “missing him” while you’re doing it.
The no contact time is ACTIVE time you are spending to DETOX from obsessive thinking about him, missing him and negativity in your mind about the relationship.
Now I know telling you not to think about him may sound impossible right now, but there’s a way to make this super easy:
Thoughts will about him will come up from time to time. When they do, you’re just going to let them pass like meaningless clouds floating in the sky. You’ll notice they’re there, but you won’t feed into them… you won’t pursue them.
That’s the secret. You don’t FEED INTO those thoughts about him, about the relationship, about the problems, about anything he was or wasn’t doing. You don’t feed into any thoughts about him or the relationship, period.
You don’t analyze, you don’t reflect, you don’t show regret, you don’t wonder if you made the wrong move, you don’t wonder what he’s doing or if he’ll come back. None of it.
Fill Your Life
Instead you’ll focus on filling your life with things you love doing, things that make you happy, things that make you feel good. Fill your life up and LIVE HAPPY. While you’re giving him space to miss you and worry that he’s lost you forever (which will make him want you back more and more), you’ll be getting STRONGER by lifting your mood and happiness up, up, up…
The Best Thing About Doing No Contact
You get to discover the TRUTH about how much this guy is even willing to have a relationship with you that you really want.
Cutting off contact might sound counterintuitive, or like you’re trying to get back at your ex. But let me reassure you that this is one of the most crucial steps if you want to learn how to get back together with an ex effectively. So, why are you cutting off contact with him? For a couple of reasons:
First, it’s to get control of yourself and get some perspective on the relationship.
After a breakup, everybody gets pretty messed up – and trying to get him back while you’re in that state is only going to make things worse.
If you want to get him back, and keep him… he has to realize how much he misses you.
That’s why you need these 4 weeks to calm down, put the pieces back together, and take a real look at what your relationship was. Getting perspective means you can clearly see whether or not you were happy, whether you were right for each other, or whether you even want to have the relationship back.
Plus, it gives you the time to get past the initial unbearable phase of missing him and into a more even-tempered, secure mentality. Instead of trying to figure out signs your ex still loves you, you’ll be working on yourself and getting yourself into a better mindset. It gives you the space to say, “I don’t need him to be happy – I can be happy all on my own”.
Second, it’s to give him space to miss you and realize (all on his own) that he wants to have you back.
If you want him to notice how much he misses you, he has to have the space to notice that you’re gone.
He won’t notice the hole that you left in his life unless you let him. So if you’re still in contact with him, he won’t get lonely. If you’re still having sex with him, he won’t miss the sex or companionship. If you’re still emotionally engaging with him, he won’t miss the love and satisfaction of being with you.
The saying “absence makes the heart grow fonder” is true. Now is the time for you to put it to work. When you cut off contact with him, he’ll remember all the good times you two had together. Eventually, all the memories of the bad times, arguments, and mistakes will fade.
Remember that you don’t have to remind him how much he liked being in a relationship with you – he’ll notice all on his own. It’s important for him to be able to wake up one day and say to himself, “I want my ex back” without being nudged.
If you woke up without an arm, you’d notice pretty quickly that you were missing something that was vital to you. You wouldn’t need the arm to tap you on the shoulder to remind you it was gone.
You would immediately notice the ways that not having it makes your life worse, so let him notice all the ways that missing you makes his life worse.
But What If… (No Contact faq)
What if he contacts me? Is that breaking No Contact?
If he contacts you (like he calls you, or texts you, or sends you some other message), it’s not breaking no contact. But if you respond to him reaching out to you, that does count as breaking the rule. Responding is the same as reaching out to him on your own.
If it’s a true emergency, you can respond – but keep the conversation centered around the emergency and nothing else. No personal questions, no relationship questions, nothing about either of your lives. Stay focused on only the emergency that he contacted you about.
What Should I Do If I Broke No Contact Already?
The only way to truly gain the benefits of the no contact rule is to follow it all the way through. That means that if you broke the no contact rule, the only thing to be done is to start the no contact period over again.
The only thing that will get him missing you again is time, and the only way to get him thinking about how good the relationship was and forgetting about the pain is uninterrupted time without contact.
Plus, it’s about going cold turkey and proving to yourself that you can live your life without him in it. If you can live without him for 4 weeks, you’ve proven it to yourself.
What If We Bump Into Each Other?
First of all, don’t bump into him “on purpose”. You know what that means.
Second of all, if you truly accidentally bump into him, then here’s exactly what to do. Be upbeat, positive, and in a good mood while you’re talking to him. Let him lead the conversation and pick the subjects, and whatever you do don’t bring up relationships or your relationship with him.
Shoot for about 10 minutes and then end the conversation with him. The goal is to be upbeat, positive, and give the impression that you’re fine, everything in your life is good, and you’re feeling happy. Showing bitterness or resentment is only going to drive him further away from you.
What If He Finds Someone New During No Contact?
The short answer is – he’s not going to.
When a guy gets out of a serious relationship, he’s not going to fall in love and find someone new right away. Most guys don’t even want to get into a relationship right after getting out of a serious one. When they do, it’s almost always a “rebound” relationship designed to distract him from the pain of losing you – and it never works.
If you’re really worried that your ex is going to get into a new relationship, or you know he’s in one and you want to find out whether it’s real or not, this article will give you the signs that his new relationship is a rebound. That way, you can get a definitive answer to the question, “Is he in a rebound relationship?” and move on with putting the no contact rule to work for you.
This is about trusting that giving him time is going to make him miss you, and getting into a better mindset so you are as attractive to him as possible. The alternative is panicking, stalking him, texting him constantly, and begging him to take you back – which never works. Trust that this is the only way to get him back (and keep him for good).
Does It Really Have To Be 4 Weeks?
Yes. Remember, he needs space to remember how much he misses you, and shorter than 4 weeks just isn’t going to cut it.
Also, you need time to recover from the breakup and come out stronger, happier, and more positive. That’s just not going to happen in under 4 weeks, and it’s going to work against you if you try to do it in a shorter period of time.
Isn’t this rude, or even cruel to him? It seems so over the top.
This isn’t about “punishing” him, or being rude, or being intentionally cruel to him. It’s about giving both of you some much needed space to get perspective on the relationship and really identify the issues that drove you two apart.
Remember, the no contact rule isn’t about him, it’s about you. You’re not cutting off contact to try to spite him, you’re giving yourself time and space to heal from the breakup – just like you’re giving him time and space to start missing you again.
Finally, here’s the biggest reason for the no contact rule:
It stops you from making the fatal breakup mistakes that will truly drive him away for good – that we’re going to talk about in the next section.
Watch the video: The 3 Most Important Factors to Get Your Ex Back
Step 2: The Fatal Mistakes (And Ignoring Your Instincts)
This section will cover all the fatal mistakes that women make after breakups. These mistakes will drive your ex away from you and all but ruin your chances of ever getting back together with an ex.
The worst part about these mistakes is that they’re so natural. These mistakes happen when you follow your instincts after a breakup.
These mistakes happen when you follow your instincts after a breakup.
At first glance, that doesn’t seem fair… and it’s not. It’s not fair that your instincts will urge you to do things that will ruin your chances of getting back together with your ex.
That’s why the no contact rule is so important – to take away the chances of you making any of these fatal mistakes.
Mistake #1: Letting Him Do Whatever He Wants And Just Taking It
After a breakup, the temptation is to just give your ex whatever he wants in the hopes that it will bring him back to you.
This is one of the worst things you can do – because all that does is signal to him that he’s in control and that you’re not going anywhere – which means there’s no reason for him to get back together with you.
If he’s getting everything he wants from you without doing any work or having to get back together with you, what incentive does he have to rekindle the relationship?
In addition, giving in to him and giving him everything he wants shows him desperation. It makes your vibe desperate, which turns him off consciously and unconsciously and ruins your chances with him.
In fact, a lot of relationships end with this fatal mistake. Here’s how it normally happens:
The beginning, or “honeymoon phase” of a relationship is an exciting, magical time. You two were doing fun things together. You were enjoying getting to know each other and exploring with each other. You were equal with each other.
Then, as the relationship goes on, something shifts…
Instead of feeling equal, it feels like you’re losing him. Like you have to chase after him to get his attention.
Like you have to bother him to get affection from him.
It feels like slowly but surely, you’re losing him… and you don’t know how to stop it.
You start to get worried that he’s pulling away or withdrawing, and so you put up with his bad behavior in an attempt to make him want to stay.
Unfortunately, all that does is make him lose respect for you and see you as desperate, which undermines the relationship even more and pushes him away even further.
It inevitably becomes a downward spiral that continues until the relationship falls apart.
The only way to have a good relationship is if you demand a good relationship from him. If you don’t, and give him everything he wants to make him want to stay with you, you’re sabotaging the relationship and destroying your chances with him.
Mistake #2: Giving Him Tons Of Affection
This ties back into the first mistake – except instead of convincing him to get back together with you by putting up with his bad behavior, you’re trying to convince him to get back together by showering him with affection.
The key mistake here is trying to convince him to get back together with you. That makes you look needy and desperate – which will turn him off completely.
When you shower him with attention and affection, it shows him that you’re desperate. He knows you love him – he just broke up with you. When you remind him how much you love him, what actually happens is that he thinks you’re trying to manipulate him into getting back together with him, and it turns him off.
Remember, a conclusion he comes to on his own is always going to be way more powerful than a conclusion you manipulate him into making.
Mistake #3: Trying To Use Pity To Get Him Back
Pity isn’t attractive. Neither is begging.
When you first got together with him, you didn’t beg him to be with you. You didn’t rely on his pity for him to go on a date with you. Those things won’t help you now.
All begging or using pity does is convince him that he made the right move. It sabotages your vibe and makes you seem needy and desperate, which forces him to recoil from you and push you away from his life.
Mistake #4: Getting Super Jealous If He Starts Dating Someone New
Obviously, this can feel like a super upsetting thing. After all, he’s dating someone new, that means your chances are ruined, right?
Actually, not nearly as much as you’d think. Like we talked about before, when a guy starts dating after a serious relationship, it’s almost always a rebound relationship – not a real one.
And rebound relationships are totally ineffective ways of moving on. All it will do is remind him that he cares about you more, and that he wants you back in his life.
Acting jealous won’t make him want to come back to you – it will do the opposite. It will push him even further towards the other girl, and once again make you come off as needy and desperate.
Mistake #5: Calling And Texting Him All The Time
This is covered by the no contact rule, and it’s one of the biggest reasons the no contact rule exists.
Your instincts are going to be screaming at you to call him and text him all the time. You miss him, you want to talk to him, you want him to acknowledge you, you want contact with him!
Unfortunately, your instincts are working against you. Contact with him will only push him further away and tell him he was right to break up with you.
So as hard as it is, it’s best to follow the no contact rule. Without it, it’s much more likely that you make this fatal mistake.
Mistake #6: Acting Cold, Aloof, Nasty, Or Desperate Towards Him
Just like your instincts are telling you to call and text him, they’ll also be telling you to be nasty to him. After all, he broke your heart! It’s only natural that you’ll want to hurt him back.
This will obviously work against you – by driving him further away and reinforcing in his mind that he doesn’t want you in his life. Even if it feels good in the short run as a cathartic release of pain and frustration, in the long run it will surely drive him away from you forever.
Remember – causing him pain won’t make him want to get back together with you. It will just mess you up and push him away.
Mistake #7: Trying To Make Him Jealous By Talking About Other Guys
This is another reason for the no contact rule – to prevent you from making this fatal mistake.
If you’re trying to make him jealous by flaunting the fact that you’re seeing other guys in his face, all it will do is make you look desperate.
He’ll be able to see right through it (after all, you’re seeing other guys to make him jealous, so he’s still in control), and it will feel like you’re trying to manipulate him. That will turn him off and drive him away from you faster than anything else – so definitely avoid this mistake.
Mistake #8: Talking To Him About The Relationship And Asking Him About His Love Life
Like we talked about before, letting him come to his own conclusions is much stronger and more powerful than trying to lead him there yourself.
It’s so much stronger when we figure out something on our own than when someone else tells us.
It’s like when you realize something on your own vs when a friend tells you something. It’s more powerful when it’s self generated.
It’s more powerful when you realize something on your own.
So let him come to his own conclusions about the relationship. Don’t ask him how his love life is going now, let him realize that it’s not as good as when you were dating.
Those are the top fatal mistakes that will destroy your chances at getting him back.
Now it’s time to move on to step 3 – what you should be doing during the no contact period.
Step 3: Get Stronger While He Gets Weaker
So you might be wondering: what am I supposed to be doing during the no contact period?
There’s a very simple answer to that: you’re going to be getting stronger while he gets weaker.
While he notices your absence from his life more and more, you’re going to be improving yourself, feeling better, stronger, and more independent, and becoming physically and emotionally healthier.
That means that as you grow as a person, become more comfortable, confident, and happy, and gain perspective on the relationship, he’ll be sliding backwards into thinking about you, missing you, and ultimately wanting you back.
Think about it this way: these 4 weeks of no contact are your detox period. You’re detoxing yourself from the relationship, and getting past all the pain and heartbreak of the breakup.
If you never detox from the relationship, then that same negativity, desperation, and pain will prevent you from ever getting him back. After all, you can’t get your ex boyfriend back if your mind is working against you.
What does it mean for your mind to be working against you?
It means that your negative emotions are in control of you. The pain of heartbreak is in control of your mind (and driving you towards all sorts of bad instincts, described in Step 2), and if you don’t detox and get rid of that pain it will push him away from you for good.
These 4 weeks of no contact are your detox period.
Think about it this way: negative emotions and feelings are working against you, and will wind up pushing him away, while positive emotions and feelings will work for you, and magnetically draw him back to you.
You need a foundation of positive emotions in order to get him back – and to do that you have to let go of your negative emotions.
The best, most effective way to let go of negative emotions is to point blank accept the fact that the relationship is over. It’s not something to pine over, something to hope for, something to obsess over – it’s gone.
When you can let go of your relationship and accept the fact that at the moment you’re completely single, it will get rid of the root of any insecurity and empower you to bring positivity back into your life.
The best first step to take towards detox is this: get rid of all reminders of your relationship and your ex boyfriend.
You don’t have to throw them away – but definitely put them away in a place you don’t have easy access to, and whatever you do don’t revisit them.
So write down his phone number and address on a piece of paper and keep it somewhere out of the way, then delete them out of your phone. Get rid of all the pictures on your computer and your phone that remind you of him. Delete his screen names from your lists and get rid of his emails and texts.
Don’t delete him off Facebook – just ‘unfollow’ him so it doesn’t look like you unfriended him.
Take any gifts and physical reminders that you have of him and put them away and out of sight. Remember, your goal is to have nothing that reminds you of him in your day to day life.
The second step towards detox is to erase his power over you.
The more you think about him, the more you’re going to miss him.
That’s why actively fighting your urge to obsess over him is going to serve you so well in the long run – because the more you obsess over him, the more power he has over you, and the less that you’re able to get over him.
Instead of thinking about him, there are a number of things you can do to trick your mind into forgetting about him for a while, so that you can relax and stop obsessing.
There are a few great ways to do that. The most effective one is also the simplest – set your mind on someone else.
The more you think about him, the more you’re going to miss him.
It’s easier said than done, but by far the easiest way to get over an ex is to start thinking about someone else that’s new in your life. Think about other men and set your desire on them, and you’ll be shocked at how quickly your mind turns to the new guy (and not obsessing about your ex).
A great exercise is to try fantasizing about other men. Try to do it at least once per day. Even if it feels silly, pick the guy you’re most attracted to and go for it.
It works better with guys you know in real life, but if you’re having trouble getting started then pick your favorite actor. The important part is that you do this once per day, and that you really stick with it. It might not seem like it’s doing much at first, but in reality it’s detoxing your mind consciously and unconsciously from your ex, and putting you in a much better mental state.
The third thing to do to erase his power over you is simple. Take out a pen and paper and write down all the things you didn’t like about your relationship with your ex. Everything he did that annoyed you, all the things you didn’t like about the relationship, and even all the things you didn’t like about BEING in a relationship.
Write all those things down and focus on them. That will help force your brain to realize that your relationship with him wasn’t all sunshine and happiness, and in fact there were a lot of reasons that you might not have been happy. Do that – and you’ll make huge strides in erasing his power over you.
So Other Than That, What Should You Be Doing During No Contact?
The best thing to do for yourself is to focus on yourself – and focus on being the best version of yourself that you can be.
One of the best possible things to do during no contact is start exercising (or to throw yourself into exercising if you already have a program).
Not only does it help you look your best, it gives you a place where you can stop thinking about your ex and just put all your focus and energy into your workout.
Plus, working out improves your mental state and makes you feel better about yourself. The endorphins flooding your brain help you detox from the relationship and move on even faster.
Getting compliments from other guys definitely helps you move on too. One of the best ways to move on is to have a bunch of guys in your life who are fighting for your favor.
When you’re friends with other guys, then your ex has to wonder if one of them is dating you. You don’t have to date any of them, but just being friends with them and having them around is enough to give you a confidence boost and help you get over your ex.
Plus, you can use those guys as emotional support too, instead of feeling the instinct to lean on your ex.
Finally, the most important thing to focus on during the no contact period is your vibe.
What’s Your Vibe?
Your vibe is your most attractive asset. It can work for you or against you, and when it’s working for you it’s magnetically attractive to any guy. But a good vibe is one of the strongest tools in learning how to get back together with an ex.
Let’s be clear. Your vibe is essentially your mood. It’s how you’re genuinely feeling at the moment (not how you’re pretending to be, but what you’re genuinely and truly feeling deep down).
So when your mood is genuinely good, relaxed, and happy, your vibe reflects that. When you’re feeling anxious, worried, desperate, or upset, your vibe reflects that too.
There is nothing more attractive to a guy than a woman who has a good vibe. Women who have a genuinely good vibe are more attractive to guys than any woman with a bad vibe, even if she’s got supermodel looks.
The best way to understand what your vibe is and what it does for you is to use an example from your own life. Think about a friend you’ve known, either now or in the past, who just can’t help being negative.
There is nothing more attractive to a guy than a woman who has a good vibe.
It seems like every time you talk to this friend, they’re complaining about something that’s gone wrong in their life, or telling you about a problem that’s not their fault, or unburdening their unhappiness onto you.
It doesn’t feel good to talk to that friend, does it? When you see their name pop up on their phone, do you get this electrifying excitement?
No! You wind up with a sinking feeling in your gut! You’re not excited to talk to them, you’re dreading it.
That’s all because of their vibe. Because of their negativity, their vibe suffers, and it doesn’t feel good to be around them. If their vibe was good (because they worked on being in a good mood more), then you would feel happy and excited to talk to them.
That’s what you’re aiming for in your own life. When your vibe is fun, happy, and positive, people will be excited and happy to get closer with you.
The best way to make sure your vibe is as positive as possible is to focus on making sure you’re in the best mood possible, and the best way to do that is to do the things that make you feel good.
During the no contact period, fill your life with things you love to do. Things that make you feel whole and that are massively fun to you.
When you focus on the things you really enjoy doing, it automatically improves your mood and revitalizes your vibe. One great thing to do is to put pictures of yourself doing all the things you love to do up on Facebook – because it’s super attractive to guys to see that you’re having fun and enjoying yourself.
Guys are attracted to a woman who has her own life, her own happiness, and feels whole outside of a relationship. In an ideal world, your relationship is just the icing on the cake – it’s not what makes your life good, but having it in your life makes your life better.
So focus on your vibe by doing the things that make you feel good and make you feel whole. When you do that, you naturally help yourself move on from the relationship (and become massively more attractive to your ex in the process.
If you’ve followed all these directions, eventually you’ll come to the end of the no contact period – and you’ll move on to Step 4.
Step 4: What To Do When He Reaches Out (Or How To Reach Out To Him)
At this point, take a second to pat yourself on the back. You made it to step 4 – and that’s worthy of congratulations.
At this point, the image of you as someone desperate, needy, and clingy in the mind of your ex has faded, and he’s almost certainly wondering what you’re up to.
He’s also thinking about the good times you two had together, now that the fresh memories of the painful breakup has faded.
And therefore, now is the perfect time to strike.
Here are the conditions you should have met by now, in order to maximize your chances of getting him back:
- You haven’t contacted him in a full 4 weeks and followed the no contact rule.
- You’ve gone out with another guy at least one time during no contact (this is maybe the best way to eliminate needy and desperate behavior and give you the best chance of getting your ex back)
- You’ve put time and effort into making your life better and making positive changes.
- You’ve fully accepted the fact that you and your ex have broken up, and you believe that you’ll be ok no matter whether you get back together with him or not.
- You know deep in your heart that even if things don’t work out with your ex, there are millions of other guys out there that can’t wait to give you the love and happiness you’re looking for.
- You’ve recovered mentally from the breakup and are in a much better mental state.
- You’re confident and convinced that getting back together with your ex is the right decision.
If you can check off every item on this list, then you’re ready to get in contact with your ex.
If he hasn’t contacted you by the end of your 4th week of no contact, it’s time to reach out and get in touch, then meet up, and then…
He won’t be able to help himself.
While he’s been missing you and remembering the good times, you’ve been improving your mind, body, and self-image, and the full package will be irresistible.
So if you’ve successfully gone at least 4 weeks without contacting him, and you’ve made serious improvements in your life (by following the advice in Step 3), then you’re ready to reach out to him.
Common Questions and Answers
How to get your ex boyfriend back?
Make sure to abide by the ever-important No Contact Rule. In this case, ignore your instincts (because they usually act like impulses and read as impulsive behavior). Make sure you take time needed for yourself to feel strong and confident on your own while you give him space. Make sure you do not, I repeat do not show any signs of codependency or clinginess when he does reach back out to you.
How to get your ex back quiz?
If you’re having any doubts on how to use the No Contact Rule, or the overall process of trying to get back together with an ex, take our ex back quiz here.
How to get your ex back fast by text message?
If you are looking for a quick fix or some quick ideas for initiating contact via text, be sure to keep the language casual. Treat him like a friend that you just want to grab a quick bite or coffee with. Would you put so much pressure on wording a text to hang out? Give him the same lack of attention to detail. Keep it casual, cool. Maintain a good vibe and exude confidence in your indifference.
How to get your ex back after a year?
The longer the time has been between the breakup and point of contact, the more of a conversation you might owe him. Reach out to him to meet up to talk, and be explicit in that you want to talk to him. Show him how you’ve changed over the last year and how you have become a less reliant woman. Remind him of the stunning and self-assured you that he fell in love with in the first place.
How to get your ex back when he has moved on?
Sometimes, no matter what you do, he might have just moved on. Which is okay. Be prepared to face this reality. We can’t control the hearts of others, but you should feel proud knowing that you put yours on the line and took a leap of faith. If he has moved on, respect his space. As long as you respect his space, you never know what the future will hold.
The Psychology Of How To Get Your Ex Back: What’s Actually Happening And Why This All Works
When you haven’t been in contact with an ex, sooner or later something will come up that reminds you of the relationship. And since you won’t be there anymore, they’ll start to miss you in those moments.
As time passes, that feeling of missing you starts to grow. And as even more time passes, they’ll start to worry and wonder if maybe they really have lost you forever.
This is the most critical moment that will determine whether you win your ex back, or let the relationship fizzle out into nothing, so pay very close attention here.
At that point, he will start wanting to get reassurance that he hasn’t lost you, or that he made the right decision.
He might start doing things (directly or indirectly) to check in on you and see if you’ve moved on.
This could include watching your Instagram stories or randomly liking a post of yours on social media. He might also start showing up to places where he knows he’ll run into you.
Or he might be more direct and simply reach out to you via text or phone call.
If and when he contacts you, be very careful about how you respond. One of the things he will be trying to figure out is whether or not you are willing to wait for him to come around, or if he actually could lose you if he doesn’t make a move to win you back.
The way to handle this requires a very specific, counter-intuitive approach.
Our instinct would typically be to agree to whatever they propose if we think it gives us the slightest chance of reconnecting. But that willingness and immediate availability is actually where the biggest traps can happen.
Here’s the issue: if your relationship was wishy-washy and uncommitted before the breakup, he’ll have the feeling that even though you’re currently broken up, you’re willing to continue being an option. You run the risk of becoming that person he can fall back on if things don’t work out with someone new.
You do NOT want to open the possibility of you filling a “placeholder” role, one where you’re not officially together, but still seeing each other romantically (despite there being no clear arrangement).
How To Handle If Your Ex Contacts You
The best thing you can do is listen to what he has to say. You can be civil and polite.
However, if the conversation moves to a place where he is testing to see if you want him back, do NOT give him reassurance that you’ll wait around for him to come back at some vague and indefinite point in the future.
It’s best not to talk about whether or not you’ve moved on at all, even if it’s true. If he asks you directly, you can say, “I’m not happy about the breakup, but I understand that it happened and that I’m 100% single now.” If he presses for more details, you can just say that you don’t want to talk about it.
If he really presses, you can ask him to clarify whether or not he wants to have a talk to get back into a relationship with you again. That way, the conversation avoids setting the expectation that you’ll wait around for him forever and you’re discovering what he’s thinking.
Ideally, that’s how you want this conversation to go: one where he reveals his thoughts and feelings to you without revealing the status of whether or not you’ve moved on.
If you’re directly asked whether you want to get together, you can say, “If you want to get back together in a clear, committed relationship, let me know if that’s what you want.” And if he says anything other than, “Yes, I want that” tell him that you understand and are open to the future: “If you decide that that’s what you want, let me know down the road.”
What’s most important here is that you don’t enter into a wishy-washy dynamic when he does start reaching out to you, or you risk getting into a dynamic where you are not in a clearly defined relationship, but are rather just a placeholder until he finds someone else.
The only way to really get back together is when both of you want a clearly defined, committed relationship.
If he’s not sure he wants that yet, then give him the space to decide if he does.
Either he will and you’ll get back into a relationship with a strong, clear foundation. Or you’ll discover that he is completely unwilling to get back into a relationship with you to a point where he’s willing to lose you.
I know the latter might sound disappointing, but it’s actually a very good thing to clarify as soon as possible. It’ll help knowing once-and-for-all that you did everything you could in your power to move on.
In this case, there’s no “I want to get back with my ex how-to” tip to use. Wouldn’t you want to know if the efforts you put in will be worth your while?
You get to have clarity, so you can move on knowing that it wasn’t going to happen and you can confidently open the door for someone new without worrying you’re making a mistake or gave up on something that could have worked out.
You get to finally see the truth of if he really was willing to ever commit to you in the way you really want.
It’s only when you are willing to walk away and he believes he’s truly lost you that he’ll do everything in his power to win you back and give you the relationship you want.
The good news here is that there are so many times, even in the most complicated and difficult scenarios, where the guy does come back and fights to win you back and you’re shocked that this guide worked so well.
This happens so often that I can confidently say with certainty that this guide isn’t just A way to get your ex to come back… it’s the ONLY way worth doing. Just make sure you remember that it’s for YOU too because that’s so so important!
How Should You Reach Out To Him?
When it comes to reaching out to your ex, the best way to do it is through text messages. You don’t want to call him right away – better to let him build attraction in his mind before you two talk on the phone.
So that begs the question – what kind of text should you send him?
When you’re breaking the ice and contacting him again, the best kind of text is one that gives him a reason why you’re texting him, and also gets him thinking about you again.
One of the best ways to do that is to tell him about something positive that happened in your life that reminded you of him.
The best kind of text gets him thinking about you again.
Maybe a tv show or movie you saw recently made you think of him. Maybe you saw a commercial for a vacation and it reminded you of a trip you took with him.
Whatever it is – it’s an opportunity to text him, “Hey, I saw a commercial for a cruise the other day and it reminded me when we went to the beach for a week together. That was so much fun, I’m really glad we did that together.”
The most important thing to remember is that you want to be subtle and positive. You’re not texting him to try to get him back, you’re not texting him to remind him of the relationship, you’re not even texting him to get him to like you again.
The reason you’re texting him is because it would be fun and feel good to talk to him again – and nothing more. No hidden motivation (like trying to get him back), no manipulation, and no agendas.
Now, a lot of the time, your ex will actually text you first. And when that happens, you’re going to want to have the perfect response already lined up.
Whatever message you want to send to him (whether it’s “I miss you and would love to get back together” or “stop texting me freak I want nothing to do with you”), you’ll find out the best way to say it in that article.
Now let’s get back to getting in touch with him after the no contact period is over.
Whatever you do, when you first text him, don’t bring up the relationship or the breakup. Don’t talk about how much you miss him, or that you want to get back together, or that you’re miserable that he’s not in your life.
Along the same vein, never text him with negativity. Don’t send him bitter or angry messages that will 100% make him ignore your texts and undo all your hard work in the no contact period.
At the same time, your text can’t just be ‘nothing’ either. Sending him a text that says nothing, like ‘heyyy’, or just a smiley emoji is going to turn him off.
One more thing to remember: don’t text him over and over again. Give him time and space to respond to your text, and never send him more than one text message in a row without him texting you back.
Here’s your mindset when you reach out to him: you’re happy, strong, content with your life, and fulfilled. You know you’re attractive, and you have full choice in your love life.
You’re not trying to get him back, you just think that it would be a shame to throw away such a good friendship that you two had.
The way to frame the conversation is just like this: you’ve reflected on the breakup, and you fully believe that breaking up was the right thing to do – and that it was for the best for both of you. Still, it would be stupid to throw away such a great friendship.
How To Meet Up With Him
The best way to ask your ex out again is not to call it a date. Remember – you want to be friends with him and keep your friendship going – and calling it a date is going to send him running (because it reveals that you have an agenda of getting back together with him, which will turn him off more than anything).
As long as you’ve completed the items on the list above and really put in the work, you’re going to feel and look great when you see him.
You’ll be super attractive, super confident, and super laid back – ready to just have a good time with him and enjoy yourselves together.
The best way to ask your ex out again is not to call it a date.
The most effective way to get him to come out and see you is by calling him. You can suggest meeting up for coffee or a drink, with the mindset that he’s just a friend you want to meet up with — not an ex-boyfriend you want to get back.
As long as you focus all your energy and attention on having a good time in the moment with him, and making sure that your mood is good (which contributes to an overall good vibe, which is the most attractive thing you can do), then the work you put in during the no contact period will do the rest.
Remember — the thing he’ll remember most about seeing you again (more than what you said, or what you did together, or who paid, or what you were wearing, or anything else), is your vibe.
If you’re wearing your cutest outfit and you’ve been working out and you look amazing and you have an awesome tan and you’re having a perfect hair day and you’re in a bad mood and have a bad vibe… that’s the only thing he’s going to remember.
(Sure, he might think “she looked good…”, but he’ll also be thinking “spending time with her felt really bad, I remember why we broke up.”)
It’s important for him to feel really good about spending time with you again… especially if things ended badly between you. The contrast between how things felt at the end of your relationship and how things feel now is key in getting back together with him.
If things felt awful, strained, and tense at the end of your relationship (which is very normal), then making sure your vibe is good is the best thing you can do. That way, he’ll be shocked at the difference in how it feels to be around you.
He’ll feel amazed at how good it feels to be with you if your vibe is good, which will remind him instantly of why you dated in the first place (and get the gears spinning in his head that you should maybe start dating again.)
If you’re in a bad mood and have a bad vibe… that’s all he’s going to remember.
All a bad vibe will do is remind him of when you two broke up and reinforce in his mind that you’re better off apart.
So remember: when you meet up with him again after your breakup, and after the no contact rule, your vibe is crucial!
I hope this helped you understand exactly how to get back with your ex and the exact steps you have to take. Even then, there’s one more thing to remember – even for the women who have had success getting back with ex boyfriends, it can still be very difficult to keep your man… unless you know how to make him want to be with you and only you forever. You need this secret formula to get your ex back in your arms for good. It will reveal how to get him to see you as “the one” and desperately crave you by his side forever. If you don’t read this now you might miss your chance to get him back forever so don’t wait: Do You Want Your Ex Back? Use This To Get Them Back…
Now, if you want to know what you should do from that point forward, you need more personalized advice. On to step 5…
Step 5: Take The ‘Can I Get My Ex Back’ Quiz
Take this quiz right now to get personalized advice based on you and your specific situation. This quiz will gather all the information necessary to knowing exactly where you and your ex stand, and what the most effective way to get him back is.
Take the quiz right now and find out for sure whether you can get your ex back, or whether you should move on instead.
Want to find out if you can get your ex back? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Can You Get Your Ex Back” Quiz right now and find out if you can ever get him back or if he’s gone for good…
Take The Quiz: Can You Get Your Ex Back Or Is He Gone Forever?
Exactly How To Get Your Ex Back
- Step 1: Cut off contact with him
- Step 2: Avoid the fatal mistakes by ignoring your instincts
- Step 3: Get stronger while he gets weaker by working on yourself
- Step 4: Do the right thing when he reaches out to you (see above)
- Step 5: Take the quiz and find out exactly what to do next