How to Attract a Healthy Relationship

How to Attract a Healthy Relationship

Do you keep attracting narcissistic or emotionally unavailable partners? You can learn to attract a healthy partner!

Have you found yourself continually attracting the same kind of unhealthy person into your life, such as people who are narcissistic or emotionally unavailable? This is the situation Connie finds herself in.

“As a child of narcissists, I’ve struggled for decades. My attraction to men, since the age of 14, has been to narcissists and sociopaths. I thought it was love, but really I was seeking approval. I have been healing for many years, yet as a highly sensitive person with this history, I know I may always be vulnerable. The catch is evaluating someone new with a level head, and making sound decisions before falling ‘blindly’ in love. What are your thoughts to attract a healthy love relationship that is not based on dependency or approval?”

Many people tend to be attracted to people who are similar to one or both of their parents. Their ego wounded self says, “If I can get a person like my mom or dad to love me, then I will be okay.” The problem is that there are three different lies in this statement:

1. You can’t have control over how people feel about you.

2. People who are not loving themselves won’t learn to love you, no matter how loving you think you are being with them.

3. As an adult, you need to learn to love yourself to feel that you are okay. Others’ love can help and support you in developing self-worth, but no one can do it for you.

So trying to get a narcissistic or emotionally unavailable person to love you and connect with you will always be a losing battle.

How To Attract A Healthy Relationship

Attracting “a healthy love relationship that is not based on dependency or approval” naturally occurs as you learn to love yourself. The more you learn to love and value who you really are in your essence, the less you will find yourself attracted to people who are not loving or valuing themselves. As the Law of Attraction states, “Like attracts like,” so the more you abandon yourself and then seek others’ approval to feel okay, the more you attract other self-abandoning people.

how to attract a healthy relationship

Connie finds herself attracted to narcissists because she is coming from her own narcissistic wounded self. The wounded self in all of us has some degree of narcissism, which means that, when we are abandoning ourselves and are operating from our wounded self, we expect someone else to take responsibility for our feelings of worth and lovability. When we are abandoning ourselves, we are operating from a low ‘frequency,’ and we attract other people who are also operating from a low frequency – i.e., the Law of Attraction.

When we practice Inner Bonding, learning to connect with our spiritual Guidance and operate as a loving adult who takes responsibility for our own feelings of self-worth, then we operate from a high frequency and we attract other high frequency people – people who are also loving themselves and taking responsibility for their feelings and defining their own self-worth.

So I would say to Connie, “It’s not about ‘…evaluating someone new with a level head, and making sound decisions before falling ‘blindly’ in love.’ It’s about becoming the kind of person you want to attract. The more you learn to connect with yourself and your spiritual Guidance, the quicker you can sense the frequency of another person.”

When you are operating from your loving adult rather than from your wounded self, you can sense immediately whether someone is authentically open and loving, rather than acting open and loving. Narcissistic and emotionally unavailable people are adept at acting open, but there is a huge difference in frequency between genuinely open and caring people and people who have learned to act open and caring. The more open and caring you become with yourself, the easier it becomes to sense the truth about another person.

About the Author:

Margaret Paul, Ph.D. is a best-selling author, relationship expert, and co-creator of the powerful Inner Bonding® process – featured on Oprah, and recommended by actress Lindsay Wagner and singer Alanis Morissette. Are you are ready to learn to love yourself? Click here for a free Inner Bonding course: and visit our websites at and Phone and Skype Sessions available. Join the thousands we have already helped and visit us now!

30 comments… add one
  • candice August 19, 2016, 12:10 am

    always stay positive and the energy will reflect and people will definitely see that in you

  • karlyn August 18, 2016, 12:52 am

    healthy relationships begin with healthy attitude and positive perspective

  • jordana August 15, 2016, 11:44 pm

    you are definitely right! most women do not realize this at all.

  • laverne August 11, 2016, 6:36 pm

    healthy relationships result from a healthy character and positive way of life.

  • carlisle August 10, 2016, 11:41 pm

    prioritize your self worth & respect and every good & healthy relationships will follow you

  • mandy August 9, 2016, 10:25 pm

    love yourself, don’t try to find acceptance and importance from others.

  • xybil August 9, 2016, 1:22 am

    this is short and really makes sense.

  • arianne August 6, 2016, 12:02 am

    i hope to achieve this! thanks for this post..i will do what your advice says.

  • elvira August 4, 2016, 11:25 pm

    you’re right, this certainly helps a lot!

  • addie August 3, 2016, 6:41 pm

    this is so true! Attracting “a healthy love relationship that is not based on dependency or approval” naturally occurs as you learn to love yourself. – the best reminder to all the ladies.

  • honor August 2, 2016, 7:05 pm

    really helpful tips..i like it!

  • carita August 1, 2016, 9:07 pm

    healthy people inside and out attract healthy people, thus create healthy relationships :)

  • cora July 29, 2016, 10:45 pm

    definitely keeping this in mind..thank you!

  • maureen July 28, 2016, 6:19 pm

    great best friend would need to see this.

  • jayla July 27, 2016, 1:12 pm

    this is one short but sensible post..i like it

  • amber July 26, 2016, 12:11 pm

    love yourself, know your worth and don’t seek others’ approval.

  • clemence July 25, 2016, 11:59 pm

    ive been wanting to be in a healthy relationship. im definitely keeping this in mind.

  • elma July 22, 2016, 3:38 pm

    positivity attracts positivity..start thinking healthy & positive relationship, it will happen

  • diana July 21, 2016, 1:06 pm

    really a great point! thanks!

  • chelsea July 20, 2016, 2:05 pm

    this makes sense, thanks for posting this

  • iesha July 19, 2016, 1:51 pm

    be responsible for you actions and love yourself enough that you earn respect from others

  • cassandra July 18, 2016, 12:05 pm

    stay healthy, be bold, be you and that will eventually attract healthy relationships

  • hazel July 14, 2016, 9:48 pm

    be positive about life & will attract positive and healthy relationships

  • jaleesa July 13, 2016, 2:05 pm

    stay healthy & will reflect and surely attract healthy relationships. its very imp that you take care of yourself

  • carmel July 12, 2016, 11:37 pm

    heal from your past wounds before getting into a new relationship bec if not, you will only bring destruction to it.

  • bethany July 11, 2016, 7:37 pm

    it is true that you need to learn to love yourself first. men, even women are attracted to people who can take care of themselves.

  • celia July 7, 2016, 6:36 pm

    love yourself and really know your value..that’s what makes you attractive and eventually attract a loving healthy relationship.

  • gail July 1, 2016, 2:13 pm

    well..u need to love urself so that sum1 gets attracted 2 that fact..

  • estelle June 24, 2016, 6:17 pm

    Attracting “a healthy love relationship that is not based on dependency or approval” – best way to go! always!

  • chryssa June 23, 2016, 7:33 pm

    i luv this article..makes u think about the good stuff

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