Is he emotionally unavailable? This is such a common question so many women wonder about… whether they’re in a relationship or trying to figure out what’s going on with a man they like.
This issue of emotional availability becomes extremely important. Why?
Because when a man’s behavior comes off as confusing and unpredictable it’s often associated with a lack of emotional expression on his part.
With that said, I am going to delve into the key signs to look for when it comes to determining whether the man you want is or isn’t emotionally available.
more: What To Do When A Guy Withdraws
The Top Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable
1. He Can’t Have Serious Conversations
If you try to bring up an issue that feels serious to you (and is serious to you) but he kind of laughs it off and makes you feel stupid for bringing it up, this is a huge sign that he is certainly not emotionally available.
2. He Says He Loves You But He’s Scared of Commitment
He might say that he is terrified of making a deep commitment to you because he’s afraid of how much he loves you.
He might even go as far as saying he’s more terrified because he loves you so much! These are major hints you need to watch out for!.
more: How To Make A Guy Chase You Again
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
3. He Has A Lot of Anger (and this is the emotion he’s most willing to express)
Is the most raw emotion you see from him pure anger and maybe some frustration?
Take notice: this is a major sign he’s definitely not emotionally available. If anger is his primary emotion, it’s likely that he has a lot of frustration in his life and is using anger as a mask for true vulnerability.
If he’s angry but also shows other emotions he isn’t necessarily emotionally unavailable (in fact, he probably isn’t). But if the only time he expresses anything is when he’s angry this is a major warning sign!
more: Why Did He Withdraw After Sex?
4. He Insists He Is ok When He’s Clearly Not
Ever have a conversation with a man you’re with that begins something like this:
You have a gut feeling that something is off with him and that he is going through some kind emotional turmoil but he refuses to open up and talk to you about it.
If you sense something is off and ask him about it (and this becomes a common trend in your interactions with him) it’s a major sign he’s emotionally unavailable.
5. He Only Talks About Surface Level Issues
What do you talk about when you’re with him? News, the weather and politics?
These are topics that signal he’s not emotionally open with you and isn’t going to start delving into his life stories and spilling his deep, dark secrets.
It’s also possible that he’s simply not sure whether you and him are on “that level” yet where deep conversations can and should happen.
So if you only talk about casual topics, this might mean he is simply not comfortable enough with you yet to “go there.” Whether he will be comfortable one day remains an unanswered question.
more: Why Do Men Pull Away?
6. You Have Sex But That’s The Only Intimacy You Have
Do you guys have sex (or are physically intimate in some way?) which makes you assume that you and him should be and will be in a relationship?
Realize something very important: men don’t view sex and love as the same. They are two distinct areas of life for men.
This means that just because he has sex with you and kisses you doesn’t mean he’s going to be emotionally available.
more: The Top Signs He’s Cheating On You
7. He Says He Is Wounded a From Past Relationship
This is a major sign to watch out for. If a man says he’s been burned before and is therefore unable to open up this is a major warning sign that you need to recognize.
Sure we all get wounded and hurt from our past relationships. This is part of love. You can’t really love without acknowledging the possibility of being hurt.
If he uses this as an excuse for why he never wants to be involved in a serious way again… watch out. I used the word “excuse” for a reason. That’s exactly what this is.
If a man has real enough feelings, he will overcome this fear of being involved again. Rather than go out of his way to inform you of how unavailable he is, he would open up about his past but say screw it and open his heart up again to you.
If a man likes you enough he will make himself emotionally available, plain and simple.
I receive so many questions about what to do to change the behavior of an emotionally unavailable man, so I’m going to touch on a few of these here.
more: 21 Signs You’re Dating An Emotionally Unavailable Man
How Do I Get An Emotionally Distant Man To Open Up?
This is the question I get asked so many times that it’s impossible for me not to address. Getting a man who is literally emotionally unavailable to pour his heart out to you is extremely difficult. And I mean… 99.99% chance it simply will not happen. Why?
First of all, because most women end up acting in a way that makes an already emotionally closed off man become even more closed off, shut down and distant.
What I mean is… trying to get him to open up and pestering him about why he isn’t being emotionally open will literally make him so annoyed, uncomfortable and frustrated that opening up to you will be impossible. It simply won’t happen.
more: Is He Emotionally Unavailable?
How Do I Get A Distant Man To Commit?
Making a man who refuses to share his emotions with you go from that to actually wanting a serious, committed relationship is another almost-impossible task.
Why? Because for most men… saying that they are “scared of relationships” is an excuse. It’s not reality.
I mean, sure, everyone is afraid of getting hurt. And some are more afraid than others. All this is true.
But the harsh truth is in most cases if a woman is worth it to the man he will get over his fear and commit. If he has an intense enough connection he will get over his fear and commit.
If the raw, burning and intense feeling he gets in his soul when he imagines her with another man keeps him awake at night, he will lock her down. This is simply how most men are.
So getting him to commit if he isn’t already by helping him “get over his fear” is only going to be a losing battle for you that you most likely cannot “win.”
more: 5 Clear Giveaways That He’s An Emotionally Unavailable Guy
Love, life and relationships aren’t about winning or losing. This is something that so many people, both men and women, don’t realize… it’s because we are brainwashed by Hollywood’s romantic idealization of love.
We’re told love has to be difficult, confusing and something to win. To obtain. This could not be farther from reality.
Take this to heart and really reflect upon what love really means. Reflect upon what a relationship is and realize what it’s not: it’s not some prize you obtain that will magically make you happy.
One other thing to remember is that emotional unavailability is a huge sign that he’s holding himself back from you, and that eventually something will trigger him to lose interest and start to pull away from you. Once that happens it’s almost impossible to stop, so if you want to make sure that he doesn’t lose interest and leave you forever you have to read this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out if he’s really losing interest? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Is He Losing Interest?
These Are The Signs He’s Emotionally Unavailable
- He can’t have serious conversations
- He says he loves you but he’s scared of commitment
- He has a lot of anger (and this is the emotion he’s most willing to express)
- He insists he is ok when he’s clearly not
- He only talks about surface level issues
- You have sex but that’s the only intimacy you have
- He says he is wounded a from past relationship
Numbers 2 and 7 are a sign of honesty, not of emotional unavailability. People who are truly emotionally unavailable lie about these things, or if they’re TRULY unavailable, they don’t even know who they are or what they feel.
Pretty superficial list. One thing to look out for (I’m old and have been around) – His relationship with his mother.
I need to ask this.. yesterday he texted me and said you didn’t take me serious and I don’t think I took you serious at the time.
Said he’s happy with himself and probally wouldn’t be. Any fun anymore since he quit drinking????? WTH???
Yes this kind of relationship sucks It’s tiring and time consuming I just got out of one been with him for a whole year nothing but tears and drama. My only advice is don’t go for it it’s someone else better.
oh gosh! i can’t have a serious conversation with him and he seems to be avoiding topics like how to move forward and stuff..should i be worried?
try to understand him and his needs then try to talk to him
emotionally unavailable men are very common. Better be informed before dealing with one
after a few months with my ex, i sensed that he’s afraid of commitment and so i talked to him about it. it ended up we were not going the same direction so we called it quits
i can’t deal with this kind of man. i am too emotional myself, haha
most men are really like this. and i hate this about them
That’s because society does its best to desensitize boys or, failing that, make them feel bad for being sensitive. How on earth can we expect men to manage and express emotions in healthy ways when we not only fail to teach them how but actively discourage it?
ladies need to realize that this is common to men..if you really want things to progress, be ready to understand and help him
you are better off without a man like this!
i can’t be with this kind of man, i’ll go crazy and i won’t be happy at all
i hate men who want to be with a woman but would not want to commit to her and the relationship
if you want a serious relationship but your boyfriend isn’t really into a commitment, you most likely are with the wrong guy
some of these signs really tell that my man is emotionally unavailable. good thing i read this, i will apply what needs to be done. thank you!
honestly, i cannot be with this kind of guy. i won’t let myself be dragged into something like this.
my husband used to be like this when we were only dating. good thing he realized we were meant to be together in the end
if your man seem to always be very distant and do not communicate well, this might be the problem
yes, we don’t have clear conversations bec even when there will be issues, he’d just say it’s Ok when it’s really not. i don’t like that about him
i think you’re right. everything you said here makes perfect sense.
if you think you’re with this kind of guy, it’s never too late. try talking to him about the relationship and which direction you both want to take next
Most likely he won’t even understand what you’re talking about. That kind of men is usually not very connected with his own emotions.
i dated a guy who doesn’t want to talk about serious matters like our future together and stuff
i wouldn’t want to date this kind of man ever!
i was once with this kind of man and it surely was a mess. he was sweet and thoughtful at first but then he changed. it’s just so sad i has to end it.
i would hate to deal with this kind of a man..this is the reason why i try to choose who i date
I dated a guy like this and it was just horrible. At first ot doesn’t really show but later on in the relationship, you’ll just know.
know the signs and run! you don’t want to be with this kind of guy your whole life.
i have been with a guy who was really emotionally unavailable and it was a hell of a relationship. i hated it and i hated him lol
i hate it when a man don’t seem to move on from his anger issues
ugh! this sucks and trust me, i know because i have been with one before!
you should know the signs, but if you’re not that aware definitely read this!
ugh..i don’t wanna be with this kind of guy! ever!