There is nothing worse than getting into a relationship with a guy you think is boyfriend material… only to end up dealing with a total jerk. I’m talking about a complete narcissist in the extreme case.
A guy who cares only about himself. The selfish, cold manipulative jerk who will emotionally use you and mentally abuse you until he’s sick of you…. (and has already taken you for everything you have).
Then, when he has no purpose left for you, he just throws you away. And you’re so broken. You’re so much worse off than when you first started dating. It’s as if you cannot remember the person you were before the relationship began.
All you want is relief. All you want is some sort of lifeline. Something that will give you the strength to pick up the pieces of your shattered psyche and lost soul.
These are the feelings so many women go through on a daily basis. Whether they are this extreme or just capture these emotions to some degree, it’s a type of pain I want no woman to experience.
This is a question I got from a reader:
“I’ve been dating the same guy for about almost a week now. The thing is, I have a habit of dating jerks, losers, and just bad guys. This guy hasn’t acted shady… yet, but I want to know for sure if there are any signs that I should ditch a guy before it’s too late, I’m obviously missing them. I’m tired of winding up with losers who leave me heartbroken and alone. I just want to be able to sort out those guys from the good guys. Please help!
What tells me if I’m in a bad relationship?!”
Take The Quiz: Should You Break up With Him?
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Should You Break up With Him” Quiz right now and find out if you should really break up with him…
After working with so many clients, I have learned a lot of women do not know the difference between “forgivable mistakes” and the more sinister red flags that should warn you off of a relationship.
Sometimes you just get a gut feeling that something isn’t right… Maybe he isn’t showing you the level of respect you expect from a man or maybe he completely ignores your boundaries and personal space.
You think to yourself, “Maybe it’s just this once”.
“Maybe it’s just a quirk of his.”
“Well, he seems like a nice guy, I can get over this one thing, right?”
Or even “Things will get better. They have to, right?”
Sometimes some of the most “obvious” red flags are completely ignored and the consequence is a broken heart.
The thing is, a lot of women are conditioned from a young age to accept these red flags as normal. Did you ever have a boy tease you on the playground relentlessly, only to be told that he was “just teasing you because he likes you”?
Have you ever had a gut feeling that something was shady… and sure enough, he winds up being disrespectful, rude or even a downright womanizer?
Well that is complete B.S. and you don’t have to put up with it any longer. You just have to know what to look for.
Top Red Flags That A Man Should Send You Running:
1. He Lies
I don’t care if he lies about his age, or if he conveniently forgets to tell you important things (like a business meeting…). If he lies to you for any reason, he should be out of your sight and out of mind.
2. He Ignores The Boundaries You Set
If he gossips about information you’d rather not share, touches you when you don’t want it, or tries to push you into things you don’t want to do… don’t waste your time on him. If you do, you’re only setting yourself up for heartbreak and frustration later on down the road.
3. He’s A Drama-King
He starts arguments and fights, and not just with you. If you let yourself stick around that negativity it will affect your own vibe, bringing your own mood down and leaving you feeling drained and unhappy.
4. He Doesn’t Get Along With Your Friends
Your friends really, really dislike him. If you have long-time friends voicing “red flags” about a guy, listen to them. They might have something really important to say. Sometimes it’s really hard to see something negative going on in your relationship when your own emotions are caught up in it.
Take this quiz and find out Are You Meant To Be Together?
5. He’s Too Busy For You
If he’s too busy for you, there’s probably a reason for that. This is the “age of communication” where we can connect with something with the push of a few buttons. It is not difficult to set a few minutes apart to make a call or send a text.
And if you haven’t actually been meeting up or going on dates with him? There’s a chance he’s either seeing other women or doesn’t see you as important enough to take some time out of his busy schedule.
If a man wants to see you, he will make time.
6. He Makes You Feel bad
Emotions can be confusing… especially if you have a crush. If you feel like he is being shady and he isn’t giving you any reason to think otherwise, don’t fool yourself into believing he is worth sticking around for.
The hardest part about the “bad” guys that should send you running… is the running itself. But trust me, as soon as you separate yourself from people that are toxic, your life will change for the better.
If you feel a sense of nervousness, fear or sadness when you’re around him, why would you want to be with this person?
A man is either compatible with you, or he’s not. You might be confusing being compatible with experiencing an up-and-down emotional rollercoaster. If you always feel bad, tense or nervous about him leaving or him not wanting you anymore, when he shows you any sign of approval and signal that he’s sticking around, it can feel extremely relieving.
This feeling of relief in contrast to the low of the anxiety and constant tension can be mistaken for happiness and is what makes you think you are compatible.
The low makes you need the high, but the “high” isn’t really a “high.” He isn’t making your life better. He is simply making you feel so bad that when you get that relief, it seems good by comparison.
That being said… every relationship does take work. Don’t fool yourself into thinking that you’ll just meet a perfect man and everything will be sunshine and daisies for the rest of your life.
If you aren’t putting forth a good vibe and honest effort into a relationship (or even dating) then you aren’t going to get good vibes and honest results in return.
Try clearing your mind of suspicion first, bring yourself to a “happy place”, and then try again. If you still feel like your guy is shady, then he might be worth leaving. If you feel like he might have just given a bad first impression, give him a second shot.
Have you noticed any red flags I didn’t mention here? Have personal experience with anything I mentioned above? Have a specific man in your life you don’t know whether you should run from or stay with?
Let me know in the comments below!
Want to find out for sure if you should break up with him? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Should You Break up With Him” Quiz right now and find out if you should really break up with him…
Take The Quiz: Should You Break up With Him?
The Biggest Relationship Red Flags
- He Lies
- He Ignores The Boundaries You Set
- He’s A Drama-King
- He Doesn’t Get Along With Your Friends
- He’s Too Busy For You
- He Makes You Feel bad
If you know you can endure on the existing red flag you can continue with the relationship.but if you can not u quite and have a peace of mind biko.
If he’s estranged from a kid, especially if the kid is still a minor. Odds are the kid knows things he doesn’t want you to know, and knows the kid would tell you. Or, if his exes ( the majority of them) have blocked him on social media. Someone he was in a relationship with twenty years ago should not react to a ” hi, how have you been?” Inquiry by blocking him. Maybe they wouldn’t bother to respond, but to outright block is too extreme to ignore.
I met him at a red light…..I thought nothing of it he wasn’t initially my type by the nice guy act wore of on me 2years into it I am 24 hours away from home..we gt pregnant 3mnths after meeting I moved in with him.. Got treated like an out as by his family..he had a child prior to us meeting but kept that relationship with his firs love going on behind my back…he cheated more After that with other women he lusts over Facebook women..he’s frequently caught with women’s numbers. He made up for all that just to wait and get caught trying to do it again when we were homeless and my children and I had to leave town and stay with my sister.. He also has friends that cheat and he always is on his phone…if we spend time he’s so tired from work its been 4 year and everything is on me everything is in my name because of his bad wrap sheet and credit….I don’t work but I am responsible for managing our bills and minding our kids..he is in a nasty child support case….his sisters hate me thee think he is her around n e more because of me not to mention the abuse that finally stopped two years ago….after All these things I honestly haven’t coped with it and I’m still with him 4 year later.. Truth is I stopped my career my life for him and I just feel unhappy now….we Re always together now but we don’t do n e thing..he works I take care of home..we watch movies from time to time….I talk him to death we have sex but I try to avoid it only because I’m worn out..fed up..fearful of what he’s planning next he’s always pretending it feels like..he honestly could’ve changed.its always me ending up un sure about his intentions with me…I’m tired of looking over my shoulder….I clearly ignored the red flags but I’m ready for a change how do I get out?
Do you have legs? Then WALK! Just WALK! Don’t waste any more of your precious years on this loser! xx
My man owns his own business, he doesn’t have a cell phone, so he calls me from his business Land line. So are we doomed since he doesn’t have a cell phone?
What is wrong with me? After everything this guy has put me through, I still wish things could have worked out…. how do I stop this unrealistic thought process????
I was with a man for 20 years. We had many ups and downs. I suspected he cheated on me, but could never prove it. He was a Master at lying, and manipulation. When he was cheating were the times he was the kindest. If I questioned him he turned the tables and made me feel I was to blame. He accused me of doing the things he was guilty of. It got to the point, even if there was a chance something could be misconstrued as wrong I avoided doing it. It could be something as simple as taking an alternative route home. Having no experience in abuse didn’t help. I didn’t realize his behaviour was abusive for years. I just excepted him for him. The roller coaster ran for a long time. The breaking point was when I lost my son and had to grieve alone because he was off with someone else, but that was my fault too.. according to him. It was because of the way I acted. Eventually he found someone else who believed him lies. It was difficult to let go after 20 years and I continued to sleep with him for a while, even though he was with someone else. I told the new women about his cheating but she believed what ever he told her. I am now trying to let go. I realize there is no future for us, but that does not take away the pain and sense of betrayal. I gave 20 years of my life to this man, only to be left depressed, still grieving the death of my son, and suicidal. He didn’t even care!
All of these red flags were present after he convinced me that he was so perfect and not like anyone I’ve ever met. I believe another red flag is pushing the relationship too fast for instance moving in together after a month and convincing me that I needed him (like how could I possibly live without him)? The control was slow and not noticeable to me because I really thought i loved him. Then the abuse came. Emotional and mental. My self esteem plummeted and he degraded me constantly. Started fights that surprised me because he said I did something I didn’t. He was the happiest when I was miserable and I had alienated myself from friends and family because he hated all of them and was so angry when I contacted them. I realized he never loved me. He wanted the control and whatever else that I’ll never understand. That was fine. After 6 months I decided to leave and it almost meant my life. This is extreme and I never thought it would happen to me. Please be careful with red flags.
I have tried to fix relationship for almost two years – we managed to get back together each time we broke up. I have had an abusive parent and I am still being abused by my family. I found this boy, who claimed to want a relationship but chose to use me for sex instead, wrapping it in lies. He refused to open up to me and communicate explaining it with – “I am not talkative,” and later “we got nothing to talk about,” and “we are too different.” The bottom line was – he doesn’t want a relationship and he made it clear after numerous confrontations about 6 months in the relationship. But I was already hooked. I dwelled in the good sex we had, and got used to his silence. I wanted someone there for me, and he seemed to be there physically. I cannot believe that I kept coming back. I felt passionate about him, I believed his stories and wanted to support and love him. I thought that he just need a lot of love and care, and I kept giving him it not getting anything in return. It has been two years. He still doesn’t know where i live. I told him today that I am done and he wished me good luck. I am not even upset. I am feeling sick and gasping for air. I know a lot of us want to have someone they can trust and feel Home next to, but sacrificing your sanity for it will kill you. I have been stressed the entire time us being in a relationship and earn a gastritis. I forgot what it is to be me, not to have anxiety and not feel like crap or being constantly put down. I am moving away from my abusive family and I am saying goodbye to this abusive man in my life. Those sweet kisses came with a dose of poison. Don’t sucrifice yourself, don’t lower your expectations, don’t step over yourself for someone – if they don’t treat you right to begin with – they never will.
And i have a hard time walking away but its there the ready ness
Im married and my husband calls me names he dont spend time with me he hites me he dont like people i talk to or my family hes just an evil person what should i do i feel so angury at him.
Walk baby, walk! x
Behavior and maturity are bingo. I got into dating with a guy, who of course seemed nice (they always are at start) but then out poked the adolescence. It was endless inquiries and prodding about intimacy and living together. Because that was the only ‘relationship ‘ aspect he knew. And barely a week into seeing each other. .. ugh. Goodbye
I am not sure that I would see a problem with my GF’s friends. If I do not like them, why can’t we still be together? Its not like I am going to be a dick to them, I just won’t enjoy the time spent around them.
I am involved with a man right now and nearly all of these red flags are present. I need to figure out how to disentangle myself from him. It’s way more complicated than just walking away. We are not only involved romantically, but we also own a business together. I have a LOT of money invested so I will have to handle this with kid gloves. That or just dissolve the business and start over. Not advisable. I will lose a fortune. Not sure what to do from here.
I cannot stand men that lie, or anyone for that matter. Red flags in relationships are sometimes not very easy to see, so you have to keep both eyes open when in one so you are not burned.
My red flags are easy when it comes to relationships: no lies, no cheating and respect me.
I think you hit the nail right on the head. You do not need to see ALL of these signs before you take action either. Decide which ones you cannot deal with as a person and move on from there.
This list might seem very obvious to most people, but sadly there are still woman in the relationships that include men that act like this. They need to wake up and sometimes they need some support in order to show them.
I have the drama-king, or drama-queen for that matter. It is hard enough to make sure you are getting along just fine. There is no reason you need to bring in additional stress, right?
So what if a guy doesn’t get along with his girlfriend’s friends. I HATE my gf’s friends. They’re loud annoying catty and they don’t bring anything to the table and they’re not funny. Why should i have to pretend that I like them when they don’t even pretend to tolerate me?
I like the list of red flags. What I do not like is watching friends see the red flags and not do anything about it. They can clearly see that things are not going good, but refuse to drop the guy? Does not make any sense.
Boundaries are set for a reason, right? They should be followed and I agree, if there is a man that cannot listen to them, he should be gone.
Even after reading through this list, you are still going to wonder how many woman will stay with a guy even if they cover ALL of the topics that you mention on this list.
Red flags are useless. My ex husband seemed like the perfect gentleman. Then, one day, he began the abusive tirades. Oh, boy… was it subtle. Seriously subtle. I could not have seen this coming from a mile away. And then, one day, he basically walked away from me. Left me. For a woman half my age. After so much abuse.
LOL. Totally useless? I am hoping that you were not hurt physically. In any event, you are better off without a jerk like that!
#5 isn’t necessarily true. My man has to work very long hours. He’s a lawyer and he’s always in the office working on a case sometimes all day long and long into the night. I know his job forces him to work hard and I’m OK with that even though sometimes I wish he had more time for me I understand that he has his responsibilities at work and I’m OK with them.
can you accept if ur man won’t even text u 1 sms or give u 1 call whole day? Until nightfall around 8pm he just find you said he was too busy on daytime.
Yes you can have chickens on wire but it will stop them sarntchicg which is one of the most natural behaviours for a chicken. If you are letting them free range as well whilst you’re around, it’s not so bad I guess.
what if a guy only has 1 or 2 red flags but the rest of the time hes perfect? what if things with him are going really well and we love each other and i love being with him but there are a couple things on this list? is my relationship doomed?