Question: “I have no clue what I missed here. I met a really nice (and cute!) guy at a friend’s party a week and a half ago and we instantly hit it off. We talked all night… and honestly, it was fun! When the night was over he said he would love to see me again, and asked if I would like to go out on a date. Of course I said yes, and we exchanged numbers. He told me he’d call me later… and hasn’t.
What happened? Why isn’t he calling me?”
So you meet a guy who you think you hit it off with. You have a great night and then exchange numbers. He promises to call. He might even ask if he can take you out on a date later. You happily and excitedly say yes… and of course, he doesn’t call. It can feel like you got your hopes up only to be disappointed. You thought you had a real connection with a man until he doesn’t call you back…and it’s frustrating, confusing and incredibly tiring.
You’re worried, did you do something wrong? Maybe it was something you said after you gave him your number? Maybe you had something stuck in your teeth, or maybe he just realized he’s just not that into you and doesn’t want to pursue a relationship?
You have a constant stream of sickening panic and overwhelming worries about what you did that made him not call you back. Your thoughts race with endless possibilities of what you could have done differently. It makes you sick to your stomach to think, you finally hit it off with a great guy, and yet… from this radio silence,
it’s becoming more and more likely he’ll never call you or even want to meet you again.
Why isn’t he calling after he told you he would?
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4 Reasons Why Men Say They’ll Call (And Then Don’t)
I know why a lot of men wind up not calling after they say they will, so let me give the answer right now from a man’s perspective so that you can finally know the truth about why men don’t call even when they say they will.
1. He Is Busy And Forgot To Call You
I can honestly say there have been times in the past where I’ll meet a girl, have a good time, and almost ritualistically exchange numbers with her. I put her number in my cell phone or I write on a piece of paper and stuff it in my wallet. A lot of times, I get wrapped up in work or something will distract me and I forget to call her back.
The simple fact is that life can be distracting and a guy will forget to follow up. It happens, but it’s not the end of the world and it’s not personal.
In these next two reasons I’m going to show you how you can make him call you back…
Take this quiz and find out Are You Compatible With Him?
2. He Thinks You’re Not Interested In Him
Have you ever gone on a date with a guy (or even been in a relationship with a guy) and asked yourself: “Is he really interested in me?”
It’s not something that only women get hung up on. Trust me, guys do it too… and it can (and oftentimes will) keep a guy from giving you the promised call. This doesn’t mean he does not want to talk to you, it means he doesn’t want to call you. At least not yet. If he’s afraid of calling you, let him take the time and get his nerves together.
3. He Felt Unchallenged
I’ve said this before, I don’t want to speak for all guys, but I can say that the women that make the biggest impression on me have challenged me in one way or another.
Maybe they’re a bit of a tease and don’t tell me everything at once (and they make me want to talk to them for more…) Maybe they don’t go along with everything I say and do and mix things up. Maybe they challenge me by calling me out on my crap.
That being said, if you set out to deliberately challenge a guy just for the sake of it, you can come off as annoying and repelling. However, if you add a bit of that playful “challenging” quality to your normal, charming self, you’ll find that it goes a long way.
4. He Thought You Didn’t Enjoy The Conversation
I’ve known quite a few women who hit it off with a guy only to not be called back. They’ll develop a mindset around it where they continuously ask themselves, “Why don’t the guys I like ever call me back?” or “What am I doing wrong?”
This Will Inspire Him to Call You
When a man feels like he’s obligated to make a call, he is automatically going to subconsciously avoid doing it. It builds anxiety in his mind that he’ll be pressured into doing things the entire time he’s talking to you or he’s with you, and guys don’t want to feel that pressure.
So the solution is actually very simple… don’t pressure him. If he says he’s going to call you on Tuesday and he gets a call or text at 1pm on that Tuesday, he’s going to think, “Why couldn’t she wait? I said I would call her…”
All you have to do is literally take it easy and let things work themselves out. When he sees how relaxed and cool you are, he’s much more likely to give you a call (and he’ll probably do whatever it takes to talk to you again and again and again…)
The only time I would say you should reach out to a guy when he says he’ll call (and he doesn’t) is if he makes a commitment to you, like a date or going out with friends, and he is going to call you to solidify the plans.
As I said earlier, a guy will forgot to call if he gets busy… In this case, it’s safe to give him a ring to check if he’s still up for the plans and to build up excitement for it.
When you can make a guy excited to talk to you, I can almost guarantee you he will make a concerted effort to call you whenever he possibly can.
Don’t be surprised if he starts sending little texts your way just to check in and see how you’re doing.
Until next time,
P.S. If you just can’t figure out why he didn’t call you back, maybe you weren’t compatible with each other.
Compatibility is the #1 most important predictor of relationship success between two people. If you’re compatible – you’re golden. If you’re not…
Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You” Quiz right now and find out if he likes you…
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Here’s Why He Didn’t Call You Back
- He’s busy and forgot to call you
- He thinks you’re not interested in him
- He felt unchallenged
- He thought you didn’t enjoy the conversation
Oh man… lol. I was with my dad this one time and we were on our way to work. My step mom called him like 5 times since we had left the house like 10 mins before. Brand new phone he just had gotten. He rolled down the window of the truck and just chucked the phone out the window. Men hate phones. Just that simple ladies.
I accidentally stumbled onto this site as I was googling silent calls/robo calls that I’ve been getting for awhile now.
So I’m not the average guy that reads this site. I’m an older guy and enjoy my single life, but I remember enough of the time that I was in fact active, so I can probably shed a little light.
Also my age is another tip. The older the guy is, the more fed up he is with games and the less he is going to bother, the more masculine men tend to lose interest as they age. The weaker, effeminate men are more likely to play games, so they’re probably players or just feeding their egos (the same way more feminist women will play the same garbage games, the two types are perfect for each other but somehow know to avoid each other too).
Now if it’s a younger guy, and he’s not effeminate, it probably does mean you gave the impression that you actually were not interested in him and had no intention of becoming serious with him. Masculine young men aren’t looking to play the field or juggle multiple women as a game, they’re looking for one girl to be serious and who is looking for a serious partner. In my experience, the vast majority of young women are not. Most men can see through it with experience, and at that point they’ll only deal with that type of woman if they are the “game” type men that consider women a sexual conquest and a numbers game.
But all the good, decent men are going to completely avoid you if you give off that impression. They’ll be civil and polite, and will hide what their thoughts are, but they are not going to pursue anything, outside of being acquaintances and friends in the future at best.
Also it’s possible that you’ve given off the opposite impression of acting like you’re too good and men are chasing you and bothering you with unwanted attention. A lot of insecure women do this, it’s just as bad as the above. What you need to do is be interested but not in every man that you see around you, it’s a balance although it leans towards being more open, but not too open.
Meeting a life partner gets harder and harder the older you get. The smarter and better people tend to do it quite young. Most of the people I know are married and have been married a long time, almost all were high school sweethearts, met in college or within a few years of starting their careers. The vast majority of time it is their first real relationship. There are exceptions, but rarely do I meet a couple that met over the age of 25 that will end up in serious relationships/married and be happy afterwards. Probably not what people on here want to read, but that’s what I’ve just noticed and experienced.
So I’ve know a guy for about 20+ years. We hung out for a bit after we were both divorced but never dated. We were physical but timing was off for me and I wasn’t completely interested. Fast forward 15 years and we connected via FB after I broke up with my last bf. We had dinner and it was nice to catch-up but again I wasn’t feeling the magic and I started dating someone else casually but telIzed that wasn’t what I wanted. So once again the old flame popped back up and we met for drinks and dinner. I just thought it was 2 friends going to dinner but as the night progressed I could tell we were flirting a little. Lingering looks and soft touches on the arm and leg. He walked me to my car and gave me a hug which led to the most awkward kiss in the century. It was the pull away from a hug scenario and that moment where you both don’t know if you’re supposed to kiss or. It. We pecked a couple of times and then I got in my car and drove away. When I got home he texted and flirted pretty hard. I realized then not only do I have a lot in common with this person but now I have a physical attraction. I thanked him for the evening and he said he should have me over sometime. I said I’d love to and went to sleep. I’ve texted a bit here and there since but he hasn’t asked me out again. So of course now I like him and I don’t know what to do. Should I tell him? I’ve never given him this much thought before and he’s always considered us friends. Or do I just wait for him to step up and if he doesn’t move on? My fear is that he has always liked me but I’ve never insinuated I like him like that.
After reading the four reasons why guys doesn’t call after a date which seemingly went good. Whom ever wrote the four reasons seem to be a cop out for forgetting to call after a great date. I can see if young guys think that they are suffering from an early stage of memory lost. To make it so bad is that the second reason is an excuse and pity. Most real men follow-up on what they say and to add that men feel the same way the woman does, because that’s not true. Men do exactly what they want to do and doesn’t feel that a woman may not feel the same way. If a man is really interested in a woman he will make contact because she peaks his interested. Many men try to have an excuse for all their selfish ways. They will play if you allow it and they wouldn’t think twice about it. A real man will be interested in the woman not her jewels or a easy lay. Make them work for it. A loser never wins on a losing team .
If a man doesn’t call back it means he is not attached to you. What you have to do is not call him back and date other man who is interested in you and you are interested in him. Now next time me when he calls and definitely he will,don’t pick up his call and he will feel unwanted. Trust me on this.
Life’s to precious. I haven’t dated anyone in 18 years. It is what it is. Life’s too short. Just have fun.
Life is too precious! I haven’t dated anyone in 18 years because the games are too stupid. It is what it is. Have fun ! Life’s too short. Have fun in the moment.
I’ve known a guy for a year. We recently said we are trying to get to know each other better.When we are around each other we flirt a lot. We have strong chemistry.I texted him Saturday morning no acknowledgement. Sunday morning I was included in a group text from him, not an answer to my previous text. Sunday evening he called my phone and hung up before I answered. I called him back, we talked less than two minutes with him saying he will call back. I have not received that call, but I am also not waiting for it. I’m good, patient, and not desperate.
Why men won’t call back after they have a good time with you isn’t because they are busy. At the party, it seemed like the man had good time with you and he did, but none of that was serious to him because it was a party, he came there for the atmosphere of being surrounded by many girls to chat up, the potential of having a one night stand & the rush that anything could happen. You were the most attractive girl to him there at the time but you are not the most attractive girl in his life. He knows other women that he also clicks with even more and probably has someone he already likes. He went to let his guard down & have fun, not to find a girlfriend. Also, it probably seemed like you guys clicked because you were receptive to his conversation and he was being polite so he made light humor & shared his basic interests with you–probably hoping to score that night. You were being extra flirty too and he probably saw you being flirty to many guys. Flirty to men is a girl smiling, being nice & giggling at jokes that aren’t funny. Men study you at parties and clubs and talk amongst each other & send their friends to monitor your response. You really don’t know why a guy asked for your phone number, it might be for a friend or because he knows you like to party so that he can invite you to future parties or just to show his friends that he was capable of getting the phone number of a girl his friends were to scared to talk to. A lot things men do is to flaunt it to other men the same way woman doll up to flaunt their beauty to other women. Lastly, some men enjoy having women waiting & calling on them. It strokes their ego to turn you down by ignoring you & like me, I am a social drinker on the weekends & I meet guys & we exchange phone numbers but by Monday I become an anti-social hermit who wants nothing to do with anyone. I don’t dislike the person & it feels nice to be wanted a little but everyone just becomes bothersome until I’m ready to go out again on the weekend.
There are women who may go out on a date, but don’t want to go out with that guy again. However, some of these women still want the guy to call them. Why? Because it feeds their ego by showing them that the guy is still interested.
I’m a single man and I absolutely agree with your #2 reason—HE THINK YOU’RE NOT INTERESTED IN HIM. Although for me, it has nothing to do with “getting my nerves together.” If I like a woman and I don’t think she’s interested, it’s important for me to have my self respect intact. So if I think she’s not interested, I won’t call, even if I’m interested. And hey, if I’m wrong about the way she feels, there’s nothing stopping her from picking up the phone and calling me.
Ladies are complicating things here. If a man doesn’t call you then you call him. Chat to see if he’s still interested. No need to read 2o articles full of guesses what could be going on.
All those options in the article can be wrong! Ther eis another thhing here at work: man’s mind. We know what the hell is going on with us in our lifes, we know the possibilities of our future, we can think that a woman isn’t fitting to us while still being willing to meet and stay in touch with. That’s the reason imo why most men stay silent but don’t depart.
This goes both ways, ladies and gentlemen. A lot of the men commenting thinks it’s only them who do this to the clingy ladies. Not true. Human nature is human nature and I’ve had plenty of men I’ve met that I ignored, never texted back, etc. because they were too clingy, needy and insecure. No one, regardless of your sex, wants that. Be self confident, know what you deserve and what you don’t. Some can handle it and those who can’t can find a similarly clingy person and they can feed off each other’s insecurities.
The guy I am referring to just seems to ignore me all the time. I got so frustrated one day I called and asked why u can’t answer my text or a phone call. He is a truck driver so he says his phone doesn’t get the calls sometimes they are delayed or he don’t get them at all. Then I said well u don’t respond would u like me to stop calling. He answered back and said stop acting like that. It’s crazy how men handle the women. So I stop calling and texting if he wants to hear from me he will have to put fourth some effort.
Ladies – he isn’t calling because he doesn’t like you. Now, analyze that for an hour with your girlfriends.
Ok, I never ask my boyfriend to call me, so ten times in a row he leaves my house saying he will call me tomorrow then doesn’t. I have said to him please do not say you will call and then don’t call. Just call when you want, but still he does it, I am not needy, I never put him under pressure or ask when I am going to see him again so WTF?!
If we’re attractive, successful, have a lot going for us, and don’t call a back, It’s called power.
60% of marriages end in a divorce in California. Why would we risk half our assets for a piece of ass? It’s stupid.
If a guy doesn’t call you it just means the guy isn’t mature, too scared, lazy in relationships, playing games, “letting you down easy,” or is a player who can pick or choose. If a guy is thinking “why couldn’t she wait,” and feels pressured that easily, no offense but he sounds very immature and possibly felt engulfed by his mother and is afraid of women needing anything from him. Especially wake up if it becomes a pattern with one person and he repeatedly say he will call an then doesn’t. Sometimes a guy might say he will call cause in the moment he feels he will but that moment passes and it isn’t worth the effort for him (busy or not). Come’on ladies. If you were really interested in a guy would being busy make you forget to call them?
I would hope that the guy who misses calling you when they said they would, would at least call later with an apology. Though once missing calling when they say they will, some guys get scared the woman will have an actual emotion and so they will often wait even longer to call. They will usually call at a time they feel the woman will no longer be mad. Usually such men will “act like nothing happened.” Be careful though. For some men, trying to hook a woman back in after abandoning her becomes a bit of a game. Whatever the case, it is a BAD habit to get into (taking them back without question). Usually the woman will be so elated the guy actually calls that she lets him off the hook and so the behavior is REWARDED. And we wonder why so many guys go around doing this and thinking it is okay.
If you have the guys number, call him and say something mature. Something like, “I thought you were going to call but I’m assuming something came up or you are no longer interested.” Get closure so you can stop wondering about it and waiting by the phone. Stop letting men walk all over you and being so passive and doe-eyed. Believe me, men know women will wait by the phone and they can revel in it or get cocky.
Do anything but be silent as the article suggests. Silence isn’t maturity. Waiting by the phone wondering isn’t maturity. Reacting isn’t maturity either. Addressing the situation in a mature way is maturity. Time to teach the men of our generation to respect women. And, it is no wonder the females are becoming just like men in a sort of reactive “if you can’t beat em, join them” out of the deep pain they feel whenever they are treated casually, like a game of sport, or rejected. It is not getting better but getting worse because no one is addressing the real issue and instead articles abound that resort to the age old band-aid of asking the woman to just take all responsibility for men’s bad behavior and to learn to just put up, shut up, and to never communicate anything.
A lot of men are narcissistic and cocky these days and the behavior is largely coddled and rewarded (even in the movie industry) rather than challenged. Women are expected to just tolerate being treated casually and to never “nag” (i.e. complain or have an emotion). Its just old archaic behavior meant to keep women in their place… as subservient to men and their desires…. oh yeah, and quiet. Any man who would have you believe that it is okay if men continue a behavior of saying they will call and then not calling, is probably not very mature. You are to provide his narcissistic supply rather than for him to care about your needs and feelings. Truth is, he may just not be interested in your needs or in communicating effectively and prefers you not get on his case about the ways he is unreliable or lets you down.
YES,I like this perspective, alot of good insight!
Great point of view. Thank you for such an honest answer
After eight months of dating this one guy, we had a difference of opinion, after a week of no contact I reached out to him, he was at work said he will call me back.. still waiting It’s a done deal next!
Well, I got to bad experiences , two guys asked for my phone number. The first one got my number and he just disappeared . The second got my number and it’s been 3 weeks and not phone call or text. Men are complicated. I would just wait for the next one
If someone said they were going to call you then you don’t need to worry your little head he will call and if he doesn’t so who cares anyway like they’re isn’t more men out there going to bring me a rose. Hey, I’m not some door buggy you can just do what you want if you don’t have the respect I want. goodbye…! it’s over.>!
If this is happening after the first date, its a no-brainer. Just move along to the next guy.
Too bad if he doesn’t call me back. I am not going to wait around for him to decide if he wants to see me again.
I am thinking he will not be calling back.
There are a lot of people that dwell on things like this. It is not worth the time. Just let it all play out and see what happens.
I heard this from a guy that I really liked, only to find out that he didn’t think that I really liked him because he heard it through my friends and not from me. I told him how I felt and things got a lot better :)
There can be so many reasons. I always just hope that it has nothing to do with something bad that happened.
A guy might not feel challenged and that is a reason that he will not call me back?
I think he would be making an assumption quite early in that relationship and that is not good for either of you.
What if a traumatic thing happened in his life the next day? Having just met you, that date is the last thing on his mind at that moment.
I really like to know things like this. I never look at things from the other person’s perspective, but this has opened my eyes!
If a guy asks me to give him a call and then he does not return my calls, that is going to bother me a little!
I made the first call after our date and I think he was appreciative of that, but now I am going to wait to see if he calls me. Is that the right way to do things?
He doesnt call back because he doesnt care. Thats all it is.
One of the reasons that I got when I asked my man why he was not calling back was because he was driving during rush hour. Well, that sounds safe and all, but I know that he has a hands free option on his phone so things were a little off if you know what I mean.
That is not a bad reason right? Or maybe he forgot to turn his phone on after he left work and that sort of thing?
Thats what i thought
Stupid men, right? If they are not going to call back, why do they want your number to begin with?
nobody have time 4 anybody,
‘busy’ is d main reason
I would agree with you!
I am going to say that if I did not call you back, I have a reason. If you want to know the reason, just ask, do NOT flip out and start getting all crazy EX-girlfriend on me. I will tell you, I am honest.
There are plenty of good reasons here as to why a man might not call back. The main thing is to not worry about it too much as it could be a valid reason.
Yeah, they all suck. I want to hear back in a normal amount of time. It does not have to be in a minute, but after 5 hours, I am going to start getting worried.
Busy. That is the only reason that a “man” would not call you back.
Good point. What kind of “man” can’t just say that on the phone and call back later?
Maybe, just maybe he is busy. Don’t you think? Or, he doesn’t care about you enough to give you the time of day.
Even though both of these reasons are crappy ones, they could be legit.
I once had a guy tell me “his phone was broken” and that he didn’t get calls and texts sometimes. Fat chance! The next time I saw him he didn’t see me, so I called him, saw him look at the phone, and then put it back in his pocket! What a jerk…
I think that happens more than we all want to admit. Men are jerks.
why would a guy not call back if he thought you weren’t interested? in my experience guys will chase after you no matter what, whether you seem interested or not. if he’s not calling back, he’s just trying to play you and get you desperate so you call him and he has all the power….
LOL, yea most guys will follow around whatever gives them attention, but not ALL of them. Some of them are insecure and even though you could be call him, that might not compute the right way in his head. He might start to think that he forgot something on your date and that is why you are calling him in the first place.
But what if a man doesn’t want to be challenged? Some guys just want a woman who’s going to make things easy for him…not make it hard and push him too far. That’s bad advice to give to women because he’ll think you’re just nagging him and then he’ll push you away and won’t ever call you.
I think my ex boyfriend used to do this on purpose. He knew it made me crazy but he didnt care.
That is too bad that you were with a guy that would do this on purpose. There are plenty of reasons he might not have called back, like the ones mentioned here, there is no real reason to make a game of it.
That would have been enough for me to send him packing.
I keep having this problem with the guy i’ve been dating for 2 and a half years. We both have busy lives and lots going on. So I try to text and call him throughout the day just to check in and talk. But he never responds.
And when he does, it’s always one word answers.
What really made me upset was the other day. He went out with his friends to watch a football game and I called to check in. No answer. I text. No answer. I called again. No answer. Again…
Well, soon enough his phone would only ring once and go straight to voicemail. I freaked out. Did he turn his phone off on purpose???
Please help me understand. I confronted him about it and it turned into a big fight.
I would say that you have another problem here. Is it possible that he is busy with someone else and that he is not calling back?
Makes sense to me. It would be a big fight if you are confrontational. Why couldn’t you just be more proactive instead of reactive? Just ease it into a conversation and see what happens. If you think there is more to it, then you give him the boot and see what he says.