This is a question I get a lot – at least once or twice a week.
“Why won’t he call me his girlfriend?”
Usually, it comes from a woman who’s been seeing a guy for anywhere between under a month to more than a year, and the specifics are usually pretty similar.
Things between them are “good” – they spend most nights together, most people wouldn’t hesitate to call them a couple.
But for some reason, he refuses to call her his girlfriend, and he refuses to be called her boyfriend.
When she brings it up, a lot of the time he’ll try to make her feel guilty. I’ve seen the phrase, “Why do we have to use labels on what we have, isn’t it good enough on its own?” too many times to count.
Many women also say that he just got out of a bad breakup, and that she’s trying to be understanding and give him time to heal.
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Most of the time, the woman asking me this question says she’s ok with the situation, but deep down it’s really bothering her.
Here’s Why He Won’t Call You His Girlfriend
I’m going to give you the truth. It might sound blunt, but sweet sounding lies aren’t going to help you. Only the truth is. If he hasn’t called you his girlfriend after a month (two months max), it means that he’s not going to… unless he’s inspired to do it. It means that he’s happy with the way things are right now and he doesn’t see any immediate need to change them. A lot of women fall into the trap of thinking that a guy will want to get into a relationship with them because “enough time has passed.”
After all, if you’ve been seeing this guy for a few months, he’s obviously going to become your boyfriend, right?
That kind of thinking leads to broken hearts. The truth is, guys don’t get into relationships unless they’re inspired to.
And the reason why is simple:
He’s Getting Everything He Wants Right Now
As your relationship stands right now, he’s already getting everything he wants. He’s getting companionship, intimacy, sex, support, and even love – and he’s getting it without having to commit to anything. If that’s the case, why would he commit himself if he doesn’t have to?
Trust me when I say this: waiting for him to call you his girlfriend on his own is not going to work.
And at the same time, trying to demand that he does it isn’t going to work either. Bringing it up over and over will only put him on the defensive and make the relationship you want harder and harder to have. All that does is lead to you feeling resentful and him feeling stressed and chased – and tearing the relationship apart.
The true path to getting him to call you his girlfriend is this: you have to inspire him to commit to you and “lock you down.”
That’s the only way to get a guy to willingly and enthusiastically call you his girlfriend.
So… how do you do that?
How Do You Get Him To Enthusiastically “Lock You Down”?
The only way to get a guy to happily commit to a relationship with you and call you his girlfriend is this: you have to be exactly as committed to him as he is to you.
Guys will only enter a relationship when they fear losing the girl they’re with. Otherwise, if they know that even if they don’t commit she’s not going anywhere they won’t commit.
The biggest thing that inspires a guy to commit to a woman and call her his girlfriend is if he’s afraid of losing her.
So if he’s not calling you his girlfriend, and he’s not explicitly making the relationship exclusive with you, then you’re under no obligation to be exclusive with him.
The key is to match your level of commitment to exactly what he’s giving you.
This is the only thing that you can do that will make him enthusiastically want to commit – and think that it was his idea. Badgering him about it as something that’s bothering you won’t make him want to lock you down – it’ll push him away. If you’ve already mentioned it to him at least once, that’s enough for him to know that it’s what you want.
If he hasn’t locked you down – you’re not locked down. You’re free to date any person y ou feel like dating.
Here’s the main takeaway: you can have exactly what you want in your love life, as long as you know (deep down in your heart) that you deserve nothing less than exactly what you want in your love life.
If what you want is an exclusive, committed, explicit relationship, and he’s not giving it to you – then it’s up to you to use your freedom to find a guy that will.
If he doesn’t want an exclusive relationship, you’re under no obligation to stay committed to him and hope that he suddenly changes his mind. You can look for someone who does want to give you exactly what you’re looking for.
I’m not telling you to leave the guy you’re with – far from it. If you’re enjoying the relationship exactly as it is and it’s not going to bother you if it doesn’t change, then stay! You’re happy where you are.
But if the relationship as it is isn’t satisfying to you and you’re looking for something more, then the best possible way to do it is to keep looking outside the relationship.
The Best Thing To Do Is Take Stock Of Your Relationship
I don’t want to give you the impression that you should dump the guy you’re with – that’s not what I’m saying.
In fact, I’ve seen a lot of situations where a woman is perfectly happy with how things are – but her friends think there’s something wrong with her relationship and push her to feel unsatisfied. I’ve seen lots of women take bad advice from friends and mess up their relationships.
This is a good rule of thumb: make sure you only pay attention to advice given by someone who knows what they’re talking about.
If your friend who’s never been in an amazing relationship and is always having problems in their love life is giving you advice – it’s probably a good idea to ignore that friend’s advice. A lot of the time, they’re projecting their own frustrations and anger onto you.
If you’re really satisfied with your relationship as it is and it’s just your friends that make you feel like you should be dissatisfied – you can ignore them.
The whole point of a relationship is that it should make you happy. If it makes you happy exactly as it is right now, and deep down you don’t need it to change, then stay and enjoy the relationship as it is.
But if you’re unsatisfied, if you’re looking for commitment and exclusivity and he’s not giving it to you… then you’re 100% justified in being exactly as committed to him as he is to you.
And that means that you’re open to meeting someone new and finding a different partner who’s willing to give you what you want.
When you make it clear that if you’re not exclusive then you’re open to seeing other people, one of two things will happen. Either:
1. He freaks out at the possibility that he could lose you if you find someone new (and explicitly locks you down as his girlfriend).
2. He doesn’t freak out – he says OK and keeps things as they are.
If #1 happens – great. He’s explicitly called you his girlfriend and you’re in a committed relationship.
And if #2 happens, well, it’s going to hurt and feel bad in the moment… but it’s actually good to know now rather than later.
If a guy doesn’t lock you down even when he knows that you’re going to date other guys, he was never, ever going to commit to you. Knowing now means that you saved yourself months or years of wasted time waiting for him to come around.
So either way – you win. Either you’re in a committed relationship with him, or you know that he was never going to want that with you no matter what, and you’re free to find someone that does want the same thing as you do.
Remember: you always have the power to choose what will give you the fulfilling love life that you want.
If the man you’re with isn’t giving that to you, it’s always within your power to find someone who will.
You are your own best friend – and the best course of action (for men and for women) is to not be satisfied until you’ve found someone who wants the same things you do, and who fulfills everything you’re looking for in your love life.
Now, I hope this article helped you understand some of the reasons why a guy isn’t calling you his girlfriend. It’s something I get asked about a lot – and one important thing to note is that if he’s not calling you his girlfriend then there’s a really good chance that he doesn’t take the relationship seriously and will start to losing interest and pull away because he doesn’t see a long term future. So if you believe he’s the man for you then it’s important to stop him from losing interest and stop him from pulling way before it’s too late by reading this right now: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out once and for all: does he like you? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Does He Like You?” Quiz right now and find out once and for all: does he like you?