Will he come back if I leave him alone? Here’s the best ways to let him go so he misses you and comes back.
Sometimes, break-ups are right and you both know for sure it’s over for good, but other times, you just can’t stop thinking about him, even after everything is said and done. You miss him a lot and you’re pretty sure you want him back, but you’re not really sure what to do about it. Your gut and popular women’s advice magazines tell you that you shouldn’t be overbearing and drive him crazy with texts. But what if you just… leave him alone? Will that intrigue him, give him some time to think about you, and ultimately bring him back?
Let’s see what you can do to get him thinking about you and wonder why he ever let you go.
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1. “Let’s be friends” doesn’t work
Look, let’s be honest – “let’s be friends” never works, for a few reasons. The person who offers it always looks desperate, like they can’t let go and they need something to cling to.
That’s not a good look. So, don’t be the one to suggest it.
In addition to that, you are both still raw and emotional and it’s just not a good idea to keep that close of a friendship right now. It doesn’t mean you should hate each other; just that you don’t need to be talking every day. You need time to process and get over your emotions.
Plus, the man won’t come back to you if you don’t give him some time to let him miss you! You’ll have to disappear for a while to get him to appreciate you truly.
2. Look better than you ever have before
Step 2 of this is to start doing your best to look your best. That not only does you good, because you are giving yourself something to focus on and going on a journey of self-improvement, but it will fill his head with doubt:
Have you always been this irresistible? Have you found someone else? Why do you look this good?
So, instead of sitting around wallowing and pining for him, hit the gym, go shopping, let your new stylist give you a fresh, trendy look. You need something to rub in his face.
3. Don’t go all “crazy ex girlfriend” on social media
Social media can be dangerous in this situation, because after a break-up, emotions are raw, and intense, and… aggressive. So, you might be tempted to hop onto Facebook and start writing passive-aggressive statuses about men being pigs, or wallow in self-pity, or make posts for attention.
If you recognize yourself in any of that, step away from the keyboard right now!
What you need right now is a break from social media, or at least a break from him on social media. Hide his posts so you don’t have to see whatever girl he’s trying to dangle in front of you to make you jealous.
4. Be busy
The best way to get over someone – or simply stop obsessing over him! – is to keep busy. That will do your mental health a world of good, but it also serves the excellent purpose of making him wonder, or even make him jealous.
He knows your schedule and your lifestyle, so if you’re suddenly going out a lot, taking up some new classes, learning some skills, and making new friends, that will make him feel insecure. Are you slipping through his fingers? Are you finding a new, better life without him?
He won’t like that you don’t have time to think about him at all anymore, but it will give you a really healthy mindset. Every bit of effort you make should be for yourself.
5. Don’t dwell on what you lost
I know that right now, the wound is fresh and all you can think about is what you’ve just lost… but instead of dwelling on your loss, why not focus on all the new things you can enjoy?
You know how people who are in long term relationships sometimes lose themselves and their individuality for a bit? Well, now is the time to get it back!
Enjoy all the things you used to before you were in a relationship, or all the things your ex hated. Eat all that Indian food he didn’t like the smell of, spend evenings in your pjs watching rom-coms and go to bed wearing that hydrating face mask.
It’s also a good time to think about all the things that went wrong in your relationship… or right! Space can give you clarity.
6. Use your mutual friends
Not that I would ever advocate manipulation… but having mutual friends can be used to your advantage. You shouldn’t dangle a new guy in front of your ex… that would be too obvious.
But you can make sure one of your friends sees you, because you know for sure this juicy piece of info will make it back to your ex. That will hurt his ego and make him jealous.
7. Never beg
You can’t be the one who begs him to get back together. Don’t be that girl. There is nothing more unattractive than desperation. You need to keep a cool head and never ask him to come back, no matter how much you want it.
You want this step to come from him, so what you need to do is subtly get him to reach this conclusion, but without realizing you are trying to make it happen. He will come back to you, but if you ask, that will be a turn-off. Men want what they can’t have, but if you cling to him… that doesn’t work quite as well.
8. Enjoy yourself
Who says you can’t enjoy your break-up? After all, he’s enjoying himself plenty! Being miserable is not only unattractive, but it’s bad for your mental health.
You’re a single woman for the first time in a while, so live it up a little! If he finds out about it, even better. Your free time is all yours and you can spend it however you want.
Maybe this is the right time to take that dance class or learn self-defense. The world is your oyster!
9. Be happy for him – at least to his face
It’s very important that you don’t appear to be bitter about the break-up or his new life. Does he have a new girlfriend, new hobbies, has he moved on with his life? Some of that might have been done to make you jealous.
You should be glad about all of those! Tell him how happy you are for him. You think it’s great he found love again three days after your break-up, it’s just so great!
That will give you the advantage of maintaining the moral high ground by staying classy, and it will make him wonder why you’re not upset – have you moved on?
10. Cease contact
If you’re gonna break up, then break up. That means no contact. It will do you both some good, because you’re not constantly rehashing the same stuff over and over. It gives you both some time to focus on yourselves, and take some space to analyze the relationship a little bit.
What you want is for him to notice; you’re doing this very deliberately.
If you think you’ll have a hard time, you can set some goals for yourself. 5 days without contacting him, then 10, then 30, etc. Every time you reach your goal, reward yourself.
11. Never answer texts immediately
When he does contact you (because you haven’t, ha!), don’t just jump up and answer him. That invalidates all the hard work you’ve been doing by not contacting him and sets up the expectation that you will drop everything because he bothered to talk to you.
Instead, let him stew for a bit. Leave his messages on “read” for minutes or hours. Get back to him much later, in a polite tone, asking what you can do for him. The underlying message you are sending is clear – you’ve got a life and he is no longer a priority.
12. Move on with your life
And if you’re going to all this effort to give him the impression that you’ve moved on with your life, you might as well do it. You can’t wallow forever, and you only have one life, after all. It doesn’t end just because your relationship did.
Start living your life once again, take advantage of opportunities, and start planning the next steps. You’ve got an entire future ahead of you and you have to take advantage of it.
13. Meet new people
You can’t keep spending time alone thinking about him. Go out and make an effort to meet new people. Putting yourself out there is an important step in your efforts to overcome this break-up and live your life normally.
Start going out, let your friends introduce you to their friends, and find new places to visit. Any outing can be an opportunity to meet new people and have new experiences!
14. Treat the break-up with maturity
He’s expecting you to be bitter and resentful, so go in the opposite direction and betray his expectations. Be mature about the break-up, wish him all the best, and maybe even tell him that it’s better this way.
This will give him a bit of a shock to the system, because it’ll get him wondering why you’re so…serene about it. Why aren’t you upset? Why aren’t you more affected by this? Are you with someone else already? Have you moved on? It’ll drive him crazy.
MORE: Will He Come Back?
15. Ignore him
Men hate nothing more than being ignored. Even when they’ve given you a reason for it, or they started it. If he notices silence from your part, he might start… poking you to see what’s up. Your job is to resist responding to his prodding.
If he “likes” your photos on social media, don’t like his back. Don’t answer random comments. Don’t reply to texts. And most importantly, perhaps, is to not react to any attention-seeking behavior, like photos he might post with other women to make you jealous.
16. Let him go
There’s a saying that goes “If you love something, set it free”, and it’ll come back to you, if it’s yours. The same goes for relationships – let the man go, and he will return. As soon as you stop putting up a fight to keep him at all cost, he will start noticing your absence, and then start missing you.
He’s free to take some space, pursue whatever he thinks will make him happier than you did, but he will soon realize that he wants to be with you.
17. Don’t show him how upset you are
Listen, whoever cares less has the power. That’s because it makes the other person second-guess themselves and wonder why you don’t care. Of course, you don’t actually have to be an unfeeling, neutral robot, but you have to make him think you are. Keep your best poker face on and no matter how upset you are, do not let him see it.
You have to be neutral or even happy, so that he can see that your world is not falling apart because of a break-up, and especially not because of him. You’ve got this!
18. Make him think you’ve found someone new
It always hurts when your ex finds someone new before you do, so don’t think men are an exception. Especially if it’s just a few days after the break-up, it can be very upsetting.
That’s because he’s still going to be jealous, and because he is going to feel like maybe he didn’t do enough to be special to you. And maybe he should have put more effort in. And maybe he didn’t know how to appreciate you properly. After all, someone else wanted you enough to snap you up quickly after he decided he didn’t want you anymore.
If you actually do meet someone else, it’s a win-win: either your ex realizes his mistake and comes back, or you get to enjoy a new relationship with a new man who appreciates you.
19. Have lots of fun
Make sure you have a lot of fun, and make sure he knows it. It’s the best time of your life! You’re not hurt at all! Look at how much fun you’re having without him! Yay! This will lift your spirits and perk you up, because God knows watching soap operas and crying isn’t going to help.
And if this gets your ex thinking about you and regretting his rash behavior…then even better, right?
20. Don’t bring up your relationship or break-up
Remember that if you do find yourself around your ex occasionally, you can’t talk about your relationship or the break-up. Talking about it constantly will make it seem like you can’t stop thinking about it, analyzing it, and obsessing over it. You need to play it cool. It doesn’t hurt at all, and you’re totally normal!
He’s absolutely going to wonder how come you’re so cool with everything and where he went wrong, because he sure as hell isn’t over it yet, so what happened?
21. Treat him politely
The trick to successfully interacting with an ex is to remain as polite as possible. Not overly friendly, not cold either; just aggressively polite. You see, that will hurt his ego, because you’re not hanging off him. Instead, you’re treating him like a stranger. That hurts more than if you treated him badly, because then at least he knew you cared.
Because of that, he’ll try his best to get into your good graces again. He doesn’t understand what he did and why you’re acting like that. Isn’t he great and worthy of more? Has he hurt you? Do you hate him? He can’t stand the thought of that.
As you can see, getting your ex back can be as simple as just… leaving him alone. Sometimes, the best course of action is inaction. Ignoring him and just refusing to cling to him will do wonders for your relationship, because it gives him a chance to analyze his feelings and miss you.
While this article shows you the best ways to act after a breakup to get him to come back, I’ve found there are 2 pivotal moments that determine if your relationship ends in heartbreak or you get to live happily ever after so it’s vitally important that you take the next step and read this right now, because at some point the man you want is going to ask himself: Is this the woman I should commit to for the long term? That answer determines everything… Do you know how men determine if a woman is girlfriend material (the type of woman he commits himself to) or if he sees you as just a fling? If not you need to read this next: The #1 Thing Men Desire In A Woman…
The second problem almost all women experience: At some point he starts to lose interest. He doesn’t call you back or he becomes emotionally closed off. He seems like he’s losing interest or pulling away – do you know what to do? If not you’re putting your relationship and the future of your love life in great danger, read this now or risk losing him forever: If He’s Pulling Away, Do This…
Want to find out whether the man you are with loves you or not? Click here to take our quick (and shockingly accurate) “Is He Losing Interest” Quiz right now and find out if he’s really losing interest in you…
Take The Quiz: Does He Love You?
Making him miss you so that he comes back
- “Let’s be friends” doesn’t work
- Look better than you ever have before
- Don’t go all “crazy ex girlfriend” on social media
- Be busy
- Don’t dwell on what you lost
- Use your mutual friends
- Never beg
- Enjoy yourself
- Be happy for him – at least to his face
- Cease contact
- Never answer texts immediately
- Move on with your life
- Meet new people
- Treat the break-up with maturity
- Ignore him
- Let him go
- Don’t show him how upset you are
- Make him think you’ve found someone new
- Have lots of fun
- Don’t bring up your relationship or break-up
- Treat him politely